Two hours passed before Alfonso woke back up. Between the shock of what he had just seen and the adrenaline and action he had been running on since his great-grandmother’s trip to the hospital, the young man’s body needed rest and time to reset. When he woke, he was surprised to see the fire still in embers and Hou Gen crouched nearby.

“You’re awake, good. I think this strange concoction of your’s is ready." The words sounded slightly strange to his ear, but Alfonso gave a nod to the gray and brown robed man who had appeared out of nowhere to jump into the situation.

The smell of chili and the roasted peppers really did get Alfonso up, and as his stomach trembled he looked around. Some bungee cords had been used by Hou Gen to tie the bandits up, and the duo were still unconscious. So Alfonso made for the campfire heated chili pot and spooned himself, Huo Gan, and Odiseo each a bowl.

As the dark-haired young man began to eat his chili with one of the plastic spoons which was in the trailer, the cultivator who was his savior chose to speak.

“So you seem to be from some far off land. Texas was it?” and that time he knew he heard something, Alfie heard ‘Dukusashi’, didn’t he? Before he could ask, Xiang Hou Gen continued. “As was said before, this one is Xiang Hou Gen. I should have acted sooner, banditry is not an honorable act.”

The cultivator ate a bite of the chili con carne and made a face. Surprise, disgust, delight, and then he was taking another bite. When it was finished and Alfie had eaten three more spoonfuls of his own bowl, Hou Gen continued.

“However, they are members of the bandit army known as the Immortals, led by a great cultivator known as Ding Hui the Immortal, who is their namesake. He is bad news, has destroyed villages and small time sects for smaller slights than attacking his men; which you did.”

Alfie cocked an eyebrow, thinking to himself. ‘This really is some Cultivator world stuff? I wonder if this Ding Hui guy is going to threaten to burn my whole clan to the ground, rip it out from root to chaff?’ He kept his calm by taking another bite, before speaking up.

“So it sounds like we need to head out of here then. If this guy’s likely to go after me, he’s likely to go after you given that you helped. On top of that, I’ll be honest, I need to find a way back to my home. Do you know where the nearest town is?”

Xiang Hou Gen put fingers to his chin. “I do, but are you sure that will prevent you from being hunted down by the Immortals?”

The young man smiled mischievously. “The magic of AWOL will. We’ll take the witnesses with us and drop them off somewhere else. Then they won’t even talk about it, because most army’s don’t like deserters, right?”

“Very well, I will load them into your strange wagon.” Hou Gen finished his bowl quickly with that.

“What?” Alfie had initially planned to just walk to the nearest village and save on the venerable Celestial Chili Cloud’s gas, but he shrugged and finished his bowl before getting to work in preparations of his own.

He didn’t have that much more gas to give the dirtbike, he hoped it would last to the next town, him getting directions, and getting back to a gas station. Nonetheless he grabbed his extra gas canisters from the trailer and Alfie went through the process of refueling it, checking the fuel gauge first.

“Why does the fuel gauge still say full? I was driving for hours.” He murmured to himself. He would have to check on that when they were done.

***

With the Bandits secured on the trailer and Odiseo sitting up on his pillow throne to stand watch upon them, Alfonso and Hou Gen began their trek to the village. Alfie drove on the Dirtbike and Hou Gen insisted on walking at high speed beside him.

So they went in for several miles. Hou Gen somehow keeping pace with the dirt bike even as the machine sped down the road.

“So what is this steed of yours called? It does not seem like a horse, is it perhaps a heavenly treasure or other artifact?" The cultivator spoke, not breathless at all despite the fact they were going nearly twenty five miles and hour down the dirt road.

Alfie kept his eyes on the road but inclined his head slightly and spoke loudly, expecting to need to speak over the engine. "I guess you could call it that. It was my grandfather's, and he left it to me. He called it the celestial chili cloud.”

The cultivator gave a nod. “Interesting to see. Another thing from your homeland. Never have I seen a treasure replicate a horse in such a manner.”

“Understandable. Personally, I have never seen someone walk so fast without being short of breath."

“Truly? That makes your reaction make so much more sense but no cultivator in your whole life, despite the wealth you have? A surprise.”

“So is there a Sheriff or Magistrate to take custody of these guys?”

“No such thing there. The closest they will have is the village head, Luzhou Gou."

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Alfonso did not say more or think about it more. Whether the mayor or leader of the village could take custody of the bandits or not was something to worry about later.

***

Anhao Luzhou was a sleepy town with fewer than four hundred souls. Built across a sprawling set of hills against a bubbling river, the town did not have a wall. Instead a local militia operated as a screen and shield for the townsfolk against pests and invaders alike. Their policy was to fall back and get help, to fight enemies in numbers if they could- especially if they were sacred beasts or cultivators. It was the only way they stood a chance.

Which was why Luzhou Gou, acting elder of the village of Anhaou Luzhou, was not happy at all. Like most of the wildlanders in the vast chi desert of Juren Wuting, Luzhou Gou did not care for the likes of cultivators. They were, in general, too full of themselves and not aware of the hard work it took men and women to make the land fruitful. This made it easy for the average member of their ilk to throw themselves around like some lord’s son or the prince of some clan.

It was true that they threw their menace around everywhere when they felt even vaguely slighted, but here it was ten fold. Most cultivators became absolute menaces when they were within the region because they were so used to sustaining themselves primarily on chi that they were driven into rampages from sudden feelings of intense hunger and thirst.

So the wide shouldered, muscular farmer and village head stroked his chin and his grizzled beard as he watched the rapidly approaching pair of cultivators. He could do this, he was the elder of this village and its headman. He could be the shield of his people through tact and diplomacy. He only hoped that his lovely wife would not complain about the extra gray hairs he knew this would add.

***

Alfonso slowed his speed as he saw the sprawling settlement in front of him, wishing to take it in. It didn’t matter how many times he had seen things like the village that was their destination in films, television shows, or graphic novels – but it didn’t make it any less breathtaking as he saw the village of Anhao Luzhou.

Built across a series of hills, houses wood, thatch, and compressed earth were accompanied by a few clearly communal buildings made of log, brick, and carefully placed wooden roofing tiles. Down the eastern side of the largest hill, a bubbling brook of water flowed out into a small lake sized rice paddy.

“It’s certainly interesting, no?"

“I’d say so.” The young Texan replied, allowing his eyes to take in the scenery and imagine. He really was in some kind of wuxia story, the scenery and the town made that clear. The way that the townspeople he could see out in the fields were dressed, and even the way the man in fine robes of green, brown, and orange colors stood with his hands in front of him in front of the town.

“You can do the talking, right?” Alfonso added with a nervous quiver clearly apparent in his voice.

“I know Luzhou Gou, so yes I can make introductions for us and explain the situation. Then I’m sure a merchant of your caliber can take it from there.” Hou Gen said with a bit of cheer in his voice. It would not do for such a young man to have such self-doubt clearly visible.

“S-sure. That works.” Alfonso added, while slowing the dirtbike he was riding to a crawl as he tried to wrack his brain for everything he knew about manners, face, and the way to talk to people that he had learned from consuming martial arts media.

“Very well. This one will begin, then.” The wandering cultivator that had hitched a ride in the back of Alfonso’s camping trailer gave a nod, a smile to the Texan youth, and rushed forward.

***

As the pair of cultivators with the strange wagon slowed, Xu Chasun let out a growl. How dare his subordinates let themselves get captured so easily? How dare these cultivators take members of the immortals sect prisoner! How dare they not show him the face of a battle when he stumbled upon their breaking campsite! All the more, how dare they make a fool of one such as he, who was gifted with such speed and had reached the second stage of cultivation. How was it that they were faster than him? He cultivated wind essence!

He zoomed onwards behind them but when he took in the sight of that village with the rude village head, Anhao Luzhou, he skidded to a stop. Were these guys actually bounty hunters or some sort of mercenary cultivators, hired to attack Chasun and his cousins? All Chasun had done was make the villagers pay their tax, then raised the tax, and made them pay all the more. He hadn’t even tried to have his fun with one of the village girls.

The high-pitched voice of the cousin of Liaoshu Tienye and Yangniu Diwu barely caught it before it took flight. A shout became a whisper.

“How dare this filthy mortal Luzhou Gou hire cultivators to take my subordinates and dishonor the army of the Immortal. How dare these cultivators take such a job, or act in our territory.” He wanted nothing more than to run forward and strike at them when they did not expect it. Xu Chasun was no fool, however.

Grandmaster Ding Hui the Immortal, namesake for their army, would want to know about this slight to their honor, and he would want to eradicate it. Otherwise the other oasis villages in Juren Wuting might get strange ideas.

So the dainty young man turned and stalked towards headquarters. He might get a reprimand, but it was an absolute that he would be praised for bringing this information to the great Ding Hui.

***

Alfonso’s slowed pace gave Huo Gen the time to give a bow and a greeting to the elder standing out to greet them, and before he could even get out a word the graying bearded man preempted him.

“I thought I told you that we didn’t have any work, or any rice to spare. So don’t begin this one or that one, and tell your friend on the strange treasure to go too. We already gave you a week of hospitality in just this last month, and you promised when we did that you would not return.”

Luzhou Gou was not a man who could hold his tongue, as much as he fancied that he could. Not when it came to hopeless people like Huo Gen, who had only a week before angered one of the prominent families of the village.

“It’s not that, Elder Gou. Not that at all. I would not be here, but my friend needs your help.”

“He doesn’t look like he needs my help.” The old man eyed the expensive and strange clothing of the man, and began to list them off. “He rides a strange celestial treasure he is riding on. He wears strange boots of leather and iron. So too, he wears strange leather armor - or a robe, and clothing the like I have never seen. Anyone with wealth like that or who has traveled that far can’t need our help.”

The bedraggled cultivator turned to the old man. “Respectfully, this one thinks you will certainly change your mind when you find out who and what he caught a dozen li from your village. It’s his problem he needs help with and the proof that he deserves to be helped.”

“Fine he may speak to me but you may not. You must wait at the edge of the village until I send for you and you had better not so much as look at Rin. Her father is still mad.”

“Apologies.” Hou Gen even bent his body low, throwing his hands together in the direction of the village head as he said it.

Gou only hoped that this newcomer was more honorable than the other cultivators around.