Chapter 19
The moon hung low in the sky, casting a glow on the desolate landscape of the city beneath it. Its light shined through a veil of dust and debris, painting eerie shadows upon the crumbling ruins. The moss-covered structures buildings although a shadow of their former glory stretched up towards the sky, slicing through the air. The darkness enveloping the city was a haunting a surreal contrast to the beautiful sights overhead.
Rowan found herself outside of the Deck Hall, standing on one of the many balconies to enjoy the sight. Before coming to Nojiri, she had never seen stars above. The lights from Kashmir had always blotted out the serene night skies. Seeing the dead city before her made her think of the metropolis back home, only casting her second doubts of defecting to Liberation.
Her entire afternoon since boarding the ship was spent mopping floors and dealing with the other higher ups. LtCol Ginger was not much different from the other men and women in her chain of command back home. He was the opposite side of the same coin, a dark echo of the past she had escaped. Nothing about the situation put her at ease.
She turned away from the city and back towards the ship to try and find some of the others. Since Megumi had gone under, she had not had the time to see her or Tetsu for that matter. The more she thought of Tetsu, she started to feel some anxiety about possibly growing apart from him. After getting inside of the ship, she started to wander the halls.
The eyes of the other troops followed her around every corner, watching every step. By the time she neared the main lobby of the ship, she had finally come across Rei. Unlike the rest of her crew that was already asleep, Rei was still wide awake and sitting alone with a small notebook in her hands. The small pad of paper was crisp, freshly issued from her encounter with Ginger. While she started to thumb through the pages, her eyes started to shine.
It was another piece of human achievement she had never been able to experience in her village. Rowan was cautious on the approach, and stood across from her, not making her presence known. Before she could speak out, she could hear footsteps approaching from across the hall nearby. The sudden noise caused her to retreat behind the corridor.
“What are you doing here all alone?” Tetsu’s voice rang out from the halls as he called out to Rei.
Instead of being dressed in his yoroi, he was finally given a chance to try on some of the new clothes from supply. He casually strolled towards Rei, wearing a matching pair of green shorts and a cotton shirt with some new rubber slippers. Bandage covered the upper side of his left arm while the lower half remained suspended in a sling. Rei looked back to him, still grasping the notebook in her hands and pulling a small ink pen from the binder.
“I was just trying this out,” Rei said to him, her voice shuddering. “Paxton said he would write his thoughts in one of these.”
“Like a journal?” Tetsu replied.
“I think that’s what he called it. I don’t really feel like training right now.”
“I don’t want to train, I just want to talk,” he continued before raising his hand towards the open spot on the bench next to her. “Can I sit here?”
Rei hesitated for a moment, her gaze flickering between Tetsu and the journal. Finally, she nodded, a faint smile touching her lips as she slowly began to shift aside. Tetsu sat next to her and felt some tension begin to vacate as he looked down towards the book.
“Have you written anything yet?” he asked.
“No, not yet. I don’t even know where to begin,” she replied before lifting the ink pen towards her face. Instinctively, she pressed her thumb against the button on the side, causing the tip to eject from inside. “I’ve never used this before.”
“I have, sometimes when we would get shipments back in town, we would have some come in every now and then. Nojiri was something else. We weren’t quite as shut in as your village. I didn’t even think yours existed until I showed up.”
“Well, it doesn’t exist anymore.”
Her face remained stern, barely painting an image of the turmoil inside. Tetsu started to pull his thumb towards his mouth once more, but quickly shook off the reflex and lowered his hands towards his lap.
“I wouldn’t think about it like that. The legendary Hideo-Jin-Ni exists in your blood and you never know what will happen,” Tetsu said while nervously tapping his fingers in his lap. “You might have your own village one day that’s even bigger. We’re still young, we have a big future ahead.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, nothing,” he shot back, slightly blushing as Rei stared towards him. Instead of staring back at her, he turned his sights towards the empty hallway before nervously scratching his cheek. “Have you ever thought about starting a family?”
“With you?”
“No, no,” Tetsu quickly chirped. His hands started to shake while he started to think about Nomad’s advice. Finally, he looked back to her and continued, “I meant in general.”
Rei turned back towards her book, scribbling away with the pen before saying, “Not really.”
“You’re the real lone wolf type, huh? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. That’s me in a nutshell.”
“I had somebody I cared about a lot.”
“Shugo?”
Rei’s eyes perked up before quickly turning to him. They hung with a sense of regret, becoming glossy.
“When you put it that way,” she said before finally closing her eyes and nodding in acceptance. “Yes, I did. I was so dead set on trying to train and prepare for the battles ahead that I wasn’t even me anymore. It was like I was just going through the motions of becoming a warrior. He showed up and reminded me that I was, well, me.”
“I’m sorry all of that happened. I didn’t mean to bring it up.”
“It feels good to talk about it. I don’t talk to people that much. I think the only person I’ve really been able to talk to is you.” Rei said before turning to him and cracking out another smile.
Tetsu looked back towards her green eyes only feel his heart starting flutter as she gazed at him. While he continued to stumble over his words, Rowan peeked out from the corridor once more. Her eyes were keen to every word and gesture exchanged between him. She could not help but notice the relation between the two, able to easily connect in a way that she could never reach with Tetsu. Feeling skittish, she hid behind the corridor once more, listening in on the two.
“How do you feel about all of this?” Tetsu asked.
“It’s different.” Rei said hesitantly.
“I didn’t really want to say anything that might be considered inflamed, but I feel a little apprehensive about this.”
“Then why did you come here?”
“There’s a lot of reasons,” he said, slowly starting to trail his eyes away from her. “Why did you come here?”
“I’m looking for somebody, and now I have a name.”
“Then what?”
“I’m thinking about that. That person is close to some of the people on this ship,” she started to clench her robe, gently pulling the fabric away from her flesh as she pondered. “I don’t know if I’m going to go through with it. I’m still thinking about Susumu and getting another shot at him.”
“That’s it?”
“If I can get out of this, then so be it. I don’t know if I’ll kill him. He was part of my old tribe. Maybe I can set him straight.”
“Not Susumu,” Tetsu chirped. “He’s not somebody who just steps aside. I’m not going to deny it, I really wanted to be part of his clan. I regret it though. I don’t think I can go back home with him still in the valley.”
“Don’t say that,” she slowly reached over to him, softly gripping his hand. “We’ll go back to the valley one day and get our place.”
Tetsu felt his heart racing as he felt the warmth of her hand. He tried to keep calm and soon found himself racing to say something.
“Are you not going to stay in the fleet with your mom?” he asked.
“She hasn’t said a word to me all day.”
“Then go talk to her. She’ll listen.”
Rei pulled her hand away from him before nodding in agreement. She then turned towards the corridor, headed towards the bridge and finally chose to stand.
“I’ll do that, thanks Tetsu.”
As she walked past him, Tetsu felt his heart racing once more. Once again, Nomad’s advice continued to repeat in his head, subtly prompting him to stand and face her.
“Hey, Rei,” Tetsu called out, bringing her to a halt to face him. As she cast her gaze on him, he finally grasped a hold of himself and asked, “Do you want to go do something when we’re not on shift?”
“Maybe, not now though. I need to do this. We can pick up training later.” she replied, quickly dismissive before trying to turn away.
“Not now, obviously,” he remained strong, trying to keep confident as he spoke to her. “I wasn’t talking about training, I meant something else… not training.”
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She slowly began to smirk as the blood started to flush to her face, finally breaking through her usual cold stare before finally saying, “Yes, that sounds great.”
Tetsu nodded in approval, barely containing the rush of excitement brewing beneath. He started to make his way towards the corridor away from Rei, causing Rowan to light up as he approached her. She hid from view once more, taking a moment to catch her breath before finally confronting him. As soon as he made the corner, she finally made her presence known. She crossed her arms behind her back before rolling her shoulders back to spread her shoulders apart. Her heart pounded as he approached, her body was consumed with a blend of nervousness and determination.
“Hey you.” Rowan said, flashing a bright smile to Tetsu.
“Oh, I didn’t realize you were still up,” Tetsu replied. He turned to face her, returning with a grin of his own, mind clearly elsewhere as he asked, “Do you know where Nomad is?”
“I don’t, but,” she kept her voice steady while butterflies filled her stomach. “I was wondering if we could just talk for a bit. It’s nice out.”
“Maybe some other time, I need some advice from Nomad about Rei.”
“Is she ok?”
“I asked her to spend some time with me and she said yes, I’m excited!”
Rowan’s lips drooped for just a fleeting moment while his words pierced through her. With a heavy heart, she forced out a smile.
“That’s great, Tetsu,” she said, her voice not betraying the turmoil inside her. Each word was hollow and empty as she couldn’t shake the feeling of devastation about consuming her. “I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it!”
He reached out towards her, giving her a gentle pat across her shoulder before merrily continuing down the hall. Rowan took a deep breath. Her eyes started to burn with unshed tears before starting to walk away from him. Each step felt heavier as heartbreak started to press down on her. She could not bear to look back at him and just continued through the lobby and the ship, wandering aimlessly.
The corridors of the ship seemed to fly past her, footsteps echoing softly against the metal hull while she started to fall into a haze of despair. Soon, she found herself starting to get closer towards the entrance to the flight deck. Before taking another step, she gave into her emotions and let out a whimper to finally release the pain building inside. Tears started to stream down her face while she leaned into the cold hatch.
“Didn’t expect to see you hear,” Paxton’s voice drawled in his deep accent, a hint of amusement tugged at his lips as he approached her. “Whatcha doin’ up here?”
“Nothing,” Rowan replied, turning her face away to try and hide her tears. She quickly brushed her fists against her eyes and tried to bottle it up. “I mean, sir.”
“At ease.” he ordered her, his tone gentle.
Once she caught a sight of his with her glassy eyes, a flood of memories rushed back to her—being caught up in Nojiri, being in a cell with the others while he interrogated him, the arguments. Despite all that, she could not feel that same tension and level of uneasiness. There was something different about this encounter. While they stared at each other in the dimly lit corridor, she felt at peace seeing his gaze flash with concern.
“Why ya cryin’?” he asked.
“I’m not crying.” Rowan quickly responded, rubbing her face again.
“You can knock of the tough girl act for a moment, I’ve seen it all before. I spend time with the general, I know when something’s up.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Alright then,” he muttered before pawing his breast pocket for a cigar. While he started to pull one out, he quickly nodded and looked straight towards her. “Good to know there’s still somethin’ human in there. We’ve tried defects like yourself, no offense, and they can be hard to crack. You ain’t never had them get up in your head and cut stuff out, have ya?”
“No.”
Paxton placed the stogie in between his teeth and started to walk over towards the entrance to the flight deck. He quickly released the hatch and then gave her a nudge with his fist.
“Walk with me for a sec.” he requested.
Rowan felt a quick jolt of excitement upon seeing the new side of him and quickly walked through the doorway with him. The inside of the flight deck was barely lit, shadows enveloping the handful of fighter jets parked. Each of the vehicles were compact, loaded with anti-air weaponry—two gatling cannons per ship with a payload of missiles. Each of the bronze tipped projectiles gleamed under the electronic lighting, barely visible as Rowan started to walk towards them.
“Smoke?” Paxton asked after taking a drag from his cigar.
“No,” Rowan said without taking her eyes from the ship. “I don’t know if I’ll like it.”
“Well, you never know until you try one.”
Rowan turned back to him with a look of perplexion seeing him merrily puffing away. She then started to walk towards him, only causing him to pull another cigar from his breast pocket. Once he handed her a spare, she began to rotate it her fingers curiously.
“How does this work?” she asked.
“Put in your mouth like this,” he replied as he placed the cigar back into his lips. As she followed, he lifted his lighter to her and struck the spark wheel. “Just puff.”
The end of Rowan’s cigar lit up as she began to puff. After a few quick pulls, the tip released a long tail of fire, causing her to light up in excitement. The rich smokey flavor gave her taste buds a rush, filling her mouth with saliva before causing her to let out a cough.
“Oh wow,” she murmured before continuing to puff away at the piece. “People like this?”
“Not all people, but I do. Puff the smoke and swish it in your mouth. Ya don’t wanna inhale it.”
“I like this.”
“Thought you would. You seem like a rambunctious type an’ I figured you’d like one of these,” he drawled as his face lit up with joy. “Normally we can’t smoke in the ship, but nobody really gets to go in here. Also, it’s fuckin’ cold out.”
“Yeah, real cold,” she replied before taking another puff. The warmth spread through her chest while the earthly flavors danced across her tongue. After watching him exhale a plume, she asked, “Like this?”
Rowan let out a large cloud of smoke that swirled through the air in front of him. Paxton’s lips started to curl as he nodded at her.
“Not bad for a beginner,” he remarked, his voice filled with a hint of pride. “Kind of a quick learner.”
“It’s the enhancements, I guess.”
“So, you’re built to be a quick learner, I like it,” he started to smack the cigar between his fingers, causing the ash to shower on the metal panels beneath them. “I really appreciate you’ve been headstrong about this whole ordeal. I’m not really a fan of the uppity type but to be honest, you kinda remind me of a younger version of me.”
“Now you’re just brown nosing.” Rowan laughed at the remark.
“I used to get in a lot of trouble when I was still in the enlisted ranks. Hell, my stubbornness is one of the only reasons I’m still here.”
“I appreciate you saving my ass back in Nojiri against that other guy. His name was Dmitri, he was kind of an asshole.”
“Yeah, he was tough as hell, but that ain’t the first time I’ve had to smash some commie scum,” he smiled and started to examine the cigar in his hand while he started to boast. “I don’t got those Deep powers quite like the General, Ninja Boy, or Rei, but I know how to hold my own in a fight.”
“I bet.”
She started to think of Tetsu and Rei’s exchange for a moment, taking a heavy drag of the cigar. Her eyes twitched for a moment while the pain started to surge again. Paxton, taking notice of her going heavy into thought, quickly tried to turn her attention towards the fighter jets behind them. The chrome surfaces of the vehicles gleamed, pulling their focus over to them.
“What do you know about flyin’ these things?” he asked.
“Nothing like this. I was fortunate to get a chance to get hands on with the dropship,” she said. “For the most part, they use these interceptor drones for aerial combat. I don’t think there’s been an air battle since I’ve been in.”
“This here’s one of my favorites. Able to pass speeds over Mach ten,” he turned to her and smiled as the smoke pillowed through his teeth. “That’s ten times the speed of sound, in case you were wondering.”
“I know what that means.”
She walked over towards one of the machines, reaching her enhanced arm towards it. The metallic surface of the jet pressed against the artificial tissue on her arm, however, there was no feeling left. She placed the cigar into her mouth and then reached towards it with her left, feeling a chill as she touched the cold surface of the vehicle.
“What do you plan on doing with these?” she asked.
“It’s in our back pocket in the event things pick up. However, with our victory in Nojiri and combat winding down, I’m wondering if they’ll ever see action.”
“That’s a good thing, right,” Rowan turned back to him to see Paxton staring towards the ships with his normal determined gaze. “Do you think the war is going to end?”
“No,” he fixed his sights on her as he replied. “I know the G.E.I. has a lotta influence and that Weapons Administration running shit behind the scenes don’t want a war to end. I gotta say it’s kinda the same back west. The One World Order only works if we have a common enemy.”
“What’s it like back west?”
“It’s the continuation of the old world. Before that big battle, there was a global alliance of nations that were trying to bind together. There were too many differences. I suppose the G.E.I. told you all about that.”
She let out another cloud of smoke and said, “We know there was a global conflict, but there were a lot of dimensions to it. I had a habit of not paying attention in classes.”
“I don’t know what they told you, but the battles had to do with freedom, sovereignty, all that good stuff,” Paxton continued. “The G.E.I. thinks that they can make everybody think the same. Something about letting technocrats decide what makes a human perfect or what you can and can’t think, or goddamn feel for that matter… just never sat right with me. Our order will make sure people maintain their freedoms, as long as we have our common interests.”
“Continuing the old world?”
“That’s right.”
“If the old world plunged into chaos under this system, why have it? Why have a document if it eventually leads to calamity?”
Paxton’s bright stare grew cold. Rowan could see his eyes start to wrinkle as he continued puffing away at his cigar. After a moment of silence, he finally cracked a smile and started to walk over towards the nearest ship, facing away from her.
“You don’t know what freedom is like and how easy it is to lose it. It may not be perfect, but by golly it’s the best system we have,” Paxton declared, his voice stitched with passion as he spoke. “I’d rather watch the world become ruined again and rise out of the ashes than to watch everybody turn to cattle under the rule of elites.”
Rowan nodded in agreement, thinking again of her time in Kashmir. Everything in the city was an endless cycle with little room for the working class. The cold confines of the many neighborhoods and the non-existent comradery between its people was something that scratched at her. However, nobody in the city would speak up against it. The only thing keeping them together was the fear of being seen as an outsider or seeing society crash to the ground.
She did not have a concept of what the west was like or what the One World Order would eventually bring. Seeing Paxton and the many others lay their lives down to strike back against the G.E.I. had filled her with inspiration, something she felt the G.E.I. was tearing from its people. Upon taking another puff of her cigar, she felt a rush in her veins that took her mind off Tetsu.
“We had a pilot we ended up losing in Nojiri. Seein’ that you’re the fast learner and all, do you think you could fly one of these?”
“That’s a tall order. I dunno,” she drawled in his accent for a moment before smiling at him. “Do you think the LtCol, or the General would trust me with one of these?”
“They probably wouldn’t, but I do. I’d like to see you on the flight sim. Report to my office tomorrow morning.”
“Yes sir.”
Paxton smiled before dropping his cigar to the floor. The embers splashed out from it, giving Rowan another jolt of excitement at the display.
“You best get some sleep,” he said after pressing his boot into the stogie. “Bright and early, 0600.”
Rowan nodded back before dropping her cigar onto the deck, following through with extinguishing it under her foot before following him towards the exit.