The homunculi tensed at the voice and started forward. I ordered them to stand down, and lowered my arbalest myself. Selene caught my arm and leaned in close.

“What are you doing?” she demanded.

“It’s Thaddeus,” I whispered back. “That’s not him hanging over the gate.”

“How do you know?” Alexia protested.

“It’s a failed experiment,” I said. “Jamin told me the herbalist was a slippery bastard. I doubt a bandit caught him unawares on his own property.”

I turned back to the house. “Thaddeus!” I called out. “It’s me, Caleb, Jamin’s nephew!”

A long moment passed by before the front door rattled and swung open, and the Emerald Sage stumbled out into the sunlight. A thick haze of smoke drifted around him as he hefted up a double-stacked crossbow and glared at the cart through beady, unfocused eyes. I stepped off the cart and strolled up to the gate with my hands open and empty. Recognition bloomed in the old man’s eyes, and he scratched his leg idly with the loaded crossbow.

“Well, this is embarrassing,” Thaddeus said. “I thought you were bandits.”

“How many bandits drive a cart with a homunculus escort?” I said.

“Bandits would ride dragons and strike down their prey with lightning if they could. I’ve seen them try. Won’t be long now before they’re plundering the skies in flying ships, mark my words.” He looked me up and down and huffed. “Well, you’re all grown up, then.”

“Time is funny like that,” I laughed.

“Bloody young people. You all think you’ll be strapping and strong forever,” Thaddeus muttered. “Come in, and bring the lovely ladies with you. I’ll put on some tea.” He squinted at the wagon and pointed to the side of his house. “I’ve a stable behind the acid-leaf trees. Drop off the cart there and meet me inside.”

Thaddeus vanished into his house as I turned back to the cart. Selene raised an eyebrow at me as I hefted the corpse off the fence and pushed the gates open.

“He seems well-adjusted,” she commented dryly.

I took the reins of the draft horses and guided the cart into the mass of shrubbery around the house. “I wouldn’t call him that, no, but he’s a companion farmer.”

“So he’s paranoid and scheming?” Alexia giggled.

“You have to be if you want to stay in business in the North,” I told her.

The stable was low and wide, and stuffed with straw. It stank of age-old horse shit and it desperately needed a sweeping-out, but I ignored the stench as I stabled the horses. Alexia took care of Tystian’s animal with soothing words and a gentle hand.

“Planning to bring your little retinue with us?” Selene asked.

I considered the homunculi for a moment. “No, they probably won’t fit inside the house. And I want to keep Thaddeus at ease as best I can.”

Stay in the shadows of the stable and keep watch for anyone approaching the house, I ordered my companions. Warn me in advance if anyone comes down the road.

The Swordsman tipped me an informal salute and took up a position beside the stable’s entry. My Yeoman Archer ghosted into one of the spare stalls and nocked an arrow to the string of his bow. Alexia wrinkled her nose as we left the stable.

“He doesn’t much care for animals,” she said.

“I have a feeling he doesn’t much care for people, either,” Selene muttered. “I mean, honestly, leaving a corpse on the gate like that? What is he trying to say?”

“Probably a good indication he’s not to be trifled with,” I said as I held the front door open for them. “Mind you don’t irritate him, I have a feeling that—”

“You have a feeling that what?” Thaddeus growled as I closed the front door behind me.

“That you might be inclined to poison the tea,” I finished with a cheeky grin.

Thaddeus chuckled and looked into Alexia’s eyes. “I wouldn’t try it with these two in the house. Dear Gods, Caleb, where did you get a homunculus of this quality?”

Alexia stared back into Thaddeus’s eyes and frowned. “Your eyes are glazed, sir.”

“My brain too,” he said. “But it’s better that way. A little lubrication goes a surprisingly long way if you know what to do with it. You speak. You think. You’re obviously independent. Did you give it a name, Caleb?”

“Alexia,” the elf told him firmly. “My name is Alexia.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Very well—Alexia it is.”

I leaned back against the door as Thaddeus turned to inspect Selene. The warlock met his gaze with an amused smile and tapped the Commission badge on her cloak.

“Yes, I once worked for the Commission, and no, I’m not here to ask about the corpse on your fence.” Selene unclasped her cloak and hung it on a wide coathook by the door. “My name is Selene. I’m with Master Caleb in an advisory capacity. He said it was vital that we come and speak to you.”

The old man scratched the white explosion that was his beard and nodded. “Well, family of Jamin is family of mine. When’s the last time you were here, lad?”

“Probably close to eighteen years ago,” I answered.

“Hm. Well, first things first. A tour of my humble abode, a courtesy from one professional to another.” Thaddeus waved us further into his house.

Our feet rustled softly against the smooth stone floor as we trailed after the old man. Thick walls crowded us in and curved into a low ceiling fitted with two-foot-wide rafters. Lanterns and candles hung from the roof and filled the house with a soft orange glow after the hallway.

We turned down a passage to the right and stepped into the main parlour. Thaddeus had converted it into a trove of knowledge and alchemical practice. Tall bookcases of thick mahogany groaned under the weight of dusty tomes and countless jars of ingredients. Alexia ran a hand over the main table in the centre of the room. Blue lines of crystal swam through the surface of the stone tabletop and illuminated the oceans of books around it.

Selene gasped as she stepped closer to it. “That’s a corridium nexus.”

“A what?” Alexia asked, confused.

“An elvish workbench for infusing magic into metals,” I explained. “Probably why you were drawn to it, Alexia. Elves like to make sure that their work is appreciated by other elves.”

“Bloody bastards charged me through the nose for that,” Thaddeus snorted. “It’s useless for my work, in any case, but it is a good piece of furniture. Sturdy, you know.”

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

“You bought something this important and you use it as a reading desk?” Selene asked incredulously. “I’ve met practitioners who would give up a limb to have one of these.”

Thaddeus cracked a grin full of crooked teeth. “And your point is?”

Selene shook her head and muttered something about crazy old men as I scanned the bookshelves. The jars of preserved ingredients were stored neatly and efficiently despite the ocean of books cluttered about the parlour. Any decent alchemist knew to keep their ingredients separated and correctly labeled, and Thaddeus was no exception.

“It’s an impressive store of ingredients,” I observed.

“You need it in our line of work,” Thaddeus grunted. “Does Jamin still keep his Replicator in that old shack out in the open and harvest all his ingredients fresh?”

“He’s a creature of habit,” I said. “Of course he does—well, he did.”

Thaddeus’s fingers tapped an odd rhythm against his chin as he stepped over to join me. “So you’ve taken over his farm, eh? How did that happen?”

“He just packed up and left. Gave it to me a few days ago.”

“Well, it’s obvious enough you know your way around the basic processes. Those Piercers are some fine work, even if they warrant an inventive death sentence from the Commission. Have you ever had your testicles frozen?”

“Can’t say it’s one of my hobbies, no,” I said.

“They’re inventive, those Commission mages,” he muttered with a quick glance over his shoulder at Selene. “Come, there’s something I want to show you. It’ll change your perception of the process of building homunculi, let me tell you.”

The girls fell in behind me as we strolled into the adjoining room. The smell of baking bread hung heavily in the air and drew my attention to an oven of thick steel to my right. A small kitchen station with stone benches and wooden shelves jutted out from the wall beside it. Herbs and plants of all kinds swung from the heavy rafters above in messy bunches and added to the scent of the bread. But that wasn’t even the most impressive addition to the kitchen. Three homunculi bustled about the space in rough woven dresses with feather dusters. I studied them as I brushed a bunch of herbs aside and followed Thaddeus to a locked pantry door on the right. Each of the homunculi had a female form, but their chests were flat as a board and their eyes drifted over me with the typical vacant expression.

“It almost puts your kitchen to shame, Caleb,” Alexia said.

Thaddeus paused in front of the door and turned to me. “It’s behind here. My greatest discovery. The one thing that keeps me energized, young and healthy from day to day.”

“Let me guess,” Selene drawled, “you’ve found the Elixir of Life.”

Thaddeus waggled a finger. “Almost, young lady, almost.”

I frowned as Thaddeus made a show of unlocking the door. Was the old man talking about new recipes? A fresh philosophy for putting together homunculi that Jamin hadn’t heard of? My pulse kicked up a notch as Thaddeus stepped into the pantry and re-emerged with a fistful of herbs and a wide-bowled smoking pipe.

Selene barked a laugh. “Madman’s clover, oh Emerald Sage? That’s your secret?”

“Have you ever tried this wonderful weed?” Thaddeus asked her with a manic grin. “It’s truly a gift from the Gods. Should you so happen to set it on fire, it’ll do truly spectacular things for your mind. Free you from the shackles of mundane consciousness and propel you to new heights unlike anything you’ve ever seen before.”

Thaddeus packed the pipe with withered fingers, bustled past us, and withdrew a long piece of steel wire from the fireplace. He touched the white-hot end of the metal to the bowl of the pipe and took a deep, appreciative toke. I couldn’t suppress a chuckle as the scent of the potent psychedelic drifted across the room. Jamin had warned me about madman’s clover, and I’d never touched the stuff as a result. Thaddeus moaned appreciatively and glanced around the room with wide, hazy eyes.

“Much better,” Thaddeus cackled. “Oh, yes, the colors. Precisely what I needed.”

He strolled back to us with lurching steps and offered me the pipe. I shook my head and Alexia stepped forward. She held out her hands and Thaddeus paused as he met her eye. Then he turned to me and raised an eyebrow.

“Can I try some, Caleb?” Alexia asked.

I eyed the pipe. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“I want to try these things. I’ve been locked up in a cellar for years. Please?”

“Take it slow, then,” I advised. “Just a few puffs. If you start seeing bandits, dragons, or a rainbow made of honey trying to drown you with its colors, then you know you’ve definitely gone too far.”

Alexia took the proffered pipe and inhaled. Her eyes widened almost instantly and her face relaxed into a lazy smile. Thaddeus cackled again as she inhaled a few more times and coughed violently. He ripped his pipe back, sucked in more of the clover, and then winked at Alexia. The elf giggled to herself and caught me in a violent hug. She gazed around at Selene and gasped. The blond mage paused her examination of a bunch of herbs.

“Is that what auras look like?” Alexia breathed.

“That’s the clover,” Selene told her gently. “So no.”

“Oh. All the colours, they’re so pretty.” Alexia nuzzled into my chest. “You smell so gooood,” she moaned.

“Now that you’ve gotten my favourite homunculus silly, can we talk?” I asked.

Thaddeus nodded and lurched out of the kitchen. Selene withdrew her fingers from one of the braids of herbs and followed him. Alexia murmured indistinctly into my tunic as I followed them. Her hands drifted over my ass and another wave of giggles shook through her chest. I kissed the top of her head and guided her back to the table with a sigh.

This was turning out to be an interesting day.

Thaddeus swept a pile of books onto the floor with a resounding crash and cleared some of the table. I pulled up a chair from the side and sat Alexia down in it. Selene found another two tucked into a corner and offered one to me. She dropped easily onto the seat and cross her long legs under the table, caught my gaze, and offered me a smirk.

“So,” Thaddeus said as he jumped and sat down on the table. “What do you want, nephew of Jamin? What brings you all the way off my old friend’s farm?”

“Business,” I replied.

“Oh, it’s always bloody business with you lot,” Thaddeus said with a jab of his pipe. “I always used to tell Jamin he needed to loosen up, let go of his scheming. Do you think he might have listened to me, boy?”

“Doubt it,” I laughed.

“Then he taught you well,” Thaddeus grunted. “Too well. I’ll not be dragged into some harebrained plan again. I’m too old and too damn busy for that nonsense.”

“Your maidservants seem to do most of the work for you. They’re an interesting design. Can’t say I’ve ever seen any of them so…well, unendowed.”

Thaddeus cackled. “Oh, that’s not the worst part about them. Make sure they don’t smile at you. They’ve got teeth on them like a shark.”

Alexia started out of her haze and gazed back to the kitchen. “Why would they have those?”

“Kingdom-approved recipe for houseservants,” I guessed. “The Commission doesn’t like the idea of building any female homunculi with…sexual organs, and they like to discourage owners from interfering with homunculi. But this is a new design. Haven’t seen it before.”

Alexia gulped and the Sage barked a laugh. “She’s a real interesting one, Caleb, I’ll give you that. But let’s get down to business. I’m sure you didn’t ride all the way out here to compliment me on my helpers. What do you want?”

“I’ll keep it brief,” I said. “I want to bargain for your recipes. I need to widen my range of homunculi and I’m not about to start throwing just anything into the Replicator.”

“Widen your range, eh?” Thaddeus puffed on the pipe and hiccuped. “Last I heard that was illegal practice. Isn’t that right, Miss Commission Mage?”

Selene smiled. “Oh, it’s very illegal.”

Thaddeus squinted suspiciously at her. “Well, you’ve done the right thing by not experimenting with recipes. Plenty of young companion farmers like you have been bitten in the bloody ass for that. You’ve got a rare head on your shoulders, coming to me for help.”

“It’s such a beautiful head,” Alexia murmured dreamily.

Her fingers caressed my face and I fought off a laugh.

“Beautiful heads aside,” I said, “it’s the only way I’ll manage to get into the market around Roarwind. I need your military-grade recipes for combat homunculi to sell to the guilds.”

Thaddeus sputtered and smoke exploded out of his nose. “You what?”

I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair while the old companion farmer got his breathing under control. Alexia’s hands drifted over my shoulder and brushed my thigh as Thaddeus leaned over the edge of the table to stare straight at me.

“Can you imagine what the Commission would do to me if I was caught selling those kinds of recipes to a man with an illegally modified Replicator?” Thaddeus whispered. “Frozen testicles would just be the start. They’d turn my toenails into a knife to cut off my beard. Or shear off my ears and make me wear them around my neck.”

I glanced at Selene. The blond mage lifted a hand to her mouth and trembled, but after a moment I realized she was trying not to laugh.

“That’s only if they catch you,” I said, “and they won’t. I already have the Piercers and the Archers, and I did it without your help. If you need protection, I can provide it.”