She swung her sword down.

Her sword cut into my neck, and—

—"Chunxue. Our contract is not yet complete. I do not permit you death."

—and crumbled to nothingness.

"Why... won't you let me die?" I whispered.

The demon did not respond.

—"Fuck!" Canyue cried out in pain. "Fucking... backflow!" She staggered back, crashing into a wall and then collapsing to the ground. The destruction of her materialized qi sword had caused a qi deviation, which would take some time for her to fix.

"—Xiaolong!" she gasped. "Finish it! Now!"

A hundred alike sounds, all the sounds of swords cutting into dirt, echoed from the doorway of the shack.

I turned my gaze. Xiaolong stood there, facing us, holding a segmented steel whip by his side. At the very end of the whip was the head of a vicious fork-tongued snake, whose fangs dripped poison every time it curled its jaw.

"Chunxue," he growled, his voice screeching like metal upon metal, "you only have yourself to blame for this."

"I know!" I shouted, standing up to face Xiaolong. "It's my fault! So just kill me already! Kill me, you piece of shit! KILL ME!"

"DIE, BASTARD!" he roared, casting his whip forth! The snake hissed ferociously as it opened its jaw wide, its fangs black with venom. It ripped through my robes, cut through my flesh, and—

—"Chunxue, you must live."

—the whip disintegrated in a burst of colorless flame, with the snake-head letting out less than half a shriek before it disintegrated.

"Why...?" I whispered again.

The demon did not respond.

Canyue stood on uncertain feet, and pulled a sword, a real sword, from her hip, though it did not look much like a sword. Its blade looked more like a nail, a long nail, the kind of shining nail you drive into the hands and legs of a sinner to crucify them upon a breaking-wheel.

"Wait, First Sister!" Xiaolong cried out. "You can't use that sword! You'll—"

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"Do not question me, Xiaolong! I will do my duty as the heir of the Bai family!" She turned her rabid gaze to me, fury pouring from her mouth with every breath. With a cry loud enough to raise the dead, she thrust her sword into my forehead.

"DIE!"

And yet—

—"Live."

—I did not die.

The cursed sword she wielded shattered like glass before it even reached me.

I feel to my knees, not out of pain, but out of hopelessness. I could not die. My life had no meaning, and yet I could not die. What kind of cruel twist of fate was this? The only ones who had the right to deny me death were my family. If they would not do so, if they would rather encourage my death, then who would dare stop me?

Fine. It didn't matter. Even if their swords couldn't kill me, I could just destroy my own mind from within. I cannot protect you from yourself, she had said. Of course! There were many ways to commit suicide. I, who was too weak-willed to run my own sword through my own throat, could only manage one—

I put my hands to my head and, running qi directly into my brain, cut it off from the world. In a moment I was once again in that hell of Avici, with no form, no sensation, and no perception. There was only the emptiness, the endless unitary nothingness, and within it my consciousness, unbound and ungrounded.

That was three out of five skhandas annihilated. All I had to do was destroy the remaining two, of thought and consciousness, and I would be free. If not dead, at least I would be free. Without the ability to form any attachment, I would be free of all attachment, free of all craving, free of all suffering. In some sense, I would be enlightened. But I did not care for enlightenment. I only cared for the emptiness.

If I silenced my thought, then my consciousness would go with it. Yes. That was all I had to do to become one with the emptiness. The sense of soft certainty I felt, the sense of imminent death, I had to stop thinking of it. And so—

———

————

——

—

"y.....st ...e"

A voice, a voice from somewhere, reached out to me, though it was smothered by the endless silence. Quiet! I have no need for your words, whoever you are! My mind is set on the emptiness.

—".... m...t li..."

It spoke again! Why?! Who?! Who would dare interrupt my rest?!

—"ou..us.....v..."

No more! No more, I beg of you! Be silent, so that I may rest in the darkness, swaddled in the silence!

And then I heard it, a voice clear and loud, undeniable, unimpeachable, indominable—

—"You must live."