Chapter 1 - Fire

A blur, waving in the ethereal wind. A vision is wreathed in golden light. The field is half-filled with the disembodied face of a boy with red eyes; hair as white as snow, and lips soft as feathers. His hands are folded across his chest, palms up and open. An impression of boundless space stretching out all around him, a vast nothingness that might not exist at all. He's staring straight ahead, blind to everything but what lies before him. It's like looking into his soul.

«What have you done?»

Can be heard. The words become distant and shapeless, as the absent time in which his image lives. The gloom shimmers like a blurry veneer on the breeze, and the silence of the universe becomes so tight the words disappear. Only the sound remains—a faint whispering, as though from far off.

From blackness, the boy ascends. From his flesh, left in place by his so-called “death”, a flurry of mist and dust emerges. His limbs get looser, hunger grows in his dark heart... ravening hate gnaws at him. A voice in his head whispers things he’s never said, to make him hate, but he knows better. He knows what lies in front of him and he isn’t afraid. Not anymore.

He looks down on the world below and sees it for what it really is. A single sun hangs low in a sky of deep blue, surrounded by a multitude of twinkling stars, glittering in perfect unison. There are no clouds, no stormy weather, or raging gales to mar their beauty. And yet he remembers being here once, and now finds himself here again, and for an instant, he wonders whether he has been reborn.

«Fear will kill you, it will obliterate you. It is a gift»

A stream of visions from the night he was tainted. His eyes, his flesh. He was tortured by the immaterial flames of grief and pain. Fears and dreams, tongues, and matter. There were no voices, no victims, no lure of freedom. He saw his mouth, looking as though it had been gaping for hours, and his soul felt as if there was something inside it... hungry. And then the thirst came. He drank and swallowed until his throat ached with the effort. His body swelled and he panted and drooled. Soon he would burst, filling his lungs with his own blood.

Then, he heard dimly; whispering his name, but there were other voices hissing in his mind like wasps. Despair was crushing his mind, reducing him to nothing but his own blindness and dying thoughts. His body shook and then it was all gone. An echo of his nightmare. The incredible pain that tore at his body was quickly replaced by a blinding light, enveloping him fully. Cold. Fear coursed through him as he heard what sounded like the voice of the world:

«I swear to us, now, that the root of this madness will be ripped from the Grand Creator. One million blades of light and one million more souls will take our place. One million black flames and one million more from the False Sun. One million screams, all branded, and one million blasphemies will be silenced. I shall scream at him, howling at the top of my lungs. I will burn him, through his skin and bones, into his heart, and from there into his very soul. I shall burn him alive; for eternity. Burn him into ashes, burn him down into nothingness. Only then he will look at me and will know he is no more!».

A darkness closes in. The shadows return, gathering around him like a great cloak of despair. He tries to call out for help, but the words won't come. All he can do is stare at the empty void around him. Nothing. No answers. Nothing.

And then comes, the creeping tendrils of dread and fear. They rise from the depths of his mind and wrap themselves around his heart. Like fingers grasping at his very soul. His mouth opens wide, screaming silently as tears form in his eyes. Screams turn to moans and then finally into silence.

§

Where am I? Who am I? I can’t open my eyes, I can’t feel my mouth or what lies under my skin; I cannot hear or smell. How long have I been here? Hours? Years? Is it day or night? Am I breathing? I don’t know. Only darkness.

How did I get here? Where do I come from? All I can see are flashes, like going from one dream to another. Are they images? I am lost so far as to remember life. Is anyone there anymore? Where’s everybody... Are they gone? I am gone?

I can’t remember anything; what was my life even? Nothing. Nothing! My mind just keeps fading out —a blank sheet—. Like an abyss where things are swallowed back into a void. I am afraid. I scream but no sound comes back... nothing but silence. Time seems meaningless. I cannot perceive even a second go by or any gap between past and present. I can’t determine any space, my weight, my limbs. Am I up or down? Still or moving? Grounded or floating? Am I one or many?

Am I a soul? Am I dead? Was I ever alive? Was I human? I must have. I feel human, yet I’m unaware. I know words and ideas, the name of colors, and the way they look like. When such images did happen and where are they now? How much time has passed? I’m going to stay here forever? Or fade away?

Wait. There’s something. Suddenly I feel... something warm; something around. Heat. It's on my head? No, It’s real. Where does it come from? The sensation comes at me even when I can’t see it. My body, I can feel it, but still, nothing happens; I can’t move.

This time the images are clearer. The sun, the mountains, the trees, the rivers. I can almost see the sky. My eyes are moving, I can feel my eyelids. The warmth starts to rise, almost feel like I’m burning. Light. It fills my vision, everything is now blurry. Colors shift so quickly while my eyes slowly start to work. The sky... I see it; it’s red.

A fiery sun as I lay on my back... a fire so powerful it lives one layer over the earth. No. More than that. The sun appears as if it is a part of the earth, as though it were made of the same material. I feel the ground beneath me. I can sense its texture; as if it gives off heat. Earth. No, stone. What is this place?

I can’t move or speak. The first signs of sound are a low rumbling and a very slight shaking on the ground. Finally, I heard something else, small sounds that echoed in the distance. It was not the thunder or an earthquake, nothing with such strength, but it felt like it came from everywhere. All these sensations seem familiar yet I couldn’t place them in any time or space. Like endless vibrations hammering toward me from every direction. A single sound is trying to break through the noise: a high-pitched, distorted shriek that can be heard only from far away. And then all is silent again while a white light covered everything.

My skin turned darker, faster than my mind could realize. Pain. The worse pain my feeble memory had felt. I was burning alive, yet I couldn’t scream. In those long seconds that now I could perceive, I felt my skin being ripped like paper until a red flame burst before them and made me lose consciousness.

As quickly as I faded out from life, pain surged again like a tidal and engulfed me again. I could move now, but every nerve that was numb now hurt like a knife piercing my very veins. It took me a moment to realize the source of this new pain.

My skin was growing back! In seconds, my body transformed again until my last cell was put into place. Finally, a short mumbling was heard at the end of such agony. The pain slowly went away, but a sense of nausea still remained inside me. The rumbling seemed to disappear completely, only the echoes remaining while I could see steam emanating from my pores. I passed out.

The pain did not leave me until the end of the next day —at least what it felt like one—. To wake up only to feel nothing but acid coming out of my skin. I tried moving a simple muscle, I tried lifting my arms again but fell down every time. The more I tried, the more intense it got. I felt as if I was going to collapse, but I didn’t. It took all I could to stay alive. I could barely keep my eyes open, the pain lessened and I started to regain control over my senses. The sun was still bright and burning, but I could see it clearly without any dizziness. I could only see the trace of light, the same noise, the same vibrations. The heat was rising again and with that, I knew it was coming again. And just as quickly as the fire had spread before, it was extinguished once more.

I fainted again just to repeat the process a third time. The light burned my skin every time and the pain was the same without exception. I woke up just to be incinerated again and again, and again. Why I couldn’t just die? Why no one was there to help me? After over a dozen more times something changed. I didn’t lose consciousness. Somehow, something inside took the pressure like the first time and I could witness my body healing again, swearing this time was faster. I began thinking and trying to move again but it was useless, I was still at mercy of the flare.

It was not long before I realized it was gone. The pain had diminished dramatically. I didn’t feel the burning anymore. I didn’t feel any more stress. I did not close my eyes to oblivion. Maybe I was at the very end of my mental continuum and maybe even my spiritual one. There was no God, there was no karma, there was no remembrance; there was no father or mother, no friends or foes.

I began counting the seconds it took from one flair to another. I didn’t sleep or rest. One by one until it absorbed me again without failing. I started remembering these concepts: “Time”, “life”, “and family”. As I waited to be burned again. 32.658 seconds, equals 544 minutes, which is roughly over 9 hours. I guided myself by my heartbeat, getting the same result with almost no variances. I tried moving every single time, but I was only able to shake as my healing kept getting faster.

Everything went by so fast. I didn’t know if it were days, weeks, or months since night didn’t exist there, but it was enough to snap me out of this state. It was no good trying to think of it, my mind was lost in the darkness. I felt numb and detached until two new words came back. Love, and… water? Why Did I remember that? Was it because they were the only things I was able to comprehend? Or was it something else? I remembered some other words, but I couldn’t understand their meaning. I wondered if this was life, an endless procession of violent deaths. All I wanted to do was to escape. I felt as if the world was turning, twisting, splintering around me, trying to encase me every time I was closer to madness. How long has this been? A thousand years? A million? I don’t know. But I was sure of one thing: it would never end.

I was near losing consciousness again when something changed. The fire didn’t feel so bad this time. I could embrace it, make it part of me. It was not my delusion, so why couldn’t I accept it? Enjoy it, even? It wasn’t painful and for a moment I thought it was a sign of salvation. I was wrong. When I opened my eyes, I saw what looked like a giant wisp of smoke, black with a tinge of gray. My heart sank. The flare was returning, and this time it was stronger than ever. I could feel it inside me. My mind was being consumed by heat, the same sensation of pain I felt during the flare, but this time I was conscious. It was the opposite, I was getting used to it.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

I started imagining and watching how beautiful the fire will be the next time. I stopped counting a long time ago and just welcome the light as a gift. The flair washed aside all confusion I had at the moment and washed my brain dry so all the anger could go away. I would love nothing but the fire now, what else can be needed? My thoughts stopped spinning again while the heat came as always, filling me, like a gift from Heaven, wrapping me in its warmth, making me whole again.

Yes! The fire would purify me; it would cure me of all burden. It was a primordial balm that created a new, increasingly devoted Self. Purer. If I thought about it that way it would be much more tolerable. Put my mind in blank and become one with the heat. The pain was always temporary; a sigh compared to the eternal wait for its arrival. It was my only option before I went crazy and got lost forever. The flare went on without pause, I was now at peace with the dark, and knew I wouldn’t survive the next one. Nothing to fear, nothing to worry about. Everything was going well, everything was as I wished it to be.

I was comfortable and ready for when the healing would start up again, and once more I believed to be safe but never stopped struggling for the flame. My head felt hot but calm while my eyes only saw a clear red. Everything was okay again. Everything that existed had died and I was at the end of it... “Love”. What does it mean?

I started screaming and shaking violently, it was nothing but agony. The pain lasted for an hour after my skin grew, then it went away and I felt like a nightmare had ended. I was now able to move, to lift my upper body while my eyes recovered the liquid that allowed me to see. "Why now?" I thought. Just when I had accepted my fate and was prepared for the end, it was gone... and I was released. At once, I began breathing steadily and recovering my senses, a dull but warm tickle on my new body made me shiver as my throat was barely able to hold my breath on what seemed a dead land. Once my muscles healed I managed the simple task of seeing my hands. I could feel them, as well as the rest of my limbs. I had recovered the sense of smell and taste, although not being able to speak yet. I was feeling thirst, an inexplicable but very deep feeling of despair; which I barely remember existed.

I was still weak, but the throbbing pain in my head had ceased. I was burned alive. Was that real? Yes, I was sure, as I stand, that was as real as it can be. I knew nothing except for those last minutes. Still no memories or images beyond that point. I was naked on a calcined wasteland. I tried turning back, only finding endless rocks of dark and grayish ash, and no signs of trees or vegetation as the barren ground seemed to extend forever. My eyes could find no movement apart from the clouds and the heat raising its distorted waves above the rocks. The smoke emanated rose from countless craters, scattered like smearing blood that had been evaporated. My fear grew with each moment while I sat silently until I was aware of myself. At first, I could hardly distinguish my body. After all, it was not a part of my memory.

I could stand up, turn my head, move my fingers, and notice whether they were cold or warm, stiff or wiggly. I began to study my limbs, my legs, my chest, and my feet. I could feel and touch my hair, but my consciousness was so far out of my mind that I could not distinguish anything as real. I could remember only a faintest indistinct conception of a word, a dim and vague phantom, and I could move slowly and with difficulty. As I tried to reach out for my name for the first time, I suddenly became aware of my own existence; but I could not name it; I could not make sense of it, it was not within my power to conjure it out of the darkness.

How could my consciousness be called up by my body as something from another world? All I could think came off in the form of white noise, like a shapeless buzzing. All of this happened as I stayed perfectly still in the middle of nowhere.

When I came out of my trance, I saw a limitless void in front of me, and then all at once, I knew that what I saw was real. There was not a single being or soul, not a single human being on the other side of that whole existence, but it was an entire world. I was not even certain where I was, if I was on earth, in a dream, or on another plane of existence, but I was certain that this was a real place and I was sure of nothing more, and a sense of being me and that I was real.

I noticed with increasing clarity that I was moving in slow, almost imperceptible steps, rotating my body and sliding erratically. I could feel my lungs expand and contract and my chest move. I could feel my rib cage, the throbbing of my pulse, and my fast but steady breathing. My heart was beating quickly, as I could feel the air move in and out of my body, and my fingertips felt the vibration of the ground beneath me. I could feel the tremors in my legs and the soreness in my body.

My eyes had adjusted to the light, the red tint that fell on the ground, and the bright sun beating down on the decayed rocks. I moved forward, looking around as I went. The world started to tilt from left to right and then from above to below, as my sense of depth was barely restored. The mountains stood strong, with long rows of sharp spires taunting me with their size. One eye glinted above the peaks, sparkling in the sunlight. It took a moment to shake the feeling that I was surrounded by two shadows. A second, smaller sun almost hiding on the horizon. I could tell the ground was still hot but my feet were strong enough to take it.

I walked toward the west edge, moving forward and getting a better look at the mountains, getting used to the smell, to the roughness of the ground. The earth’s pounding pulse, the mix of dust and grit in the air. The narrow mountain passes, carved into the mountainside, formed patterns that seemed molten metal. It looked almost organic.

I saw puddles of molten rock, and small streams of lava flowing down the hills with the occasional fordable steep path. I stepped on a serpentine divot, fascinated to hear the hum of bubbling lava. One of the tunnels through the mountains had collapsed, the rubble pouring into a massive sinkhole. I could see the rocks holding the debris in place without crumbling. The area was swiftly shifting, the earth feeling like it was breaking apart in places. As the ground subsided into the sinkhole, the only thing I could make out was what looked like a gigantic steam explosion.

I was able to watch the disturbance more carefully, and I could make out a few things. The wave was still big and flowing, but they were beginning to grow gradually. When they grew larger, something was stirring. Something had broken through the surface and under the fire. At first, I could only imagine the shape of what it was. As it got bigger and bigger, it got more familiar to me. It began to tremble, what seemed to be limbs moving and writhing with the image that it was becoming an alive being.

My mind, whirling with images of a beast that had escaped from its prison and was roaming free, went through the stages of disbelief, fear, and shock. I was powerless to stop it. It was so large and ferocious that it could have killed me without breaking a sweat. It was so frightening that I froze in its wake. The creature saw me. I screamed, hearing my voice for the first time. I felt my heart beating so wildly as if it was in my throat, and my eyes were both watering. The creature turned to me, opening its mouth and flaring its fangs. A pair of jaws were going to come crashing down upon me.

I looked at its hunched torso, it was partially covered in fur and smoking flesh. It didn’t have feet and it seemed to levitate while some lava poured from its back. I could see how its spines, muscles, and fingernails through the steam and dust. Its dark eyes glowed with feverish hatred and intense craving. The twenty—foot creature lunged at me. Its tremendous jaws and long-tipped teeth curved like sharp daggers.

A roar of rage followed by an agonizing grunt emanated from the black monster’s wide mouth. I clenched my teeth, turned on my heel, and boiled away as fast as I could, skipping along the ground as I caught sight of the darkness looming just above me, stretching beyond my eyes. A swell of unholy energy filled my body as I surged forward. The beast was fast as lightning, barreling toward me with the aim of devouring me whole. My legs were somehow unclenched and held together, I felt like they were going to break, my lungs were going to fail, and my back would give way. Then I felt the wriggling of my body as I hit the ground and felt picked off from the floor and landed on my feet again, making my way in front of the monster’s burning face.

I stumbled forward, only to be struck by a force more intense than I had ever experienced, throwing me far away, the ground shaking beneath me. My vision had blurred for a second, and I was unable to see, but the silhouette of the hulking monster striking back at me was clear, chaining me into the dirt and sending me down like a toy.

The ends of its back spread outward slightly to form a scythe-like tail. The top half of the monster had very large bones sticking out. Black eyes, with glowing red pupils as large as my head, its skin was cracked like a body armor that clung to the skeleton around him like vines. The muscles bulging out from the front of its skeleton almost resembled black leather; as if it was an extra layer of defense.

I finally ended up in front of it, trapped against the beast and a wall of rock. I let out a shriek —One might think I was suddenly possessed by a screaming God—. Suddenly, another monster appeared behind me. I didn’t dare to move. It was the same type of creature, but it was built differently. It had big stone hands instead of claws. I could distinguish the patterns on its flesh, in the dark black dye, and in the purplish veins in its muscles.

"This is my luck?", I thought.

For a moment they forgot about me and started attacking each other. I was now in the middle of a different battle. I dodged the claws of a monster, and I dived behind a stone wall to avoid a slash from the amazing fire one of them could spit. I was exhausted, and my ribs ached. I couldn’t get the faintest of breaths; I noticed my wounds were not healing this time.

The end of me. I finally escaped the raining fire just to finish like this? Crushed by the furious combat of two mindless beasts. No, in that moment of such misery, all I could think of was… A voice. I heard a voice, an intense, masculine voice.

—Over here…—.

The face of another human being appeared before my eyes. There was no wailing and howling this time. Hiding behind another rock, the man appeared to have no discernable age. I became aware of the presence of another life in this world, I could sense it, I felt it, and I couldn’t explain it.

—Come on! follow me!—.

So I did. I followed him into the depths of this other world, hoping to find a way out, to find answers. I saw the monsters behind still fighting. I was relieved.

—Hurry up!—.

He had clothes. Just a loincloth and something for his feet. The man’s face looked somewhat elegant, as though he had been carved from wood rather than bred by a mother. One of a pensive man who was a bit exhausted after a long journey.

—We must hurry. So no others can see the appearance of us, the undead—.

Those words perplexed me even more. This feeling of having a sense of life back, despite being dead, was something I would soon come to learn wasn’t really a strange occurrence. If it wasn’t for the labored breathing that he had, one would have said it was just a traveler.

—You’re new?—, he gasped. There was nothing in his voice that indicated mistrust. Why would you expect a man like that to say anything in that situation?

—Yes—.

I had to recognize my own voice again. We finally stopped. I fell to my knees. He handed me a piece of clothes like the one he was wearing.

—This is all I have, sorry—.

He couldn’t help it, he sounded afraid. It was something in his eyes, the way he clenched his hands when waiting for my response.

—Thank you...—, I mustered.

The loincloth was made of the same hair the monsters had on their backs, as well as his footwear. I looked back one more time to see the beast from afar. They looked so small now.

—They could be there for days, we better keep going—.

—What are those things?—, I was still gasping.

—Monsters, demons… I don’t really care at this point—.

—Who are you?—, I asked.

—My name is Suman, what’s your name?—.

—I’m… I… I don’t know—.

He looked at me with pure sympathy as he reached for my hand.

—You have a lot to learn, my boy—.

—Where are we?—.

His expression changed to complete seriousness.

—Isn’t obvious? This is hell—.