“I know you have to get back to studying, but you can come to me with anything, you know?” I reach for my underwear and start dressing myself, pausing to watch Katie do the same.

“I know you say that, but what if you find out how weak I am, or decide that I’m not good enough for you.” She starts sniffling again.

“Honey, listen to me,” I pull here eyes up to mine and the sorrow in them almost crushes me. “You’re smart, capable, and dedicated. You’re amazing Katie. And I’ll try to help you realize that if you let me.” I can’t help stroking my thumb across her face and kissing that pout off her face. “I’m in this with you, okay. While trying to distract you from realizing my crippling flaws.” I stick my tongue out and boop her nose at the last part.

I get an eyeroll a smile and a nod out of that so maybe, just maybe we’re stopping a backslide in our relationship. She did tell me she loved me. Which fills me with warmth and sorrow at the pleading tone in which she confessed.

I watch her pull herself together physically and mentally and start to realize the sheer force of will it takes for her to walk out of her quarters every morning. My stoic vampire has a delicate heart.

I get another kiss before she leaves and a soft “thank you”. Things feel so cozy right now, I think while zipping up my suit/uniform, that I expect something to blow up in my face as soon as I walk out the door. I link my eye circuits and immediately groan at my messages.

/Zhao: Report to the teleconference room immediately.

Walk quickly around the ring to the appropriately labeled room, open the door to see Ivanka, Petra, Commanders Zhao and Nugget with four Captains I’ve never seen before.

I snap to attention. “MM2 Mercer, reporting as ordered.”

“Stand easy Mercer.” A woman on a vid link with stars on her shoulders says. “And explain your delayed response to a priority message.”

I blush immediately. “My apologies admiral, I don’t engage my HUD when engaged in . . . personal activities.”

Ivanka and Petra restrain their laughter, but the officers seem to be mixed between annoyed and angry. I shrug. Girl’s gotta eat.

“Moving on. It has come to our attention that you, Chief Baiul, and 1st Class Volkov have accelerated the progress of individuals in your orbits.

“There were some cheating allegations, however, the system as set by the Copernicus and Genesis committees has been scoured and no evidence of foul play has been found, just an aggressive approach toward machine assessments. The live instructors have assessed your knowledge at the end of each module and have found your knowledge adequate.

“With that resolved, the question remains, what are your motivations for this perceived favoritism? And to what end do you advance at this rate?”

Just word vomit this and explain everything, Penny. Don’t look like you’re hiding anything. “Well, Admiral, it’s a mixture of things. I know many of these systems from my civilian research, so testing out of that was fast. Next, being idle is largely taboo in an environment and stinks of arrogance and not taking the job seriously, so I started learning what I can when I can. I even started some language modules. Third, I was approached by Chief Baiul about qualifying a watch team early so that we don’t ‘clog the pipe’ when the majority of our shipmates will need the simulation time. And lastly, this quick advancement feeds my want to know as much about the ship’s engineering as possible.”

“So this is just a ploy for personal advancement? Some of those pretty words sound as though you’re covering up your pride and greed.” Commander Zhao accuses.

“Commander, what is the point of striving for excellence if not for personal gain and the benefit of others? If helping myself advance clears seats during sim time, then we have more sailors that just need a re-qual watch while on board the Copernicus, allowing more time for technical wickets that we need to check off as a crew before we can go out on mission.

“Instead of questioning us why we’re advancing quickly and trying to drag people with us, instead ask how you can help us identify those that are willing to put the effort in to catch up with our assistance!”

The room is silent for long enough that I just raised my voice at a flag officer. That’s enough to get me grounded for sure.

The silence continues until one of the Captains speak up “Admirals, these are the signs of a Sailor that cares more about a ship that its people—but there’s no shame in that. If she were one of my officers, I might have more questions, but as a leader in the engineering spaces? I’d want a Sailor with that kind of commitment, the commitment of all three of these Sailors.”

“Very well, Captain Morris, may you sail in interesting times. That kind of crew will make it so.” She takes a moment to breath and consider. “Gentlement, against my better judgment I’m voting to allow them to continue to accelerate, with direction and support of the instructors of the school, other members of the student body. How say you?”

The two other admirals nod their agreement before they cut the call. I tribunal of international admirals. Did I almost get discharged and sent to prison? Oof, try to ignore everything but going fast, and you still get the wrong kind of attention.

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/Mercer: I take it that meeting means you found your watch team?

/Baiul: I have, but I haven’t made any progress with them in 2 hours. I’m glad you finally had sex, you were getting pent up. Who was it?

/Mercer: My girlfriend, Ivanka. You know who she is.

/Baiul: Perhaps next time you need a third . . .

/Mercer: NO! Not a chance, you Russian succubus.

/Baiul: Is it my fault that I’m good at what I do?

/Mercer: Yes. Do you need any help getting an instructor for our sim time?

/Baiul: No. Petra has a man in mind.

Well. That puts my mind at ease, a little bit. It does make me wonder what brand of convincing they employed. Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to Penny. Ivanka has already hinted at that kind of influence, so leave it alone.

Our team of three work with the other two to get caught up and ready for sims, and our little study program goes swimmingly. Usually it would take two or three instructors to run the sims for the enlisted, but with us finding a junior officer to qual with us, we narrowed it down to two, by the time the official time for sims came in with six weeks left in training, Baiul and I were qualified for engineering supervisor, and I had engineering watch officer so that our poor little junior officer could take a break.

The last required instructor ensured that training was conducted appropriately, and I stood quite a few extra watches. Not that they’d ever let me stand EWO on the real ship, but I was allowed to coach the fledgling junior officers to get their quals, so that at least helped somebody, somewhere.

Katie blazed through her qualifications as well, and we spent some time in zero g together to celebrate and look at the stars. She’d slowly stopped pushing me away, to where we’ve settled into a supportive relationship without a lot of sex. We have intimate moments, kissing and cuddles mostly, but it feels like enough for now.

Our time on ISS is almost over and I can’t deny that I’m both nervous and excited. On one hand, I could be assigned a great roll where I get to hug my propulsor every day and room with my girlfriend, but there is no way that’s going to work out. Enlisted get group berthing with coffin racks, and even officers aren’t immune from sharing berthing. Granted, size concerns aren’t the same as with surface ships and submarines, but a heavier ship still takes more fuel to maneuver.

Part of the mission of this first deployment is to test my engine, and do a study of the gas giants and the feasibility of skimming atmospheric hydrocarbons for development into fuel. The amount of projects these flag officers and program directors have to manage boggles my mind. I can’t even manage space school, a girlfriend, and designing my own space ship.

LT Sato saves me from a thought spiral. “You designed the engines right?”

“Some of them, what’s up?”

“I was having a debate with other ‘Pilots’ in the Bridge. Two of the outer boosters are designed to configure reverse thrust. The A-Pulse engine is configured to align with those boosters in an emergency. Can that alignment also provide reverse thrust?”

Okay, first things first, I like A-Pulse engine. Two, “That is a good way to blow off all of the expansion cones and possibly parts of the aft hull. Why is that up for debate?”

“It says they can be aligned during an emergency and doesn’t specify why.”

“Oof. Okay, so A-Pulse is designed for direct vector propulsion. There are no containment systems in place in the cones and nozzles and the antimatter would immediately impact a curved trajectory barrier and react explosively with it.”

Sato thanks me with a bow and leaves immediately. Shit. I need to send some notes and review some manuals don’t I? Instead of doing their work for them. I message Naval Reactors about the discrepancy and how reversing the Propulsor thrust takes a reversal maneuver, you can’t just shift a vent and provide reverse thrust.

It’s moments like this that I get terrified that I’m going to space. A crew full of people that have never operated on the gear, trying to be the first. I feel as though anyone learning the specifics of our propulsion system should Nope the fuck out. I suppose that people trust their commanders and admirals not to throw their lives away needlessly. I guess I am too as I won’t have the time to go over all the systems before we get underway.

As the week starts coming off, the first watch team to qualify is in regular meetings with the School instructors to help refine the program. For the vast majority of the students, the program was fine as written. However, the overachievers should be introduced to the optimization database after their initial acclimatization and then approached to become supervisors to help their shipmates. The idea will get some pushback, but as long as some people are more prepared for the difficult environment we’re about to be plunged into, I think that any little bit can help. I didn’t know that I would be helping the program, nor did I figure that the advertisements for Space would include the first qual of a inter system space vehicle.

Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the ISS Copernicus. To seek out new fuels and new ways to blow ourselves up. I don’t have the Picard-esque accent, but damned if I don’t feel like a pioneer. Universe be blessed I really feel the call of space flight and exploration. Mid thirties old lady and I’m feeling the pull of exploration.

Wait. Is Katie worried about where we are in life? Shit, I never even though about that. Is the education difference making her feel inferior, that I’m going to leave her behind because our knowledge base is different? OMFG that sounds like my insecure vampire to a “t” oh Honey, you deserve comfort smooches.

/Mercer: Katie-bear, you know I don’t care about our education difference right?

/O’Connell: Weird flex, bun, but no, the difference is intimidating.

/Mercer: Baby, Countess, you’re not intimidated by me right? Right?

/O’Connell: Penny, you’ve shown me multiple times, that your intellect is terrifying and yes, you intimidate me and, hell, I always wonder if you’re going to trade me in. And FUCK all of that, because I love you and I’m so afraid to lose you.

I’ve got tears in my eyes, not because of the intimidation, but because of the fear.

/Mercer: Snuggle bitch, you are not allowed to feel insignificant before me. Only the worthy are allowed in my presence and to take of my essence. You DARE accuse me of allowing lesser mortals to partake of my Vitae?

/O’Connell: Of course not mistress. Please allow me to continue to serve you.

Katie’s recently expressed her desired for a give and take, and holy Universe has she responded well. She identifies so much as the slave, but if serving me gives her pleasure and fulfillment, I suppose it’s a gateway to embodying a more healthy relationship . Or she can keep scratching and biting me and healthy can fuck right off.