Ivy hops off the roof in one smooth motion. I’m not sure if my new joints can handle that, so I scramble down the wall as Ivy heads inside.

“Good morning everyone!” She sings out happily. A groan rings out from everyone except Lucas. He’s full of energy a split second after his eyes fly open.

“Morning! I’ll grab us all something to eat.” He announces to everyone, already up and halfway to the car. He returns a few seconds later with a few jugs of water and a small sack labeled ‘oats’.

Cassie is getting up slowly, but looks alert. Vince, however, pulls his sleeping bag over his head without a word. Ivy silently walks to the foot of his bag and signals Cassie for help. She gets up just as quietly and sneaks over. They both grab the foot of his bag and yank it straight into the air. Vince slides out the open end limply as Cassie doubles over with laughter. Even Ivy lets a few chuckles sneak out.

“Yeah yeah, very funny.” He mumbles into the cold concrete ground. He groans loudly as he stands up. The four of them gather around the hot plate where Lucas is cooking a pot of oatmeal, talking and laughing the whole way. Very quickly they notice me just standing here.

“Are you going to join us, Little Blue?” Vince asks warmly.

“I don’t need to eat.” I respond flatly.

“Doesn't mean you can’t join in.” Ivy smiles at me while she speaks. I take a seat between Ivy and Vince.

“There we go, isn’t that better?” Ivy grabs a bowl for herself. “Don’t worry, you’re not missing much.”

“There’s not much I can do without spices! It’s not my fault Silver’s cheap.” Lucas defends himself, pretending to be insulted.

“It’s not Silver’s fault.” Cassie quietly mumbles.

“I know, I know. Spices are expensive and they’re giving as much as they can. Just let me complain.”

“You can always use your stipend for some.” Vince offers.

“No way! Turns out dates are expensive.”

“If you can’t have a good time for free, you’re doing something wrong.” Ivy glances at Vince as she speaks.

“Alright.” Vince says, ending the conversation. “Why don’t we go over the plans for today.”

“Same as yesterday?” Cassie asks.

“Yes, same as yesterday. But you know how I like to make sure things are clear. Cassie scouts, Ivy’s overwatch, Lucas and I scrap, and Little Blue packs. Any complaints?” He pauses for a moment before continuing. “Good. Let’s make the most of today.” He stands up and slings his rifle over his shoulder and heads out.

The rest of us follow and get to work. Cassie sprints off into the distance and Ivy reclaims her nest. Vince and Lucas resume the awful task of digging through tons of unusable garbage for even the tiniest bit of good scrap. 20 minutes later Cassie comes silently running back into the clearing.

“Bad fucking news Vince. There are nine Scorched shits a five minute walk east.” I’ve never seen either of their faces so filled with anger.

“Lucas! Blue! Come here.” He waits for the two of us to make our way over before continuing. “We’re going to kill them. Any complaints?”

“Yes! Of course!” I say. “I don’t want to kill anyone. You said there’s been enough death.”

“They’re going to do a lot worse than kill people if we let them go.” Vince’s voice is dripping with venom.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes. I do. The Followers of the Scorched Sun are nothing but murderers and psychopaths.”

“They can’t all be! You told me that people are just trying to live! They can’t all just be out here for murder.”

“They are trying to live.” Vince takes a moment to master his emotions before continuing. “The followers take you, they throw you to the sands for days with no water. Just the bone dry dunes and scorching sands. At night they pull you through live coals, ensuring your burns hurt as much as possible the next day. You want it to stop? Just join them. But any descent, any hint that you’re even thinking about doubting their ways, you’re back out in the sands. It doesn't take long to break a person.”

I’ve never seen such seriousness on Vince’s face.

“So they’re suffering! Why are we going to kill them instead of just helping them? Why take the risk with me and not them?”

“Not all of them are suffering, that’s the problem.” Vince says, still fighting to keep his emotions calm. “They only ever send one or two new initiates per group. The rest of them? They revel in it, all of it. The chaos, the death, the torture. The rest are living a nightmare. It’s not possible to talk them down. It’s not possible to help them. Killing them is a mercy.”

“So what? Next time I’m having a meltdown and you have trouble bringing me back, you’re just going to shoot me too? Because killing me would be a mercy compared to my family? Fuck that, and fuck you too!” I can’t help but yell.

“Blue, listen. This isn’t about you.” He’s frustrated with me, but trying to keep it under control. “Our hacker before you was named Drew. The Scorched took him while he was on watch. We woke up hours later, only to find him missing. We found him flayed alive and being dragged over coals. I had to put a bullet between his eyes to end his suffering. That’s what happens to people they get their hands on. That’s why they have to die.”

I can’t let my fury keep me from thinking this through. I see Vince’s point, I really do. What happened to Drew is despicable, and if that happened to anyone in this group, I would want their heads too. On the other hand, this thinking is exactly what led to the death of AI. ‘Some went crazy, so we have to kill all of them’.

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I guess I also need to think of the effects of either course of action. If I say yes, nine people die, assuming our group doesn’t get hurt. If I say no, the outcome is much less certain. Potentially zero people die, although that’s unlikely based on Vince’s words. Potentially far more than nine people die. Those who get captured and survive an attack potentially have it worse. They get forced into that same miserable life, only for the cycle to continue.

“Fine.” I say quietly. I guess it’s the better option.

“Does that mean you’re retracting your veto?” He asks.

“Yes.”

“Thank you, and I’m sorry. Cassie, how armored are they and what are they equipped with?”

“Pretty standard. No armor and very little clothes, equipped with crappy pistols or half functional rifles. Two of them are in full ceramic armor and shotguns.”

“Ivy can take care of those two.” He flashes a few hand signals to Ivy, telling her what’s happening and where she should set up. “Lucas, Cassie, get cover built. I’ll take the wall around the house with Little Blue.”

Cassie and Lucas immediately get to work without waiting for further instructions. Just how many times have they done this? How many people have they killed? Vince turns to me, bringing me out of my train of thought.

“You don’t have to fight, just stick with me and I’ll keep you safe. If things get too bad just head to the back of the house. I’ll be damned if any gun other than Ivy’s can break through three layers of concrete walls. You’ll be safe there. Ok?”

“Ok.” I say nervously.

“Good.” He turns to the two already building cover for themselves. “Everyone clear?”

The pair respond back with a yes, not slowing for even a moment in their work. Cassie sets up a few small pieces of cover all over, preparing for an attack from any direction, just in case, and even a few pieces outside the clearing. Lucas, on the other hand, creates one single bunker with a few small holes just large enough for a gun barrel to stick through. While that all is happening Vince talks to me.

“Just watch my back. You don’t have to shoot, just tell me if you see someone, alright?”

“I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask. Just please tell me if you have to leave first.”

“I’ll try to. Just remember I’m not going to be able to hear.” I remind him quietly.

“I know, thanks for the reminder. I’ll sign to you if I need anything.” He places both of his hands comfortingly on my shoulders. “Just focus on yourself, alright? You’re going to be fine.”

“Ok.” I’m not convinced, but I’ll try. Did I make the right choice? I guess there’s no way of knowing. It’s not worth thinking about.

Once everyone is set up for the fight, Vince brings us together one last time.

“Cassie, get their attention and bring them in. Lucas, wait for Ivy to shoot before you open fire. Remember what Silver says, there’s no routine operation. Stay careful, no big risks. Whatever happens, we’ve got each other’s backs. Cassie, stay fast. Lucas, don’t stop shooting. Little Blue, make sure you load hollow points just in case. Everyone feel good?”

“Yeah.” Lucas’s ever present excitement has been replaced by deadly seriousness.

“Mm hm.”

“I guess.” I say after the other two.

Vince asks Ivy with a sign, who responds she’s ready.

“Cassie, one last thing.” Vince says. He steps forward and embraces Cassie. “I’ll see you in a minute.”

“I’ll be fine.” She mumbles into his chest.

“I know.”

Cassie breaks off the hug and shoots off into the distance. Vince, Lucas, and I get into position.

I’m ok, just focus. Focus on every detail in my sight, every feeling of the ground beneath me. Focus on the wind rustling my clothes and of the weight of my guns. I’m ok. A minute later Vince taps on my shoulder. He points at his ear.

Can you hear?

“No.” I say aloud.

He flashes me an Ok back followed by Two shots a second later. I’m ok. I keep my eyes behind us. Three more minutes pass before Vince gives one last signal. Hear running.

Here we go I guess. A powerful shockwave far above me signals the beginning of the fight. Vince instantly springs to his knees. He takes careful aim before pulling the trigger, the feeling of each explosion marking the end to another life. The recoil barely makes him flinch. His eyes are focused solely on the task in front of him, focused on murder. How can he do it so coldly, so without care? I don’t think I can handle this. I can’t.

“I have to go!” I yell to him. He gives a small thumbs up with his front hand without ever interrupting his shooting. I stay low, running to the back of the house, and collapse to the ground. I’m ok. I’ll be ok. I just need a moment.

I pull myself into a sitting position against the wall and bring my knees up to my chest. Even all the way back here I can still feel the occasional shockwave of Ivy’s gun washing over me.

I just have to focus on what’s around me. I need to pay attention to the sand, rocks, me, the wall, a pair of feet to my right. That’s not supposed to be there. I pull my head up and see a man walking slowly around the house. His skin is bright red, covered in blisters and deep cracks. He notices me at the same time and turns his pistol on me.

He’s so slow.

Without a second thought I pull my pistol from its holster, whip it towards him, and pull the trigger. His chest collapses in on itself, chunks of meat and shards of bone explode out his back. His arms go limp but he does not fall. His eyes, god his eyes, fill the entirety of my mind. I can feel his shock and fear as if it were my own.

He knows what’s happened, and he knows what's coming next. His mouth opens to say something that I can’t hear. His last words are lost to the wind. He falls to the floor, never to move again.

The world spins around me. If I had a stomach I would be vomiting, instead my mind can do nothing to cope with what I’ve done. I stare at the gun in my shaking hand, covered in the shining red blood of the man I killed. His blood is so warm.

This is my fault. Of course it is. Why did I ever think I wouldn’t have to kill someone? Things have never gone how I wished them to. I deserve to suffer for what I’ve done.

A second pair of feet step into the very top of my vision. A man, covered in blood. Their charred skin is sloughing off with every step. They sprint around the corner, lifting their pistol at me. I fire again.

The man falls back, a torrent of blood coming out of both sides of the clean hole through their bodies. Their blood drenches both my hands and body.

The man begins to morph as they fall backwards. They shrink, their skin stitching itself back together. A man fell, and Cassie landed.

She hefts her gun from her location on the ground, firing at me with her last breath. It explodes the wall just beside my head. I run. The bullets whiz by me until I reach the edge of the clearing and turn a corner.

I sprint down a makeshift path in a haze, taking turns at random. Vince will find me, and kill me for what I’ve done. I push my servos to their limits for minutes on end.

Eventually I find myself collapsed in the back of a half buried bus with no idea how I got here and no idea how to get back.

“Well done.” Kara whispers in my ear.

I cry as hard as I ever have.