THREE DAYS LATER

"I am War Minister Latela, and I will be your class representative, as well as teacher of the War Arts," the demon said. She was beautiful. Her frigid, blue eyes could freeze the soul with iceburn, but it was natural, as no one was really worthy of her gaze. Her blazer was undone at the top, not by choice, but by necessity, to contain her overflowing bosom. She was a Lust Demon through and through.

Ain was uncomfortable in his seat next to Senon. The two goblins sat behind him. They were in a section of their own, designated for their faction. Everyone's seating arrangement was divided by faction.

Senon was stiff. She looked like a doll. A really tomboyish doll. But still beautiful. And stiff. Like a corpse. And she was a corpse, for all of ten seconds. She hadn't exchanged a word with Ain since that day. In fact, this is the first time Ain saw her since then.

She was probably still angry about that.

"Senon, step into the ring," Latela called out.

"Yes, ma'am." Senon jumped to her feet, as if she was praying for this moment to come as soon as possible. She made her way to the podium.

"Nobility faction champion, step forward."

"Yes, ma'am," a voice rang out, and a large demon made his way to the podium.

"Why we here?" Troma asked.

"Because someone, and Def not say who, not only kill future wife, blow up admin building, and piss on Rite of Conscription scroll from Realmbreaker, but also forget to join faction," Def said.

Troma thought about it for a moment. "Troma confused. Def did all that?"

___

TWO DAYS BEFORE

___

"You Zazu?" Def asked, holding the scroll in his hand.

The demon nodded. "This scroll is a Rite of Conscription. You are now part of the Realmbreak... what are you doing?"

Def looked up at Zazu, as he began opening the scroll.

"Stop! It is enchant--"

A light flashed from the scroll.

"Great, now your attendant is a Realmbreaker," Zazu sighed. "I'll have to nullify that when I get back. He will likely be mindless for a few more da--"

Def snorted and folded the scroll up. "Who Realmbreaker? Def? Def goblin."

"You... resisted the Compulsion...?" Zazu was mind-blown.

Def brought the folded scroll up to his nose. "This what Def think of your Rite of Conscription." Then he blew his nose into the scroll.

Zazu turned pale as a sheet.

"Now Def conscript you into fak off faction," Def said, throwing the scroll on the ground.

Stolen novel; please report.

"Aff yoooo!" the Living Word chirped happily.

Troma slapped the head of the club against his palm.

Def began undoing the zipper on his trousers. "And this what Def think of Realmbreakers..."

___

"Ok, maybe one of those Def do, but all the rest, someone else do - and Def not say who, Def only say they human," Def explained.

"I didn't forget," Ain said, rolling his eyes.

___

ONE DAY BEFORE

___

"Are you Dort, the leader of the Commoner faction?" Ain asked the skinny demon.

Dort glanced at Ain, as if he saw a ghost. "You are the human... what do you want?"

"I'd like to join your faction," Ain said. "Is that all right?"

"No, thanks," Dort said. "Fuck off, human."

___

"Must be sad when not even Commoner want Master. Master hit rock bottom. And Def poorer than ever," Def lamented.

Troma shook his head. "Ok, but Troma mean, why are we here?"

"Now factions fight over who get Master. That why we here," Def explained.

Troma put a hand on Def's shoulder. "No, Def, listen to Troma. Why are we here? Why we born? Why we goblin? Is there a meaning to be alive?"

"What the fak Troma talking about?" Def asked, baffled.

"Def never wonder what meaning of existence is?" Troma asked.

"Why Def think about such stupid? 'Meaning of existence'? Who care? Def poor. Def life in poverty and debt. Def screwed. Def not even really alive! Why Def have to think about 'being alive'? Troma kill Def," Def growled. "Know what? Fak you. Def have enough. Def kill you now."

Ain heard the sudden commotion behind him, but he had become well-practiced in ignoring it. Although, when he heard someone's head slamming into the desk, repeatedly, he did have the urge to look behind. He resisted it, however.

"My faking eye!" Def screamed. "What kind of goblin stab in the eye?"

"Affhole!" the Living Word chirped.

"Troma can't feel spleen anymore..." Troma whined.

Meanwhile, Senon's battle began in earnest. The two warriors bowed to each other, and the battle began. And then it was over. The Nobility faction's champion's head landed somewhere in the seats for the Elite.

No one even saw Senon draw her sword.

This was met with cheers from the gathered crowd. Except the Nobility faction. They weren't cheering.

"F-Hole, transform into your true form!" Def shouted.

"Affhole!" the Living Word chirped.

"Nice!" Def shouted.

Troma screamed. He screamed so loud, even Latela looked in their direction. And then she glared.

Ain was ready to shuffle off the mortal coil from embarrassment.

"What are you doing over there?" Latela asked.

Ain glanced back.

Def was holding Eternal Suffering, who was shaped into the letter 'F', and trying to stab Troma's throat with it, as if the Living Word was a pitchfork.

"Get the 'F' out!" Latela said, and although her voice was calm, it carried; it sounded louder than it actually was.

"Sorry," Def called back.

"Affhole," the Living Word chirped sadly, transforming back into its original shape.

Latela sighed. "Ravener faction champion, step forward."

"Yes, ma'am." This time, the champion didn't sound as spirited as the previous one. Ain couldn't blame him, considering what happened to the previous one.

"This boring," Def said.

"Yeah," Troma echoed. "Why we here?"

Def sighed. "This again? Maybe Def hit Troma too hard? Troma, existence meaningless. It mean nothing. Troma live, and then die. Nothing happen. Troma change nothing."

Troma blinked the tears from his eyes. "Harsh... and uncalled for."

"It true," Def said.

"But Troma mean, why we here? Master already in faction," the goblin said, tapping Ain's insignia.

Def stared at the other goblin. "Troma right. Master is in faction. We just make faction official."

Ain looked at Def. "We can do that?"

Def nodded. "Think so. We just declare we faction. Then all the operating finance, we take. And keep."

Troma gulped. "Troma not sure about leaving finance to Def..."

Def cackled. "This perfect. Troma genius after all."

"Troma is?"

Def nodded and jumped onto the desk. "Senon!" he shouted.

Just at that moment, another head went flying, this time towards the Realmbreaker court.

Senon glanced towards Def.

"Senon, come. We get the F out of here," Def shouted.

"But what about the Faction tournament?"

"We make own faction!"

Senon pondered for a moment and then nodded. "All right."

"Wait, you can't leave..." Latela grumbled.

"So, Def in charge of finance, Troma can be janitor, and Master.... well Master is Master," Def whispered, as he lead the group towards the exit.

"What about me?" Senon asked, joining the group.

"Senon can be Master wife," Def said.