Chapter 63: Claire’s Regrets

In all the many classes which Esem offers there is none more suited for general warfare than that which is allowed after Warrior at the third contract level. Each of the worlds of Esem has their own class tailor made for their particular area. For Avalon, the Knight is the king of the road. In Nabonoban the Samurai is the envy of all who can never reach past their second contract. Killhiem enjoys the Viking warrior with its strength and particular abilities for seafaring. Great Nexia is given glory every time their Warriors are given the chance to become the distinguished Gun Knight. And Tangamar, that sunny land of islands and smiles, has the Gorilla Warrior, known for its abilities in the jungle and its penchant for trap making. Of course, all of these are outpaced by the rare special contract which is allowed to only the fiercest of Warriors: The Paladin. Only one in one hundred warriors are allowed to choose this class and it’s might is such that even players with 4 or 5 marks may not easily defeat them in combat.

-Life After The Warrior Class by Step von Klip, published SD919

Chase was at a loss. He had never seen Claire acting this way. She was scared and near to hyperventilating at times and she refused to tell the guild what the problem was. She only kept repeating “I can’t, I can’t” over and over. Finally Chase decided to take her aside. He told the others to meet them at the arena in 10 minutes, and led a stone faced Claire out the front door. He took a side path far away from prying eyes and when he was sure they were alone he gently asked her again.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong, Claire?”

They stopped walking and for a solid minute Claire only looked at her feet. When she finally looked up at him there were tears in her eyes, and her lip was quivering.

“I need to tell you something,” she said.

“Okay,” said Chase, trying to sound comforting. “Go ahead.”

“I did something bad.”

“What, exactly? I am sure it’s not as bad as you think.”

Claire shook her ahead and again looked at the ground. She crossed her arms and rocked back and forth for a moment as she marshaled her thoughts. Chase had thought it only a bad case of nerves but now he was curious, and slightly worried. What kind of ‘bad’ thing could Claire, the most solid and stoic member of his guild have done?

“First,” she began, taking a deep breath. “We never really talked about what happened with Xemnara.”

“She tried to kill us is what happened,” said Chase. “We defeated her and escaped.”

Claire bit her lip and suddenly Chase had a memory of something Xemnara had told him.

Your guild has failed.

In all the excitement after Xemnara and knowing that everyone was okay, he had never bothered to wonder what that might mean. Since everyone had been alive and well when they awoke beside the road, clearly Xemnara’s statement had been a lie.

Or so he had thought.

“You defeated her,” said Claire, and she frowned sightly. “And Amelie too, I guess. But I failed the task she gave me.”

“You said you were having to fight some monsters and they defeated you.”

“There was more to it that I didn’t tell anyone about,” she said. Suddenly she leaned back against the building and dragged herself down until she was sitting on the ground. After a moment Chase joined her, sitting next to her and waiting for her to continue.

“When I woke up in the cell I was alone,” she said. Her eyes stared off into the distance as though she were there still. “I fought a few monsters and then came to a forest. That’s when I found out I wasn’t alone. Brent was there.”

“He was? But Brent didn’t do the game with us.”

“I know,” she said, nodding. “It must have been one of Xemnara’s tricks but he looked so real. I believed it was really him. We fought some monsters together but I got injured. We had to find a safe place and eventually got to a cabin.”

“Okay,” said Chase. “It’s alright you thought it was him, though. Amelie and Alex found a copy of me as my old self, too.”

“Yeah, but he admitted what he was, right? I think this Brent thought he was the real one or something.”

Chase had an idea he knew where this story was going. It was obvious to all that Claire had feelings for Brent. He had known that since the first moment he met them. The way she talked to him, and blushed anytime he spoke to her. Chase was under no delusions that she had joined the guild expressly so that she could be near him.

“Claire,” said Chase awkwardly. He couldn’t look at her as he said it. “Whatever happened at the cabin can stay at the cabin, okay? You don’t need to feel bad about anything regarding that. We were all tricked by Xemnara. Hell, I saw things that I don’t even know are real or not. Didn’t I tell you I saw Karkren and he told me a load of nonsense the real Karkren would never say?”

“What?” She looked up at him finally and then her face scrunched up, realizing what he was talking about. “No! Nothing like that happened, Chase. What’s wrong with you?”

“Oh, sorry,” he said hurriedly. “I only thought—.”

Her face grew red and she looked at the ground.

“Well, mostly nothing,” she said. “He did kiss me once. But that’s not what I did. That’s now why I can’t fight in the arena today.”

She stared taking short, shallow breaths again and Chase thought about placing his hand on her shoulder. Of course he knew how she didn’t like that and so stayed still and waited for her to come back to herself.

“Deep breaths, Claire,” he said after a moment.

“I’m...I’m trying...” she sputtered. She sniffed loudly. “After we were in the cabin for a while another of the monsters came back. Brent—or whoever it was—went outside to check out what the commotion was. I followed him after hearing him screaming and...and...”

More hyperventilating.

“Just say it slowly,” suggested Chase.

“I’m trying!” She nearly screamed. “Okay...I went outside and there was this man. He had tusks coming out his hood and he ran Brent through with a sword. Killed him...right in front of me. There was so much blood and I thought it was really Brent so I didn’t know what to do. The man just walked away and there I was, in the snow, crying harder than I ever have.”

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By AION, thought Chase in shock. He had no idea what she had gone through, and could barely imagine what mental trauma that must have been for Claire to go through at such a young age. He could only think back to when he was her age and the thought of seeing one of his guild mates die. Such a thing would have changed him utterly for years to come.

“That’s why you were so glad he was alive,” realized Chase. “And you kept on telling him you were sorry.”

She wiped her nose and nodded fervently.

“Right, but after I figured out he hadn’t been in Xem’s game at all I just let it go. Or tried to, at least. Chase,” she said suddenly. “When Brent died...Xemnara came to me.”

“And what did she want?”

“I asked her to bring him back to life. I told her I would do anything—give, anything to bring him back.”

“What was the offer?”

Claire went cold, and seemed to have trouble getting the words out. When she spoke it sounded like the words of a much older person who was tormented by regret.

“She said only a life can bring back a life. She said if I wanted Brent to come back I would have to die.”

The little alley they were in was silent. Chase thought he could hear the distant roar of the area some distance away.

“And did you?” He ventured, sure he knew what the answer was.

“No.”

“It’s alright, Claire, she was—.”

“Chase, when it came down to it I betrayed Brent. I betrayed the guild! I shouldn’t be apart of the Seven Banes. I chose my own life because I was scared,” she said. She sounded exhausted, like she had being awake all night. “If you has asked me whether I would give my life for him a month ago I would have told you without hesitation: absolutely. But when the time came I didn’t. I wanted to live. I refused to trade my life for his.”

They have all failed. Xem’s word rang though Chase’s mind once again.

“How can I look him in the eye again?” She said. “How can I look at any of you? I don’t deserve this guild, and you all deserve a better guild mate.”

“Nonsense,” said Chase. He tried to put as much conviction in his voice as he could muster. “I think any of us would have done the same. Also, you were fooled by the Antagonista. You can’t be so hard on yourself.”

“Maybe,” she said, sounding defeated. “But the fact remains I wanted to live more than bring him back. What if there comes a time I have to make the same decision. Am I just going to do the same thing?”

“I doubt any of us will have to face that, Claire.”

“Why not?” She said, looking at him sharply. “Xem is still out there. She could find us again.”

“And if she does we will deal with her. Look,” he got to his feet and brushed the dirt off his trousers. “You cannot beat yourself up for this, that’s an order. Giving your life for a friend is a noble thing, but not something most people ever have to contemplate. I doubt very many people would have made a different decision. Even myself, for that matter.”

She sniffed.

“It doesn’t make it right.”

“But I’m not wrong. Claire. What you went through was traumatic and I feel myself a failure as a guild leader to not prevent what happened. But you need to learn from this. You cannot wallow in self pity.”

“I’m not wallowing!” She said, her face growing red.

“You are, but it’s understandable,” he responded just as forcibly. “Honestly, had you told me you gave your life in that moment I would think something wrong with you. You’re 16, Claire. Despite what you think you are still very young. And whatever your feelings are for Brent you need to accept the outcome. Learn from this and grow.”

At Brent’s name she hung her head and awkwardly muttered something. Chase sighed.

“What was that?”

“I said I will try.”

“Okay.” He reached his hand out and after a moment she grasped it and allowed him to pull her up. “Now what about this fight? Before you told me about Xemnara I thought you were just having some stage fright. Can you still compete? I can always take your name out if that’s what you really want.”

“Being in front of all those people doesn’t sound like fun,” she admitted. She wiped her eyes one last time and then a look of determination came over her. “But I’ll do it. I can’t run away from this, now.”

“Okay,” said Chase. He wasn’t sure whether allowing her to fight still was a good idea, but decided she needed the boost of confidence that a win might bring. “Let’s go find the others.”

They walked in silence until they they came near the area. People were milling about waiting for the fight to begin. Chase saw Christie standing on the stage talking with who he thought was Argo the NPC. Just as they were about to enter the throng and find their guild mates Claire grabbed his arm.

“Chase, I just want to say thanks for listening to me.”

“Of course, it’s what I’m here for.”

“And also...can you not tell anyone what I said?”

“Claire,” he took her hand in his and give it a squeeze. “I will never tell anyone what has been said to me in confidence. You have my word on that.”

She smiled and then nodded.

That’s a new conviction for you, thought Chase to himself. He remembered as a young man never being able to keep anything to himself, whether it was a secret or otherwise. He thought back to the times he had spoken with Solomon one on one about matters that were bothering him, and realized he had no memories of doing so even once. Who was it that he had always gone to when something was not working out, he wondered.

“WE ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN THE FIRST OF THE FEMALE FIGHTS,” announced Christie from the stage. “IN FIVE MINUTES WE BEGIN!”

“Chase, there you are!” Said Amelie as their guild came into view. They had found a better vantage point than before, and were on a small grassy knoll which overlooked the arena platform. Everyone was there, and Brent gave Claire a critical eye as they approached.

“Everything good, Claire?”

“Yes,” she said. There was no trace of hesitation in her voice. Alex nodded his head solemnly and Amelie beamed with relief.

“That’s good to hear,” said Thomas. He was sitting crossed legged on the ground whilst inspecting his knife. “If all these people were about to watch me steal something I would be beside myself with worry. Just so many eyes! I would be like an open nerve!”

Suddenly Claire’s mouth hung open and then she slowly closed it and swallowed some spit.

“Yeah, there are a lot of people,” she said.

“Thomas, hush!” Said Amelie. “Claire, you can do this! You’re probably the best fighter in all of Esem. No way will you be getting anything other than a victory today.”

Instead of acknowledging Amelie’s encouragement Claire only blinked, and when she spoke it was to the entire guild.

“Well, guys,” she began. “There is something I want to say—.”

“CLAIRE AND DOLORES,” cried Christie from the stage. “REPORT TO THE ARENA NOW.”

Chase saw that Christie was standing with her hands on her hips, waiting for her orders to be followed. He thought somewhere behind the arena he saw the hulking figure of a man snoozing as though he had been drinking for days. Argo stood beside Christie in pure fright, and was nearly the color of a sheet.

Good for you, Christie, thought Chase. You went easy on an opponent for once.

“This is it,” said Claire, expelling a long breath. “Time to win one for the Seven Banes.”

Chase clapped her on the shoulder and the entire guild wished her luck. She kept her chin raised high as she trudged towards the arena, and the crowd even made way for her. The same thing was happening on the opposite side of the arena as her opponent walked to the same point as her. Chase saw a flash of red hair and for a moment thought it was Meredith stepping up to fight her.

“What’s with all these gingers?” Thomas said a bit too loudly as Claire’s opponent came into sight. As she walked up the arena stairs her red hair burned brightly for all the see. She was a pale and thin woman, and did not look like your typical fighter.

“Thomas,” chided Amelie. “Um, what’s a ginger?”

“I dunno,” said Thomas, shrugging. “But whenever I see Meredith or that Astor guy that fought earlier I think the word just comes to mind. Ginger,” he repeated, and then smacked his lips contentedly. “Sound’s right.”

“You’re right,” said Brent, sounding shocked. “Ginger does seem to describe those three—especially Astor—really well.”

“Ginger,” repeated Alex, testing the word out for himself. “I feel like if Meredith heard us call her that she would be upset.”

“There would be blood is what there would be,” said Chase with a chuckle. He decided not to tell them that the word had been in parlance since long before any of them had spawned. “I don’t think Meredith would like it in the least.”

“I’ll be the judge of what Meredith would like,” came a voice from beside them. The entire guild jumped. Brent and Alex audibly cried out in surprise, and Amelie covered her mouth in shock, eyes wide. Thomas, for all his bravado, looked as though he had seen a ghost.

“Meredith,” said Chase calmly. “Glad you found us.”

The red haired guild leader of the Young Valorous was looking at them all with disdain in her eyes.

“You,” she said, pointing at Chase. “We need to talk.”

“Can it wait? Claire’s fight is about to begin.”

“No, it can’t,” she said. She grabbed his arm and leaned in so close to his ear that he felt her breath. “I know who you are, Spade.”