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Chasing Experience
I Wanna Know Why

I Wanna Know Why

“So, you had to head home?”

“Hunter, you have been asking me where I went for days, and I have yet to tell you. What does that tell you?”

“Oh, come on Lucas. I can only have so many conversations about metaphysics. What am I supposed to talk about? DUK3 pretty much only talks business, and you refuse to talk about anything.”

“This is why I live alone.”

“You live alone in that giant mansion? Seems like a waste. Couldn’t you have found a smaller giant opal?”

“Believe it or not, fool boy, giant opals are not particularly common. I do have a small staff, but they know better than to bother me with petty conversation.”

“... I can see why you like this world. The nearest neighbours are on their own demi-plane and can’t bother you, and the next closest are on another world somewhere. You probably get a lot done.”

“That is usually the case. Now, concentrate.”

I winced as Lucas attempted to drag us back on track; he had been trying to teach me a Sigil for the better part of a week, but without the larger lexicon in place, things were proving... frustrating. Cultivation had come relatively easily, and DUK3’s system had been fairly seamless in its application, as my involvement was limited... but as it turned out, trying to integrate a Sigil into my energy system was a pain in the ass. The two methodologies started in different energy centres to start with – I did not even have access to the mind centre. So, I was stuck trying to engrave it on my Core, since it was the place that it seemed like would work. It had taken me about a day to engrave just the one Sigil into the smooth surface, my will skipping about and slipping. And even at the end of it, the thing just vanished, melting away like one of DUK3’s bodies. And it hurt. Not a little bit.

“You’re sure this is usually easy? Not agonizing and difficult?”

“I have seen children complete a single Sigil in as little as an hour. And with less whining.”

“That makes me feel great, Lucas. Thanks. Maybe I’d have better luck, I dunno, burning it on like my energy channels? Dee Yu Kay Three’s system is channel based, right? Ish? And they said you use some... complimentary techniques?”

“The initial engraving of the Lexicon is partially an energy construct, only loosely physical. Like your core. The channels Dee Yu Kay Three and their people use for their designs are more physical, but our techniques allowed for more storage within the design itself. But it the design doing the work, not the shape. There is carefully crafted intent involved.”

“So, no then?”

“No.”

“Do I need to be... using Intent on this thing? What does it even do?”

A moment passed as Lucas glared at me from out of his child-like face, before waving slightly and rubbing at the bridge of his nose

“This is my first attempt to teach a Sigil to the user of another system. I have allowed myself to forget that you haven’t already memorised the Lexicon. This Sigil means, ‘Direct destruction along a line as described by direction.’ Loosely. The actual effect is specific to the pattern, the meaning was added afterwards.”

“Is it the red-blasty-thing the sailors used on the giant-flying-plant-spider thing?”

“I have no idea to what you refer. This Sigil, when drawn, will emit a line of destructive force in the direction the Sigil is pointing.”

“Is it red?”

“It is indeed red.”

“Right, well, let’s try that, see if it works any better.”

Closing my eyes reluctantly, I turned my inner eye to my Core again. I stared at the solid sphere with my Focus at its centre, at myself surrounded by a nimbus of lightning. It seemed so long ago when I had first pictured the thing, but it had not even been half a year since I had been reborn. A lot has changed, both in myself and around me. Twelve months before that, I had been depressed, anxious and basically waiting to die.

Remembering myself attacking GNO5, I felt a smile tug at my lips; I was not waiting anymore.

“Stop being a fool and concentrate.”

I guess I was still procrastinating though... Wiping the smile from my face took some effort, but after a few moments I managed. I focused my will on the smooth surface of my Core and began the laborious, painful process of engraving the Sigil. That time I tried to keep the meaning, the intent of the Sigil in mind as I went about it, and it did actually seem to be going smoother. It was even marginally less painful.

I do not know how long I sat that time; like the other times I ended up working inside myself, time had little meaning. But eventually I was done carving the Sigil into my Core; I took a deep breath and braced myself for the mark to fade, held fast against disappointment. But the complex circle held.

Despite the circle standing solidly embossed within the silver-blue sphere, I held that breath for what felt like an hour before letting it out all at once, the grin I had banished returning to my face once more. Throwing my hands into the air, I let out a loud, whoop and jumped to my feet.

“I take it you have finally succeeded?”

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“You’re damn right! Master of three systems, baby!”

“I, am not your baby, fool. Stop.”

I felt the world clamp down around me and I was held immobile, unable to move so much as a single muscle, beyond it seemed my eyes, heart and lungs.

“I’m going to ensure the Sigil is accurate.”

Lucas casually walked closer to me, and much like our first meeting months before and a world away, the Paragon placed a hand flat on my chest, his eyes becoming absent as I felt his gaze enter me and begin to look around.

“I thought you said you had succeeded? There is nothing in here but a hole.”

I wanted to speak, but could not. The invisible force – Lucas's lock on my body – was still in place. I tried to convey my desire with my eyes and breathing, and must have looked pretty ridiculous given the expression that crossed the Paragon’s face, but at least he did seem to get my meaning, waving a hand to release me.

Staggering slightly as I regained control, I straightened and rolled my shoulders before finally getting what had been stuck inside off my chest.

“A hole? In my centre? What?!”

“There is a hole in your mind centre. This may explain some things...”

“Haha. But really, there’s a hole in my head?!”

“Not your head. Your mind centre. Perhaps it absorbed your Sigil?”

“I don’t have access to my mind centre yet, I carved it onto my Core, in my gut centre.”

“Don’t have access? Your system is truly strange. Ah, I see it now. Amazingly, it does seem to be accurate, but I have no idea if engraving it into your gut centre – onto your... Core... will have any impact. Hopefully you will not explode.”

“Explode?! That’s a thing that can happen? That’s the sort of thing you should tell a person beforehand.”

“It should not happen, had you engraved it in the correct location. The mingling of systems is new to me, I have no idea what this will do.”

“... Can I scrub it off?”

“I have no experience with Cores, boy. Can you?”

Not wanting to explode, I sat again and tried to calm down as I focused inwards again. I tried breaking the lines first – in previous attempts, when I had broken a line by accident, the whole thing would simply sink from view, erasing itself. No such luck that time; as I scratched across the outer circle, the new mark simply faded to leave the Sigil perfect and intact.

I tried simply sucking it in, but that did not work either. Deciding that it may be a question of intent like before, I focused on the idea of removal, but as soon as I applied my will to the task, a shock ran through me, followed by pain as if somebody had jammed a needle into every nerve in my body at the same time.

A hopefully short turn later, as the all-encompassing pain faded and the world came ringing back into focus, I came back to myself to find the Sigil still the same as when I had completed it. Groaning, I sat up from where I had apparently fallen onto my back. Lucas was sat on thin-air again, reading a book bound in deep-brown leather.

“I’m fine! No, don’t get up. Ow. So, removing doesn’t seem like something I’m going to be able to do...”

“Then it seems you are stuck with the consequences of what you have wrought. Perhaps if you had informed me that you were placing it elsewhere, we might have avoided this.”

I knew he was right, even if he was kind of being a dick about it. I should have said something, but I was so used to most of cultivating coming naturally that it had not even occurred to me that I could place the Sigil in the wrong location.

“You’re right. I guess I better test it... do I just... draw it in the air?”

“You must also Invoke the Sigil, allowing Experience to flow from the Lexicon – in this case your Praxis – and imprinting your Intent upon the world.”

“Sounds simple enough... ok. Here goes. If I, uh, explode, maybe let Walker know, if he shows up?”

“Fine.”

“Uh, do I just... do it in here? I have no idea how dangerous it actually is.”

“I have locked the area; any damage will be contained.”

“Okay, cool. Here goes then!”

Closing my eyes, I held my hand out like I had seen the sailors do and began trying to pull energy from the Sigil. I felt my Praxis move, and I directed it out to my fingers as I recreated the mystic symbol in the air, tracing what I hoped were lines of light through the air. It was not hard to draw, as I had spent a significant amount of time over the preceding days doing exactly that, though of course, using a different medium.

It took me about a minute to finish shaping the Sigil, far too slow for any fight, but I thought I would be able to speed up the process with some more practice, and both my Focus and Path would help immensely. I could not feel anything from the energy construct; I had expected to feel some kind of connection, some tension or build-up but there was simply... nothing. Opening my eyes, I discovered why; no shape hung in the air, sparking with power, or ready to unleash destruction.

“You did not blow up. A good first step. As engaging as this has been, I am going to discuss the results of our testing with Dee Yu Kay Three. Good luck with your... air drawing.”

“Hey, wait, what happened? Anything? Do you have any pointers?”

Pausing at the arched doorway, the youthful looking man in the gold robes turned back to me and quirked one eyebrow tiredly.

“Nothing happened. Do better.”

And with that, he left me to myself as I rolled my eyes in irritation. I might have made a mistake, but he was still being a dick.

I tried to produce the crimson blast for more than an hour, visualizing different things and attempting to connect in different ways, but I had no more luck than the first time. I even tried keeping my eyes open, but beyond sensing my Praxis being sprayed out into the world, nothing was happening.

Grumpily, I gave up for the time being, as I was getting frustrated at the absolute lack of progress. Instead, I decided to blow off some steam and get some practice in.

I started with just my Exemplar; I had asked DUK3 for some metal bars to practice with, as I did not want to ruin my last sword. Concentrating, I exerted my will and focused on moulding my aura into a spike; it was harder creating one lateral to my grip than it was having it extend directly outwards, and as a result it was not quite as long. But I at least hoped I would be able to improve that with practice. And of course, given that I was right-handed, I was using my less efficient and more fleshy right hand, which also limited my range. Pulling one of the bars from storage – admittedly one of the smaller ones – I began to move through my sword forms for the first time in a while, struggling to move slowly with the heavy bar. That was why I was not using my Focus – the point of the exercise is to move slowly, to engrain the motions into memory as smooth moves, each perfect so that when I had to move at speed, I would perform them accurately.

I had forgotten how tiring the sword-forms could be; with my increased – superhuman - physicality, it should have become easier, but with the bar that I likely would not have been able to move on my arrival, and the effort of remaining glacial against the tide of my own speed and strength, it was sweating by the time I finished a few hours later.

Happy and feeling good to be practising with the weapon, but knowing that Walker would likely run me like a mule when I got back, not to mention what Aella would do when she learned I had not touched the chain in more than a month... I shook the thoughts free, promising myself that I would give the chain another shot, since I had two hands again. But in the meantime, it was time for some plain fun.

With a grin, I Focused, letting the lightning run free from my body, just revelling in the feeling for a moment. At least, until I noticed a discrepancy. I stared at the arcing electricity as it snapped at the room around me, gouging holes in the tough metal and sending bright sparks flying in every direction.

My lightning, once blue-white, then violet-blue-white, was now... a deep, violent crimson.