CHAPTER 25

His teeth immediately found her bottom lip and tugged. Madelynn let out a shaky breath and Callum took his chance to slip his tongue to hers. Her hands came up and tangled in his hair. She pulled at the tufts at the top of his neck and he sank down on top of her, his chest heavy against hers as their breath mingled.

His hand traced up her arm, leaving gooseflesh in its wake, and came up to cup under her ear as his mouth left hers. He kissed down her neck, until he found the spot, right above her collar bone, that made her gasp. She arched into him, her nails digging into the back of his neck.

Then, he pulled away from her, pushing himself up so he sat on his knees above her. She immediately missed the warmth that he pressed down on her, but he grabbed at her hands, pulling her up with him. She tried to rationalize with herself- but her thoughts were fleeting as he dragged her up to her feet and led her to the master bedroom.

She didn’t even get the chance to grasp the layout of the room before he slammed the door, pushing her roughly against the wall, his thigh coming between her legs as he smashed his lips against hers again.

Her hands found purchase in his shoulders as she held back a moan at the pressure in her core. She tilted her head as his lips trailed lower again, but something inside her- something she’d never felt before- rose to the surface, and she shoved him backward. He took a steadying step, his brows furrowing for just a fleeting moment, before his gaze turned hungry once again as she approached him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as her lips met his once again, walking him back until his legs knocked against the bedframe, and he fell onto his back.

His mouth fell open, a filthy smile stretching his lips upward as she climbed on top of him. Her legs bracketed his as she straddled him, her hips rocking against him in a way that had her stifling a moan. She found the hem of his shirt and pushed it upward, her hands exploring the delicious curves of his abdominal muscles. He didn’t hesitate in reaching down and pulling the fabric over his head, and Madelynn sat up, letting her eyes consume every inch of him.

He was breathtaking. His muscles twitched under her fingers as she ran them up him with a feather-light touch. She leaned down, her lips trailing the line her fingers drew up him. He tilted his head back, not bothering to stifle the groan that escaped his mouth when her lips met the spot just below his ribs.

She kissed the spot again, this time her teeth dragging against the skin there, and his hips bucked up against her- and suddenly she could feel all of him. She tentatively rocked her hips back, letting the hardness of him drag against her, and she clenched her eyes shut, relishing in the bliss that shot through her. His hands flew to her waist, his fingers tightening around her as he pushed her hips back, bearing down on him with a new forcefulness.

She panted against his chest, but her lips continued their journey upward until she found his mouth once again.

The feeling of his breath against her, the way his eyes watched her with such a gentle urgency, left her feeling feral. She reached for his hands and pulled at his fingers until he was grasping the bottom of her shirt. She sat up on him, stretching her arms up above her head as he pulled the shirt upward.

She didn’t dare look down at him. She wanted to cover up, suddenly feeling overly exposed, like this was wrong. But his fingers dug into her back just enough for her to realize how much he wanted this. His hands hesitated, and he knew that if she pulled away now, he wouldn’t stop her. She stole a glance down at him, and realized he was watching her face, waiting to see her reaction- waiting to see if she wanted this too. She did, right?

Not willing to let the moment slip away- not when he was looking at her like that- she leaned back, arching her back as her hands found his thighs. A groan so deep it nearly echoed as a growl escaped him, and his hands finally moved, gently caressing the curve of her breasts.

She moaned into the open air at his touch, and she expected him to grip her- to ravage her- but he just let his fingers softly trace back down her before wrapping around her hips once again.

She felt a ping of hurt as she recalled the other Ladies of Court talking about their breasts- the way men wanted nothing but to bury their faces in them and then devour them whole. Was Madelynn not enough for him?

She sat forward, the hunger between her thighs easing, but then he sat up, wrapping his arms around her in a delicate embrace as his lips found hers and gently worked against them.

She could feel that his lips were swollen and chapped- hers likely were too- and his stubble scratched at her cheeks as he lifted her and rotated out from under her. He laid her on her back, his arms coming out from under her to trail down her belly and down to her pants.

He sprang the buttons free with an expert precision as his mouth trailed down her neck. He kissed down her sternum, his tongue licking against her skin in a way that nearly brought tears to her eyes. Everything he did felt so good, so why did it feel so wrong?

As his lips reached the edge of her pant-line, he looked up at her, his eyes scanning her for some sort of reaction, and she nodded before throwing her head back against the pillow.

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He used one hand to lift her hips, the other pulling her pants down. Just as she was beginning to regret letting him undress her, he adjusted her undergarments, pulling them back into place before he let them slip too far down. She breathed out a silent sigh of relief as he pulled her pants from her ankles and discarded them somewhere on the floor.

She watched him watch her. He was on his knees at the edge of the bed, his eyes so full of want that all she wanted to do was make him feel as good as he made her feel. She pushed herself upright, locking their lips together once again, her hands feeling for his waistband. He pushed off the bed, bending at the waist to keep their lips intertwined as she fumbled with the button of his pants.

He’d made it seem so easy, but her hands shook as she tried once again to get the button through the loop, and he pulled away from her. He stood, staring down at her with the most sincere, gentle smile she’d ever seen, as he moved her hands aside and unbuttoned his own pants.

She watched his hands as he undressed himself, his grey briefs emerging from under his black slacks, and it took every bit of restraint she had left not to gape at the outline of him through his undergarments. How was that supposed to fit inside her? Her cheeks burned and her stomach knotted as she forced her eyes back up to his.

His smile morphed into a sly smirk as he lowered himself back on top of her, his chest knocking into hers and forcing her onto her back again. “If you keep looking at me like that, this moment may be cut much shorter than expected.”

Madelynn’s mouth fell open at his words, a laugh torn from deep inside her as he pressed his forehead against hers. She let her eyes explore his face, all the things she’d never been able to admire in their fleeting moments together. The light freckles that dusted his nose, the dashes of darker grey in his beard, the red veins stretching from the corner of his eyes.

The smile fell off her face. No. She couldn’t do this now- she couldn’t let herself fall back into that place- not when she was so close to being complete. All she wanted was to make him feel like she was worth all he’d sacrificed for her, yet her mind still wandered, still fell back into that moment. She had been so useless, but this was where she could thrive. This was where she could prove herself to be worth something.

His brow furrowed as he watched her, but she didn’t let the moment stretch any longer. She pressed her lips to his in a deep, longing kiss, her hands traveling down his chest until she found his waistband.

Then, his hand found hers, holding it still against his abdomen.

“Madelynn,” he said sharply, not the groan or moan she’d expected, and her eyes shot open. He was still watching her, his face unreadable. She’d made him angry. She’d hesitated and he was going to realize how useless she was. The one thing she was meant to be good at, and she still couldn’t perform. She tried to pull her hand free from his, but he held firm. “Are you sure you want this?”

She nodded, not giving herself the chance to think it over. She needed to do this- needed to prove to herself that she could be anything except a burden. She pulled against him again, but he easily pulled her hand away from him, pinning it at her side.

His voice was soft, but broken and gruff as he spoke, “If we do this, there’s no taking it back.” He released his hold on her hand to support himself on his elbows, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “If you’re not ready, it’s okay.”

She didn’t let herself overthink it. It was normal to be nervous her first time- her mother had given her that talk years ago when her sisters first got married. She knew what it was supposed to be. But, she couldn’t stop the feeling of tears pricking at the back of her eyes as she reached for his waistband again. “Please,” she gasped out, fighting against her closing throat, “let me do this for you.”

He closed his eyes at her words, letting out a breath that bordered on sounding sad, and he sat up, pulling away from her entirely.

She’d ruined it.

She wrapped her arms around herself, desperate to cover up against the shame she’d brought down on herself. She was pathetic. She couldn’t even pleasure her husband the way he needed.

Then, strong arms wrapped around her shoulders, and suddenly she was pressed against Callum’s chest as he hugged her tight. “You don’t have to do anything for me,” he whispered into her hair, his hands splaying against her bare back as she pulled her legs up to wrap under her.

Why was he being kind to her when all she did was drag him down? She felt her face scrunch as the tears she’d been working so hard to suppress fell from her closed eyelids.

“Maddie,” Callum breathed, leaning away from her just long enough to grab his shirt off the end of the bed. He pulled it over her head, and she slipped her arms through the holes as he pulled it down to cover her naked figure. “What has you wound so tightly today?”

A sob wracked through her body at his words, and her mouth started moving before she could stop it. “I am stuck in that moment,” she started, her teeth chattering as she held back another sob. “Every single time I close my eyes, I see you laying on the floor in front of me, all the life drained from your eyes, while I did nothing.” She took a shaky breath, her body convulsing as he wrapped his arms tighter around her. “I look at you, and all I see is how horribly I failed you. I was useless while you nearly died twice!”

She pushed herself away from him, letting her eyes dart down to those bruises, now fading into purple. “I cannot get those images out of my head,” she continued, doubling over on herself, watching her hands clutch at the dark red sheets under them. “And all I can think about is how I would have watched you die if it wasn’t for Elise. I was frozen, and even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have known how to help you.” She snapped her gaze back up to his, and he looked at her with so much pity that her stomach nearly seized. Another sob threatened to tear through her, but she braced a hand against her belly and took a deep breath. “I have done nothing but bring you torment, and you still look at me like I’m someone who deserves to be with you. And- and-” The sob broke through her walls and she collapsed against him, her forehead resting on his chest as she worked on steadying herself.

He didn’t urge her forward, didn’t push her to reveal any more than what she’d already confessed. He just gripped her hand and pulled it up to his chest until she could feel his heart hammering against his ribs.

His other hand came to her chin, dragging her face up until she looked at him. “Do you feel that?” he asked softly, his eyes darting between hers. “I am here, I am alive, and I will never leave you.”

She brought her free hand to her mouth as she let her head fall forward once again. He dropped her other hand and pulled her against him, easing backward until she was curled up in a blanket of his warmth. She pressed herself against him, reaching her arms around him until she was sure she’d suffocate if he pulled any closer. “I can’t lose you,” she whispered into his chest, her body heaving when there were no more tears to spill.

He pulled back enough to look her in the eyes, his hands still wrapped around her shoulders. His eyes stared into hers with so much intensity she thought she might explode as he spoke. “Madelynn Haw-” He paused, tilting his head down and raising an eyebrow as he corrected himself. “Madelynn Whitlock-” He smiled softly, as if hearing her name before his brought him pride- “you have become everything to me, and I will do everything in my power to make sure you never feel that way again.”

Then, he hugged her against himself again, and kissed her hair. He held her like that until her body stopped convulsing, her breathing evened, and she slipped into a peaceful dream of fresh rain and cedar trees.