Thapelo was dragging his feet home, one tired step at a time. He yawned, breathing in the cool night air. His brain was mush and his eyes felt like dried out raisins in their sockets. It had been another epic Call of Duty weekend at Katleho’s house, nothing but snacks and energy drinks to fuel them all the way from Friday afternoon.
Then out of nowhere a brilliant beam of light hit him from above, somehow trapping his body in place. His eyes started twitching, unable to adjust to the intense brightness. Then he felt it, his feet lifting off the ground. He was weightless, but stuck.
Overwhelmed, and perhaps a little fed up, his brain flipped the main switch, sending him into the darkness of unconsciousness.
***
Somewhere, somehow, Thapelo sensed that he was dreaming. As if he just had to open his eyes and the dream would end.
The darkness switched off, throwing him into a white room. He noticed two little green men, with big little green heads and big black eyes. They were seated at a bright white table in the middle of the bright whiteness that surrounded him.
“Hey! You! Over here…” one of the little green men called him.
Thapelo tilted his head to the side.
“NoobMaster142?”
Thapelo tilted his head to the other side, perhaps hoping if he tilted his head just right something would click, and he would understand.
“Please come forward and sit down.”
“Are you, you know, my brain?”
The two green men almost fell of their chairs laughing, revealing a thin white line of teeth and long thin purple tongues.
“Yes! NoobMaster142! We are your brain!” The two little aliens laughed even harder.
Thapelo on the other hand was more confused than ever. ‘Discombobulated’ wasn’t a strong enough word to describe how lost he was.
It took the two aliens a while, but they finally calmed down. Then, in the blink of an eye, they were two men, dressed in fancy black suits with very square black shades.
“Fellow human person called NoobMaster142, I…”
“…we…” His partner interrupted, just loud enough for Thapelo to hear.
“We… are also from… uhmmm…”
“…Earth…”
“Yes! Earthland! Thank you collegue. Yes! From the big White House in the America of Earth…land…”
“…just Earth…”
Thapelo tilted his head back the other way, keeping his confused silence.
“You can believe us, we offer proof!”
“…tell him we hate Brittain…”
“NoobMaster142… We hate the Brittainlanders!”
“So… you’re not my brain?”
Both men looked shocked for a moment, then, as if planned, burst into another round of laughter. They laughed so hard they almost lost control of their overly square shades.
“Listen, NoobMaster…”
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“Are you like, in, you know, my brain?”
“Don’t interrupt, but yes, you could say that… Listen, do you consent to being a sacrifice…”
“…possible sacrifice…”
“Possible sacrifice… sorry yes, a possible sacrifice to save Earth?”
“Okay?” Thapelo slowly nodded, liking the idea of saving Earth, but still having no idea where he was, or how he got there, or why he of all people was being asked to save the world. He didn’t do his math homework.
“Okay?” The two men started laughing again. “I am so glad I’m not a human!”
“Me too!”
The men calmed themselves again, shaking their heads in disbelief.
“So how am I going to save the world?”
“That’s classified information, need to know, you know, and you don’t need to know.”
“But…”
“No more questions!” the man shot him down, looking impatient all of a sudden. “Do you, NoobMaster142, consent to doing whatever it takes to save the Earth?”
“I think so…”
“And, do you, NoobMaster142, accept any and all psychological traumas to be a fault of human weakness?”
“Sycololo? I don’t really understand…”
“Just say yes.”
“Okay, yes?”
“Good, do you consent to be used for the greater good as decided by our great leader President Pawe?”
“He is a President, so…”
“So yes?”
“Yes…”
“President Pawe thanks you for your sacrifice and your willingness to serve his greater good. You may now…”
“…wait, the survey…”
“Ugh, yes, thank you colleague. Uuuuuuuuuummmm, let’s see here, soooo, NoobMaster142, just for quality control, Elon treaty and all… paperwork, am I right… Did you find this service useful?”
“I, don’t, really, know?”
“Your answer has to be a number between 1 and 5, 5 being the best…”
“3, maybe…”
“Maybe counts as a 4, put in 4 colleague”
“Where am I?”
“Do you, NoobMaster142, accept all of the terms and conditions?”
“What terms?”
“Your answer has to be either yes or no…”
“Oh, sorry, okay, uhhhmmm…”
“I guess ‘okay’ is a form of yes…”
“No!”
“No?”
“Yes!”
“Okay, yes…”
“No!”
“Just put yes…”
“No!”
“Final question then you can wake up…”
“Wake up?”
“Would you like to keep your memories and risk insanity, or have them wiped when you enter the virtual combat zone?”
“Just, wait…”
“If you don’t want the responsibility of choosing, we have a coin…”
“A coin?”
“To flip… don’t humans do that?”
“I’ll keep them…”
“We only have one…”
“No, my memories…”
“Okay, so that’s a ‘No’ on the memories, thank you for your time, and, do enjoy your stay…”
***
Somewhere, somehow, Thapelo sensed that he was dreaming. As if he just had to open his eyes and the dream would end.
“Monday!” He blurted out. The thought itself was an instant buzzkill. He opened his eyes, staring at the grey ceiling without even seeing it. His mind was racing, did I have homework? Did I do my homework? Why didn’t my alarm go off? Why does it feel like I slept on concrete?
A grey ceiling? This wasn’t his room he realised, panicking to his feet. Something was wrong, his legs, they were too long, they didn’t move like they did before, it felt like they kept hitting the ground long before he intended him to. He continued to tango with gravity, step stepping to stay upright, but gravity was a cruel partner, pulling him here, then there, until he couldn’t keep up anymore, and was forced to sit down, hard.
He realised that it wasn’t only his legs, his arms were too long too, and buff! He had turned into a buff soldier overnight! A fully grown military man, with biceps, overnight!
“Awesome! I am super buff!” He yelled, still sitting awkwardly on the ground and completely ignoring the weirdness of the entire situation. Luckily for Thapelo, there wasn’t any small door for him to open, or foreign bottles labelled ‘Drink me’, although at this point, feeling and flexing his new muscles were his top priority.
“I must be dreaming!” He said, startled by his own voice. It had turned deep, and rugged, and awesome!
Then he heard it, the familiar sound of gunfire and it immediately moved him to his feet, this time, to his surprise, he knew exactly how to move his new body, as if his brain had already adjusted to his new measurements.
The gunfire continued, pulling his mind into focus. He was standing in a little red brick room with a grey concrete ceiling and a grey concrete floor. There was an hole blown out of the one corner, and if by instinct, he started moving towards it to see what was happening. As he looked outside he started smiling. It was an old abandoned red brick town.
He could see streaks of bullets flashing red through the night sky and bellows of smoke, presumably from all sorts of explosions. His body started tingling with excitement, it felt so familiar, the sights and sounds of an ever raging battle; the ra-ta-ta’s of sub-machine guns; the k-r-r-r burst fire of pro’s; and also the k-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r of rapid firing noobs. But there was one other sound, an explosion, an eco, a whisper.
He realised his mistake when he saw the silhouette in the window from across the street…
***
Somewhere, somehow, Thapelo sensed that he was dreaming. As if he just had to open his eyes and the dream would end. A memory started playing, a dream? A memory?
He saw himself, dressed as a soldier, standing in an opening, then he was inside a scope, the crosshairs splitting his surprised face into 4 pieces, “Click…Boom!” And then his body collapsed out of sight.
“Killed by SniperBunny47”
He opened his eyes, yawning as the dream faded from his mind. He went stiff. Am I dead? An unsettling thought. I am dead! But I am alive? How am I alive?
“They have killed you, NoobMaster142” The voice was calm and gentle, like water flowing in a forrest stream. Thapelo noticed his gamertag, Z3n3n3my.
“Zen enemy?”
“Indeed, however you’ll have to excuse me, but must bring balance. For as long as there are enemies, I myself must become my enemy’s enemy. That is the way of balance.”
Thapelo tilted his head to the side, just nodding as if he understood what Z3n3n3my had said. Then, after receiving a quick bow, he watched him bolt into the abandoned town, duel wielding one black and one white pistol.
“Click… Boom!”
Somewhere, somehow, Thapelo sensed that he was dreaming. As if he just had to open his eyes and the dream would end. A memory started playing, a dream? A memory?
He saw himself, standing around like a noob, then he saw the back of his head was inside a scope, point blank, “Click…Boom!” Then his body collapsed, again.
“Killed by SniperBunny47”