“Why are there so many slimes on a castle?” I just had to ask as I slash a slime while another one appears out of nowhere.

“Maybe they are short on people? And yeah, I think, just as like you Dark Elves, these Demons are quite extinct ever since the peace treaty of 89’.” The Half-Dwarf-Half-High-Elf named Gretzel said as she hides behind me and my great sword as she has become lazy over the decades. I guess it’s kinda my fault for her growing up that way. Well, technically, she didn’t grow up. She’s still 4’2.

“Somewhat I feel like you’re saying something bad about me even though you’re not saying anything.” The little blonde bitch-witch added.

Then an arrow flew past her hat, its eyes closed as it almost hit itself.

“FUCK OFF, HUMAN!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS FUCKING HAT COST!?!?!” The not-so-high-elf said. “AND STOP THE HEIGHT JOKES YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TYPING ABOUT ME! DON’T MAKE ME BREAK THE FOURTH WALL YOU FUCKING CUNT!!”

“Heyy, don’t pick on the writer. He is just writing how he imagined how you would be.” Xinthia the human said with her lovely voice. Her long hair fluttered in the air as she calmly and elegantly stretches her bow. “Arrow Creation.”

“WHY THE FUCK IS HE WRITING GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU!! AND HE’S MAKING YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!! DAMN I’M OUTTA HERE!!” Said Gretzel. As she was walking towards the exit of the room, she bumped into a giant pink slime. “Oh dragons.” She exclaimed.

The former Long Eared Assassin of The Dark Elven Village ran towards me. "ELAIZAAAAAA HELP MWEEEEEHHHHH!!!!" Tears in her eyes were dropping non-stop. I told her so many times that she should learn no cast spells.

I ran towards her, sword in hand. But before I even get to her, I was too late as she got gulped by the Slime Boss.

I opened a portal to my basement where I place all of my swords and placed back my Elder Great Sword and took the Katana Of Lighting which I bought like…. a century ago from my great-great-great-great great grandson Elshore for a very cheap price. Or was it my great-great-great-great grandson Illuminous? I forgot already. Being old sure is tough.

“Lightning Strike!” I shouted as I slashed the slime with lightning. It’s kind of a high end spell that this sword provides but it consumes too much mana. But the damage is what really counts.

The Slime Boss died receiving the spell.

“Gretzel? Are you okay?” I approached the monster’s dead body and slashed it gently, opening it’s stomach.

The bitch-witch appeared. “If you think that being covered in slime is ‘okay’ then I guess I am.”

I opened a portal to her room. “Change your clothes and maybe take a bath.”

“Sure sure. Just leave the portal open.”

“I will need some mana replenishing cake okay. I think I still have two of those on the fridge.”

“Make that one.” The one-eyed ranger said as she smiled awkwardly.

“Okay, what the fuck.”

“Make that zero, kekeke.” Gretzel smirked.

“B-But… I have my name written on the label….”

“And it also said ‘Do not touch’.” Xinthia said as she rubbed salt on my worm-like skin.

“Jeez. As if opening a portal is an easy task. You need tons of mana for that.”

“But don’t Dark Elves have tons of mana.” Xinthia the human said.

“Exactly.” I said as I took the mana potion that I placed on my skirt pocket.

Xinthia then took what she can from the bodies of the slime’s that can be sold and placed it on our stash basement that I opened through my portal. And not so long after that, Gretzel came back to join us. A slice of cake placed on a small plate in-hand.

“H-Here you go. It’s not like I rushed taking a bath and changing my clothes just to buy you a piece of mana replenishing cake at your favorite potion/bakeshop near the smiths where your great-great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter works.” She then became flushed red as I just stared at her. The face on her hat is somewhat smiling like that of a cat as always. “True story.” She added as she puffed her small breast not befitting for a 35 year-old girl.

“Thank you, Gretzel.” I smiled.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Hmp! You better remember this!”

“Of course.” I smiled and happily ate the cake.

Then, there came a familiar flash.

Xinthia took a group photo of us. As always.

[https://i.imgur.com/6TpdaTd.jpg]

“This goes to my adventure compilation blog. Hehehe…” Xinthia muttered to herself.

Xinthia likes to take photos and put it on her Instaham. A lot of mercenaries and adventurers actually follows her and her blog on our adventures and her “Way of the Arrow”. Except that she’s actually a better swordsman than her behind a bow.

After eating the cake that Gretzel bought for me, we continued our mission.

More slimes but much of a higher caliber were waiting for us on the next floor.

Actually, they aren’t that much of an opponent for us. But for normal humans, they are hard to deal.

“This party….” Gretzel said as she went near on the deceased party.

The party of five consisted of a Paladin, A female Knight, two Wizards and a Reverend.

“They didn’t get lucky.” I said. I opened a portal to the adventurer’s guild in Henvrinchtein Oulm.

“I think you guys might know these people.”

“Elaiza of the Death Mountain!!” The adventurers exclaimed.

“Yes, yes, the one who defeated the dragon on Mt. Dread singlehandedly, blah blah. Just take these adventurers to their families and tell them how brave they were in Hell’s Castle where they fought against a hundred demons. Ciao.” I said as I entered the portal back to the castle while Xinthia carried the fallen adventurers on the guild.

I closed the portal.

“Why did you have to lie?” Gretzel said as she is lightning the way with the flames in her hand just because she forgot to buy a torch, thinking it was a hassle because she can just use her flame spell. So much for mana reservation. I think she forgot how much a mana potion cost.

“Adventurers lives and dies for glory. Who am I to take that away from them? Even if it’s a lie, I think they deserve a better death from slimes. I don’t want them to be mocked up. You know humans, they think all slimes are the same.”

Somewhat, the little witch has her eyes sparkling on me for a while and stopped speaking as if thinking of something.

“As expected of Elaize of the Death Mountain.” Xinthia said.

I stared at her with my dead eyes. I hate that title.

And after a long walk towards a dark stairway came an elegant wooden door.

I opened it slowly.

And there it was.

A handsome demon sitting on a sofa, reading a book near the fireplace with a coffee on the table greeted us.

“Welcome… I guess.” He said.

“Thank... you.” Xinthia said shyly. Covering her red face.

“I CALL DIBS!!” I exclaimed.

“Awwww…” Xinthia said.

“Just kidding.” I smiled.

“Want some coffee?” The handsome demon said as he raised his cup elegantly.

I examined the room once again.

It was a small study filled with books all around. There were tons of books piled up neatly just about everywhere. And his windows were like a huge door. I went towards it slowly and saw the vast ocean. It was…

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” He said without lifting his eyes off his book as if it were much more interesting than the three people who decided to raid his home for money. “I always loved that view. My father also loved that view. And so was my mother.”

“I see.” I said as I don’t know what to say.

“Where are they now…?” Xinthia shyly asked.

“Oh, they’re traveling Ather right now. They retired.. They sent me this picture just this morning.” The handsome demon took his phone from his pocket and showed it to us.

“Oh, the Jazmine Lake.” Gretzel said and then she sipped her coffee as he leaned closer to the demon. “I heard that the fish that can be caught there tastes good.”

“Yes. Dad said that he sent me a package. I think it will arrive tomorrow.” He said. “Mom said it’s a surprise but I think it’s the fish that they caught. My sister loves fish.”

“And this sister of yours… she is now the Queen of this castle?” I asked.

“Yes. If you after the head of this castle, it is not me. I will not fight you, nor will I help my sister fight you.” He said as he sipped his coffee again.

“Can I…” Xinthia said, trying to find the courage to say what’s on her chest.

“Can you what..?”

“Nevermind!!!” She ran towards the door towards the next stairway.

“Hey, atleast let me finish my coffee!!” Gretzel said.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you.” I said.

Suddenly, my past life flashed back once again.

I was standing on a beach with the girl I used to like back in high school.

Okay, okay wait I guess I’ll have to explain this.

…..

…

..

.

This story is an isekai.

You know, where most of the anime protagonists get hit by a truck and the gets teleported to a different dimension.

Except that I went to a spiritual advisor to bring the girl that I love back. Because Vanilla died from her enlarged heart.

Yes, I used to be a boy.

The spiritual advisor charged me for like a thousand pesos. So I had to steal my parents money just to pay him. I didn’t care if it was a scam. I just want to stare at the ocean once again like we did that summer camp.

And thus, the ritual started.

The spiritual advisor said that Vanilla was already reborned to a different dimension. And yes, we are soulmates. If I just die right now, I will be reborn to the place where she is now. Although, my memories would reset.

It actually sounded really crazy and scammish. But he said that he could just reborn my soul there without me dying. And I could easily swap myself from this world to the other world while I’m sleeping. Which I did.

And here I am now. Except that my original self is dead and that I am a 998 year-old Dark-Elf here.

Also, Vanilla already died here in this world. She was Gallen, the person who I had my only child with.

I have read a million of grimoires but none had the spell where I could switch to other dimensions. The only thing that I can do with dimensions is shifting it and turning back into time. Although turning back into time was illegal. And needs ton shits of mana. So I never bothered.

How did I knew that Vanilla was Gallen, you asked? They had the same face as I had the same face before I got to this world.

….

…

..

.

“This is it.” Gretzel said as she placed her small hands on the huge door infront of us.

Xinthia silently opened it.

And there she was. Sitting on her throne with a glass filled with red liquid.

“Welcome, adventurers.” She had a golden crown on top of her golden hair. Her red dress was beautiful as her.

“We ain’t no adventurers!!” Gretzel exclaimed.

“We are mercenaries.” I said as I did my very cute and unique pose.

“I miss my cats…” Xinthia said.