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Astray
Chapter 7 – Fears

Chapter 7 – Fears

She had spoken out of sheer reflex.

She had not meant to. She did not want to be on the receiving end of those watchful stares. She was an Adept, an acolyte of the Sage, tempered in blood and steel, yet they scared her. She had killed in battle, hunted predators, won duels, suffered wounds, survived the pains of labour, raised a daughter alone, seen friends and loved ones die.

Still, they scared her.

She did not know why. It could be their weapons, their armour, the way they moved, the fact that she could not understand them, or perhaps all of it and more. She still had in her mind the vivid image of their captors being dragged into the shadows by phantoms, phantoms who then manifested out of thin air. She recalled the tall one talking to her with urgency and frustration in his voice, she had a burning memory of him exiting that tent, covered in blood and with her daughter in tow. Alive, abused but alive.

She was thankful, of course. Nevertheless, she did not want to get involved too much with these people, despite owing them more than her own life. Her pride could take the blow and the gods would forgive her; she had to take care of her daughter, and to do that she had to survive, so the less attention she received, the better.

She had felt anger build and flare up when the fair-skinned woman had taken off her helmet, a sentiment echoed by her fellow acolytes. A moment of weakness, a foolish mistake that the accursed forest had immediately taken advantage of. Luckily, Chieftain Ulfson stopped them before they could do anything stupid and pay the price for it.

In her blind rage she had not noticed her saviours pointing their weapons at them.

They had rescued her and her tribe, saved her daughter, shared what little food they had... and how had her own people reacted? With anger, disrespect, fear.

She was ashamed of herself.

True, she was afraid of them, but conquering her fears had been part of her life for as long as she could remember, and she would not let it halt her, just as the others who sought the Path of Wisdom. Thus, when she saw the blonde one about to eat a blue moon, her panic swept away the fear. She had already seen what they did to those who ate them. She had watched her life’s companion die slowly and painfully, emptying his bowels until they were bleeding, coughing blood, delirious, convulsing, gradually becoming unable to move, drink or eat, until breathing itself became too hard. No amount of healing had helped.

She would not wish such an agonising death to her worst enemy.

The few survivors she knew of had only eaten one of the damned blue moons, and had been lucky, very lucky. None of the children had been so fortunate.

Once again, Gleðiogsorg had shown that it was not a merciful place, that the accursed forest could kill even the strongest in the most cruel and unexpected way, be it through the blue moon, the jaws of a green death, or your own inner demons.

She watched, her heart beating strong in her chest, the fair-skinned woman come close, take off her gauntlet and offer her hand, a strong and pleading look in her eyes. After a few seconds of uncertainty, she came to a decision.

These people have earned my trust.

Not even trying to hide her nervousness, she took the offered hand and let herself be led to the impromptu butchering stone where all the food was resting.

The fair-skinned woman turned towards her, still holding her hand. Her blue eyes bore into hers as she smiled, and that left her awestruck: that perfect smile could put to shame even the elders in the capital.

«Elìsa», she said, pointing at herself.

«Stīf», she pointed at the blonde man, who seemed to have a perpetual roguish smile on his face. He was charming, she had to admit. A bit young, but charming.

She gestured towards the other woman. «Gjaspinder», the dark-skinned one called herself. She made her think about the exotic beauties of the south.

Next, the bearded man nodded at her when his name was pronounced: «Alesanðr». His gaze felt cold.

«Tetzuo». The thin-eyed one deeply bowed at her, and she reciprocated. It just felt right to do so.

Last of the six was the tall one. Their leader, from what she could surmise. The one who still terrified her, but to whom she would be ever thankful.

«Braðley», the woman, Elìsa said, and he smiled in response. Not the mischievous smirk of the blonde Stīf, but a warm smile: a father’s smile.

Then, Elìsa stopped talking and looked at her, waiting, her grip just a bit tighter than before, as if to encourage her.

She took a long breath to compose herself: «Tár», she said, placing a palm on her chest, «My name is Tár, daughter of Brenn».

***

«Tár. Ég heiti Tár Brenndóttir»

Five simple words that made Elisa glad, relieved, almost giddy. Finally some progress! It was just one person who only said her name and something else, probably her surname – she was not sure – but it was progress nonetheless.

With the presentations out of the way, Elisa proceeded to ask Tár about the food, using simple hand signs and gestures, though she kept asking out loud as well in hope that she might react to some words.

«Is this safe to eat?» She held a brown almond-shaped nut in her fingers.

«Það er mjög bragðgott».

«Great, I guess. And this?» She picked up a small, round, red berry.

«Ógeðslegt, en óhætt að borða».

«Fantastic. You look disgusted, but it seems like it won’t kill us. Last one». Elisa lifted some kind of red walnut.

«Já, þú getur borðað það».

«Cool, whatever you said. Your smile at least tells me it’s good to eat». Tár tilted her head to the side, a confused look on her face, but Elisa simply smiled at her.

Most of the what Cooper had foraged was edible, except for one berry which either made you vomit or Tár found particularly revolting – Elisa threw it away anyway – and the incriminated berries, which were not, in fact, blueberries. They were called blár tungl, apparently, whatever the name meant, and she made it abundantly clear they were deadly if eaten, no words needed.

Food safety now assured, Steve continued to skin the hares while Bradley took stock of how many nuts and berries there were and divided them as equally as possible among the sixteen men and women. Alessandro and Jaspinder helped him distribute the food, while Elisa gave Tár two shares. One for her, and one for the girl they rescued from the tent. Brad’s opinion is that they were mother and daughter, but Elisa would not exclude them being sisters just yet, since Tár could have been anything from 30 to 40 years old: it was hard to make a good estimate of her age. Either way, she backed off to let them eat in peace, though it would have been more accurate to say that she left Tár to eat and feed the still-apathetic young girl.

Tetsuo was standing nearby, his machine gun strapped to his back and replaced on his hands by a pencil and a small notebook he always kept in one of his pockets; he was slowly shifting his weight form one foot to the other, nothing of note if one was not familiar with the man, but a clear tell tale of his impatience for any member of Charlie Team. He was probably ready to ask Tár every word of her language, but Elisa’s stare kept him at bay and he had the presence of mind to restrain his eagerness. Tetsuo was generally very calm and collected, but whenever there was something new he could learn, especially languages, a spark was lit and he could become enthusiastic to the point of being suffocating.

Like an overeager puppy. She could not help but chuckle at the thought, prompting a response in the form of a raised eyebrow from the subject of her thoughts.

«It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Let’s just wait for them to finish eating, then you can pester her with questions».

«I will not “pester” her, chief», he replied in a tone halfway between petulant and affronted, «I will simply have her tell me the name of everything we come across. Including the names of all our guests. I will record her as well, so we can listen to her pronunciation in case we need to».

«We’ll definitely need to», she replied, «no way in hell we can speak correctly without listening to actual speech... Good idea, Tetsuo. Oh, remember to have her write the names on your notebook as well. And the whole alphabet. Perhaps seeing the letters will give us some clue about their language».

«Aye, aye, ma’am».

Content to keep silent, the two of them waited for Tár to be ready before approaching again. Tetsuo, as promised, started asking the now more relaxed woman about the names of everything around them, but a problem immediately arose when he asked her to write the words in her language. Well, it was not really a problem: she simply stopped and stared at the pencil for a long time – a minute or so – her face a visage of perplexity and curiosity.

No pencil is that interesting… Could it be she’s never used one before? Nah, that’s not possible. “Inconceivable!” Arne would say in a fake Sicilian accent… Silly brother and his silly movies, no wonder he gets along with Al.

A pang of homesickness hit Elisa at the thought of her younger brother; they last spoke on the day before her mission began, but a hologram was barely better than a simple video call. Six months had passed since they last saw each other in person, and she missed bear-hugging Arne to death. It was only a moment, though. Just as it came, she pushed the feeling back; she had more pressing matters to address.

Anyway, that’s not the reaction of someone who’s ever seen a pencil. Come on girl, you can’t be serious… In what forgotten hole in the ground have you lived until now? Or is it all an act? Yeah, but what for?

She felt a headache slowly poking its ugly head behind her eyes, so she closed them and started massaging her temples. After roughly ten seconds, she stopped and looked at Tár again.

Oh, great! Now it’s the notebook’s turn. It’s not your firstborn son, stop looking at it in adoration! And don’t caress it! It’s just a notebook, for Christ’s sake!

Once again, she closed her eyes and furiously massaged her temples in a losing fight against the oncoming headache.

Scheiße. This makes no sense. Who the fuck are these people? Argh! Damn headache only makes it worse; the cherry on top I didn’t ask.

Oblivious to Elisa’s internal monologue, Tár tentatively traced a few lines on the notebook under Tetsuo’s encouragement, and smiled like a child at Christmas upon seeing the results. Next, her hand was furiously moving the pencil all over the paper. After a few minutes, Elisa decided to peek at whatever the woman was so fervently writing down, and saw a textbook depiction of horror vacui: Tár was cramming the page with what looked like random doodles, apparently intent on leaving no empty space. Only after filling two whole pages she stopped and looked around, only then aware, it seemed, of how immersed she had been for the last minutes and promptly started speaking to Tetsuo, who, like the rest of Charlie Team, could not understand a word. Her tone, however, was unmistakably apologetic, so the PO1 simply smiled and took the chance to restart his “investigation” on the names of everything and everyone he could see.

Well, she’s taking it in stride, apart from the initial shell-shock. Heh, Tetsuo’s barrage of questions could give a headache to a politician.

Over the course of the next hour, the woman’s patience appeared endless as she indulged Tetsuo’s meticulous curiosity with simple and clear answers.

As much as their inability to properly communicate allowed, of course.

Tár paused only when it came the turn of saying the names of her fellows; before doing so, she looked not-too-subtly in the direction of the “old man”, who replied with a visible nod at the mute question. When it came to him, however, the mountain of a man took matters in his own hands: as he stood up, Elisa could not help but gawk at his height. She was by no means a small person, but he towered over everyone present, probably a head taller than Bradley, who was close to 1.90. The mountain of a man put his right hand over his heart and greeted Elisa and Tetsuo, but loudly enough that every member of Charlie could hear him.

«Eiðvörður! Ég heiti Eiðvörður Ulfson, Höfuð af ættkvísl Viskuleitendur».

«...»

«Great... Is it too much to ask for a language easy to understand?» Elisa asked to no one in particular as she looked at the sky.

«Okay, I won’t even try». It was Bradley who spoke as he approached them. «That was way too much info all at once. And much too complicated; it felt like like German, Polish, and Swedish had a baby together but didn’t bother teaching it to speak correctly. Which one do you think was his actual name? Eidmund? Ofud? Viskolend?»

«I believe it was more like “Eidfursh”, master chief», Tetsuo replied. Then he turned to ask the man himself: «Eidfursh, right?»

The addressee raised a single eyebrow in a textbook depiction of a perplexed face before repeating his name, this time slowly, spelling it as if he were talking to a child.

«Eið-vör-ður. Eiðvörður Ulfson».

Bradley stared at him for a good ten seconds, a neutral expression on his face, his eyes as focused as a laser. Then, he released a breath and scratched the back of his head: «Sorry, I give up. I’ll call you Ed for now, big guy. I’m Bradley, Bradley Anderson», he said, pointing at himself. Then he extended his hand: «Nice to meet you».

The man frowned at his words and looked a bit puzzled at the offered hand. «Braðley Änderson», he repeated slowly, as if tasting the words; then, he took the outstretched hand, prompting a solid handshake and a nod from the American.

Meanwhile, Tetsuo wore a conflicted expression, but quickly seemed to reach a decision, as he voiced his opinion once again: «Chief Anderson, sir, I don’t want to nit-pick, but I think his name is pronounced “Eithvurdsh”, more or less. If you want to shorten it like you said, you should call him “Eith”. I’m pretty certain it has a sound just like the “th” in “that”».

Without missing a beat, Bradley replied, «Okay, Tetsuo, thanks for the help. I’ll keep it in mind. But for now I’ll leave the communication with our dear Ed to you».

«… Aye, sir».

He did not even try to suppress the sigh that naturally came.

Bradley smiled and gave him a pat on the back before moving to sit down close to Rossi. He put down his carbine, safety on, and started eating his share of food.

«Better than starving», Elisa heard him say in-between munching, «and tastier than MRE, but not very filling. It’s just... all these dry nuts make me feel like a chipmunk».

«Well, you do look like one indeed, Alvin. Care to sing us a song?» Alessandro shot back, deadpan.

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Bradley gave him the stink eye before he started to give as good as he got.

Elisa tuned out their married couple shtick and, together with Jaspinder, went back to watching Tetsuo interact with Tár. She had moved past the old man, Eith-whatever, who, meanwhile, had gone back to sitting and was now about to finish what was more a light snack than a meal to someone his size. Past him, she was approaching the one girl Elisa already knew among all of the rescued; a girl who looked just like a younger and smaller version of Tár, but with none of her vitality.

«Hún er dóttir mín, Lífsgleði», Tár told them, much to Elisa’s confusion, an expression mirrored on Tetsuo’s and Jaspinder’s face, but she did not seem to care: she only had eyes for the girl. Eyes full of love but veiled by sorrow, in dire contrast to the girl’s lost and apathetic stare. Still, her smile beamed affection as she gently spoke: «Ástin mín, heilsaðu Mannfólk. Þeir björguðu okkur». She waited a few seconds for a reply, but as she was greeted only with silence, she talked to the girl once again, her voice a pleading whisper: «Lífsgleði, ljós lífs míns, vinsamlegast svaraðu mér».

As the scene played in front of them, Jaspinder moved closer to Elisa, her short ponytail swaying with each step. «What happened to the girl?» she whispered, «I can’t understand a thing Tár is saying, but her sadness is palpable from how strong it is. And I’ve seen eyes like those before. You don’t forget that kind of dead stare... Elisa, you and the chief didn’t tell us what you found in that tent, but it’s not difficult to imagine. It’s what I think, right?»

«... Yeah, I guess it is».

«Motherfucking pigs!» She cussed with clenched teeth, eyes shutting close while her hands looked nervously around for something to break, «Inbred shitheads! I hope they all die screaming with a stake up their—»

«They’re already dead, Jas», Elisa replied in a very sombre tone. She could not appreciate the rage in the younger woman’s voice. Not now, not when the thought of that situation still evoked the gripping fear she had felt; the fear of a friend.

«You and the master chief offed them? Good. I hope you made them suffer».

«Yes... yes, you could say so...» There was not much conviction to her response. «But none of that will help her», she added, weary, her hand gesturing at the unresponsive teenager.

Jaspinder fell silent. The sight of Tár on her knees, with tears trailing down her cheeks as she carefully tended to and fed the catatonic girl, had visibly doused her burning anger.

A short time later, Tetsuo decided to bid the crying woman farewell for the day and join the rest of the team, his mood now sombre, his previous enthusiasm gone with the evening wind.

Elisa and Jaspinder followed suit soon after.

Tár did not seem to have noticed them leaving.

***

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully. Bradley, Cooper, and Rossi finished skinning and cutting the hares, cured the meat as best as they could, and built a makeshift portable drying rack: «Ugly but functional», Bradley commented with a shrug, and no one else felt like adding anything. The only event of notice for the team was that Tár, Eiðvörður and most of their companions sat down for a while to meditate in silence – at least that is what it seemed – before going to sleep. It was something they had not done the previous nights, and he found it curious. As for Bradley himself and the rest of Charlie Team, their sleep was brief but somewhat restful, given the circumstances.

The following day was a boring, long walk eastwards, but Bradley liked it that way: boring meant without incident, which meant safe. The only entertainment came from watching Tár being periodically taken aback by Tetsuo’s overwhelming enthusiasm in learning her language, while the rest of her group returned to their silent, apparently unflappable bearing.

Another two days passed by, during which they kept their berries and nuts diet. Despite them being nutritious, they were simply not enough to properly feed everyone, and walking the whole day requires lots of energy, especially when already fatigued or injured. Tár remained the only one among her fellows that would talk to the team, and Tetsuo didn’t let up the questions, seeking to learn everything he could to then share it with the rest of Charlie in the evening, usually after reviewing his recordings of Tár’s explanations and the one time Eiðvörður presented himself. Progress was slow, but on the second evening they all learned how to adequately say “my name is”. Meanwhile, the jerky slowly but surely dried up, and although Cooper had to throw away a few of the meat strips – some had been eaten by insects while others had plainly gone bad – the taste was ok and both the famished ex-hostages and Charlie Team enjoyed it in equal manner, eating the protein-rich food with relish. The remaining jerky was enough for another day, perhaps two if rationed, but they did not have enough salt to cure another batch of meat anyway, so they had to decide what to do, but agreed to postpone the discussion after a good night’s sleep without hunger pangs.

However, it was not meant to be. The good weather that had followed them until then came to a stop in the middle of their sleep, with a sudden downpour that woke everyone up and made them scramble for cover. By dawn it had already chilled everybody to their core; it continued for hours throughout the day as they marched, followed by another heavy shower after a brief respite. The unexpected rain transformed the ground into slippery mud, slowing their advance through the now difficult terrain. All sounds were covered by the falling raindrops, forcing Bradley to relay his orders via direct comms only, and the low visibility caused more than one person to stumble and fall, though no one suffered serious injuries: just a few bruises and some embarrassment for Alessandro. After a few hours, around 4 pm according to their watches, the bogged down group was forced to stop and seek refuge under the denser canopy of the bigger trees, waiting for the rain to pass by and halting their progress for the day.

Like others in the group, Bradley chose to lean against the large trunk of the tree shielding them from the rain, an oak of some kind, as he observed the people around him huddling together to try and fend off the cold. The whole day the only trace of the sun had been a suffused light, its warmth unable to reach them through the heavy rainclouds, as the cold and humid weather hastened everyone’s fatigue. Now that the sun had set, the complete lack of natural light, coupled with the torrential rain still falling down, wrapped everything in a sombre and bleak atmosphere that, to Bradley, seemed to crush both spirit and lungs at the same time, so much that he opened his mouthpiece to try and breathe more easily. Ironically, it was the cold green monochrome of his NVS that helped him see the situation in a different, brighter light, and somehow relax.

It’s only rain, he thought, not some monster out to squeeze the air out of me and devour my soul. The situation is manageable. We have our body armour and under armour, which keep us... well, not cozy, but at least kind of warm and dry. The rest of our merry band, though... They’re barely dressed and very exhausted. And we’re just out of winter; it won’t be good if this keeps up for too long and they can’t dry up.

He shivered as biting cold air flowed thought the open mouthpiece; despite his protecting garments, some of the chill still seeped into his body.

Shit! We’re not equipped for SAR. We were supposed to capture an HVT, not rescue sixteen civilians and escort them away from a bunch of sadist nutjobs dressed like medieval knights.

He closed his eyes and leaned against the trunk, head slightly tilted to look up. He took a few tentative deep breaths but his mind would not calm down.

What a clusterfuck... We didn’t find our target. We got lost. We can’t even find our way back! We helped these people but we don’t have enough food for everyone nor emergency blankets against the cold, and lighting a fire in this weather would be a miracle. Even if we managed to, it would be useless without a real shelter from the rain.

A few people sneezed, and Bradley stopped to take in his surroundings before he went back to his mental tirade.

Hell, they look like sad, wet, beaten dogs. We need to find a way to keep ’em dry and warm or I fear someone will get sick, and we can’t afford that right now.

He turned off the NVS and took off his helmet. His nose was immediately embraced by the heavy scent of rain, wet grass, and musk, as he once again filled his lungs with deep breath of fresh air. As he exhaled, a sigh escaped his lips; a gesture he felt like he had been doing way more than usual in the last couple of days.

I hope this fucking downpour stops soon: the only positive aspect is that animals and people alike are unlikely to bother us in this weather, but I’d still prefer clear skies over our heads.

However, it took until the next morning before the weather eased up enough to let them move again, and until noon before it stopped completely. By then, the terrain had become a dangerous mudslick; on the other hand, the air was chilly but brisk, and Bradley found himself taking deep breaths with renewed vigor to enjoy the vivid scents of the forest. No animal could be seen – none would be so foolish as to stay close to so many people – but they could hear the chirping of birds around them, accompanied only by the sound of droplets falling to the ground. A tepid sun, half-hidden behind moving clouds and the forest’s canopy, warmed them from time to time, but it was not enough. Not after two days of constantly being soaked by the rain. Most of the group was trembling, and a few had started to cough as well.

«God, I hate the rain. I’m wet down to my arse, damn it. I’ll have a word with the QM when we get back… and then I’ll strangle Kalim, since the idiot said that the underarmour was better than a wetsuit. Hell, I feel like I took a dip into a river and am still swimming». Cooper shook his left boot one last time, water droplet spreading everywhere, before putting it back on. «You know, guys, I actually used to jump into rivers as a kid, especially in summer because, lemme tell you, summers down under are way too hot. I mean, you have no idea how hot and humid it can be. Of course, the downside of takin’ a swim into a river, especially in the northern side of Queensland, is that you might just have a very close encounter with some saltwater crocodile, the biggest—»

«The biggest crocodile in the world», Elisa interrupted, completing the sentence, «who also happens to have “the strongest bite of all animals on Earth”. We know, Steve».

Without missing a beat, Cooper quipped back: «That’s dope, chief, but did you also know that these awesome apex predators can eat even sharks? In my hometown there was this bloke, Alan, who—»

«Oh, for the love of… at least with the rain I didn’t hear your ramblings. Can I shoot him, Brad?»

«No».

«Just a little bit, please? I’ll patch him up afterwards».

«That wouldn’t stop him from talking, Elisa, and we’d have to hear him scream in pain on top of it. So, no». Dismissed the issue, Bradley passed onto the direct comms to talk to the whole team. «Alright, let’s get serious for a moment, guys. We need to find a decent shelter and gather some firewood. Yeah, firewood. I know your objections, but we must light a fire. As Steve pointed out, we’re all drenched, but we can manage. Our gray friends, though, are in much worse shape: they’re weakened, shivering, and coughing. We can’t have them get sick now».

«We’ll have to be prepared when we make the fire. It will give away our position, but perhaps if we light it where the canopy is very thick…»

«Senior Chief Rossi is right. It could block some of the smoke, but I suggest we spread our security net a bit further out in preparation. I’d say a couple klicks away from the group. This way we can spot hostiles earlier and give the rest of us plenty of warning».

«Tetsuo, you know you shouldn’t tell him he’s right, even when he is. No need to inflate his ego more than it already is, or he’ll start to float away; we need to keep him grounded».

«Ha. Ha. Ha. Says the one who never admits she’s wrong…»

«Al, Elisa, focus!» Bradley barked. «Tetsuo, good idea».

«Thank you, sir».

«Now, let’s keep moving until we find a good place to make camp. Then, Cooper and I will go find us some food. Nuts and berries are a given… the non-poisonous kind at least. If we manage to hunt some game, this time it’ll be roasted meat for dinner».

«Yes!»

«Glad you approve, Jaspinder», Bradley chuckled. «Sorry, Steve, the jerky was a good idea but we’ve seen it’s not the best solution in our situation, and since we already decided to light a fire, let’s make the most out of it».

«No need to apologise, chief. I agree with you. On the other hand, I think we should ban Jas from eating meat ».

«Eh? Why?»

«’cause you don’t appreciate my effort in making jerky, you jerk», Steve replied, putting on one of his “offended” faces.

Of course, none of the team bought it.

«… That was a lame-ass pun, Steve», Jaspinder told him, rolling her eyes.

«Yeah, it was a borderline dad joke, and you don’t have children. Though I wouldn’t be surprised to discover there’s a few small Coopers running around the world right now».

«Master chief, come on… you know I’m a responsible person! I always use protection». Steve assured them, with the most dishonest tone of voice he could use. «As for you, Jas, let’s see if you still find it lame when you watch us eat delicious, roasted meat while you sit there in your sad corner, eating squirrel food. It would be a fitting punishment».

«Punishment? And for what?»

«Do you even need to ask, Khalid?» Alessandro interjected without warning, his tone harsh. «You forgot the other night already? What you said? Your threats? Too convenient».

He muted the comms and walked away, leaving the others flabbergasted and stunned. Bradley was the first to recover: «As you were, guys. We can listen to Steve complaining at any time, so we’ll continue later. Keep your eyes open». He closed the squad channel as he moved to catch up with Alessandro, a few dozen metres ahead of the line. Once he was matching his pace, he opened a direct channel.

«Thanks for lightening up the mood, man. It was really needed and much appreciated».

«Oh, spare me the sarcasm. You know I’m right. I haven’t forgotten what she said, and I won’t allow her to, either».

Sighing, Bradley put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. «Me neither, Al, but being an asshole about it won’t make things better. Jaspinder knows she fucked up and that she’ll get her punishment, and I’ll be there to make sure she understands the consequences of her actions, but all in due time. Now I need everyone to concentrate on getting out of this forest alive, and I need my second to have his shit together and be the rational, annoying, stern and helpful man we need».

«Thanks for the “annoying”, punk».

«A compliment you wholly deserve. Come on, don’t be constantly angry at Jaspinder: it helps no one, and it makes you grumpy. I get that you’re old and balding, but you can still smile at life. Rilassati, amico mio».

«Heh, I’ve got more hair than you, and your accent is still awful».

«I do it especially for you. I know you like it when I talk like some proud sixth-generation Italian-American from New Jersey who doesn’t even know where Italy is.

«Why, thanks. That’s as sweet and nice as bumping my shin on the bed frame».

«Glad you appreciate it. Now, let’s be serious for a moment. We both know there’s something going on here, something wrong, something… insidious».

«Yeah, that might actually be the perfect word for it».

«I am sure Jaspinder too was influenced by it. She wasn’t in control of herself; you saw it too. She was so driven by her emotions she didn’t even notice Elisa was talking to her at first».

«She looked plenty in control to me. She even took the safety off her M4 while shouting at us».

«She did? Fuck, I hadn’t noticed. That’s why you were so serious… Regardless, I am sure she was not in control».

«How can you be so certain?»

«…»

«Brad?»

«… Because I too lost control. Badly. And I don’t remember anything about it».

«What do you mean? What happened?»

Bradley took a deep breath, opened his mouth but no sound came out. He took another deep breath. This time the words flowed. «It was the night we rescued them», he said, indicating the sixteen men and women with a nod.

Alessandro remained silent for a few seconds, while Bradley stared at the ground in front of him. He could not look his friend in the eyes.

«The tent, right?»

«Yeah».

Silence again.

Al had this annoying habit of keeping quiet and staring when he wanted others to talk, stretching the silence to unbearable lengths.

And it worked.

The “awkward silence” – his personal, strangely effective strategy – seemed to work most of the time. Apparently, most people felt the need to fill the silence and talk, and Alessandro’s unnerving patience certainly helped. Enemy prisoners were no exception: sometimes, when there wasn’t an intelligence specialist, they tried with Al. Of course, it was not his field of expertise and it did not always work, but most usually ended up spilling the beans.

This was one of those times.

«Look, I-I lost control. Completely. The girl was… she was naked and surrounded by...» Bradley closed his eyes and tightened his hands with such strength that his arms started trembling. Had he not been wearing gloves, he would have spilled blood. «Fucking scum! They were all sleeping soundly, without a care, and… and I wanted to rescue her, but then she looked at me». He opened his eyes and looked at Rossi.

Alessandro was silent, but his body language betrayed his complete focused on Bradley.

«I could hear it, you know Al? Her desperate plea. She wanted me to kill her, I could hear it in my mind». His hands emphasised each one of his words, moved by instinct. «She didn’t have to speak: it was all in her eyes. And while she silently begged me to kill her, they were sleeping. Sleeping, do you understand?! As if everything was fine! So I started to think about my girls, you know, and how they were not so different from her, and that it could have been them, and—» Bradley stopped and took a deep breath. Alessandro made no move to interrupt him nor urged him to keep talking. He waited in silence until he chose to speak again: «I knew it was just irrational fear. I knew it, from a rational point of view, but I blacked out. Next thing I know, Elisa literally kicks my ass and I find myself crouched down, growling like a rabid dog, covered in blood, my knife slick and red, and those five monsters dead and butchered like in a horror movie. Elisa was looking at me in fear, as if I were a danger to her, and the girl… the girl stared at me with terror in her eyes. It was the only moment I saw emotion on her face since we rescued her».

«I’m sorry, man. I truly am». Alessandro said, and promptly hugged Bradley.

Bradley wept. He cried until he felt the air being squeezed out of his lungs.

«Oof! I forgot you’re damn bear hugger. Learn about personal space or at least give me a warning».

«Shut up and accept it, punk. You didn’t complain while crying».

«You need to work on your comforting skills, man, but… thanks. Also, you kind of stink».

«Anytime, and you don’t smell of roses either, Brad» he replied, letting go of his friend only to punch him on his shoulder. «It’s been days since we last took a bath. We all smell».

«Yeah, true».

«Still... now I understand why Elisa’s been a bit out of it these day».

«Yeah, pretty sure I scared her».

«Well, damn, you actually scared the Bogeyman. I didn’t even think it was possible. It’s quite the achievement», Rossi said as he patted Bradley on his back.

«Have I told you that you suck and reassuring people? Anyway, you can understand how serious this… this thing that’s happening is. I don’t know what’s the cause, but it’s dangerous, and it’s affected all of us. At least that’s the impression I got».

«You’re right, this is a very serious matter», Alessandro replied, his voice having taken a somber tone and lacking his previous mischief. «I too… I don’t know, I’ve been feeling strange: more cynical, more aggressive. Especially at this time of the day. It’s like a tiny Alessandro wakes up when the sun goes down, hops on my shoulder and starts whispering. But he only gives me cruel and pitiless advice; the problem is that there’s no tiny Alessandro with angel wings on my other shoulder to counter that voice».

«Al, you’re strong. Hell, you’re probably the strongest person I know, and I’m not talking about your muscles. I’ve seen you keep your cool and find a way out from situations where other SIGs would have lost hope. Don’t let a small, invisible devil tell you what to do».

«You’re right, I know, but perhaps I’m not as strong as you think…»

«Don’t be an idiot, of course you are».

«I’m not so sure. You know, it’s not that those whispers force me to follow their suggestions… what scares me is that I find myself agreeing with them».