There is, of course, a downside to having no status— it is that you cannot fight back against those who do have the right to beat you. This, I understood not long after the end of Professor Jibeidi's lecture.

I wandered off down the stairs from the Central Theatre, and I saw my elder siblings, First Sister Bai Canyue and Third Brother Bai Xiaolong, walking in my direction. They were not disciples of the Phantom Orchid Sect, but the Bai family had many dealings with the sect— there was even an elder of the sect who was associated with the Bai family, whose name I did not wish to remember— and these two were the two prizes of the Bai family. I did not know just how strong they were. They were talented and many years older than me, so it was likely that they had broken through to Core Formation or maybe even Spirit Severing. Either way, it was well understood that one of them would become the next family head.

I felt a pit in my stomach. I did not want to meet them, but if I could see them, then it was too late to avoid them. They already knew I was there.

I had no choice. I moved to the side of the staircase, and as they passed by, I greeted them. "First Sister. Third Brother," I said with a bow, as was etiquette.

Canyue's red eyes flashed, a deep ruby, a crimson like dried blood. Without a moment's delay she spun in half a circle and delivered a roundhouse kick directly to the middle of my upper arm, snapping the bone, cracking a few ribs, and sending me tumbling down several steps before I crashed into the rocky outcrops on the border of the stairs. I tried to stand, but it was all I could do to stay on my knees and prevent myself from tumbling further down.

Her flaming hair, no less brilliant than her bloody gaze, hovered in the air like the embers that burn off petroleum's black fumes.

"An illegitimate bastard like you has no right to call me sister," she growled. "If you had any self-respect as a member of the Bai family, you would slit your own throat in repentance for the shame you bring us by your very existence."

She turned and walked off.

Xiaolong did not. He walked over to me and, stooping down, examined my bones with his Qi Sight. When he was satisfied that they had broken in just the way that he had expected, he smiled, stood, and followed after Canyue.

He was attentive. Too attentive. I had no choice but to take the full brunt of Canyue's attack if I did not want Xiaolong to notice that I could use qi. And how could I let him know? I did not have the will to show my power to the world.

—I collapsed onto the ground.

"Chunxue."

I heard Professor Jibeidi's voice, and then she was kneeling over me, splitting pills in her hands, applying their salve to my skin, running her qi through my arm, puzzling back together the fragments of my bones. Had she seen it happen? Had she watched? She always appeared like this, offering me solace when I was closest to collapsing. But how rarely was it that she intervened?

"I'm sorry, Chunxue," she whispered. "I could have stopped anyone else under my authority as an alchemist, but I cannot intervene in family matters."

I remembered Natsuki's words. They are not your family, she had said.

"I know," I coughed in response.

After Professor Jibeidi healed me, she took me to the medical office to recuperate, and then she was once again called away by the elders. As soon as she disappeared from the room, Natsuki appeared by my bedside, wearing an expression that seemed to me to be tinged with worry. But she did not say anything. She just stood there, as if she wanted to speak. Ultimately I spoke first—

"Natsuki..."

"Why did you not fight them?" she demanded. "You promised me you would not let them beat you any more. I understand that you are yet reluctant to raise your sword against your family, but you must at least defend yourself."

My body was too struck by languor for me to shake my head, so I only said, "It wasn't the right time. It's too early for everyone to know about... our power."

She closed her eyes, her black eyes darker than the night sky, and breathed deeply. Finally she said, "If you are not going to fight, then tell me. I will protect you."

My eyes opened wide. I had never heard such words before.

"You'll... protect me?"

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"Yes. Call for me, and I shall be there."

I was in utter disbelief.

"...Why?"

"For the duration of our contract I am your shadow, Chunxue. How could I enjoy watching you suffer?"

I turned my gaze off to the side. "Everyone else seems to enjoy watching me suffer."

"Professor Jibeidi does not enjoy it."

"Yeah, but... Professor Jibeidi can't help me deal with First Sister or Third Brother."

"That is because she is bound by the laws of man. Do not blame her for it."

I did not respond.

"...Call my name, Chunxue. Call my name."

I finally turned my gaze back to her, but she had already disappeared.

----------------------------------------

In the afternoon I collected firewood for the sect as normal, and then hurried on home. On the way there, I found Natsuki by the side of the road, inexplicably balancing herself upon a wooden fence that ought not even hold her weight.

She turned to face me as I approached, but she did not speak.

I walked up to her, but she still did not speak.

"Natsuki?"

"Chunxue," she finally said as she hopped down from the fence and began walking, "what are you planning to do about those two, Bai Canyue and Bai Xiaolong?"

"I..."

They were targets of my revenge. Guoqiang, Wujiu, and the Bai family— save perhaps Second Brother, who I never knew well enough to hold a grudge against. But somehow, in my right mind, seeing those two in the flesh, I was once again not sure I was capable of raising a hand against my family.

I followed after Natsuki as I pondered this dilemma.

I could not raise a hand against them. No, it was not because I loved them. I did not. I hated them. But they were my family, and family was... absolute. Rather than have them die at my hands, I hoped to one day have them recognize me. As long as we were family, I could not help but hope that the essence of that Confucian relationship would one day shine through.

"They do not reciprocate your feelings," Natsuki interjected. "Even if you consider them to be your family, they do not consider you theirs."

I shook my head. "How can that be? Family isn't about considering or not considering. I'm from the Bai family. That's just a fact. I just have to prove myself, and they'll recognize me."

Natsuki was silent for a few moments. Then she stopped walking. With her back still facing me, she said, "Chunxue, if you continue thinking like that, you will die in such a way that I will not be able to protect you."

I could not understand the meaning of her words. "What? But aren't you stronger than all of them?"

"Chunxue. I cannot protect you from yourself."

She began walking again, in strides deceptively long, and I had to run after her to keep with her pace.

"Wait, Natsuki, what do you mean—"

"Chunxue. Where is your dinner?"

"...What?"

I caught up to her stride, and as I walked by her side, she turned to me and continued with a subtle frown,

"You did not eat dinner last night. There is no kitchen in your room and you are not carrying any food on you. You are human. What are you planning to eat for dinner?"

"Ah... uh... well, usually I get some small stuff from the mess hall during lunch, but I guess I'll be skipping dinner today..."

Sighing, she stepped out in front of me and grabbed my shoulders. Staring straight into my eyes, she asked me,

"Chunxue. Do you know what it means to be human?"

I had, of course, pondered this question before, but how could I have an answer to one of the most philosophically complex conundrums known to humanity?

"Uh, no, not really."

"It means that you must drink water and eat food, else you will die. Did I not tell you that you must not become arrogant with borrowed power? That you are using my power does not change the fact that you are human, and you will live and die like a human."

She had in fact told me that. It was one of the first things she had told me. I had thought it was some kind of commentary on how people tend to get drunk on power— I didn't think it actually had this kind of meaning.

"But, I mean, it's not really about me being arrogant—"

"See, Chunxue? If you refuse to eat, how will I protect you from starvation?"

"I— I—" My cheeks flushing red, I turned my gaze downwards. "I'm sorry."

"Aiya..." Natsuki sighed heavily. "How do the other students get dinner?"

"Well, outer sect disciples go to the mess hall, but I don't have enough work credits for two meals a day, and inner sect disciples can go to the inner sect mess hall if they don't have servants..."

"I see. Long Guoqiang seems to be from a declining yet yet powerful family, so he must have servants preparing his dinner. Then I will go borrow dinner from him tonight."

"...You're going to steal his food? That's a bit..."

"But you are going to kill him, so what does some food matter?"

...I nodded.

That night, I had a proper dinner for the first time in many months. Natsuki, however, refused to eat with me, no matter how many times I asked her.

After all— she was not human.