“If you need more time to think about it-”
“N-No! It’s not that, it’s just that I forgot because I needed to focus on the ceremony and dancing and cooking and…”
“Like I said, if you need more time,” Rorik said, turning to leave.
“Um- I think I’ve had my answer for a little while.” Kaara scratched the back of her head.
“I see. Judging by how much it’s taking you to spit it out, I’m guessing it’s rejection.”
“No! Well, sort of-” Kaara sighed, “I really love you too Rorik, but I don’t think it’s the right type of love. Not yet at least. I think I could see it that way with time, but I couldn’t promise that either. I just never saw it that way until now. That’s all.”
Rorik groaned, smacking his forehead, “And here I was thinking you’d give me an easier answer,” He dragged his hand down his face, “I guess it makes my answer easier, though. I get it. When I was taken in by the Tibur you showed me how to live again. You showed me there’s still things to look forward to, and things to strive for. Even when there’s so much grief and bullshit in the world, there’s also so many good things about it. That’s how it affected me, but you do that sort of thing with everyone you meet because that’s who you are.”
Kaara fell silent, she didn’t know what to say. Was that what Amaro had gone through too? It wasn’t like she was particularly special to either of them. Although, perhaps she could understand Rorik’s feelings a bit more.
“You say you could see me ‘in that way’ with some time, and I really want that. I do,” Rorik continued as he took a deep breath, “But one thing my dad taught me before he died is to recognize how many people in the world I can come to love. And how many more people can come to love me back. Before the Ceremony, I made peace with the fact that you might die. I prepared myself to be away from you, and that’s what I’m gonna do.”
“Away from me? You mean…”
“I’m going to go off on my own for a bit. I need to find my own way. I want to be with you, but if you don’t, then I’ve got to be on my own for a bit.”
“But Rorik, I don’t want you to leave-”
Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
Rorik raised his hand to stop her, “Please don’t beg me to stay. I won’t be able to say no, and that’s not good for me. You want to be with me as a friend. I want more. I can’t live silent with my feelings anymore. I can’t sit around waiting for you to love me the way I love you. I don’t want you to feel guilty, and I don’t want a relationship between us to be some sort of charity.”
Kaara sat back, stunned. She swallowed what she was going to say. Rorik was a lot more mature than she was, and he always had been. He’d probably been preparing himself for how he’d handle rejection this entire time. Kaara understood. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to lash out, or entitle himself to a relationship. If Rorik stuck around, there was no guarantee she would develop feelings, and that would only make him bitter. It would only put pressure on Kaara to get into something she wasn’t ready for.
Rorik needed to find someone to love who could love him back. If Kaara pleaded with him to stay for her sake, he’d be sacrificing his own happiness for her short term comfort.
Still, she hated it just the same, “Fine. I understand.” She said, looking away.
“I’m sorry.”
Kaara shook her head, “You’ve always been my voice of reason, Rorik. I always thought you’d be there, but I understand now that I’m being selfish. All I would do is hold you back, so promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“We’ll meet again, and you’ll tell me all about the person you’ve become. Tell me about the people you’ve met without me. Show me you know how to live again.”
Rorik turned around, hiding his face, “You always know what to say. Fine. We’ll meet again. Just don’t be sad if I find someone I like more.”
“Of course not! And don’t let the thought of me hold you back from loving someone else. Even if I end up liking you that way, I would prefer you broke my heart than feel guilty about moving on.”
Rorik laughed to himself, “That’s just like you. I’ll say goodbye once I’m ready to leave.” he said, exiting the tent.
Kaara slumped over, choking on the lump in her throat. She didn’t want to cry. She was too tired to cry. And yet as she tried not to, the tears started to come anyway. She reminded herself that they would meet again. They would be friends no matter what. And yet it still hurt to think Rorik wasn’t going to be at her side when she had her first real adventure.
What if Arik left on their own? What if she was alone? Who could she turn to? Tadios would likely strike off on his own. Tulos would probably go with his siblings. Lioku and Orsika had apparently made it out, but she didn’t know what their decision would be.
She began to think about Rorik again. Did she like anyone in that way? What did it feel like to be in love with someone? She might have known what it wasn’t, but did she know what it was? She heard more people enter the tent. Kaara did her best to wipe her face clean as she looked up.
It was Amaro and Tulos.