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Catherine 2.0
Podcast, Interrupted

Podcast, Interrupted

Agatha accepted an invitation (on Cat’s behalf) to appear in a podcast discussing the “trustapocalypse” and the Supreme Court bombing. After setting the details of what could be discussed and what could not, she greenlighted it. That’s how Cat flew to Chicago to record it at a radio station.

“We’re here today with Catherine Wallenstein, the heiress that turned to live-streaming her day-trading routine to earn a living. She’s along with her inseparable companion, Nevada’s most famous feline, Mr. Mouser! Catherine and Mr. Mouser, welcome!”

“Thank you, Roger! It’s a pleasure to be here! Say hello, Mr. Mouser!”

Mr. Mouser meowed on demand, to the delight of the host.

“I agree, Mr. Mouser. Thank you both for showing up. I watched a few of your shows and I must say I was impressed. How hard it was to go from a millionaire heiress to a webcam streamer?”

“Not as hard as other options, Roger. I tried getting a job at several places, even fast food joints, to no avail. I could stay on the East Coast and couch surf but I felt the need to carry my own weight, by whatever means necessary. I have this friend who streams on adult sites and we talked a lot the day I received the eviction notice. She told me ‘Come to Vegas, Honey!’ And I came! It’s been such an awesome experience and I’m loving Las Vegas and the state of Nevada.”

“Except when flash mobs strike.”

She sighed audibly, “There’s crime and danger everywhere. But I think that all is well when it ends well. Mr. Mouser came back to me on his own, awareness around service animals increased, we did a fundraiser for animal shelters, Las Vegas increased police presence in the region, the perpetrators were punished, and an illegal wildlife trafficking ring was uncovered. I don’t want to go through that again but, “ she sniffled, “The outcome was very positive.”

“Yes, I think it really showed how much the loss of a service animal can affect someone. I think you were very brave when you shared your story.”

“Thank you.”

“Can we talk about your streaming career?”

“Absolutely, Roger. What do you want to know?”

“You started streaming on adult sites before you branched out to Twitch and Youtube. Did you always intended to trade while streaming, or were you willing to show bare skin?”

“Yes, I started streaming fully prepared to undress if I had to. There are a few lines I wouldn’t cross but yes. I would do the same things most webcam models do if that didn’t work. Some criticized me but I believe there’s too much prejudice around webcam models. The girls I work with are all wonderful and when they’re not streaming they are just your average next-door girl. People need to stop slapping general labels on everything. A webcam model is not a porn actress, much less a prostitute. Most girls at the studio aren’t even looking for a relationship. When we are streaming, we are playing a character, just like many sitcom stars use their real name, like Reba or Will Smith.”

“And you did well on your promise of delivering a show only Catherine Wallenstein could. Are all the trades in your streams real?”

“They are. While it’s Catriel that trades, the computer screen I project on the background is real, and all the trades are real too. I had to delay the stream by a few seconds because a few people were trying to imitate me, to varying degrees of success, most of them losing money and then trying to blame me.”

“Even with that huge disclaimer saying you don’t do financial advice. You’d think people could get a clue.”

“I know, right? I wish I could demystify this idea people have of the market and how trading works. And regarding webcam models too.”

“I think you got the message across. I heard several Wall Street brokers and bankers watch your streams?”

“Yes, they do. I like to think that Catriel is their mascot and I try to help raise their spirits. They are subject to enormous pressure, especially with the current market volatility. After the first day, I kept all my streams safe for work, and that paid off. Now that I’m streaming on Twitch and Youtube as well, I believe I can reach deeper into that segment because they won’t have to explain why they’re logged in to an adult site. I’m not abandoning them, though. We’re just offering a broader range of choices for our audience.”

“You mentioned the market volatility, and the new Supreme Court ruled in favor of the trust funds. What is your opinion on that?”

“What happened at the Supreme Court was abominable. My condolences to all the victims. Regarding your question, I think people mistify trusts. They are excellent structures to manage assets. At the risk of getting misunderstood, I ask why doesn’t everyone have a trust or two set up. From avoiding going into probate when one dies to keep your assets safe from malicious litigation, to even avoiding some taxes, trusts can do all that and much more.”

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“Avoiding taxes,” Roger chuckled, “That’s forever a concern of the wealthy, right?”

“That’s a concern for everyone,” she spoke matter-of-factly. “But people aren’t interested in putting in work to reduce their taxes owed even when they could get more money than their hourly rate by paying fewer taxes. When you’re in a higher tax bracket, those savings are bigger and the incentive to go after them is greater. There’s nothing evil or wrong about avoiding taxes. I know Justice Louis Brandeis was under a lot of posthumous fire on social media because those terrorists misquoted him, but he once said ‘For my tax evasion, I should be punished. For my tax avoidance, I should be commended. The tragedy of life today is that so few people know that the free bridge even exists. People pay the toll when they could walk a quarter of a mile and cross the ‘free bridge’!"

“It seems you are in favor of offshore tax havens, then. Do you think they should exist?”

“I cannot answer that question. That’s for the legislators and world leaders to decide. While they exist, some will use them. I will use them. It is not about being in favor or not. I’ll make use of what legal means willing to and are available to go about my life. If the law changes, so be it. But some people seem to gladly vilify things that are perfectly legal attacking those that use them. They’re barking up the wrong tree. The change will come from our elected representatives. I believe that ten thousand phone calls can sway a senator’s vote better than a briefcase full of cash. But one is easy to procure for those that have the means, the other is not. The people’s apathy brings death to democracy. And riots are not the way to go either. I think protest organizers need to coordinate with authorities and do it civilly for the safety of their own people and everyone around.”

“What will happen if those tax avoidance strategies become illegal?”

“Economic forces will shift. Costs will be passed up and down the supply chains. Other strategies may appear. A few stupid criminals will attempt to break the law. There’s a reason Greed is one of the seven deadly sins. I can tell you with all certainty that I won’t break the law. I’ll just abandon this or that activity if it becomes unprofitable and adapt. But this nation proved capitalism and democracy are better than the alternative, however crappy they may be. There’s no need to relive the beginning of the XX century again.”

“Now, we received a lot of questions regarding your involvement with the events in Fort Hamilton and Brooklyn. What can you tell us about that?”

“That the NYPD has the bravest and most dedicated men and women working with law enforcement I’ve ever seen. I have profound respect and admiration for them and for our armed forces. They’re out there, fighting for our safety and I’d gladly fight alongside them whenever I possibly can. I’m sorry I can’t say more, but I am not allowed to talk about ongoing cases.”

“You spent two months hospitalized and needed facial reconstruction surgery after the Brooklyn incident, didn’t you?”

“That’s correct, Roger I...” Her phone lit up with an incoming call. For the interview, she’d set it to not even vibrate and to block all numbers except a selected half-dozen. Jack, Martinez, Oliver, Agatha, Alice, and her liaison at the White House. When the screen flashed into life, she knew something was terribly wrong. Cat waved a knife-hand next to her neck and stood up. “I’m sorry, Roger, this is an emergency call. I need to take this call, it is an emergency one. Let’s hope there’s nothing wrong...”

She went to the restroom to answer it. Underway, she looked at the caller ID. It was Alice. Cat grimaced.

Catherine tried to cheer her up.

“Alice!” Cat tried to sound cheerful. “What’s going on? I miss you so much!”

“Catherine, hi. We miss you too. Sorry to keep radio silence this long but it was necessary. I’m glad Mr. Mouser returned safely.”

Alice didn’t seem worried as if she knew Mr. Mouser would return safely. Cat didn’t mention it, though.

“That’s fine, I hope you both are okay. Look, the government already has your location, they’re listening in to this conversation. So, I hope you’re calling from a safe place.”

“I already called Jack, we’re good. We were hiding in New Hampshire. We found out that the demon-tainted cannot enter the state because of an old deal between a demon and a guy. No, we aren’t worried about the government. Our pustulent friend is on the move. Shinji says he’s going to New York City and the government is hot on his heels. We believe he’s tired of playing the hiding game and may cause something. I don’t know. His objective is to get you, so he might try to get a flight to Las Vegas.”

“Alice, I’m pretty sure he can teleport. The military had no idea how he got to Guantanamo Bay and back to New York in a matter of minutes. If he wanted to come to Vegas, he would already be here. Wait, what did you say about New Hampshire?”

“The demon cultists couldn’t enter the state. All that tried had some sort of accident or mishap that kept them from crossing the state line. We found this old tale a century old, of a guy that tricked a demon and defeated it, setting that protection as part of their Deal.”

“Do you know the name of the guy who beat the demon? Was it Daniel Webster? That’s a fictional tale.”

“He was called that in the story, yes, but we think the name is fake. We read several versions of the story in the local library and even visited his alleged grave. He didn’t ask us about the Union. And yes, people believe it’s fiction, but so happens with most returners’ memoirs.”

She paused. “Do you mean I can go live in New Hampshire and the demon couldn’t come after me?”

“Probably not. You probably would be blocked from entry like the cultists. Or you might die, like some cultists. We can try it on foot but I think you’ll just trip and fall down. But we need to be ready. I believe the demon is tired of being hunted. He created a fireworks spectacle during his latest clash with the military.”

She blew all the air of her lungs and tried to keep her anxiety under control, “What should I do?”

“I don’t know but be ready to act. Keep a travel pack with you, your documents and permits, spare cash, the likes. Stay safe, Catherine. We’ll keep in touch.”

She returned to the studio and found the podcast host talking with the show’s director. “I’m sorry, Roger. I know your time is precious but a personal emergency came up. I have to go to New York now.”

“That’s okay, we’ll work with what we’ve recorded so far. Thank you for coming, Catherine. And good luck.”