Seconds felt like minutes while we fell into silence. It would be easy, wouldn't it? Just tell him to fuck off and I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. But I bit my tongue. I may be hurt and broken, but I am not stupid.

For all the turmoil I have to endure there is one thing I know for sure: I can't survive alone. I can't crawl back to Thayer and apologize, hoping that he'll accept it. We can't go back to how it was before. Even if we tried… I wouldn't be able to be close to him anymore.

How would I look him in the eyes after what he has done to me? How would I remain myself, the personality that entertained him? How could I ever sleep in the same bed again?

At the mere thought I choke up.

He finally got what he wanted; he planted the fear and respect of his power in me. The one thing he could never even faze me with became the one thing I dread the most. I should have never left. Should have stayed, confronted myself with the situation. I had too much time to think about everything.

No. Shut up… Shut up shut up shut up!

I bury my face in my palms, overwhelmed. My fear tells me to run back, beg for forgiveness. It tells me that everything can go back to normal, and even if it doesn't it's still better than whatever other option I have.

But my rationality tells me that it's wrong. That I wouldn't survive it, and even if I did he got everything from me he ever wanted. I'm of no use anymore. It's probably why he hasn't shown up yet. He discarded me just like that. And that should be a good thing.

It's just… so hard to feel that way. The danger I know is a danger I can adapt to, no matter how bad. But is this really something I could do? Could I dissociate that much? Could grow used to it till I don't care anymore, don't even feel anymore?

And what then, Eon? What happens then?

"Stay…" I finally answer.

It's been silent long enough. I can hear him move ever so slightly but I can't lift my head to look at him just yet. I don't want him to make up for it, I don't want him to prove anything. I couldn't care less. But I need all the help I can get. Thayer's protection is out the window; I need someone else who can watch my back.

'If they use us, we can use them.' – doc was right. I don't need to trust anyone, I only need to regain control, use whatever help I can get. That's all there is to it.

I sigh deeply, rubbing my eyes softly before I slowly lift my head. I'm exhausted and I look the part.

"I don't know if I can ever trust you. But you and the doc are the only people who can help me survive the hell you helped create. I wish I was dumb enough to reject it but I'm not."

"Never were," he chuckles.

Right… I can't trust my emotions right now – the clearer my head the better. I can deal with all that shit once my injuries have healed. I'm making good progress thanks to the doc's magic; I hope I won't be locked up here for much longer.

"You owe me answers." I try to speak as clear as possible, but my voice is still trembling. It's better than it was minutes ago, but this anger hasn't vanished yet nor have all the other way too complicated emotions.

"Do I now?" He asks in an amused tone, yet he still sounds serious given the situation. He tries to soften the mood, and it kind of works. I don't know why but despite the serious undertone his lighthearted way of speaking and his calm voice help me relax.

If he were anymore agitated, it would probably send me places I can't even imagine. I really don't want to imagine it, let alone experience it. It's a realization best left uncovered.

"You know you do," I huff.

"And you know there are things I can't tell you," he counters nonchalantly, as if speaking about the weather.

"Then tell me whatever you can. Truthfully."

"You're asking a lot, but sure. I can try."

"Don't try, if you can't answer then don't and tell me you can't. I don't need vague answers and any more riddles."

We lock eyes, and the way he's looking at me I suddenly feel uneasy. He's exploring, I know he is. Once again he is searching for something and the mere thought of what he may uncover makes me feel small and vulnerable.

I can't hold his gaze for long and avert my eyes. I can't remain indifferent. I don't know why but the way he looks at me makes me uncomfortable, he could as well check me out all naked. I never cared about such things, so why do I now?

Is it my mental state? The very fact that I already feel like an open book? Or…

"Here's a deal: You ask, I answer, I move closer. The moment you can't take it anymore, you stop, I stop."

I knit my eyebrows in confusion. What weird proposal is that even? What's going through his mind? For all I care he could sit right next to me in bed. I would hate him to, but it's not like anyone ever cared what I wanted. I can ignore my own discomfort.

"Can do," I shrug. What is he expecting?

"I mean it, Eon. You feel uneasy, you stop. No pushing your limits. We've all the time in the world as long as you're hiding out here."

I'm… I… don't even know what to say or think about this? It's just stupid, like we're some bored kids. But fine, if that's how the Shadows do it so be it, I guess.

"I got it," I sigh, this is adding so much to my exhaustion I already don't feel like asking anymore. Maybe that's his goal; annoying me so much that I'll just drop it. But here's the thing, I am stubborn. And I need answers, long awaited answers.

"Then ask away," he prompts me. I'm still so confused that I have to recollect my thoughts first. I can't look at him but I need to look at something. It helps me focus and stay focused since I can't do anything else to keep my mind occupied.

My gaze wanders through the room. It's a very small room. It probably used to be a janitor closet or something similar. The walls are relatively low compared to most other rooms and I have already spent hours on contemplating why that is. It's not like I can walk around and make sense of this place and the architecture.

I don't even know what's outside the window. Sure, the curtains are open whenever there is no fog approaching but the glass is so milky that I can't see anything. It's enough to fill the room with light but that's about it.

My bed is located on the opposite of the window, as far away as possible. The doc told me this place is safe from the fog but still nobody wants to take the risk. Maybe we're just too used to it to just trust our structures to actually keep us safe as they should. Then again, most of the city's buildings are extremely old as is this factory.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

It may be safe now, but maybe tomorrow it won't be anymore. Hence the curtains and the distance. Better safe than sorry. I won't stop me from looking outside though. The window is huge, filling up almost the whole wall. This place was clearly built in better times.

Next to the bed is the makeshift nightstand inhabited by my cactus and a small nightlight, next to it a door that leads to I-don't-know-where, and finally there's a door in the wall to my left, leading into my room.

I shake my head – enough distraction. My eyes linger on the small, potted cactus. There isn't much else to focus on besides maybe the old and worn rug.

"He knows where I am, doesn't he?" I finally ask, though scanning the room hasn't consumed more than a few seconds.

"He does," the Shadow answers and I hear him drag the chair closer. Not much though; I doubt I would be able to see the difference if I were to look at him.

"Why hasn't he come for me yet?"

"Because he can't, we're outside of his territory." Again the sound of the chairs legs scraping over the floor.

A curious answer I must admit.

"Who's territory is it then?"

"Scarlets."

"Scarlets?"

I hear him chuckle, my surprise amuses him, rightly so, "Is this a question you want answered?"

"No," I confirm his suspicion, "I was just… When did Scarlet make it here? She's far from home."

"I can't answer that," he admits and his stair remains where it is. I'm getting used to this. It keeps my mind busy.

"You can't or you shouldn't?"

"I can't." Now I hear the chair. Right, he's playing this game perfectly. I don't know what I expected, probably nothing and yet I'm still annoyed. At least that's a feeling I'm used to. I can handle that.

"Because I don't know. None of us does."

Now I have to look at him; I need to see his face, his expression just to make sure he isn't shitting me. And… He isn't. Or he is playing the charade like an absolute master, which I know he is capable of without an effort. But why should he if he could just have told me that he shouldn't answer.

"You don't know. As… In you, the Shadows. As a whole," I have to clarify it, speak it out for myself, but before he can answer that rhetorical question and get closer yet again I continue, "I would really like to know why, but I know better than waste my questions on that or else you'll be sitting on my lap before I know anything I actually want to know."

"I doubt we'll get that far," he snorts and if it wasn't for the constant calm in his demeanor and voice I would feel attacked by that statement. Is he doubting my persistence? Does he really think he can get on my nerves that easily? Even if – I won't stop asking, not now anyway. But despite these thoughts I feel okay.

I feel okay. That's better than I felt… For a long time. I don't feel threatened, only maybe slightly challenged. It is, however, extremely bothersome that it's because of him of all people. But I guess it could be worse. Granted, it could be a lot better but also vastly worse. I try to look at the bright side even if it's hard.

"Pff…" I can't help the sound that escapes my mouth, rolling my eyes ever so slightly. Fucking annoyance. I don't even know why he bothers me so much. But it has been this way from the start, he always got on my nerves one way or another. Before this all happened it was just less… welcome on my side.

Like… I hated it, but I came to weirdly appreciate it. It's hard to explain. And now I feel myself getting comfortable with it yet again and that's something I don't want to happen. Not after everything I went through. I want to be angry and uncomfortable and upset – better yet: plain indifferent to it all. But here I am, pretending.

Am I pretending? If I am then what's my truth?

"Why do you care?" Better to move on with my questions or else I'll spiral down again. I've had enough of that. It's just a godforsaken downwards spiral all over again, in each and every situation. It's constantly reoccurring, drilling deeper and deeper. When will it hit my bare bones?

"About you?"

"Do I have to move if I answer that?"

"I wouldn't if I were you," he snickers and moves his goddamn chair. I can't help but throw him an annoyed glance. Why did I even ask? What's the point Eon, what's the fucking point?

Huh.

I'm back to swearing.

Good. Good!

Or not – because it's because of him but… Whatever. I already have to deal with him, I don't have the energy to deal with myself as well.

"Yes, about me," I almost hiss at him; this little stupid game amuses him way too much. Why did I agree to it?

"Because I can."

"No vague answers."

"Fine, if you insist." He repositions, his body relaxing. He's not intending to move that chair any time soon, that much I can tell. And it doesn't sound like he wants to avoid the question either. So the only conclusion is that he's getting comfortable for a long answer. I already regret asking but then I also want to know. No, I must know.

"I didn't at first. When we met I mean. I contemplated getting you out of the way but you were basically… Non-existent." I couldn't say the same about him.

"So I didn't bother getting my hands dirty. You didn't get in my way and I had something pretty to look at once in a while. But if you had turned out to be a little snitch we wouldn't be sitting here now. Well you wouldn't." Fair, I guess. I expected as much. But why did he need to start that far back? I know how we met and why we made it out alive.

"Meeting you again and again you became rather pleasant to be around, and amusing I must admit. My missions were just ever so slightly better when you were around." Probably because he could mock and tease me, and get on my nerves. I don't even question it at this point. He wouldn't have been such a menace if it wasn't entertaining.

"I already told you I would hate if you were to not do your job anymore. I would notice it if you weren't around and I wasn't the only Shadow. There was just something about you that made working alongside you easier for most of us."

Even that I already assumed. It's easier to work with a cleaner present that can be trusted to not rat the thieves out. With everyone else they have to be even more alert than they need to anyway. It's harder to not be seen or heard when sharing a space – and these spaces can be godawful small.

"Following this I did what I could. Just like you I like having a clear picture. If there was something that could hinder you from attending your work, I wanted to know. Needless to say we found out that you were the Bear's possession. It made things more complicated. We may hand out pieces of information here and there but we aren't on good terms – far from it even."

Now I'm all ears, he's getting closer to what I really want and need to know.

"But you know danger is intriguing. It tickles every nerve in your body, it beckons you to get involved more and more." Now he pauses, blowing air through his nose as if amused about his own… stupidity? Foolishness? These aren't words I'd ever seriously apply to him but it does seem like he is aware of something stupid he did.

"And involved I got. I thought I would get bored rather quickly but you made one mistake, Eon."

I tilt my head slightly to look at him in a seriously confused way. What is he on about? Why is this my fault now?

"What?" He is straining my nerves so hard right now, I'm confused but also irritated and it shows.

"You got used to me. At some point, you stopped to try to get away from me. It's almost like you grew comfortable around me. It felt like a victory at first but back at the Lane's when I saw you and your miserable state I was worried. Genuinely worried. I realized that my involvement could put you into serious danger."

"So you let Thayer know that something was cooking somewhere?"

"No, that happened before the Lane's. I told you I would hate for you to disappear." He shakes his head, a slight smile on his lips but it seems rather sad compared to his usual expression

"No, this was worse because that was the moment I knew that I could actively put you in danger just by interacting with you." His smile grows wider, calm, warm, sincere, and as it does my irritation wanes. Suddenly I feel uneasy. For some reason I don't want to hear what might follow.

"The plan was easy. A Farwell gift, a warning, the need to look out for you this time, to protect you, and then go back into the Shadows to keep you safe. But I failed. There was nothing I could do to protect you." His voice grows lower, softer, "I hold her off as long as I could, hoping you'll make it out but… This moment haunts me, Eon. Don't ever think otherwise."

There is nothing more than a whisper. Deafening loud – not because of his volume but the honesty and what it conveys. Suddenly I feel empty.

"I care because I gradually got to know you on more than just a professional level. I know we are in no position to label it as a friendship but I care about you as I care about a friend."

I don't know what to say, there is some clarity but at the same time I can't really accept it. No one ever cared except Thomas, maybe. Because he's a compassionate person and a father. Sometimes the though he may see me as some kind of estranged son crossed my mind, just because of the time had spent together over the years. But that's about it.

Why should some Shadow care? It makes no sense. And at the same time I feel weirdly hurt. I didn't want to hear it, and yet the thing I dreaded the most isn't even the case. And still… It's this heartache again, that sting in my chest I can't explain.

No, I can. I just don't want to. Everything is already complicated enough. So this is a good thing, isn't it? I don't know how to handle friends but I can't really forbid him from feeling that way.

"You're not moving closer?" I need to distract my thoughts.

"Do you want me to?"

Good question, do I want him to? Yes, kind of.

"No."

"Alright." And he's back to his usual demeanor, chuckling and laid-back in his answer. What just happened?

No… What is happening? To me, specifically?

"See you tomorrow, Sunshine." With these words he gets up, and while they sound so basic it implies a lot. Another chance to get more answers, another chance to collect myself. I nod and watch him leave the room.