How lucky can a person be? Especially in a city like this? Granted, with a less skilled doctor I may not have survived the whole ordeal, but according to him, I could recover fully. Emphasis on could.

The branch missed my vital organs, dealing damage to my intestines – something the doc was able to fix, thanks to magical influence. But there are still things no one can tell just yet. For example, my ability to walk, and of course… my mental trauma.

Not that I care much… Or rather, I don’t want to care much. But after my trip to the bathroom assisted by the doctor while feeling the pain with every movement of my body, I had too much time thinking about the whole situation.

Part of me feels ashamed to be in such a situation where I can't even wash myself without assistance and the fear of fainting due to the pain. My thoughts can't stop circling around what had happened… Someone had locked us in, purposefully. I could make excuses, I could try to find another perspective, but for what? I’m treasuring a flower from a man who just… did this… to me.

I’ve been bought without realizing it. I thought I was in control but alas, I wasn’t. I’ve been played. And it’s different from how it ever was with Thayer. Thayer has always been a calculated risk, but the Shadows aren’t. Without realizing I just wished for something so utopic that isn’t possible to ever become real. I hated the thought but at the same time, I wanted to believe. I hated his touch, his attitude, his personality, but on the other hand, it took away so much of the usual critical and paranoia-fueled thoughts.

His presence, while annoying, let me breathe. I secretly looked forward to that – now I dread it. I’m still alive, which might be a problem. The Shadows might come after me, trying to end what they’ve started. Not even this bedroom feels safe anymore.

Well, it never really did, but at least I know I can survive Thayer. I doubt this will always be the case, but he got me here, ordered the doctor to take care of me, fulfilled every wish the doctor had to grant my survival; so I guess I’m not about to die here in the near future. Hopefully.

I hear his heavy footsteps just before the door sways open and our eyes meet. Gods, he is pissed – no – beyond pissed: He is furious. He stands tall and straight, looking down at me. I’m a nuisance he must deal with while he could invest his time elsewhere. I’m aware of that. As is the doc.

“For fuck’s sake, Eon.” He tries to keep his voice calm, but I can hear the anger tremble through his words, “Next time I’ll leave you to rot. Do you really want to die that badly?”

It takes him four heavy steps to tower over the bed, like a dreading doom waiting for the ideal moment to strike. I can’t help but pinch the bridge of my nose, frustrated about the fact that he chose to lecture me now of all times.

“Not really, no. I’d hardly be alive if I did.”

“Then why are we playing this game?!”

Now he is angry, ramming his fist down right onto the nightstand. My gaze wanders past him to the doctor who’s sitting in an armchair. Our eyes meet for a second, then I look back up at Thayer.

“What are you on about, old man…”

I probably shouldn’t agitate him more, but I can’t help it. The more anger and frustration he shows, the more I want to push against it. He couldn’t intimidate me in the past, and my current state shouldn’t change anything about that.

“First you take on a job I warned you about the last time you walked right into the Duke’s domain,” I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about his ‘warning’, not after asking him why again and again without an answer. All it was to me was another way he tried to control me, a way I wouldn’t accept. He can’t expect me to follow orders or even recommendations without an explanation.

Maybe there never was an explanation and the whole ordeal just played right into his cards by sheer luck. It could have been any other situation he warned me about and I’ve just been lucky enough to avoid the immediate danger so far.

“Second, you lock yourself up with wild beasts and conveniently lock my guards out. Who do you think should watch your back if a high-security lock stands between them and you?” Fair, it was a concern I had, and I hate that he can use it against me now…

“And third… The Shadows, Eon. What did you expect would happen? I’ve watched your tango long enough.”

“Don’t lecture me like a child, Thayer.” I can’t stand how he tries to belittle me, counting my failures to make a point. Shit happened – Shit I paid for.

“I lecture you as much as I want; your safety is part of our agreement. What use are you if you try to avoid the only thing tying you down.”

“Is that what this is about? Are you afraid I could run from you? Slip through your fingers and vanish into the shadows?” I couldn’t resist the pun, even though I don’t feel like joking. But I can’t help but feel like he feels threatened by the Shadows, of all people. Or maybe this is about one specific Shadow, in which case… Is he jealous? Fearsome? Or just pissed that someone else interferes with his possession? My bet is on the latter.

“I am not afraid, Eon.” In the blink of an eye, he suddenly sounds dangerously calm. His anger has transformed into something I have rarely seen: Calm and calculated wrath. Another word, another move, and I could set off his trigger. Or maybe… I already did so.

Suddenly I feel anxious to avert my eyes. I need to watch him, every move he makes, every step he takes, every little change in his expression – I feel like walking between landmines, and I fall silent.

“Maybe…” His voice is as low as can be, foreboding even, “If you want to be so reckless, I should just grant you your wish.”

Formerly filled with raging anger, his eyes grow cold and distant. I know what lies behind this coldness, and for the first time, I contemplate apologizing. I open my mouth and,

“I would advise against brute force, Bear. I didn’t stitch him up for you to tear him apart again,” the doctor chimes in, his voice calm, controlled, as if he’s trying to appeal to Thayer’s common sense. I want to look at the doctor, but I can’t. I absolutely must keep an eye on Thayer’s every movement.

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“I told you to fix him up, doctor. And if I tell you to fix him up once more, you’ll do it. ‘Why’ is none of your concern. You may leave now.”

It’s a threat and an order, but he isn’t even looking at the doctor, he keeps his stern gaze on me… And I can’t read him. For the first time ever I’m unable to predict his motivations, let alone his thoughts.

“I may not. If you tear him apart and want him to get fixed again, I must insist on staying right where I am.”

Thayer turns his head slowly, only letting me go of his cold surveillance once I vanish from the corner of his eyes, just to dart his gaze at the doctor. Maybe this whole situation can still be de-escalated. My eyes wander, cautiously, slowly following Thayer’s gaze to look at the doctor, almost thankful. At least for a second.

Without a warning I feel Thayer’s way too strong grip on my hair, yanking my head into my neck and pulling me down. The sudden movement sends pain through my body, even more so the moment I hit the mattress with full force. I can’t help but whimper, trying to suppress my voice to not give him the satisfaction.

But it hurts… It hurts so goddamn much… It’s even hard to force my eyes back open but I absolutely have to, I need to see what he’s doing, need to see his expression. I need to know.

I force my lids open. The doctor sits on his armchair as calm as can be. Gone is the hope that Thayer could be calmed down by the doc's words, intimidated by his presence. He is absolutely done fucking around, and he doesn’t care.

“Your choice, doctor. I told you I won’t be blamed for the damage this may cause.”

My eyes twitch, it’s hard to keep them open, but I must. I gaze back at him, pain written all over my face – and my body.

“Remember Eon, you asked for this.”

His voice is low, raspy, it’s the voice of a devil in disguise, accompanied by the most dangerous smile I’ve ever seen on his face. But he gives me no time to think about it. I feel the additional weight on the bed as he kneels on the mattress, and a cry escapes my lips.

The pain hits me without a warning and creeps through my whole body, as he digs his fingers into the bandages over my injury, pressing his nails through the thin fabric right into my wound. It’s the sharpest and simultaneously most numbing pain I’ve ever felt.

“Stay awake Eon,” he whispers with a seducing tone, almost in a sing-song melodic manner. With a heartbreaking warmth on top of that. He is enjoying this. My pain fills his rotten heart. Seeing me hurt fuels his ego. I barely show it, usually. I’ve been drunk beyond recognition every single time we slept together.

I used alcohol to escape reality, he used incense and smoke to heighten my senses, and yet I’ve always been rather quiet. It was easy to just escape to my mental safe space, letting him do whatever he wanted while I just spaced out.

But right now, I can feel everything and more. I feel the pain and my senses are altered because of my injuries – I can’t keep quiet. Not even when forced, and he enjoys this. He’s getting something he never got from me for the past 4 years: genuine reaction.

I try to take a deep breath, to ease the pain, to keep my head as clear as possible, but just as air fills my lungs his hand slips from my hair, landing on my throat to push me deeper into the pillow. With a gasp I hold my breath, my eyes almost pleading to be spared.

“If you faint, I can’t guarantee you’ll ever open your pretty eyes again.” I feel his weight on my throat, and the numbing pain his fingers clawing at my wounds cause, all the while feeling his hot breath against my skin.

His lips brush mine and I can’t evade it. I want to press my lips together, deny him access, turn my head, but my voice needs an escape. I can’t muffle the whimpers and moans the pain breaks from my lips, even though he controls my breathing. I feel dizzy and I hate this feeling more than anything else. I feel my control slipping away from me right under Thayer’s thumb.

For a moment, the pain subdues, and even though the pressure on my throat makes it hard to breathe I feel like I can finally exhale. But the only reason his hand released my stomach was to pull away the blanket. In the corner of my eye, I can see it being sent flying to the floor.

It's not like I had any clothes here. The doctor had wrapped me up in one of Thayer's silky bathrobes. It was easier for him to wash me and attend to my injuries while I was knocked out, and had made it so much easier for me to move and wash myself when the doc brought me to the bathroom.

But now… Now this piece of useless fabric feels like betrayal. It just takes Thayer another motion of his hand to get rid of it. Nothing is holding it in place, and even if there was… I feel like he would just rip it right from my body.

I want to space out. I want to escape to my mental safe space. But I absolutely cannot. I can't read him right now, but he made his intention very clear and there is no doubt in my mind that he's serious. If I lose consciousness this might be the end of me. I need to endure this. I need to get through it.

I've always felt kind of filthy sleeping with him, but it was a feeling I could easily suppress. Our relationship became a habit, something I got used to without feeling much anymore after a while. And here's to say that Thayer – on a surface level – is an attractive man. If it wasn't for his appearance, I had never agreed to his offer.

I thought it would be easier to sell myself to someone I feel physically attracted to… Who had thought how ugly someone can become after their personality starts to shine through? Gone was the handsome, tall man with his sharp facial structures. Gone was the fantasy of holding me close in his strong arms to protect me from all evil.

I always knew it wouldn't be like that. The way he tried to intimidate and buy me from the very start was off-putting, but there was a part of me hoping that something could change. That maybe I could become his special someone, the one person he would treasure and respect despite being an awful person.

But the thing is… Fairytales don't exist. He is just a rotten person and there is no fixing that. He'll never cherish me and after so many years of abuse, I don't even want him to, ever. I still hope he'll be hurt if I die, I still hope he'll suffer the loss of something he never knew he had, I still wish he would feel the devastating pain my demise could cause.

But right now, with his hand on my throat and his dangerous and cold eyes, I know he never will. If he kills me tonight, he'll just move on and find another toy. He'll mourn the convenience of having me around, the convenience of calling for me, lay with me, abuse me. But he has other possessions to fulfill his dirty needs.

Granted, I've always been his favorite because of my stubbornness. But not because he appreciated the trait as such, but because he enjoyed getting off on dominating me despite of it. Just as he does now.

I feel what this situation does to his body, I see the heat of arousal creep into his eyes while his hand locks my leg into position, preventing me from denying him space. My body is so weak that I can't even fight it. I want to struggle, kick, punch, do anything in hopes of fleeing – but the more I move the more I feel the pain.

He pushes himself right between my legs, letting me feel just how much he enjoys it seeing me struggle for air while whimpering in pain. He doesn't care if I cry out in pleasure or pain, he just wants to hear my voice. He doesn't even have the decency to undress himself, let alone take the time to think about it. I feel how the hand vanishes from my leg and even though the lower part of my body feels numbed because of my wounds, I know exactly what he is doing.

It takes only seconds till I feel the throbbing, naked heat press against my body and I dread every second of it. There is no alcohol and incense to numb the feeling, there is nothing I can do to ease my body. Even if he wasn't so forceful my injury is enough for my body to be as tense as I can be. I can only imagine the additional pain he's about to inflict on me.

I scream as a sudden pain grips hold of my body. Without realizing it, my hands had found their way to Thayer's arm pushing me down. I claw at him, trying anything to make him release my neck. The only reason he lets me breathe is to hear me wail in pain and agony while he once again digs his fingers into the bandages.

I feel like he is trying to rip out my organs, my body is shaking uncontrollably, black specks cross my vision. I feel like blacking out, but I can't…

I can't…

All I can do is cry out in pain again and again, with every movement of his body. All night long. With the doctor just sitting in his chair silently watching.

I…

I…

I feel so broken.