-Celio-

The monster sighed, exasperated, [Clare, this man tried to enslave us--]

I know! The woman, Clare, replied excitedly. But who doesn’t do something horrible on accident, sometimes? Amiright?

Celio nodded, although he didn’t entirely agree.

If we made everyone grovel for their mistakes, we’d all just be groveling all the time—and we’d never get anything done, would we?

[Clare, this is not something to be easily forgiven. He is a threat.] The last word held a growling undertone.

Shivering, Celio clutched Gloria to his chest. The dodo cooed soothingly.

“Are you okay?” Ira asked. “What’s going on?”

“I can hear the dungeon now.” Celio told her quietly.

Ira stared, dumfounded. “What?” She replied in a whisper, as if that would stop the dungeon from overhearing them.

Kepler, being angry is boring. I’d rather do things!

So, his name was Kepler.

“I won’t do anything bad.” Celio said loudly. Father Silas patted him on the shoulder. “What can I do to make up for it?”

[Die.]

Kepler!

“Tell it to apologize.” Mother Aurelia tapped her foot, arms crossed disapprovingly.

Celio’s eyes widened. “They can hear you—”

“Hi lady and lord Dungeon!” Felix called up to the statues, “Do you want anything as a toll? I don’t know what dungeons like to eat—”

“Felix!” Ira scolded.

Can you bring some seeds? Kepler’s been gardening, lately, and it’s adorable!

[Adorable?!] Kepler’s voice went from threatening to flustered.

So adorable!

[Look, don’t…] There was inaudible whispering between the dungeon ‘ghosts.’

“Dungeon, apologize.” Aurelia told the statues sternly.

“They didn’t do anything wrong!” Felix replied, “Nobody wants to be a slave!”

Celio took a deep breath. Ira took his hand. “Alright, Clare, Kepler? I’ll bring seeds, and I’m sorry that I nearly enslaved you.”

[We’re not apologizing.]

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

I forgive you! Sort of. Clare’s voice gave off a feeling of… nervous friendliness? Only, if you try that again we’ll definitely rip your soul out of your body and crush it into dust. Scratch that, more like cheerful psychopath.

[We should still--]

Everybody makes mistakes, Kepler.

[He’s an enemy--]

“Have they apologized?” Aurelia asked insistently.

Celio jolted, having been caught up in the dungeon’s internal dialogue, “Uh, yes. Profusely. They definitely went too far, and they recognize that.”

[WE DO NOT APOLOGIZE.]

I do! Well, that’s a lie, but I’m willing to lie for diplomacy!

He bit down a chuckle, at that. Was there something wrong with Celio, for finding a cheerful psychopath funny? Maybe it was just her sheer honesty.

“Well,” Aurelia moved her hands to her hips, relaxing a bit. “I suppose all’s well that ends well.”

“Do peanuts count as seeds?” Felix asked, looking to Celio for an answer.

Father Silas shrugged, “Why not?”

They do. Thank you for peanuts, Felix, and for making friends with Astrid. She really needs more friends her own age, so make sure to come around lots, okay?

It took a minute for Celio to process that. The monster who had nearly killed Ira was the same age as Felix…What would she be like when she grew up?

He shuddered.

“Celio.” Felix said, bringing him back to the present, “What do Lady Clare and Lord Kepler have to say about the peanuts?”

“Wait, they have names?” Ira asked.

Felix scowled, “Of course they have names, they’re ghosts, remember? And Celio just addressed them.”

A light blue faerie peeked out from behind the statue. The paintbrush he carried gave him away as the sculptor from the core room.

“Felix,” Ira looked bewildered, “It’s a dungeon.”

“So?” The boy replied.

Father Silas wandered over to the shelf and offered some pocket lint.

Oooo, human skin flakes?

“Well…” Ira continued, trying to answer the implied question, “They’re not supposed to be sapient!”

No Kepler, that’s not edible, put it under ‘Animal Products.’

“We’re not animals!” Celio protested.

Aurelia gave him a funny look.

“Oh, are we doing philosophy?” Silas asked.

What’s wrong with being an animal? Animals are cute! It’s humans that cause trouble.

“No,” Aurelia sighed, “And Celio, I’m starting to doubt if they actually apologized.”

“Well, no,” Celio sputtered, unsure who do respond to, “It’s the principle of the matter!”

[Deal with it. You defecate, that makes you an animal.]

Clare sighed; I wish I could still defecate.

He flushed, “That—and Mother Aurelia, they did apologize, this a purely technical matter!”

“I told you it was philosophy.” Silas said, “Is the dungeon philosophical?”

Hm? Oh, I dabble, but it’s the slimes you’ll want to talk to. Very philosophical, I don’t even understand half of it.

“Ah, she said they are, but the slimes are more—”

“Felix!” Aurelia scolded, at the boy who was prying up tiles in search of a key. “Just stay put for now, alright?”

“Uh, it’s probably safe--” Celio tried to chip in.

Very! I love kids, and Astrid really misses her friend. I’d send her in right now, but…

[You all are threats.]

Well, basically. Clare agreed affably.

“Aurelia, dear,” Silas reached over to the woman and started digging through her pockets mischievously.

She smacked his hand away, blushing.

“Well, we’re really not threats—” Celio tried to explain.

Felix held up a large bronze key with a Blue-diamond star on the handle. “Found it!”

“Felix, you are to stay put,” Aurelia said sternly.

He can come in! It’s safe!

“That’s not the point!” Celio told Clare, frustrated.

Silas butted in, “So I talk to the slimes, right? Can you translate, Celio?”

“Absolutely not!” Aurelia cried.

“But—” Silas protested, with Felix nodding along beside him.

“EVERYONE SHUT UP!” Ira yelled.

There was silence.

The faerie behind the statue was joined by a second, snobbier looking faerie in a tiny ballgown.

“Now.” Ira took a deep breath, ginger hair framing her face like hypnotic flames. “We have one translator. So, let’s keep things to one conversation at a time.”

Everyone nodded, except for the dungeon ‘ghosts,’ who made vague sounds of assent.

“Okay, then, who goes first?” She looked at Celio expectantly.

In fact, everyone looked at him expectantly.

“Hoo boy.” Celio took a deep breath. “Should we start by setting up a treaty between our, um, communities?”