"I… I'M ABOUT TO…"

"AHHH~! GIVE IT TO ME~~~!!!"

And as if in sync, this time as proper lovers climaxed at the same time.

"I'M CU-"

Argh, what happened last night.

I woke up on my bed and glanced beside me only to find no one present as I was greeted with nothing but my wet pants as they were still warm.

"FUCK!"

Not again!

Another wet dream!

Is that what they call a lucid dream?

It felt so real to the point I feel like crying at the realization that it was all fake.

Why?!

Why is this happening to me?!

What's wrong with me?

I can't take this anymore!

I can't remember when I stopped being sane.

Or when I stopped functioning like a normal human being.

I feel like I've turned into someone else, or to be precise something else entirely.

It has now been six months ever since I've been in love with her and…

I can't take it anymore!

My heart feels like its about to burst out of my chest and it hurts.

I want her.

Not in the future.

Not in my dreams.

I want her now.

I want her to be mine now.

She has to be mine.

I feel like this desire has become an obligation.

An obligation which has to be fulfilled.

My heart yearns for her so bad I feel like I'm about to be crushed.

Limerence.

Why do I have to suffer from such an accursed love sickness?

Its all because of my dominant emophilia that this is happening.

Its not fair!

At first, I could sleep peacefully as she was the last thing on my mind everyday.

But now, I'm having sleepless nights because of her!

I can't study and handle my schoolwork properly anymore as my head is filled with her!

I have developed social anxiety as I can't interact normally with other people like I used to.

I often forget the taste of the food when I'm eating all because I'm thinking about her!

I usually space out in class and made to do some dumb hard equations in front of the whole class because of my absentmindedness all because I'm busy thinking about her!

My friends decided to give me some personal space since they said I've been a little weird lately and I need some time to fix my problems and they don't know what's the cause of it since I haven't told them anything.

Every moment I catch a glimpse of her, the throbbing in my heart only grows more intense to the point where it actually burns and start hurting me from the inside, causing me to have shortness of breath and I take at least an hour to calm it down, but just a single thought of her again, it reverts back!

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I have become a slave to my own feelings, even if I didn't want that to happen in the slightest.

Now its like my existence was only meant for her!

It's all just her.

HER!

HER!

HER!!

HER!!!

I'm depressed and I don't know what to do anymore!

Just what is wrong with me?

I don't think I've ever been this crazy about a person before and I never thought one day it would turn out like this.

I tried so hard to ignore these feelings but it feels like I'm getting more insane the more I ignore them.

I tried so hard to ignore these feelings because I know the cruel fate of how my one-sided love is.

I thought that by ignoring them, one day they would all just disappear like they did in the past.

Guess I was wrong.

I should have known better but its too late to complain now!

I hate it!

I thought I gave up on love, but this cursed heart of mine is beckoning me otherwise.

Why do I have to be one with a weak heart, huh?

Couldn't it have been someone else's problem and leave me out of it?

Ever since that time when I was utterly rejected publicly and defamed by Akari in front of everyone, I swore never to do anything like this again. It is also that moment when Akari shamelessly destroyed my school life which led me to be labeled as a lecher and get avoided by girls.

All the girls in the school have a negative image about me all because of that idiotic scandal!

The scorn they give me when they look my way.

The contempt they show!

It's like it never ends!

And yet three months ago she clearly had forgotten my name. I saw that with my own two eyes.

At first, I just liked Ichinose as a person and hoped I would lose interest.

And the worst thing is I don't even know how it happened.

Before I realized it, I was in love with her and disregarded it as I knew nothing was gonna happen.

If I knew that I was going to fall so far this deep and made to suffer by my own self, its better that I just never came back to school from that time.

Shit! I just can't seem to get her out of my head!

Why is this happening to me!!!?

Am I still even human? I feel like I have already abandoned my humanity.

Why does fate have to be this cruel to me?

Aww, this sucks.

How did I turn out to be such a monster?

Maybe its lust. No, it isn't, if it was I wouldn't be throbbing this badly from just seeing her face.

Just what am I gonna do?

If I tell her I love her and it's the truth would she accept me?

Nah, I would be rejected outright without a second thought.

Even I know that.

For some reason, Senki's words from three months ago started resurfacing in my mind, and what's­­ frustrating me the most was that even though I listened to him and continued my daily boring life, NOTHING CHANGED!

Not. A. Single. Thing. CHANGED!

It has become worse!

In fact, its even worse than the previous times.

Stronger in fact!

As a gyaru, I suspect that her type is the good-looking type like my former friends and I'm not one of those.

Its only common knowledge.

I don't want to admit I have feelings for her!

I don't want to confess and be rejected once again for the third time and get hurt the fourth time!

I don't want to go through dejection again!

I don't want to experience that anymore!

Please, I'm a very emotional person and now I've become a different person too because of it, its too much!

Then a silly thought occurred to me although still recurring from time to time.

But if I try, would I be able to convey my feelings to her?

Would she be able to answer my feelings positively?

Should I try my luck and see where it goes?

No, I have zero luck when it comes to women.

Time and time again that has been proven to me!

I know I'm stupid okay.

But then, if I don't do something about this, I might just rip my chest out because its throbbing so hard that I might have hyper-tension.

Nah, if I go to the hospital because of high blood pressure, I'm pretty sure I might just regret not taking this moment sooner.

Guess I have no choice but to do this.

Argh! Even I am freaked out by myself.

…

…

…

So I've decided, I have to do this. No, I am going to do this. I woke up but didn't feel like I could do anything today except for my objective.

Not to say that I could even get a wink of sleep these last couple of days as bags had formed under my eyes, making me look like a creepy person.

Well, I am currently creepy by the way.

Everything I did was so absentminded that I did not notice the mess the house was in. If my father came back home now, he would kill me but I don't have the time to worry about such trivial things.

My bed, my room, the whole house had already turned into a mess but I just left it at that so I must have become quite a junkie myself.

Everything around me felt like it didn't exist anymore. My IQ has probably dropped insignificantly because of these terrifying emotions.

So I made sure that today I would come to school as early as I possible and dropped that type of letter in her locker. Don't worry I didn't write much just a mere enough words to attract her attention.

I also made sure nobody saw me but it was so early I bet I was the first one there although I knew that wasn't the case. As I dropped the letter, I felt the ticklish smell of her perfume through my nostrils and I could feel my heart palpating once again.

The only problem is it was beating too hard!

I almost lost my senses all just because of a tinge of her scent causing my shortness of breath to occur once again.

'Oh my God! This is just her perfume and not her! And to think its enough to do this to me!'

I didn't focus on anything particularly today as usual. Or should I say 'my now usual routine.'

I had become complacent at everything and even forgot how to genuinely smile.

Finally, schools' over. Let me head out to the top of the school building.

I quickly climbed on the steps whilst frantically calming my raging heart, hoping that it all goes well and prepare for the best.

Goes well?

I know exactly what's going to happen but it is for the best.

As I finally reached my destination, a cold breeze greeted me as it was that season and then steeled myself.

'Senki, huh. I guess you were right.'

'I am definitely going to showcase my stupidity.'