16.3
“Keep up the pace!” shouted the soldier behind John as a muscular arm shoved him forwards.
Gritting his teeth John did his best to not collide against the imperial soldiers that marched in front of him.
As of this very moment, he was surrounded by a band of six imperial soldiers that were responsible for escorting him back to the academy, and to monitor him until he was deem innocent by the council.
In front of him were two men, by his sides were two women, and behind him, two more men. All six of them were all taller and far more muscular than him—including the woman—making John’s below average stature evident to him.
Logic would dictate that John should shudder from fear for simply being around people who were physically superior to him, people who would easily defeat him if he were to fight against any of them.
John however, felt the opposite of fear.
If he learned anything about combat during his time in Dezarith Empire, is that due to his shorter size, he was able to outmaneuver his opponents with his speed. By no means he was scrawny, his weight paired with his unpredictable fighting style meant that he was able tip the scales significantly to his favor.
Still, there were six guards surrounding him.
Although, he could out skill them, he was still one man against six. There were no shackles on him for he was yet officially a convicted criminal of the empire, and all that surrounded them were just walls and walls of empty space that housed not a single person.
It was the perfect setup.
They were currently within one of the Empire’s courts—or so John could surmise—in Registoria.
Though courts were places that upheld the values of ‘justice’—the term used loosely given what just happened to John—the décor a layout of this location spoke otherwise.
The walls were dull there were no bright decorations nor patterns inscribed along the walls nor floor tiles. Aside from the occasional on-the-verge-of-withering house plant, the place was as dead and as soul wrecking as a building could be.
Such was the norm for unused but still maintained buildings, John was keenly aware of that. But more than enjoying the various details of the interior space—or the lack of—his head was thinking as clearly as ever as the soldiers brought him to the designated teleporter.
He was to return to Moxnet Academy immediately as instructed by the council.
Upon arrival, the soldiers would pass through the familiar main halls of Moxnet, then make their way to yet another teleporter that would lead them to East Wing—where John’s living quarters were. The soldiers would then keep constant watch over John as he stayed in Moxnet, awaiting for the council elders to conclude their investigation on John.
That was the plan.
Well, the soldiers’ plans anyway.
John himself, however, was not planning to step foot in Moxnet. He knew that if he were to return to Moxnet, all vestige of him leaving the empire would become naught.
“We’re here,” one of the imperial soldiers spoke as all of them came to a halt before a large circular steel structure that could very well fit a medium-sized elephant.
The various large nuts and bolts that protruded along the steel indicated this teleporter before them was an older model and very much unlike the smaller and far more elegant ones in Moxnet Academy.
The two female soldiers made their way towards the two large consoles adjacent to the teleporter ring. Their hands pressed and keyed in on the various buttons as John silently watched.
It’s now or never… A-am I really going to use [Execution]?
John had his eye on the sword sheathed by the soldier’s waist before him.
He was set on grabbing it and use it to take down his captors as quickly as he could.
Using the dark magic here is compulsory. [Heal] alone can do so much for me…
John knew that if it came down to the worst, he would harden his resolve and embrace the entirety of the black aura, and if possible, he wanted to spare the soliders’ lives.
I’ll let them live if they allow me to defeat them quickly. If not, I have no choice.
Like him, these soldiers were people who wanted to live their lives, people who had loved ones, people who had ambitions....
The soldiers had a duty to keep John alive no matter what because of their orders from the council elders.
They were merely people who followed orders.
Mindlessly following orders.
To consign John into becoming a tool of the empire.
Unfortunately, it’s my freedom against your lives!!!
They were no different than the vampires he had slain in Captain Rabugra’s den.
“[Illuminate]!!!”
John yelled, and a blinding white light burst forth from his body, blinding all the soldiers.
His hands were already at the hilt of the guard’s short sword before him.
The element of surprise allowed him to take the sword as his own without much effort.
“Gah! I can’t see!!! That—”
John immediately turned and thrust at the soldier behind him. Driving the point of the blade into the exposed area by the man’s left armpit.
The blade passed through the man without fail, piercing through the ribs and poked just enough into his left lung, causing the man to squeal in pain, gasping for precious air as John wasted no time in pulling out the weapon and do the same to the other man behind him.
“Gak!!! Hold him…” the second soldier choked as John pranced away from his two defeated captors.
That should take care of the two of them.
He purposely aimed for the two men’s armpits—the region where their arms were exposed—and stabbed into their rib cages.
That way, he was certain they would be rendered immobile from their punctured lungs but not severely wounded that they would die instantaneously.
Then, he rushed towards the two female soldiers that were by the teleporter. Throwing his full weight into his movement he leaped, driving the short sword into one of the female soldiers’ chest until he felt the metal pierced pass her sternum with a loud crack, rendering her gasping for air as John retracted his blade.
Ha! I was right, the women only have leather protecting their chest.
“Get him—”
Jumping off the first female solider, John aimed at the chest of the second female solider.
“You are going down!!!” he declared mid air.
Unfortunately for John, the second female had jumped backwards the moment she saw her comrades’ defeat, avoiding his horrible strike.
“[Lesser Binding]!”
At the female soldier’s chant, ethereal chains sprouted from beneath John, made their way up his legs and entwined around his torso, rendering John firmly stuck to where he stood.
“Stay back! I’ve got him!!!” not a second sooner, two enormous arms wrapped themselves around John’s body, locking him by his shoulders.
In addition to the binding spell the other female soldier cast on him, one of the male soldiers held him captive with a spine crushing force.
Having had his body squeezed by the solider caused John to lose his breath, and his strength along with it.
Fuck…I should have gone for their throats…instead of…
All he wanted was to incapacitate them with the small window of opportunity he created for himself. He had no intention to kill, that was why he aimed for their lungs, for it he went for their throats, the three soldiers he defeated were already dead instead of gasping for air on the ground like they are right now.
In the end, his mercy towards the soldiers costed him.
“What is wrong with you!?”
Pang!!!
At the other male soldier’s voice a fist connected John’s jaw, causing his vision to redden and blur.
“You monster!!!”
Pang!!!
Another fist collided against John’s jaw yet again, leaving John bruised with a mouth full of blood.
“Enough. He is the academy’s subject. If we deal too much damage to him—”
“Screw that!” the soldier who punched John spat at the one holding John. “Look at what he did!!! This is the work of a monster!!!”
Around the two male soldiers were three collapsed bodies. The female soldier who John had failed to knock out was now administering recovery magic on the three soldiers that John had defeated.
“A monster…?” John spoke. “I let you fucks live…a m-monster would have killed you all.”
His voice contained no hint of anger nor sorrow, but his voice alone was enough to cause the two male imperial soldiers to stiffen their bodies.
“Live!? Do you think our lives belong to you!?”
The soldier that had his arms around John tightened his crushing hug, causing John to wheeze, but aside from a strained expression, John did not struggle.
“[Heal].”
The moment John used his magic, a dark aura sprouted from his body, repairing and restoring all the damage that was inflicted upon him.
Ah... [Heal] is now black.
Just as quickly as the dark aura came out of John’s body, the dark aura rushed back to John himself, forming a hardened shell around his body.
Bit by bit, John could feel the strength of the solider who had his arms around him weaken, eventually, the hug from man who had grabbed John to restrain his movements had weakened so much that all John needed to do was to shrug the man off to free himself from his grasp.
Thud.
The imperial soldier who had held John in the crushing hug fell to the ground as though he was knocked out cold.
“I…”
That’s...did the aura strengthen me or weakened him? Is this a sleeping spell? Or is it...
All he wished for was for the soldier to cease his actions, for the man to stop impeding his escape.
His thoughts, his selfish desires of wanting to escape the empire without killing these soldiers…
The aura responded without delay.
The ‘demon magic’ that surrounded his body responded to his thoughts, his emotions, and his desires.
Just like when he wanted to stall time in the vampire arena for Aurelius, the dark magic did not grant him great power. Rather, it prompted him just enough to keep himself alive for solely the purpose of saving Aurelius.
It must have been the case when he was with Raina that fateful night.
Back then, John deeply wanted to kill the three thugs, back when he was only propelled by the sheer thought of ending their lives.
The taboo magic was the execution of his will.
As of now, the dark aura drained the man of his consciousness, simply because he just wanted the imperial soldiers to leave him be.
“Y-you…” the soldier who punched John earlier raised his fists, aimed at John, then his arms lost strength, his knees buckled as the last of the male imperial soldier collapsed onto the ground, just like his comrade.
Pomp!
John blinked, dumbfounded at the sight before him. He was surprised at how quick the imperial soldiers fell the moment the dark aura came to his heed.
Is it that easy? How...I’ve forced myself to learn magic in A’vetheas all this time…a-and this demon magic just...came out of n-nowhere?
Throughout his life in A’vetheas, all he wanted to do was to learn new magic and expand his mana pool. And now that he was long banished from the Elven Tribe, he could finally do so.
He was saddened, disappointed, angered, frustrated at the development.
I… Was it all in my head? W-was I the one who held myself back?
It was when he was at his lowest, did he finally could do all these things.
These impossible feats that he never imagined himself to achieve, to not even fathom of witnessing before his very eyes.
Driven by his emotions, driven by his sheer selfish desires, driven by his sorrows.
The dark aura was a weapon that he both loathe and depended so much on.
Why could his mastery of this dark aura not come sooner?
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If he knew how to control himself, he would have never lost control of it in A’vetheas.
If he knew how to master it, he would have gotten back to Parac Village in time.
If he knew how to use it earlier, he could have...he could have, prevented Kahnira’s death.
Right now, he had power, power that he cannot understand, power that he had no way of controlling it, power that he wanted no part of, power that he had no clue of its origins.
And it appeared only because of his selfish desire to leave Dezarith Empire.
I am a horrible person, aren’t I? I wager even [Illuminate] is given to me by the demon magic. Hell...now that [Heal] no longer has its blue aura, I think...all the magic I could use was always from this accursed magic—
“[Message]! Reporting to headquarters, the subject John Sarvod has overwhelmed us,” the female soldier who John had failed to defeat had contacted someone as he was deep in his thoughts.
“!!!”
John wasted no time and closed their distance before he placed his hand on her allowing the dark aura to subdue her, “Send immediate backup to…“
The imperial soldier female’s [Message] spell was immediately dispelled as her body fell into a deep slumber like the other two soldiers.
“Fuck, I forgot about her!” John cursed himself before he rushed towards the teleporter’s console terminal.
There he found a multitude of buttons and switches in a layout that was far, far, far complicated than the ones he knew to use in the academy.
“H-how do I…” his fingers twitched in the air as he was overwhelmed by the options he had. “Um… I… ” not wanting to waste any more time, he went for the switches and buttons that looked the most familiar to him and started toggling them.
Shroom…
As John thought about which buttons to push next, the teleporter became lit. At the center of the steel frames a flat green energy like surface crackled with energy.
“Did I press something correctly?” John turned towards the interface, making sure that what he witnessed was not the product of his dumb luck. His eyes scanned at the large console in hopes of a clue where the portal lead to and whether if it was functioning properly.
Before he could, two figures appeared from the teleporter and came through from the green portal. And from it, John saw the familiar boots and armor that were the standard of imperial soldiers.
“!!!”
John dove straight for the closest weapon he could find on the ground, grabbing a long sword with two hands before he rushed towards the figures that came out of the teleporter.
“[Lesser Barrier].”
One figure immediately used a spell, projecting a transparent surface in front of John, causing him to collide against it, falling to his back from the recoil.
“John, what have you done?” a familiar bulky voice spoke, bringing John to the upmost attention.
The two figures, one enormously tall and the other was a girl who was roughly John’s height.
It was Gobbert and Helen.
The hero’s party tank and mage had both appeared before John could leave through the teleporter.
“You’ve rendered them unconscious, am I correct?” Helen, who did not bat an eye at the sight of the six collapsed imperial soldiers before them, asked John casually.
“I…” John stammered, “Y-yes.”
Gobbert shook his head at the destruction John created.
They must have received [Message] and came here right after, soon, Scywell will be here to apprehend me, I will need to—
“Very well. Let’s get you ready, shall we?” Helen moved towards the teleporter console and started interacting with it.
“What?! Get ready for what?!”
As John asked in confusion, Gobbert’s enormous arms slide under John’s torso and lifted him up to his feet, “For you to escape. Still, I wish you would stop surprising me with what you do. I still haven’t recovered from how you cut off Randy’s hand and reattaching it, you know? And now you are defeating six imperial guards? No wonder you have a target painted on your back, ha!”
John pointed to Gobbert, then Helen, “A-aren’t you two supposed to be here to…”
Gobbert slapped John’s back with a chuckle, “That’s a different story for another time. Thanks for not killing these guys, it makes the cover story Angeline made for you more believable.” The big guy looked over at the six still breathing but unconscious imperial soldiers. “She’ll explain to you—”
“Teleporter is ready, Gobbert. Send him in now.”
Without permission, Gobbert lifted John and headed to the teleporter.
“Helping me escape?! I am the one who hated Scywell and blamed all of you for killing my family! You guys work for the Empire!!! You’ll be trialed for treason!!!”
“We know,” Gobbert said with a chipper as he placed John before the teleporter. “But you are still our friend, so that’s why…” without finishing his sentence, Gobbert shove John into the green portal. “...this is our apology.”
John appeared on the other side of the portal, falling to rocky grounds before the portal disappeared in front of his face.
Thwop!
“Ugh… W-what gives?”
“Finally, the crybaby is here.”
John needed not to turn behind him to know whose voice it belonged to.
“Randolph, explain— Mmmph!”
Randolph placed a hand on John’s mouth, silencing John before he whispered in a low voice.
“Quiet…” Randolphs eyes darted around the dimly lit space John found himself in.
Following Randolph’s warning, the ceiling above them rumbled violently, then muffled voices could be heard as the sounds of footsteps resounded from above.
“Just follow me for now...”
Letting go of John’s mouth, Randolph gestured towards John as they moved forward in what seemed to be an underground network.
The four walls that surrounded John as he tailed Randolph strongly resembled the sewers he traveled in Meastes.
But unlike the old sewers in Meastes, these passages had narrower space between walls and various vines and moss could be seen on the surface of the hard rocks.
The entire place smelled as bad as the sewers, but instead of the putrid ammonia that John remembered—and tasted—from the sewers, this place reeked of decay that was commonly associated with landfill dumpsters—not that he had been to one.
After a few minutes, the terrible smell of decay cleared up.
John and Randolph found themselves in a large atrium that extended to five different paths.
“Hmm, let’s see, was it the second on the right, or the left?” Randolph said, as he tried his best to pinpoint where they were supposed to go. “Ah, yes, it’s the one by the center!”
Before Randolph could continue onwards, John placed a hand on Randolph.
“Randolph, wait! Explain to me what are we doing right now? Explain why Helen and Gobbert—”
Crash!!!
The ceiling above them shuddered, causing Randolph to make a face before whispering to John.
“I’m taking you to a portal. We have to keep moving or the monster above is will sense our presence.”
Without another word, Randolph and John continued down the center path, keeping their voices to themselves as they had earlier.
Though the monster that lurked above them was certainly what kept Randolph quiet, John himself can’t help but wonder if the silence between them was caused by he himself.
His last interaction with Randolph, with everyone at the hero’s party, was John purposefully spiting Scywell for the Massacre of Parac Village in public, for accusing the hero for failing at the job of protecting the innocent.
Though, on John’s part, he was consumed by his grief over the Harvests’ deaths. And when he saw the face of the hero in Moxnet that day, that grief of his turned into ugly rage that he unleashed on Scywell.
Even then, that was still no excuse for John to spite the first few friends he made in Moxnet Academy.
If John were to be honest, no matter what Scywell Shatterstep did for him, somewhere inside John’s cynical self, he will never, ever forgive the hero for failing to save the Harvests.
They were all he had…
In just the blink of an eye, they were massacred. By vampires, without reason, without bidding their goodbyes, without speaking to John for one last time.
If he knew he would never see the Harvest’s faces after he left for Moxnet, John would have rejected Kaldor Klarizan’s offer. If he knew vampires would attack Parac Village, he would have returned sooner instead of wasting his time getting mind off in his anger against Ephinelyth with sightseeing.
No more of this...I am sick of being afraid, I am tired of being robbed everything I know and love.
John wanted to leave Dezarith, not because he was being hunted, not because his life was in jeopardy, not because the Empire wanted to make him a tool that only served them, not because he had nowhere else to go.
Those were simply convenient reasons he told himself.
The real reason for the festering desire to leave society, was because he wanted control.
He wanted to make sense of the chaos that swirled around this accursed world.
John who had been through one emotional turmoil after another, toyed by the sick twists and turns in his ever so damnable fate.
He had memories of a past that he forgotten, fragments pertaining to Kahnira who he no doubt loved with his boyish heart.
He was exiled by A’vetheas for doing what he thought was right.
He lost the Harvests because of he was bound to his flawed mind that took out unwarranted anger against a girl who did everything for him.
And it was all his fault.
For being the spawn of chaos that invites inevitable doom to all he comes into contact with.
People he loved died, and people he cared for, he hurt.
Perhaps, by isolating himself, by taking himself far and away from all interaction with other people, John would ensure that the world will suffer less.
If he owned nothing, if he knew nothing, if he had nothing, at least he had the freedom to decide what he can do with his meaningless life.
“We are here, my dude, we just have to wait—” Randolph’s voice trailed off when he turned to look at John. “Hey man, are you good?”
John blinked, snapping himself when he finally realized he and Randolph came to a stop in front of an empty room.
“I… Uh...yeah… I was just thinking about...stuff...”
“Thinking about stuff, huh? The same stuff that got you super angry at Scy and the rest off us, right?” Randolph had a forlorn look on his face, he tried to open his mouth for another joke but instead looked away from John.
I don’t know myself too.
Randolph squatted to the floor and gave a long sigh, “You know, after the day after you gave me advice about Suzy, on the same day I went back, I confessed.”
“Huh…?”
“Yeah, crazy stuff, right? Thankfully, she said she already knew about it, and we spent the whole month together. I wanted to tell you this the day we went back to Moxnet. If I knew what happened to you back then...”
“…”
Randolph shook his head, “Sorry, I know this isn’t making much sense to you. In your eyes, you must hate Scy and all of us very much, don’t you? I know that it is our fault that your adopted family was massacred.”
“That’s…”
“You see, John. I know it is weird that we are trying to help you escape, I know little of what is happening behind the scenes. But I know, without your advice the other day, I probably would not have the courage to speak to Suzy.”
“...”
“What I am trying to say is, thank you, and I am sorry. I am sorry for what happened, the day after you and Scy clashed against each another, the rest of us did a thorough check on what happened. I read the reports, I saw the pictures…I know damn well I don’t want that to happen to my family. Especially not when I finally got together with, you know...Suzy.”
“…”
“I know I am not the smartest guy, hell, I am pretty sure I can’t measure up to the guy who charmed Angeline Grisst, haha! You are plenty smart, perhaps more so than Helen or Angeline, so I can’t really see things in your point of view, but if you could just take a few words from this bumbling buffoon.”
John wanted to say something but sensing he might not see Randolph after he left the Empire for good, he let Randolph talk instead.
“If you want to kill Scywell, please kill me in his stead.”
“!!!”
What the fuck?
“I owe him my life. I know he isn’t e-exactly what you think of when the word ‘hero’ comes to mind, but i-if you want to blame s-someone for what’s h-happened, u-use me as a scapegoat. But p-please, leave e-everyone else alone, t-that’s all I ask for.”
John curled his fists, raised them to his face as Randolph fully accepted what was about to come.
His muscles tensed, watching Randolph’s twitching face, John was presented a choice. A choice that Randolph wished for John to take to quench his despaired heart.
Taking a life of a man who had done nothing to him.
“What would that do?” John spoke sadly.
His fingers unfurled, his forearms dropped to his sides.
“Taking your life won’t bring them back. It was the vampires that killed them. Scywell is at fault, but killing him or you, would do the same thing as my family’s killers. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression of a killer Randolph, back then…I…I was still grieving. All I want to do now is to leave the empire, for my sake, and everyone’s, no one has to suffer because of me…”
The hero failed Parac Village when it needed him the most. But like Scywell, John himself failed the Harvests himself.
In truth, he was in no place to dictate whether Scywell was responsible for the tragedy.
Of course, he was still angry at the hero for not protecting his family, but to want Scywell dead?
John was broken. But he was not insane.
Even he understood people like Scywell, like Randolph, like Gobbert, like Helen, and...Angeline, they did not deserve to die, much less suffer for his sake.
“Thanks…” John looked to Randolph, placing his hand on the guy’s shoulder, “You are a better man than I ever can ever be.”
Randolph stared at John wide eyed, not a moment sooner, a teleportation portal appeared on the wall beside them, signaling to John that his limited time with Randolph was up.
“I suppose that’s my cue,” John spoke in a quiet tone. “I am happy that things worked out with Suzy, I mean it. I don’t know what kind of person you make of me but for your own sake, don’t go around offering your life to others. If Suzy or your mother heard you, heh, I bet there will be some ass whipping for you.”
Cracking his last joke at Randolph, John stepped into the portal.
“Later. Randy.”
Shroom…
The portal’s light enveloped John, next thing he knew, his body was sucked into the portal by an overwhelming force.
Gravitational force.
Wham!
John’s body crashed to the ground the moment he exited the other side of the portal.
“Oww…” a soft voice wailed in pain beneath him.
“Angeline?” sensing the hero’s party’s supporter, John spoke her name.
What is she doing under the portal?
Beneath him, laid Angeline with disheveled hair, lips furrowed with a downwards curve, her caramel eyes glimmered as John met hers. And at the outer edge of her beautiful eyes, droplets of moisture could be observed.
“Why are you crying—”
“Can you get off me? It’s e-embarrassing in this position,” Angeline spoke quickly, blushing as she averted her gaze from him.
“R-right…” realizing most of his body was pushed tightly against hers, John wasted no time removing himself from her and got to his two feet. “My bad.”
“It’s alright,” picking up her staff on the ground Angeline gotten to her two feet, though her face still as red as a tomato.
John twitched as he adjusted the hospital garments he had been wearing since he awoke to
He could see why Angeline had gotten quite flustered, aside from his boxers beneath, the garments on him were thin pieces of cotton that were provided easy access for the doctors to operate on one’s body.
Knowing the intimate feelings she had for him prior to his disassociation with the hero’s party, John did not know what to say to Angeline.
How could he?
Until the appearance of Gobbert, Helen and Randolph today, John’s only focus was on his own suffering.
It never occurred to him he must have also hurt everyone in the hero’s party because of his outrage that day.
Gobbert and Helen pretended nothing happened between them, Randolph was upfront enough to confront John about the Harvests’ deaths.
As for Angeline?
In her perspective, she was just a girl who witnessed the laid-back John lost his patience and temper for the world around him, someone who was struck with grief when his world was turned upside down.
Even if she were Angeline Grisst of the hero’s party who had seen and survived through much more dire straits, having someone close to lose themselves would indeed unsettle one to a certain degree.
Perhaps in her eyes, the John Sarvod Angeline Grisst grew so fond of died the day he lost his family.
“Angeline…”John spoke, “...listen, I…”
Thud.
A bundle of fabrics flew in his face, silencing John as he stood like a clueless buffoon before Angeline.
“These are your c-clothes, g-go change!” Angeline snapped. “W-we don’t have time!”
Angeline placed her two arms on John’s back, guiding him towards a space that was partitioned by walls of wooden crates before leaving him to switch to the clothes she threw in his face.
Obediently, John undressed the thin hospital garments in preparation to change into the cleaner clothes and pants Angeline given him.
Seeing how Angeline wasn’t letting him to speak without being cut off every few seconds, John took the hint of no longer initiating the conversation.
He was the one who cut her off, and so, he would not force a conversation with her. Angeline who staged for his escape had done more than enough.
“What were you thinking?” Angeline’s voice snapped from behind the wall of wooden crates behind John.
“…”
“I’m talking to you, you rascal,” her voice became small when John did not reply to her in time. “Why didn’t you tell us about your family sooner? Why didn’t you inform any of us about the Harvests, John? Why...i-if you had send me a letter...if you had contacted me, I would have...I would have come to your side.”
“I didn’t know what to do.”
He had no words to explain himself, all he knew to do was to change into his clothes that Angeline must have gotten from Team Rectiser somehow.
“Lies,” Angeline sulked, unhappy with John’s answer.
“I… M-my mind went blank after I learned that Parac Village was Scywell’s territory. All I could think then were the images of my families’ bodies, their severed heads, about how it’s m-my fault for not going back to them sooner.”
“You should have t-told me!” Angeline exclaimed, her voice torn at John’s reasoning, “I told you to take care of yourself in Kershent! And that m-meant, not burdening yourself with everything!!!”
John looked to the ground.
He had fully changed into his clothes, but hearing how furious Angeline had gotten at him, he stayed where he was.
“By the Angels, John!!! I know you are smart enough to see through deception, survive deadly monsters, outdo everyone I know with what you were born with!!!”
John winced, his toes curled at Angeline’s voice.
“Is it so hard, f-for you to rely on someone else for once? Am I just...someone else to you? Just a bystander to bear witness your suffering?!”
John drew a line with his lip.
He was not proud of himself for all that’s transpired so far.
Even with Angeline facilitating John’s escape from Dezarith, he still had second thoughts.
Thoughts that skirted along the lines of ‘What if Angeline was charged with treason?’ and ‘What if all of them that helped me ended up like the Harvests?’
The last thing he wanted was to burden Angeline.
Angeline who was as innocent as a lamb.
Angeline who thought of John as her first love.
Angeline who deserved better,
John exited from the makeshift changing room and found Angeline leaning against the wall as she hugged what seemed to be the mythril arming sword she picked together with him.
“Never had I wanted to burden anyone with my problems, I know where I am in my life as of this point is because of my poor choices. It’s only because of me, that I am in my current state, that’s why… Only I need to be responsible.”
That’s right… And by removing myself from everyone, no one will have to suffer but me...
“Just me…John…”
Angeline pleaded, her round eyes that looked at him was begging John to ask for her help.
“All you had to do is to ask me, and I’ll come, I’ve already told you I will not stop at pursuing you!!!” she shouted, her feet seemingly on the verge of stomping themselves. “Why can’t you realize that if you were to selfishly tell me to help you, I will drop everything...”
“It’s because I know you’ll do that, that’s why…I can’t,” John said shamefully. “Because I don’t want to use you. Do you think it is easy for me to keep everything inside? But...but…”
Just like the Elven Princess, Angeline Grisst had life and responsibilities that she had to adhere to. Angeline was tied to the hero’s party, she was a noble, she had a bright future ahead of her.
John wanted more than anything to rely on someone, to fully give himself and be rid of the things that weighed his mind.
But if he asked something so selfish to Angeline, he would be essentially destroying her for getting involved with someone like him.
Someone like him who was only willing to use demon magic for his selfish desires, someone like him who brought nothing more than pain and suffering to those he loved, someone like him who only manifested his demon magic the moment his freedom was threatened.
“I am certain you already know that I am, a monster… a demon. I don’t want you hurt, Angeline.”
Like the Harvests, Angeline, was innocent, upright, and precious, she was someone who had no part in the accursed life John had lived until now.
And he was intent to keep it that way.
“That’s all… I am not someone heroic, I have no achievements to speak off. Everyone I’ve come close to suffer by my hands or falls into despair in some from, the Harvests are just one example of that. At the least I could do, is to keep everyone away, keep you from danger, of which, is away from me—”
Pang!
Angeline’s plam flew past John’s cheeks, leaving a hot red mark on John.
Just like in Kershent Village, this was a slap well deserved.
“Y-you...giant, idiot!!! You absolute nitwit with an astronomical inflated ego!!!”
Angeline pulled John by his collar and screamed.
“C-can’t you see, you’ve already hurt me enough by doing everything yourself?!”
John’s eyes drooped, seeing the drops of tears trickling down Angeline’s soft cheeks teared his heartstrings.
“I’m sorry.”
He pulled Angeline with her trembling body into a hug, placing his hand at her head as he slowly stroked her head to soothe her wails.
“You rascal! You idiot! John, you jerk, you moronl!!!” Angeline wailed in his chest as she her dainty arms squeezed his waist. “W-why must you be like this! Why must you come into my life and l-leave this way!!!”
“I am aware I have no ability to keep people I care and love away from harm. I know for a fact, like the vampires who murdered my family, I am not much different...for I am a monster.”
“…”
“The elves that I previously lived with already determined that much, that I am a demon. Therefore...if I am to protect those that I am in debt to, if I am to put a stop to the despair that happens around me, I need to leave the Empire, so that I won’t afflict you with this cursed fate of mine, for my sake and yours.”
John ran his modest hands along Angeline’s head stroking her in the most gentle way possible, treating Angeline as precious as he would as a vulnerable infant, stabilizing her rapid breathing and the rampant tears that flowed from her.
“I have come to realize that I don’t want things I cherish to be taken away from me. I care too much for things that I know I’ll never own, things that I can only relish in the figments of my imagination, people who I never want to hurt, people who I love…”
“...”
“So much so that I know that being a demon, is the now the least of my worries. So much so, I know that it would be better off if I never had such desires. So much so, that I would be willing to go to places worse than hell or heaven to preserve them. So much so that I am willing to destroy myself to achieve it.”
For as long as John Sarvod knew, this was his reality.
The reason behind his compulsive self, the origin of his overeager personality, what laid behind his ever so stubborn self of relying on no one but himself to deal with his endless stream of sorrows…
“This is my flaw.”