[[ NINE ]]

Clear wheels himself out and leaves me with a pit of dread in my stomach. I'm left to think about what should be a fun outing, but all I can think about is how the last outing was so horrible. I lost my eye to a corrupted NIKKE and had to put her down. My head is swirling with memories of the chaos I experienced that night, and I feel dizzy.

... No, this won't be like last time.

At least, I'm trying to tell myself that to comfort myself.

"Ughhhh...."

My head is spinning.

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready for this.

I'm not ready for any of this!

I'm a fraud!

Is this what PTSD is? This is exactly what PTSD is. I grip my skull and plop down into my chair. This is genuinely just a date. A date I don't have to put much thought into. Tears are welling in my eyes, and from a detached point of view, I'm absolutely stunned at how I'm handling this. A panic attack wasn't on the schedule for today, but here we are. I work to calm myself, just like I would in my last life. Deep breaths. Count to ten. Shut your eyes and rest.

Clear your mind.

Clear...

Oh, God damn it.

Now I'm thinking about Clear. I was genuinely trying not to, because... We were... REALLY close earlier. That was something I'd tried to prepare myself for, but when it came down to it, I really wasn't able to handle how pretty he is. That's right, I was being a degenerate right in the middle of our therapy session, thinking about hand holding! Well, not really. I was just really dazzled by him again. People in this world are a lot prettier than my previous one. My heart can barely take it. That being said, Clear himself is just a cut above the rest. Even Magnolia with her massive knockers can't stand up to how attractive he is. Ugh... Well, thinking about that calmed me down, I guess.

... I have a date to get ready for, you know? I can't be sitting around like this.

Getting up and grabbing my coat, I make my way back to my apartment to rummage through the old Commander's clothes. I probably can't afford to buy new ones, so I head there, passing by the 24-hour corner store where the pink-haired girl is still working at the counter visible from the entrance. She doesn't seem to pay me any mind, and I'm just another pedestrian outside.

Once I'm at my apartment, I get changed and check the time. Magnolia had texted me the details, which were pretty casual. We're meeting at a fast food joint, of all places, and she gave no further context, just where to go. It's a fifteen minute walk, in an area of the Ark I'm not familiar with based off my knowledge from the game. I check myself out in the mirror before I go -- a black t-shirt, black slacks and a good belt to hold them up, and I have to admit that the five o'clock shadow has me looking gruff. It's not a bad look, not at all, and I have some feeling Magnolia might like the slightly different appearance I have this time around.

I leave my apartment, making sure the door is locked behind me. I begin to make headway towards the place we're meeting. The Ark's weather's been set to a cool kind of day, and I'm a little chilly, but I don't mind letting myself get a little cold. I follow the directions on my phone's local map and within moments I'm at a new location that I've never seen before. At least, I have never seen it personally -- the old Commander seems to have eaten here a few times, so I know that the food isn't bad in terms of quality. They specialize in Italian food, and it reminds me of a fast food joint in my old world. I don't like Italian food that much, but I'm sure I could fork down some shrimp nutrimin alfredo to appease my date.

With that in mind, Magnolia is already inside, waiting for me before she orders. In the building there are terminals for ordering food, and she's standing by one, scrolling through the options patiently. Once I enter the building she looks up to see if it's me and lights up slightly when it is, though she keeps her usual coy expression.

"You actually came," she praises, as though she knew I was having a panic attack in my office not too long ago. "I had it in my head you might have had some genuine trauma from the last date."

"Well, I mean..." I start, ready to be honest with her.

"You look good~."

"O-oh!" I turn a bit pink at that, but shake it off with a smile and a laugh. "Y-you do too... How are things going regarding our last date's interruption?"

"Every witness is paid off into silence. Anyone who was injured wasn't badly hurt, so it was an easy trip to the medical ward for small ouchies," she says, her voice a touch low.

"And the Die x Four?"

"Memories wiped. Pai Die has been replaced with a new Pai Die, so they can resume being a troupe of four. Everything is back to normal."

"You work fast," I compliment in genuine impress, trying not to process my grief over the Die x Four group losing their memories right away.

"Needed to be done," she says, shrugging off the compliment like it was water. "Anyways, whatcha getting? I'm getting their spaghetti."

I'm brought back to the present right as I'm about to lapse into memories of the chaotic event. I look to the menu, and it's like unlocking some sort of core memory in my head. The Old Commander liked their lasagna, but I'm more an alfredo kind of person, so I scroll until I find something with alfredo in it and place it in the digital order basket, where an order of spaghetti is already in wait. We order two drinks as well, and start to send the order in. I go to pay, but she elbows me aside and shoves her credits card in the card reader before I have a chance. I look at her expression and she seems pleased; I should probably let her pay whenever she wants to from now on...

Once our order number is called, we grab the tray and sit down.

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Magnolia's outfit is a bit more casual this time around. This time instead of a revealing red dress, she's wearing a red sweater and form-fitting slacks. We dig in rather quickly, seeming both of us neglected breakfast.

"How's your eye?" Magnolia asks between bites.

How could I describe that to her? "... I barely know any difference on a daily basis. There's still aches and pains every so often, though."

"I can get you some meds for that."

"Thanks, doc," I say a bit drily, but I don't intend for it to be rude. In fact, there's a genuine tone of gratitude in my voice, really.

Our conversation dissolves into idle chatter between bites of food for a while. Favorite types of animals, foods, and pastimes pop up, and I keep my answers just right in the context of the world I'm currently in.

"I spoke with Mustang recently," she finally says amid the small talk. Mustang -- one of the most powerful people in the Ark, CEO of one of the Big Three, and she had a position that put her right in his office. I'd be lying if I said the guy wasn't one of my top favorite characters. What's not to love about a walking fashion show of a man of a mysteriously unknown age? My lauding aside, what she says next has me choking on my food; "He wants to meet you."

I'm fucked up on my shrimp nutrimin, now lodged in my wind pipe. I sucked in a breath too quickly to give a response and now I'm paying for it.

"H-He does?" I finally say, struggling to play off the urge to cough more.

"Yeah," she said, curling up a bite of spaghetti and taking a bite. "He wants to speak with you. He told me he wants to apologize for Pai Die. He also seemed interested in your NIKKE when I brought him up."

"Tetra Line is sponsoring the rehabilitation process," I note, and Magnolia nods.

"That we are, but Mustang himself hasn't been able to directly contribute. He said in his own words that he wanted to see you to discuss things, though I'm not sure if he'll actually bring up Clear."

"I mean, I think I'd be honored to meet the guy," I say graciously, finally dislodging the shrimp nutrimin caught in my lungs with a heavy cough into a napkin. It's gross, so I'm sitting here hoping she doesn't think anything of it. I look at her expression, and she's like a cat with a mouse right now, completely amused. Well, at least she isn't grossed out. "When does he want to meet?"

"How does tomorrow sound, actually?"

"S-so soon?" I manage to say, and I can feel myself sweating already.

"Half of the reason I wanted this date was to speak to you directly about this, actually," she admits.

"Oh. Not because I'm handsome," I quip a bit sullenly without thinking. Magnolia busts into a fit of laughter, and I find myself grinning a bit sheepishly. It would have been nice to have an actual date, but then again, women terrify me, so being romantically involved with one is frightening too. Business arrangements are something I can grasp a little easier.

"You are handsome!" She finally said somewhat patronizingly after wading through her laughter to solid ground. She's wearing a proper grin.

"Too late now," I murmur tauntingly, taking a bite of my food with a grin of my own. I chew and swallow, then take a breath. "You'll be there to bail me out if I'm in too deep, right?"

"Mustang doesn't want anyone interrupting you two."

"Great," I sigh, then pause mildly to think to myself, coming to a realization. Mustang's been the CEO of Tetra Line since its inception, which spans several decades if not even a potential century -- the man is incredibly old despite his overflowing outward youth. He might not have been involved with the First Rapture Invasion, but he might have more answers about Clear than anybody else. For as far as I got, the game was never really clear on whether the Big Three knew of the Pilgrims or not, but it wouldn't surprise me if Mustang at least knew something about their history for his seniority.

"What's the plan after we eat?"

"That depends on you," she says, and she leans her chin on a palm, her elbow on the table. Oh God, I'm getting bedroom eyes from her again.

I don't know the first thing about pleasing a woman, so she better not be thinking about that!

... Well, I WAS a woman, so I do know the first few things, but I've never been with a girl, so... Forget about it! I'm too much of a coward to learn!

"Uhh..." I stammer, and I feel myself going red again. Magnolia smiles at my reaction.

"I'm just joking. We'll call it here. I'll make sure you have a meeting with Mustang tomorrow. I'll text you the time when I know it."

"Right."

The rest of the date goes well, and I find myself a little more relaxed with her. She really is doing a lot for me right now, and I need to find her something to repay the favor. I wonder what her favorite kind of flowers are... Wait, flowers are rare in the Ark. And it's illegal to bring any down from the surface... Uh... Maybe she likes chocolates. I really need to get her a gift regardless. Oh, I know! There's a popular store that sells premium cakes, I could get her one as a gift!

We exit the building with full tummies.

"I'll see you around," she says as she leaves, giving me a quick peck on the cheek. I'm a little shocked by the gesture, and instinctively grab her hand, accidentally keeping her from absconding from the scene. She stops in place, looking back. "... Yes?"

"... I owe you," I finally manage, before releasing her hand. "Thank you. We got off on the wrong foot, and I feel a lot less nervous in light of our first date. Let me know when you want to meet up next."

She seems pleased with that thought.

"Until then, I like keeping you in the dark, so I'll see you when I see you," she says decisively.

"How kind," I say, and she lets off a laugh before walking off.

... It's the manly monkey brain in my head, but despite being sad our date is over, I'm enjoying watching her go.

It's about 12 PM when I get back to my apartment. We were in that restaurant for like, two hours. Damn, it felt like thirty minutes tops. I plop on my couch and groan, covering my face with my hands. This is all so stressful, truly. I don't know how people go on dates with multiple people, let alone one woman. When I had my boyfriend in my previous life, I stayed with him because he was the person I was closest to among other reasons, such as him being entirely composed and... pretty much ideal. The only snag we hit was how much of a loser I was, and within a few months of my father's funeral, he had left me on the account of having not made any progress in life. I don't blame him in the slightest. Last I had checked, he'd moved off the grid and was probably living his best life on his own without me to slow him down.

... Man, I miss him still.

Yeah, I'm still not over my past life's break up. It might have been about three years since, but it still stings, man. Especially knowing the fact that it was entirely preventable if I had ever learned to get off my ass.

"Damn, man..." I mutter to myself, sighing lightly in the silence of my own abode.

My phone jingles, and I check it immediately.

It's Magnolia -- according to her, my meeting with Mustang is at noon tomorrow. I'm amazed with how quickly this was able to be arranged, and what it might mean for Mustang to have cleared his schedule for me so eagerly. I can't expect everything, but my hopes are a little up. I can't imagine what's coming next for me.

The rest of the day is relatively easy; my NIKKEs aren't set to return until tomorrow evening, so I'm free for the rest of the day. I'm tempted to ask Magnolia to hang out again, but for her to not offer to hang out further after our little date probably meant she had something work-related to do.

I turn on the TV, and decide to navigate to the collection on the TV's database for 'Ark Rangers,' the Ark's spinoff of what I can only assume to be Power Rangers, but somehow better. I decide I might as well give it a try for the rest of the day.

I burn through two seasons and one movie.

... In the end, it's not my cup of tea, and I fall asleep on the couch.

[[ CHAPTER 19 END ]]