We set off with my newfound determination for kicking some medieval monster ass. If me turning into a game nerd and leveling up was what it would take to save Mace and the others, so be it.
“Nerd me up, Merlin,” I mumbled.
“What?” Lana asked.
“Oh, nothing.” I gave her a shrug. “Do you know how many XP points I need to level up? Or what level I need to be in order to beat the sorcerer?”
“Nope. How many?”
I shook my head. “I was asking you.”
“That’s a great question.” Lana tapped her front hoof to her chin. “I don’t know. But I do know that every castle offers a ton of challenges and a lot of meanie weenies to battle. I always hear castlers say that battling the things inside castles is the best way to get XP and level up fast. Wait, check your stats. It should say!”
“Of course…”
Checking my stats, there it was–80 XP needed. I could deal with that. Next I pulled Rodan’s map out of my inventory, then repeated the hand gesture he had used to zoom out on the image. Mountains and waterfalls, bogs and valleys, rocky outcroppings and deserts appeared in the vast expanse.
Scattered throughout the regions, illustrations of castles dotted the landscape. Some sprawled like a burgeoning medieval metropolis, while others stood in crumbled repose, adorned with toppled tourettes and crumbling roofs.
“Each one is another adventure.” Lana stood by my side, her head tilted upward to explore the floating map. “I’m going to have so many scrapbooks to fill.”
I repeated my hand gesture in reverse. With the movement centered over one of the crumbled ruins, I touched my pointer finger and thumb together, then spread them apart. It allowed me to zoom in on one of the castles. Details of the abandoned structure filled the page, then text materialized next to it.
I read the words aloud. “Castle Nuys.”
“I’ve been to that castle.” Lana motioned to it with her nose. “It’s a very nice castle. Their indoor bathrooms are to die for... But it’s not the Realm One End Castle.”
“The what?”
“Realm One End Castle. Remember, the point we’ll need to reach to advance to the next realm. There’s no moving up and saving your brother if we don’t get there. Also, you’ll die if you’re not there by nightfall.” Lana’s eyes went wide. “I’ve seen it happen. In the dark of night, creatures swoop down from the sky. They have curved fangs and razor sharp claws. Once they grab hold of you, they like to start by chewing off your—”
“Got it. Don’t be outside at nightfall.” I scratched my chin. “Gloptar said something about dying that way, too. Maybe we should head to that castle right now.”
Lana pranced in a circle. “Straight to the End Castle. How exciting.”
“If that’s where we have to be anyway, might as well go early to be safe, then work on gathering XP, upping our levels, and all that other game-nerd stuff.” I glanced over the castles on the map. “Do you know where the Realm One End Castle is?”
“No. But I bet it’s one of the castles on this map.”
“Safe bet.”
“Plus, it’s called ‘grinding.’ The whole, battling to level up and get stronger.”
“Okay. Grinding.” My mind went to another type of grinding that occurred during wild nights when cadets needed to unwind, but since I was going into nerd mode, I made a mental note to adopt the new definition.
I zoomed out, found another castle, then zoomed in again to read its title. “Castle Fortskin Pleasure Dome.”
Lana’s lips curled into the shape of a circle. “Oooo... I’ve never been there. It sounds exciting.”
“We are definitely not going to that place.”
After checking a few more titles, I found what we were looking for on the outskirts of the map. “This is it. The title says ‘Realm One End Castle this way.’”
I assessed the distance to the best of my abilities. It appeared to be at least a couple hours away. I found my bearings, then rolled up the map and returned it to my inventory box.
“C’mon, let’s go,” I said, nodding to the tiny unicorn.
The cliff face led to another path that cut back into the forest. Soon, it gave way to a cobblestone street which dumped us into a vast clearing in the wooded grove. A small town filled the space, sprawling out to the surrounding treeline. Low, tudor-style buildings lined a network of branching streets. Positioned throughout the cobblestone walkways, posts with horse ties, signs boasting eateries, and vendor’s stalls filled out the medieval metropolis.
Discarded items littered the streets. Doors stood ajar and laundry flapped on dangling closelines. The town seemed recently abandoned, casting an eerie and foreboding feeling over the entire place.
Twang.
The sound of metal striking something solid echoed out, reverberating over the cobblestone streets. I pressed my back against the white stucco wall of a nearby tudor, motioning for Lana to do the same. The sound came again. This time I was able to determine where it had originated. Directly in front of us, less than a block away, the layout of the buildings opened up, forming what seemed to be the end of a plaza.
“Someone is banging on something.” Lana turned her right ear in the direction of the noise. “It could be a super cute street performer, playing the drums to earn money to feed their family.”
“I don’t think so. Whatever is making that noise is probably going to be mean and want to kill us. Remember the baby rats?”
“Right. In spite of being cute little babies, they did try to eat some of your face.”
“Exactly.” I pushed my back away from the wall and headed toward the plaza. “Since whatever is over there is probably mean, let’s not let it see us. Got it?”
“That sounds like a great plan.” Lana aligned behind me. “But if we don’t want them to see us, why are we walking toward them?”
“Because it could be a cadet that’s in danger.” I moved closer to the wall and kept advancing. “First, we see what it is, then, we decide if we want it to see us.”
“I know the other part of your great plan for wanting to see them,” Lana whispered.
I scrunched my nose, and briefly looked back at her.
“If it is a meanie,” the little unicorn began, “after we see them, we’ll be able to track them on the map Rodan gave us, just like he said. Anything we see shows up on the map for a short time. That way, we would know if they were coming after us.”
I raised my eyebrows. What Lana had said actually made a lot of sense. “Yes... that was also part of my plan.”
The elongated tip of my slipper jiggled when I planted my foot on the cobblestones just outside the edge of the plaza. As I prepared to look around the corner, a cacophony of loud noises rang out.
Lana’s eyes went wide. “The noises are definitely coming from the plaza. It might be a whole bunch of drummers.”
I shot her a smug smile, then, once again, found myself slowly peering around the corner. In the middle of the open space, several green creatures stood around a large, two-wheeled cart. Tattered leather clothing covered their torsos, leaving their arms and legs exposed. Long black hair sprouted from their heads, tied into several tufts, held in place by what looked like dried clumps of mud. Their heights varied greatly, the shortest standing only a little taller than Lana, and the tallest at three times that height.
“Those are goblins.” Lana flared her nostrils. “Goblin teens to be precise. I recognize their stinky armpit smell. Unicorns don’t have armpits, that’s why we always smell like a mix of gingerbread and hopefulness.”
I squinted, further examining the creatures. Dark green pimples coated their faces and upper backs, and many of them moved as if they were still unaccustomed to their lanky limbs. Their eyelids drooped and every last one of them breathed through their mouths.
“They’re teenagers alright.” I examined the courtyard, trying to gain a better understanding of the threat these things posed.
They held chunky, iron weapons, each one with a unique and oddly shaped blade. Bright colored paintings adorned the cold metal, mostly depicting severed heads and limbs drawn in a crude, cartoon style. It reminded me of the way we covered our hoverboards with stickers when I was a kid.
As I took a deep breath, trying to decide our next move, an odd smell filled my nose, like someone had just slid a bucket of gutted fish under my face. Shit, those teens do stink. “That smell is terrible.”
“Want me to do a strawberry poot to freshen things up?”
“No. I don’t think that’s something I ever need.” I looked at Lana with a cold stare before turning my attention back to the plaza.
The goblin teens walked in an erratic circle around the giant cart, taking turns striking it. Chunks of wood flew off the wheels. More strikes came, cracking thin posts on the sides of the cart.
“Watch this,” a skinny goblin brandishing an ax called out. With a quick swing of its bulky weapon, one of the wooden spokes on the massive wheel cracked in half. “Told you my hit would be good.”
Another, larger goblin teen stepped forward. He kicked the broken spoke, sending it skipping across the cobblestone. One more solid kick to the wheel almost separated it from the axle. The cart dropped, slanting to its side at a mean angle.
“Now it won’t roll so good,” the larger goblin howled.
I pulled my head back behind the corner and turned to Lana. “Why are they breaking their cart?”
“That’s not their cart. It’s much too big for them.” Lana looked around the corner again. “I would guess the cart belongs to an ogre. I’ve seen them here before, dropping off deliveries of barley bales and rye to the Dwarf’s brewery.”
A leather tarp covered the contents of the cart, tied down with thick ropes. One of the goblins jumped around, haphazardly stabbing at the payload, occasionally stopping to examine how much damage he had inflicted.
“So they’re dumb, teenage, vandals?” I whispered. “Guess teens making stupid life choices is a universal thing.”
Pulling out the map, I noted seven green glowing orbs in the plaza. No doubt, they represented the goblins. “Now we can find a way around them and make sure they’re not following us.”
Lana’s eyes lit up. “I have a plan.”
Without warning, she galloped to her right, then charged forward, headed straight toward the plaza. Reaching out with both hands, I grabbed her tail and yanked her back.
“What the hell are you doing?” I tried to remain as quiet as possible.
“I thought we agreed that we were going to attack them.” Lana furrowed her eyebrows.
“We didn’t agree to that. When did we agree to that?”
“When I made the plan in my head.”
I exhaled and pushed her against the wall, making sure she couldn’t dart past me to give away our position. “That’s not how plans work. You have to tell me first, then we agree on what to do next.”
“I’m so very confused.” Lana lowered her head. “I thought making a plan meant you tell the other person what you’re doing while you’re doing it, like when you climbed onto the treasure chest back at the cliff.”
“Lana, I’m a real person, with military training. I don’t have to run my plans by you first. You’re just a character in this game. If this is going to work, you need to follow my lead, and not do anything without asking me first. Got it?”
Lana pouted and tears welled at the bottom of her large, blue eyes. “Okay. I understand. I can follow your lead. I won’t let you down again.”
As she stared up at me with her sad expression, I softened my gaze. “If and when there is time, I’ll tell you what my plan is before I do it. Sound good?”
She sniffled, then smiled. “Oh, thank you. I can’t wait to hear your next plan.”
I inspected the map. A river snaked across the page, north of the town, standing between us and the Realm One End Castle. The closest bridge was conveniently situated just beyond the outskirts of town.
“We’re gonna go back to the town entrance, then head into the woods to sneak around the goblins.” I used my finger to trace the path I intended to take on the map so Lana could see. “Then we’ll cross the river here, near the town’s north exit.”
“I love your plan to go around them.” Lana pursed her lips. “They are only teenagers after all. We don’t want to easily level up at their expense.”
Thwunk.
Another strike from a goblin’s weapon echoed out, followed by more laughter.
“What do you mean, easily level up?” I asked.
“With stats as low as theirs, it would be easy to defeat them in battle and get closer to leveling up. You remember—part of that grinding stuff we talked about.”
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
“How do you know it would be easy to defeat them?”
“From their stats, silly.”
“Stats?”
“Yes. They tell you everything you need to know about any character in Castle Crawl. If you look at any character, then think really hard on seeing their stats, they’ll appear. It’s like the inventory box.”
I straightened my back and leaned around the corner to take another look at the goblin teens. After a few seconds of focused thought, red boxes appeared, floating in place above their heads.
Beneath their names and species, each creature had several categories listed across the top of the box including: Level. Strength. Knowledge. Agility. Charisma. Fortitude.
Every category had a number next to it. Most of the goblins’ numbers ranged from 0-5. All of their charisma stats read 0.
Lana smiled in excitement. “See. Their stats are very low. That’s why you want to ignore them. A super-warrior like you only wants to do battle when it’s a real challenge.”
“On second thought,” I began, removing my crossbow and dagger from my inventory box, “maybe we do need to battle them.”
“Our first ‘change of plans’. This is so exciting.” Lana stood up on her hind legs and kicked her front hooves in circles. “This will be our second battle together as besties.”
“Calm down. This is still a serious situation with a lot on the line.”
“Right. Can I take the lead? I’m a super expert battler. I’ve done hundreds of them. I have several, amazingly effective battle-skills.”
I nodded, then paused. “Wait. What about those baby rats? If you’re an expert at battles, why were you so hesitant to help with them?”
“That was very different. They weren’t one of my mortal enemies. And, they were small, so I had to use a different technique. I’m used to battling things twice my size.” Lana lifted her chin. “I don’t remember my exact record, but it’s somewhere between undefeated and never lost.”
Obviously, Lana knew a lot more about this place than me. Maybe I could learn a thing or two by watching her battle from a safe distance. I nodded at her, then loaded a bolt into my crossbow. “Okay. I’ll lay down cover fire from here.”
“This is so exciting. I think I just did a little wee-wee.”
A small puddle appeared under the tiny unicorn’s back side. I scooted away. “Add peeing on me to your ‘don’t do’ list.”
“I’m a great list taker. So far it’s, don’t fart on you, and don’t pee on you.”
“Just get ready to go do your thing on my command. If anything goes wrong, we regroup here, then exit the town the same way we came in.”
“I’m so ready.” Lana leaned back and stretched her front legs. Then she tossed her head to the side, like a fighter might do to stay limber before pummeling an opponent. “Time to battle.”
“Now.” I nodded to the tiny unicorn.
With a buck, then a quick snort, Lana ran around the corner, hooves skidding across the slick cobblestones. Picking up speed, she headed straight for the goblins. The green creatures turned toward her, squinting their eyes and tilting their heads, clearly trying to assess the incoming threat.
As I readied my crossbow, targeting the closest goblin, Lana broke into a full on sprint, her flowing rainbow tail billowing in her wake. The green, teen creatures who were behind the cart jumped out to the side, aligning beside the others in a defensive line.
Lana leaned to her left—it almost seemed like she had anticipated their actions. The mean slant she had taken allowed her to quickly change direction.
Within striking distance, and now parallel to the enemy line, she stopped galloping and straightened her front legs. Pebbles danced across the ground as she skidded to an abrupt stop, directly in front of her foes.
The goblins raised their weapons and bore their yellowed teeth.
“I’m here to battle,” the baby unicorn cried out.
The largest goblin stepped forward, orange reflections of sunlight glinting off the blade of his gnarled sword.
“We accept,” the creature said as it spread its feet into a stable stance and stuck out its chest.
“You asked for it, so here it comes.” Lana raised her chin and met her adversary’s gaze. Gritting her teeth, she cried out, “Your green skin is so silky smooth, I bet you use three different moisturizers.”
“What?” The creature grunted, eyeing the goblin to its left. They exchanged a look of confusion, then both shrugged. Without warning, the larger goblin drove its right foot directly into Lana’s underbelly.
She arched up into the air like a limp rag doll. Her eyes closed, her legs flailed, then she fell. With skull-cracking force, the tiny unicorn slammed down onto the cobblestone.
“Lana,” I yelled, stepping out from behind the corner.
Raising my crossbow, I took aim and squeezed the trigger. The bolt zipped through the air. With a soft thwack, it stuck into the large goblin’s throat, piercing his Adam’s apple. As he fell backwards over the railing of the cart, a stream of green blood shot out, spilling across the ground and spraying the faces of the two goblins standing on his right.
“His blood tastes sweet,” the closest goblin hissed, licking the green liquid off his lips. “Now it’s time for the one who spilled it to die.”
I charged forward as I shot another bolt from my crossbow. It stuck into one of the smaller goblin’s shoulders, sending more green blood spraying through the air. My brazen actions must have caught the green teens off guard. They all turned and ran.
The scattered group of hoodlums converged again at a stone well near the back of the plaza. Still within range of my crossbow, they ducked and bobbed their heads, like coiled snakes trying to avoid being attacked while they determined the best time to strike.
After a few more steps, I dove and rolled forward, coming to a stop beside the cart.
“Are you okay?” I yelled, placing a hand on Lana’s head.
Lana blinked, then pulled her tongue back into her mouth. “I’m not sure they know how to battle.”
“What do you think a battle is?” I stood back up and shot another bolt. My aim with the new weapon was more unpredictable than I had expected. The projectile skipped off the ground, then penetrated one of the goblin’s shins. He screamed and fell to the ground.
“A battle means giving someone the most special, bestest compliment to make them feel super good about themselves.” Lana sighed. “The unicorn who gives the best compliment wins the battle.”
I grunted. “To non-unicorns, a battle means you fight to the death.”
“It’s starting to make sense now.” Still dazed, Lana’s eyes wobbled in their sockets. “Non-unicorn battles aren’t nearly as nice.”
Huddled around the well, the goblins had an exchange I couldn’t hear, then spread out and began to advance.
Muscles in my shoulders twinged as I pushed Lana under the cart.
“Stay there. I’ll take care of the goblins.” My gaze shifted back to the incoming threat.
“But I want to help win the battle-fight.”
“You’ll help me by not getting killed.” I loaded another bolt, then grabbed the two-headed battle ax from my inventory and leaned it against the cart. “Do what I say and stay there.”
Five goblin teens remained. With side-shuffling footsteps, they scampered across the plaza, the one with the bolt in his shin bringing up the rear. Two approached on my left, and the other three on my right, coming around both sides of the cart.
I fired at the first one on my left. Apparently my aim was a lot better at a shorter range. The bolt stuck the goblin square in the chest, taking him off his feet. He hit the ground hard. Several random items and his weapon flew into the air, then fell around him like scattered confetti.
Only the goblin with the bolt in his shin remained on that side. I moved in that direction and checked my inventory. Shit, I was out of bolts.
The creature hobbled toward me, growling and dripping strands of saliva from his mouth, forked tongue slapping against his lips.
I twisted around, went down on one knee, and grabbed one of the broken wheel spokes. Returning to my feet, I drove it upwards into the goblin’s throat. It went in at an odd angle and the tip burst out through the creature’s mouth like a skewered pig. I stepped back and kicked the goblin in the chest, sending him arching toward the ground.
The action also sent my stupid, loose-fitting slipper flying through the air, but I couldn’t worry about that right now.
“Your eyebrows are so perfectly manicured, you must wax them,” Lana cried out in a panicked tone.
Two of the goblins that were approaching from the right lay on their bellies, reaching under the cart. One had its jagged claws wrapped around Lana’s rear leg. The last goblin on that side was headed straight toward me, weapon held high, ready to strike.
He came around the back of the cart, incensed rage swelling in his eyes.
Shit. My ax still leaned against the rear gate, closer to him than me.
Near my right foot, a wooden block jammed under the cart’s wheel held it in place. I kicked it out of the way, and the thing began to roll.
Crunch.
The heavy wheel rolled over the arm of the goblin who had a hold of Lana’s leg, then up and onto the head of the second creature. As the weight of the wheel crushed the creature’s skull, his glistening goblin eyes shot out from their crushed sockets.
I was napping, but woke up just in time to see that kill. Finally, one worth watching. I only wish the same thing would happen to you, right in front of me. Then I could pick up one of your eyeballs and turn it toward you so you could see how stupid your face always looks.
“Still an asshole,” I grunted, then turned toward the advancing goblin that was almost on top of me.
Taking a step toward the rear of the cart, I used my dagger to slice through the leather latch that held the gate closed. It flung open, sending several barrels and wooden tools spilling out from under the tarp. They slammed into the goblin’s lower half. With a quick snap, his leg folded backward.
“Ahhh!” The creature yelled, dropping his weapon and falling to his knees. I took the butt of my crossbow and smashed it into his scowling face. Sharp teeth shattered and the bridge of his nose caved in. He slumped forward, in lifeless placidity.
Working my way over to the far side of the cart, I drove my dagger into the goblin with the crushed arm. He was the last one. My XP went up by five for him.
Dropping to my ass and leaning back against the cart, I tried to take deeper breaths. My hands shook and small white specks showed in my vision. I blinked and tried to tell my heart to stop pounding before it broke out of my chest.
“What a battle-fight,” Lana yelled, crawling out from underneath the cart. “Your weapons had a much better result than my compliments.”
Congratulations. You’ve killed a bunch of stupid teenagers. I hope you feel like a real man now. For your unexceptional efforts in surviving the battle, you have each earned two reward chests.
Four small, wooden chests fell from the sky, bounced, then came to a stop. On two of the containers, tiny pink and purple jewels covered every surface, sparkling in bedazzled glory.
“Those are mine,” Lana said, high stepping over to the jeweled chests. She nudged one with her nose and the lid swung open. Sparkle dust shot into the air, shimmering and glinting in the muted sunlight.
Castler Reeve, your first reward is a power-up enhancement... for your purple tights.
“I guess this was yours.” Lana shrugged and smiled.
“Power-up for my tights? What the hell does that mean?” I asked.
I don’t know. Maybe it will make them feel less abrasive when they rub against your crotch.
Lana gasped. “That’s super exciting.”
With a short hop to her left, she nudged the other bedazzled chest. Its lid opened and more sparkles shot into the air.
Castler Reeve, you have earned three dozen crossbow bolts that will be placed in your inventory. Use them wisely, or don’t. Since you’re a terrible shot, it doesn’t really matter.
“That was yours, too.” Lana bit her lower lip as the bolts shot out of the chest. They formed a horizontal circle, spinning around at shoulder height. After another puff of sparkles erupted, they disappeared. I inspected my inventory, noting their presence in my weapons category.
“Why were my rewards the ones covered in sparkles?” I asked Gloptar.
I thought their design directly reflected your sparkling personality. And don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, you ungrateful human-slug.
Lana ran over to the non-bedazzled chests. “Since I accidentally opened yours, do you want to open mine?”
“No, go ahead.”
“Goody!” She nudged both chests with her muzzle and they simultaneously opened.
Castler Lana, you have earned a dagger of death, laced with the poison of a giant, Bordack Bog Frog, and a power up that adds more sparkles to your poots.
“Those presents sound so sublime,” Lana exclaimed. “ I can’t wait to use them in my next battle-fight.”
“At least you got one good thing.”
Standing over the corpse, she lifted one of her front hooves into the air, then brought it down onto the expired goblin’s torso.
“What are you doing?” I asked. “He’s already dead.”
“I know that, silly. We have to loot the corpses, remember?”
“Right. But I thought that happened automatically, like it did with the snake-dog.”
“That was an animal,” she explained, raising both of her front hooves into the air. “It’s different with enemies.”
A look of determination came onto the tiny unicorn’s face and she pounced on the creature’s torso again. Both of her hooves landed simultaneously and blood squirted out of the goblin’s mouth. Before the green liquid hit the ground, the word LOOT floated up from the lifeless corpse, pulsing in a glowing, blue hue.
Damn you unicorn! I was really hoping you’d both walk away without anything else.
As the text ascended, several items shot out of the goblin’s body. A few small weapons and scraps of food rained down.
“Such beautiful things.” Lana ran over and nudged one of the food scraps. It quickly disappeared, then she looked at me and added, “Besties always share, so take whatever you want and put it into your inventory.”
Upon recovering my slipper, the one that had flown off during a goblin chest-kick, I proceeded to gather a few items.
Approaching another corpse, I hesitated for a moment, then slammed my foot down onto its chest. More loot shot into the air. Lana and I took turns gathering it up and placing it into our respective inventories.
“I want you to have this one.” Lana held a small cloth pouch between her teeth. “It’s a bag of multi-sided dice. I already have a set that’s been in my family for generations. You can be the first generation to own yours which is very exciting. A good set is a handy must-have in Castle Crawl.”
“Thanks.”
“A chunk of goblin brains got smeared on the outside of the pouch, but you can wash that off later.”
As gross as all this carnage was, I had to admit that stomping my foot down onto the expired goblins to see what random goodies we were going to get was kinda fun, like opening a box of chocolates, but with more green blood.
“I love looting with my bestie.” Lana stomped on another goblin’s chest.
Apparently, she enjoyed it, too. We gathered up the loot, then, with a healthy amount of adrenaline still pumping through my veins, I raised my foot over the last dead goblin, ready to drive my heel down onto its torso. My aim was slightly off. Instead of stomping on its chest, I accidentally smashed my heel into its lower abdomen. I think my foot didn’t stop until it hit the creature’s spine.
Fwump.
The impact sent a long, wet streak of poop shooting out of the goblin’s butt.
“Oh shit.” I turned away and took a step back. “Disgusting.”
Lana came to my side, then looked down and wrinkled her nose. “His poo doesn’t smell nearly as good as mine.”
I didn’t turn around. “You can have all that guy’s loot. I’m going to keep looking over here for now.”
“Oh goody. Thank you.”
I heard the impact of Lana’s hooves on the corpse’s chest, then the loot hitting the ground. As I prepared to pull the map from my inventory to take another look at our location relative to the Realm One End Castle, a low, loud voice cut through the plaza.
“Who did this? Who destroyed my cart?”
I turned to see a hulking figure stepping into the open space at the far end of the plaza. I couldn’t tell if its skin was more peach, or green, but its giant, round belly looked like he drank barrels of beer for breakfast. Leather bands wrapped around its forearms and a loose fitting leather loin cloth covered his pelvis.
The brute kicked the well with his right foot. Stones and chunks of mortar took to the air. The A-frame and winch atop the structure splintered, crashing to the ground in a twisted pile of shingles and timbers.
“That’s the ogre.” Lana stopped collecting the loot and backed away from the towering creature.
“You will pay with your life for what you did to my cart.” The ogre reached over its shoulder and grabbed an enormous, wooden club that was strapped to its back.
“Use the new dice I gave you.” Lana bounced up and down, obviously excited for the chance to partake in another battle.
I pulled the pouch out of my inventory, extracted one of the multi-sided cubes, then whipped it at the ogre. It hit the creature on the upper part of its rotund belly, then fell to the ground.
“Reeve,” Lana said with a chuckle, “that’s not how dice work in this game.”
The ogre hurled his club at us. Wind whistled as the heavy object spun end over end. Diving to my right, I managed to avoid a direct hit, but as the club bounced off the ground then flew past me, it clipped my legs. Midair, I spun around, then hit the cobblestones, chin first.
My recently collected loot shot out from my torso. I couldn’t tell how much of it, or what specific items I had lost.
Gloptar’s voice sounded from above, mixing with the ringing in my head.
Congratulations for being hit like a tiny wench by a flying club and losing most of the loot you just collected. That’s a new record for holding onto new loot for the least amount of time.
I felt the stiff ground shake under my back as the ogre’s steps came closer. I had to get to my feet. First, I needed to figure out which way was up. The more I examined the objects around me in an effort to gain my bearings, the blurrier they looked. I became aware that they were moving... or maybe I was. What’s going on?
A tug pulled at my armored collar, then Lana’s muffled voice came into my ear, “I’m saving you, because that’s what besties do.”
Finally, my eyes could focus. Doors and windows, detailed masonry and shallow balconies flew past. Gripping my collar between her teeth, Lana was dragging me out of the village. At a sprinting pace, she retraced the path we had taken to get to the plaza.
“I’ll get you out of her,” she said. “I promise.”