It was many hours of long travel for our heroes. However, soon Odiseo and Alfonso arrived back in the village of Anhao Luzhou. When they arrived, it was a subtle greeting. Upon the northern edge of the village, the daughter of the village head stood and waved them in.

“Grandfather is busy, so he sent me." She said, “It seems as if you somehow dragged the army of the immortals here you idiot! What do you have to say for yourself?!?!”

This caused the young man from Texas to rub the back of his head. “I got to say I really thought that the AWOL trick was going to work! Boy Howdy, I'm sorry.” He bowed low, attempting to do his best kowtow.

She rapped her knuckles against the side of his head. “Al Fi is it not? Don't be the kind of idiot your friend is, okay? So, what are you going to do?"

To that, he simply smiled rubbing the back of his head once more. “I never actually said that I didn't have a plan, I was just trying to be polite. My momma told me that you should always be polite in another's home.”

With the focus of his will he activated the storage ring, thinking not of chi flows a natural beauty, but instead of the stirring of a nice thought of chili and beans, and a feeling along with smells that it brought out in him. Suddenly within the hand, he now held a piping bowl of chili and a spoon.

"This is my secret weapon, why don't you try some? I promise it's delicious!”

The elder's granddaughter once again knocked Alfie upside the head, but she then took us offering.

"Hmpfh . It better not be poisoned or anything, or I will haunt you. You stupid cultivator.”

She then took a bite. And then another. And then another. Soon the entire bowl was gone and the proper young lady was dabbing at her lips.

“What is it that You call this?”

“It's called chili."

"Chi li?"

"Yep! How'd you like it?”

She looked from side to side before handing him back the bowl, “give me more please.”

“Okay, but do you think you could help me do a little bit of a test as we do? Where does your grandfather have the bandits I brought in?"

***

Xiang Hou Gen found himself staring at the jug of rice wine which he had stored in his storage ring. As he stared at it, and his new friend again their plan, he fought himself in a mental battle. Prior failures and losses ate at him, and the want to escape demanded that he call upon the wine for just a little drink- it would make the pain less whenever his new friend was inevitably defeated by Ding Hui.

The other side of him demanded that he have faith, the young outlander’s plan made sense. It was based on culinary medicine and wuxing after all. As powerful as the immortal path was, it limited the amount of natural chi which Ding Hui could consume from food or meditation. Hou Gen had let Alfie know about Ding Hui’s cultivation path after all. It was something many in the Seventh Moon Sect and its hunters had long taught when it came to hunting down monsters or practitioners of the path of the immortal cloud, the official name of the path his nemesis followed.

It has been a long time since Hou Gen had an ally.

“He has put trust in me, so I will put trust in him. I need no shallow comfort, we will taste the warm comfort of victory.”

He put the bottle of rice wine away and dusted himself off. He had preparations to make of his own.

***

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

Liaoshu Tienye was not a small man, even for his considerable height, he was wide. So it was no surprise when he was hungry. Once again, although the villagers had fed him two pans for rice already.

So when the pretty young miss for the village

arrived a heaping bowl of some delicious smelling and looking meat and beans stew, Tienye of course accepted it. While he would happily look at her wide green eyes, well combed and groomed black hair and wider smile any day, with the food in her hands she had, she looked like an immortal jade beauty coming down from the heavens.

It was gone all too soon, and he almost fought his cousin for Diwu’s serving. That was before his body began to become wracked with pain as he suddenly had more chi than he had ever before. From the way his cousin was reacting, it was much the same for Diwu.

He almost declared her a witch, a poisoner, a foul wretch. But then, he suddenly found that his half filled core was full. Had she given him something that would make him actually a cultivator, truly?

“This Tienye begs pardon.” He said between bated breaths. "How can I thank you, oh benefactor! A core! A core!"

Which was when the strange wizard showed his face. “Howdy! I was wondering if you were thinking of some new work? Maybe something which could earn you even more advancement?”

The wizard did it. Of course the wizard did it. Diwu and Tienye groaned and looked at one another. What had they done to deserve this, truly?

***

Anhao Luzhou was normally a place which bustled with activity. However, with the arrival of the army of the immortals, it was practically a ghost town. Children were kept in from play, livestock were carefully guarded Even handsome young women and men from the village work told to stay in. If they were native to the region, a tumbleweed rolling through would have fit in just right.

It was in this scene that the perpetually grumpy Luzhou Gou, grizzled acting elder of the village, now kowtowed.

When he was told -“it took me six hours to get here with my men. Kowtow to me three times for each hour that I spent.”- Gou hesitated for not a second.

When told that it wasn't low enough and to begin again, he hesitated not a moment. Now forty times he had bowed and he still did.

“Honored Immortal, please accept this one’s apologies." He included. Damned cultivators dragging him into their messes and endangering his village. Damned himself for having the bravado to think he could act as a magistrate and use legal obligations to punish the bandits and get off without punishment.

***

"So what proof do you have that what you did was in a fluke, wizard?" Diwu protested at the request.

The outsider and the leather jacket, leather boots, and strange garb gave a shrug. " Well, for one, you guys are at the other one that I did that for. Rin, do you mind letting them be near you?"

The elder's granddaughter gave him a glare, but then also gave Alfonso a nod. Tienye and Diwu soon found themselves staring.

She was a cultivator too now. Shallows stage, like them, but still she was definitely possessing a core.

“So say we do believe you, what is it you want us to do? All the cultivation shortcuts in the world no matter if you're dead! And Ding Hui? He ain't the type to let you just change colors. We've seen him kill wild land stage cultivators over it.”

Alfie smiled. "Just tell him the truth! How delicious my Chili was and how it made you stronger in just one serving. Simple, right?”

The cousins put their heads together and whispered, consulting each other.

***

Alfonso really hoped that it could keep it together. He could play the brave hero, the wise wizard, the cunning cook, but the facts remained. He didn't actually know anything about cultivation worlds or the logic of cultivation itself, nothing except what he learned in pop culture. So his idea to supercharge the chi in Ding Hui's core might have easily failed. However, had to try anyway, it wasn't as if he could fight cultivators and he certainly couldn't outrun them.

So his only chance was the thing that he had fought the most in. Chili cook-off, and let Ding Hui be the metaphorical judge. He was confident though, the ingredients are good, everyone who tried to eat so far and liked it, and it would be ridiculous to lose his life without ever winning and chili cook off just because he took the wrong turn and ended up in a cultivation world.

As he waited for his moment, Alfie just hoped that it was actually enough.

***

As Alfie worried, it was the time for the cousins Diwu and Tienye to act. Washed, fed and given clean clothing, the duo walked their way to Ding Hui. After approaching her master, they both dropped to their knees and began to kowtow, declaring as they did “We are not worthy, we are not worthy" before beginning their explanation.

"Eldest brother Ding Hui, please forgive us and our tardiness. However, we have found you a great treasure. A master of the culinary arts which would make the greatest pill alchemist look like a novice."

Ding Hui almost slapped Diwu to the ground at the words, out of place as they were for the conversation but stopped. “When did you and your brother Tiny ascend to the shallows, Diwu?”

To this Diwu simply smiled, Eldest brother, it was thanks to this cooking master that our cultivation increased.

"Yes, yes. Introduced me to this cooking master as you say." The Immortal warlord did not even change his expression.

To that Diwu simply nodded. "Oh master cook! Please show yourself to my eldest brother.”

Alfonso strode forward, bowing as he did. “This one is Alfie Cart-"

He did not finish before Ding Hui rushed forward in a charge.