[[ NINE ]]

When we arrive back at the Ark, we go our separate ways, dropping off the Commander, Rapi and Anis at the elevator before getting a survey of our own status, still on the surface. With the Commander's group alone they're free to make their own assessments of what just happened to them without any random faces muting their words; I was keen to not disrupt that, so I remained on the surface with what appeared to be an intent of resuming my previous missions. Reality is grim, though; all I wanna do is lay down after a day like this. I can tell the old Commander's body is capable of handling more, but mentally, I'm positively down for the count. After a moment of consideration, my squad feels comfortable enough to talk again. They waste no time.

"That was..." Lunari begins, her voice trailing off.

"Commander, with all due respect, what was going on in your head today?" Lysanne cuts in rather professionally, and it's not a tone I'm unused to hearing, but the fact someone who's supposed to be my subordinate is using it against me makes me tremble a little. Urk.

"Well, I..."

"Commander, the way you handled yourself out there was..."

"Lysanne, stop."

It's Ukenna's voice, surprisingly. She steps forward and puts a hand on the girl's shoulder. She has to really reach, though; their height difference is pretty significant.

"Commander Nine is clearly a bit overwhelmed," Ukenna continues, "Asking directly will put him on the spot and make it worse."

Did I really give myself away that much for the petite one to decide to speak up? I shrink just a bit in self-consciousness, twiddling my thumbs a touch.

"No, it's fine," I wind up saying. "I should apologize for making you guys do more work than was necessary."

"We have significantly less supplies than if we had avoided all the unnecessary Rapture encounters. It is your call if we continue our expedition, but I highly recommend against it."

"... That's alright; we can head back inside the Ark for now. Tomorrow is a new day, you know?"

The team is quiet. They exchange glances, with Lunari passively shrugging, Astrid looking tense, Lysanne frowning deeply and Ukenna just looking worried for me. I make the move to press on the terminal for the elevator to come back up and get us, and thankfully nobody stops me. The request is received, but it's a long way down. It'll take a while for the elevator to drop off the Commander, then come back up to get me. An estimation of forty-five minutes is projected on the screen.

Ugh, I want to sit down.

Not keen to deny my senses for much longer, I dust off a spot on the ground and have a seat, groaning as I go down. The girls follow suit, finding their own little spots and taking a load off. Ukenna sits closest to me, and it's clear the girl has something on her mind.

"Commander Nine," she begins. Her voice is low and neglects to attract the attention of the others, who are keeping watch for Raptures.

I lean in her direction. "Mm?"

"If there's anything troubling you, I'd like you to know you can talk about it with us."

Ahaha... If only it wouldn't get me sent to a loony bin.

"I appreciate it, Ukenna."

Ukenna pauses pretty deeply, clearly a little upset that was all I gave back after her admission. She considers her words.

"Ever since you started acting funny, the whole group's been worried," she whispered, frowning softly. "You promise you're okay?"

"I..." I trail off, not expecting this level of concern from the NIKKE before me. As far as I could tell from the team's composition, they never had outstanding bonds that would call for this kind of thing. But, in terms of me being okay... I smile a little. "Yeah, I'm fine. I've got you guys. Right?"

Ukenna seems pleased with the response.

"Of course," she beams, "We're all here to help you."

Perhaps it's just Ukenna trying to deepen our bond. I don't mind it one bit; being able to rely on these girls is a massive boon. Still, I can't tell them everything, and I feel as though that alone chokes any chances I might have at truly getting to rely on them. I let off a low sigh, which Ukenna is keen to notice, but neither of us say anything for a long while.

After a bit, I pick up a stick in the dirt and draw a hash. I pick X's, and make my first move. Curious to see if Ukenna would follow suit, I hand her the stick.

She does so rather earnestly, and we spend the remainder of our time together playing a few rounds of tic-tac-toe.

Upon returning to the Ark, it's about an hour before I find myself in my office. I'm a little concerned; today's paycheck was put on hold by the inevitable. In truth, this is the most concerned I've been. I've been so busy worrying about the story that I never considered my own personal needs and how they were met until now, and now that I'm staring down the abyss, it's definitely... staring back. I remember a bond story with Rapi in my game, and how commanders fight tooth and nail for proper pay when they complete missions. I shudder to think about it. I don't need to fill out any paperwork yet for the missions, but I'm sure when I do I'm going to get pay deducted for taking longer than usual. I'm... not broke in this world too, am I?

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

My fingers find themselves running through my hair, and my other hand goes for the computer terminal, tapping a few buttons to pull up what I recognize as my personal bank information. It's a bunch of numbers and not a lot of sense. I can't make heads or tails of it. My most recent expense was the suit I bought at Suit and Tie, listed at 250,000 credits. If we base it off of a rough yen conversion, where I usually just carry the two decimals… Well, it should be based off of won considering the game was made in Korea, but I’m a weeaboo, not a koreaboo, so I’m going with yen…

... That would be $2,500? No, that can't be right. Was the suit lined with gold leafing? Christ, it kind of makes sense though.

I groan and bury my head in my hands. I don't know enough about this world to understand if I'm struggling, but it doesn't exactly look good.

There's a knock on the door, and I immediately straighten myself, clearing my throat. I press a button on the console to open the door, and in wheels Clear. It's actually pretty refreshing to see someone I can speak openly with. I raise a hand and wave.

"Hey," I say, and Clear gives a curt nod before wheeling in front of the desk.

"I hear the mission didn't go as planned," he said. I'm not sure where he heard that from, but one of the girls must have given him a rough briefing.

"It was awful," I groan, sinking just a touch in my seat. "... I nearly shit myself when we encountered Raptures. I couldn't command a fly, and when Chapter Zero started... We were sent out to the rendezvous point I'd planned to avoid. Even when I tried to stall, Koda called me on my bullshit and we wound up there anyway."

"... Which means..." He said, guiding me along.

"... Which means I know now that I'm in that same universe as my game."

"It's better knowing for certain, I'd argue," he murmured.

"I also met the Commander... His squad will become known as Counters, and they'll be driving forces in the world soon enough. I don't know if I should run for the hills or buddy up with him."

"I think you should stay in his good graces."

"But, that would mean becoming a part of the main story, and--"

"So what?"

"... I'm not... protagonist material..." I mutter.

"You're going to be a part of this world regardless, Nine."

"But, what about the timeline--"

"-- By the looks of it, you're part of it whether you like it or not."

... I really wasn't hoping for Clear to be spitting so much truth at me tonight… Looks like he’d made up his mind about this stuff while I was gone, too.

"Urk..." I gulp softly, and fidget with my computer terminal. I mutter sheepishly; "... Gee, missed you too..."

Clear didn't speak. It was obvious he knew I was being sarcastic and chose not to feed into my self pity. I cup my face in my hands and lean onto my desk.

"Why are you so afraid, Commander?"

"... It's just... there's a lot of powerful stuff at play here, man." I rub my eyes. "I don't feel like I can compete with it at all."

"Is it wrong for me to believe you can?"

"Why the heck would you think that?"

"I'm not a spiritual type, but I think you were brought here for a reason of some sort."

"... I'm telling you, I'm not protagonist material."

"Yes, Commander, you said that before, and I still don't think that's the conversation at hand. This isn't a matter of being a protagonist for you. This is a matter of doing what you were sent here to do."

"..." He's making sense and I hate it. "... But what if I was just a fluke? What if I'm not supposed to be here?"

Clear doesn't have an answer for that, but it's not like some win for me to stump him like this. I'm stumped too.

"Then make the most of it," he suggested.

"..." He was right.

I groan in defiance and hit my head on the desk with a solid thunk.

"It's late," Clear continued. "Get some rest, Commander."

"... You know, in my old world, I had a blanket I couldn't sleep without."

Clear doesn't move a muscle, but he's processing the information loosely. He doesn't seem opposed to learning more information about me, but this certainly seems tertiary. I continue my rambling.

"I kind of miss that blanket."

"The blankets at your apartment aren't good?"

"... No, it's... It's kind of like sleeping at a hotel, but they're fine. I just miss mine."

"You sound a bit like a child."

"I'm alright with that."

A silent air hangs over us for some time. I realize something while we're sitting; I haven't brought up the mind switch. I decide to bring it up without much fanfare;

"... You probably had a mind switch," I say, diving right in without much thought.

Clear stiffens, but it's a subtle change.

"How would you know?" He says.

"There's little known about Mind Switches in the Ark, save for the fact that any NIKKE that suffers one needs to be executed on the spot. I happen to know that Mind Switches can be survived, but not without massive drawbacks. Personalities and mental standings are irreversibly changed. I wouldn't suppose physical drawbacks are possible too, but I want to believe that can be remedied, unlike personality and mental standing."

"That's quite the factoid."

"What, you think I'm making this up?"

"No."

"Then what?"

Clear takes a slow breath. He looks down at his lap. "If you're saying the mental standing and personality are irreversibly changed, any physical changes would have to be too. I feel you only 'think' the physical can be remedied because you want to cure me."

"... Urk..."

He wasn't wrong. I sit in silence for a good deal of time, Clear's eyes still downcast.

"L-look... I may not have any evidence to back up a claim like this, but I really think..."

"... I know."

"I want to help."

"... I know."

"It's like a psychosomatic symptom. You surely have your ability to control your legs somewhere in the mess that Mind Switch caused."

"..."

"... I'll be the one to pull it back out. I just need you to want to give it a try. That's our project, right?"

Clear doesn't say anything. It looks like he's chewing on everything I just put down. He seems relieved in a lot of ways, but equally distressed.

"I've never rehabilitated someone, but I'm sure that's how it goes in movies, at least. Just trying."

"Movies are often inaccurate."

"We've got jack to go off of otherwise."

"Maybe so."

He might be warming up to the idea now, if only for the fact that we have nothing else to go on. The clock is getting close to midnight, and I feel myself losing focus the longer I'm up. I stand soon enough, shutting off my computer and looking to Clear. I'd say the conversation has been exhausted enough...

"It's about bedtime," I say, and he nods.

"Get some rest, Commander."

"... You too, Clear."

[[ CHAPTER 15 END ]]