Hesitation
”A perfect leader does not exist, even amongst the gods we all worshiped.” ~Evanclad Irista, the First Monarch
“Wait! What do you mean?” Kristel asked. She had heard Frein’s words loud and clear, but the concept portrayed by them in her head—separation—was blurred in the process of her understanding.
She looked at Katherine, demanding for an answer. No, the Princess looked because she was desperate. She didn’t want her to go.
Not again.
When the Lady of the Void didn’t say anything, Kristel turned to Frill. The Aria in Red was in the same state of panic as her. And when their eyes met, an understanding took shape. Both of them turned back to Frein.
“Don’t go!” they said at the same time. Surprisingly enough, even Xiv joined them. He added a ‘Bro’ which awkwardly pulled everyone’s attention.
“It’s a Nightmare Incursion,” Frein reminded them. “Frankly, I haven’t witnessed one, but it’s apparently more dangerous than a Void Encounter.”
“I know about it,” Kristel retaliated, barely containing her irritation. “Who told you about this anyway? How are they so sure?”
“The Letterman,” Elizzel said. She had her arms crossed, facing away. It made apparent that they didn’t like what they were doing either.
That just irritated Kristel even more. However, the Letterman held too much integrity now, as far as their trust in him was concerned. Without his help, they wouldn’t have survived their fight against the three Forest Jaws. They wouldn’t have any confirmation that Venry was alive either.
Kristel sighed, rubbing her forehead. She didn’t want any of them to go. Not when she had just caught up.
“Nightmare Incursions kill entire nations, Kristel,” Evanclad reasoned from within her consciousness. “They’re doing this to protect—”
“I know why they’re doing it!” Kristel exclaimed. If it was with anyone else, they would think she had gone crazy, but everyone here knew of the dead Monarch residing within her Mind Palace. Even Xiv was informed about it, now that he had to work as her bodyguard. “I still don’t want any of you to go.”
“If we stay here, we’re risking this entire country,” Frein said.
“Millions will die,” Katherine followed.
“This isn’t preventable, Princess Kristel,” Elizzel said lastly. “The Letterman said the Incursion will strike wherever Frein happened to be. It’s within the next eight days. If we don’t go soon, everyone will be in danger.”
“But what about you guys?” Frill asked. “You won’t survive a Nightmare Incursion on your own!”
“We’re a lot stronger now,” Frein said. “Besides, the less people we have to worry about, the better we can concentrate.”
“That’s not going to work!” Xiv complained. “No matter how strong you guys are now, it’s still an entire Nightmare Incursion! It’s literally the Nightmare Lands coming to consume you.”
“But it’s better than having millions of people dying because of it,” Katherine retaliated. “Don’t worry, our plan is to survive within the Nightmare Lands until the Incursion hits, then we’ll escape from it and return to Irista Nation.”
“That’s not a guarantee!” Frill exclaimed. “There must be a better way.”
“It’s the best plan we’ve—”
“Shut up!” Kristel’s words were laced with meiyal, causing the world to reverberate her command. Silence followed the echo of her voice. “Let me think,” she said in between ragged breaths.
The Princess walked away, trying to process the information, but Frein cut her off.
“We don’t—”
Kristel snapped and pointed at him. “You’re not taking her away, Frein. I don’t care. Shut up and let me think of something.”
The Princess stormed out of the training room. No matter how much she tried to stop it, a single tear still managed to flow down her face.
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Frein sighed, staring at the small girl as she left the training room. Frill grabbed his attention with a death glare before turning to follow the Princess. Then there was Xiv, indecision gripping him in place.
“Go after them,” the Visitor said, making the decision for the Vyndivalian. “We’ll stay here.”
After the three left, Frein leaned on the wall as he slowly slumped down the floor. Another sigh escaped him. He was surrounded on either side by Katherine and Elizzel. The two leaned on him, the Lady on his shoulder, the faunel on his lap. And without words, they held his hands as well.
“You made her cry, you know,” Katherine said. “Told you it won’t be easy.”
“Yeah,” Frein sighed. His fingers intertwined with both Katherine’s and Elizzel’s. The two held hands as well, completing a circle. “Give me Nightmares to fight anytime. Just don’t force me to make these stupid decisions.”
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“We haven’t even told them there will be three at the same time,” Elizzel mentioned.
Frein’s mind lingered, not bothering to add to Elizzel’s worried statement. He remembered Enza, and the faunel quickly picked up on his thoughts.
“We can’t bring Enza, you know.”
Katherine agreed. “She’s right.”
“We haven’t even been together for a month,” Frein said. He realized his words meant more than he intentionally realized. “I haven’t even been in Brymeia for a month.”
The two ladies that surrounded him held his hands tighter at the same time.
“There has to be a way,” both of them said.
He agreed. “We’re probably missing something.”
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“Calm down, Kristel.”
The Princess ignored the First Monarch. She wasn’t unfamiliar with intruding voices. In fact, she had been constantly assaulted by them since even before the day Frein arrived.
“Damn it!” she cursed, slamming a fist on a metallic trash bin. It was planted in the ground, but the force from her Siffera-empowered slam sent it twirling in the air.
The trash bin stayed suspended midair, all its contents slowly returning inside as Frill steadily placed it back on the ground through sheer meiyal control. Not quite Meiyal Weaving, but the Princess didn’t really bother to care. She just kept on walking.
Kristel couldn’t look at Frill, not when she couldn’t control her emotions. So she kept moving. The Aria, her retainer, followed while maintaining a good distance. Xiv was with them as well.
The morning was eerily silent. There was no one around. Probably because last night’s celebration had lasted until the sun was almost up. People decided to sleep in. The break was definitely deserved, which was why Kristel couldn’t comprehend the reason for her headache right now.
They ended up in the boarding platform at the edge of Atlas Sid. It was the same one they used yesterday for the Jump. The events of that day came rolling through flashbacks of her memory.
It was the day of her triumph. The moment when she became on par with Katherine and Frein. When she had carried that sword, the Leviathan, she felt invincible. Nothing could’ve stopped her.
Not even Nightmare Incursions.
The voice didn’t come from Evanclad this time, but it was familiar regardless. Quickly, she turned and gestured for her retainers to come closer. They were hesitant, but followed anyway.
“I’m talking to Brymeia. Make sure no one bothers me.” The Princess didn’t wait for their response. She simply sat where she stood and entered her Mind Palace.
Somehow it was different, the transition from reality into her Dream Realm was now more fluid than ever. No need for her to sleep, and especially no need for dreams that turned into nightmares. No guilt, no stress, no pressure. A simple thought was all it took for Kristel to stand in front of her Mind Palace.
Her ancestor’s Mind Palace to be exact.
“Speaking with her costs more than you know, Kristel,” Evanclad said, standing on the threshold of the entrance to the Mind Palace. He specifically stayed on the side, a gesture indicating that he simply wanted to advise and not decide for the Princess.
“I know,” she said. She attempted to enter, but the First Monarch spoke again.
“If you keep relying on her, there will be consequences.”
“That’s expected.”
Kristel moved on, entering her Mind Palace for the first time since Frein had pulled her from her nightmare. She was surprised to see a carpeted hallway accompanied by high bells that tolled, announcing her arrival.
What for? There’s no one else in here. She entertained the question only for a second before she carried on. A chamber was at the end of the hallway.
It was grand and filled with historical depictions of her ancestors. Images of every monarch who carried the burden of the Crown shifted in and out of the stained glass windows of the great chamber.
She recognized so few of them, she realized. Kristella was an exception. The Second Monarch, who she was named after, looked so similar to Elizzel after all. The image of her winked before flying past the frame, to be replaced by another monarch that the Princess didn’t recognize.
At the center of the chamber was a throne on a raised platform. Steps surrounded it on all sides. Beside it was a small dream wolf, Norazzel, who stirred from her slumber after hearing Kristel’s arrival.
The faunel’s eyes shimmered as she read the Princess’s intentions. She rested her head on the floor. “You have been warned. I have nothing more to say. If you wish to continue, sit on your throne.”
Hesitation crept at the back of Kristel’s mind. Norazzel’s decision to simply stand aside had a psychological effect on her. Was it just a reversal, or was there something more into it?
“What would happen if I talk to her?” she asked, completely losing her tension. It was probably for the best. Even Katherine wouldn’t do something so reckless without knowing her odds first. “What exactly are the consequences?”
“No,” Norazzel replied.
“Is it because of Destiny again?” Kristel retorted, irritated by all the secrecy.
“Sometimes you need to take action without all the information in hand.” The faunel met the Princess’s eyes. “Your stride just before, it was one of a strong leader. Now you’ve slumped back to your usual naivety.”
“She means, you have to trust your instincts sometimes, Kristel,” Evanclad said. He walked slowly into the chamber, stopping a few steps behind the Princess. “If you start second guessing yourself, you’ll never be able to lead.”
Kristel analyzed their words. They were right. Her decisions were always sound, provided she knew well enough about the choices she was making. Whenever she was kept in the dark, however, the unknown always made her stop or even walk backwards.
“We all make mistakes, Kristel,” Evanclad said. “Leaders most of all.” He sighed, gesturing for her to proceed. “But again, this brings us back to hesitation and lack of information. Since Norazzel refuses to provide you any more hints, I will abstain as well.”
“You’re saying, talking to Brymeia is a mistake?” Kristel asked. It was the most sensible conclusion from all the vague words both the faunel and the monarch had said.
“Yes,” Norazzel said, raising her head. “Would that stop you?”
Kristel froze on the spot. And the faunel sighed once more.
“You know why you’ve come seeking Brymeia’s advice, Princess, but you’re too afraid, for you do not know the price of what you seek.” The Faunel of Dreams and Memories stood completely.
“Then, let me ask you this, Kristel. How important is it for you? How important are your friends to you? If a simple mistake is all it takes for you to save everyone, why are you so hesitant?”
Norazzel stepped down the raised platform, sitting on her haunches beside Evanclad. The two looked more or less as though they had taken the roles of her adviser. They gave her pointers when she needed them, but ultimately, both left the decision to her.
Kristel took a deep breath and clenched her fist. She took one step up the raised platform towards the throne.
The elegant and oversized chair was made of pure meiyal with the brilliant hue of white and gold. Red cloth, drapes, and cushions completed its color scheme, but its most prominent feature was the heavy atmosphere that its meiyal composition created.
Each step was an effort. It didn’t matter if Kristel used Siffera or not. The steps themselves pushed back against her feet, while gravity pushed down on her. She felt herself being squeezed, and by the time her hands reached the throne, she was bleeding from her mouth, nose, eyes, and ears.
The world spun around her, but she made all the effort to take her seat.
Suddenly, everything and everyone was gone. There was only the darkness. The Princess no longer bled, she couldn’t even see herself anymore.
A chill ran up her nonexistent spine as a voice, so quiet and cold, whispered something next to her.
“Oh… you should not have done that, little Princess.”
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