The crisp sound of hurried steps on the sidewalk had been the first sign that something was wrong.
Then came the scream; a scream so heart-wrenching that Jaspinder had shivered at the sound, for she had instinctually felt the primal fear it was emanating.
She stopped in her tracks, putting her smartphone back into her purse – Anjali could wait a minute or two for a reply – and looked around with worry, only to see the usual evening crowd. Her mother was already tugging at her arm when she noticed the girl, her blue dress beautiful and tantalizing without being vulgar. She was struggling to get away from three men.
For a moment, their eyes met, and she immediately felt she had seen the girl before, although she could not pinpoint exactly where. It was hard not to remember such a gorgeous girl, but that beauty, those deep and captivating eyes, did nothing to mask the abject terror on her face. As time seemingly slowed down, a teenage Jaspinder realized what was happening, and a dark pit of despair suddenly appeared inside herself.
She recalled the yelp of pain and the grimace on that lovely face, a face whose smile had surely made many hearts flutter, as one of the men grabbed her long chestnut hair and pulled.
She remembered with impossible clarity the hot tears running down the girl’s cheeks as she thrashed around in vain, two arms locking her in place and one hand covering her mouth before a punch knocked the breath out of her lungs, her screaming attempts cut short, more tears falling from her eyes.
An incoherent scream had then filled Jaspinder’s ears, one she had not immediately recognized as her own. She recalled her mad scrambling to get to the girl, her mother’s iron grip on her arm, her own weakness, her inability to free herself and go out to help.
«It’s too dangerous», her mother had said, her stern voice laden with worry, her hold unyielding even as she clawed at her.
When Jaspinder had turned her gaze back to the girl, she had seen her prone figure on the ground, her clothes half-torn and strewn around, as those men had not even bothered trying to hide what they had been about to do. Her mother had started pulling her away, towards home, to keep her from watching. She had not made it easy for her.
A moment of silence, an unnatural stillness, had enveloped them all, seemingly stretching without end, before that haunting scream had pierced the night and Jaspinder’s soul with it. Nothing in the world could have muffled such a cry. Even her stoic mother could not hide the shock and fear it caused in her.
Again, and again, those men had raped her. Sobs and cries had slowly replaced the girl’s screams, her unanswered pleas for help and mercy weaker every passing minute, until she had gone silent. Jaspinder could not see the girl’s eyes, not anymore, but she was certain she would have found no trace of hope left in them.
Jaspinder recalled her father’s slap as he told her to stop her “disgraceful behaviour”, his annoyance at having to call the police because he was sure “someone else” had already done it, his emphasis on the “provocative attire” of the girl, and his mumbling words about “bad parenting”. She remembered staring as the young girl was being ravaged, grinding her teeth, her nails digging into her palms as she kept fighting while her mother pulled her away, the feeling of helplessness gnawing at her as her anger mounted.
Most of all, she remembered the indifference.
Indifference to the soul-wrenching cries that the whole street, the whole neighbourhood had surely heard, that her parents had reluctantly heard, that Jaspinder had painfully heard. Those cries had plagued her nightmares for years following that night. Yet, among all that had heard, not one had acted.
She remembered wrestling herself from her mother’s grip and running towards the girl the moment the trio had run away; the cowards had had enough gall to gang up on a lone girl, but had fled at the first police siren. She had kneeled next to her, staring wordlessly at the bluish bruises marring her half-naked body, at her beautiful face swollen and bloodied, smelling the stench of sweat and bodily fluids. Overwhelmed, Jaspinder had started crying. She had cried like never before, her own mind a maelstrom of rage, pity, and despair. The girl’s empty stare was fixed on the sky, her moving chest the only indication she was alive. Unsure of what to do, she had grasped her hand, holding it until the arrival of the paramedics.
What had happened afterwards was all a blur. The arrival of the police, the ambulance sprinting away to take the girl to the hospital, her mother bringing her back into their house, her father’s look and words of reproach. She perfectly remembered the onlookers, though; laughing, taking photos, posing for selfies. Barely anyone had shown respect or decency. At least thirty people had been there, out on the street, but they had done nothing when the girl had needed help. Some had even taken out their phones to film the rape.
They called it “bystander effect”.
She called them “pieces of shit”.
***
Jaspinder did not think twice before getting up, shouldering her weapon and going to her superior officer.
«Chief! We need to move, now!»
Startled by her tone and vehemence, all thoughts of stars forgotten, Chief Anderson immediately chastised her. «Lower your voice Jaspinder, damn it! And move where?»
«We have to go and save those women. Don’t you hear their screams? Those bastards are raping them!»
«Wait, what? Jas, are you sure?» Cooper asked. «I mean, they’re a bunch a-holes murderers, but a mass rape? Come on, perhaps they’re shooting a scene, no? They can’t get away with it the same way they did with the murder».
«For fuck’s sake, Steve! Do you still think they’re shooting a movie? That’s bullshit and you know it». Jaspinder bared her teeth. «I would recognise that kind of scream anywhere. That’s pain and anguish there, real ones; it’s not the wail of some third-rate actress. We must go and kill those bastards! Those women are suffering while we waste time here».
Her bloodlust was palpable, and seeing the usually easy-going Indian woman so angry, Cooper and Anderson shared a perplexed glance.
«We’re not going anywhere yet, Jaspinder», Chief Anderson said. «First, we need recon to check what’s really going on, and then we’ll decide on our course of action. Don’t you agree, Al?»
Rossi stifled a yawn. «I do, Brad. I’ll take Steve and go check the situation».
Spinning on her heels, Jaspinder realised that the rest of the team was awake and had joined them. Behind Rossi, who was already heading in the direction of the screams, Elisa was rubbing her eyes and Kusanagi was busy creaking his neck. Tunnel vision had made her lose her situational awareness, and she was trained not to let that happen.
«Well, I hope it’s worth the loss of sleep», Rossi audibly mumbled. «Come on, Cooper, let’s go».
***
The waiting was the worst part. It always was, but doing so while hearing those cries was among the hardest things Jaspinder had ever done. It was almost maddening. She kept pacing around, sitting down, standing up, checking her weapons again and again to make sure they were loaded, with the safety on but ready to fire.
Twenty, unending, minutes later, she heard Rossi’s voice on the comms.
«Charlie One, this is Two, do you copy? Over».
«Good copy, Charlie Two. What’s the situation? Over».
«Roger that. I see seven tents, the “prisoners” are chained to some metal pegs planted into the ground. Two tangos watch them. I count four visible sentries and two hidden ones, possibly more. Two women have been dragged out of a tent and put back in chains. Another woman and a man have been brought to another tent. I can hear screams from it. The others in chains were shouting in anger but they got beaten up. This is way too weird and fucked up... I don’t like it. How do we proceed? Over».
«Copy. Retreat for now and regroup with us. Over».
«Wilco. Charlie Two, out».
A few minutes later, with the two men back with them, Anderson addressed the team. «So, we have an apparent case of a group of civilians in medieval armour murdering and raping another group of civilians who have most likely been taken captive».
After a beat, he continued: «Not the most deranged thing I’ve seen, but definitely in the top five. I believe we can definitely dismiss a movie being shot here, it’s just not a realistic option anymore, unless we’re seeing the work of the sickest and stealthiest assholes in the industry». Taking a short pause to look at each of his teammates, his eyes rested on Jaspinder for a moment longer than the rest. «However, as much as I’d like to rid the world of their presence, I don’t think revealing ourselves would be our best course of action right now».
His words were met with silence. Flabbergasted and with anger mounting each passing moment, Jaspinder voiced her thoughts: «What the hell, chief?! What’s there to be scared of? We have superior training and better weapons; they won’t even know what hit them until they’re all dead».
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«Heh, I agree with Jas», Steve added with a nod and a feral grin. «Let’s fuck those bastards up. It won’t be hard».
«Yeah, sure, let’s fuck’em up», came Rossi’s sudden reply, dripping with sarcasm. «Let’s go gun blazing, Commando-style, maybe stick some cool one-liner here and there while we mow them down like weeds on a field. Surely no one will hear the gunshots, nor will we encounter counter-fire or risk being filmed by surveillance drones. Just because we haven’t seen them, it doesn’t mean they don’t have firearms».
Cooper looked as if he had just been slapped hard. He was left with mouth agape, clearly taken aback by Rossi’s tone, while Jaspinder stared daggers at the senior officer, clenching her jaw. Anderson silently listened to the exchange, whereas Elisa and Kusanagi both creased their brow, perplexed.
«Look, you seem to be forgetting where we are and what we are doing here», Rossi continued, his words a punch to the gut, his tone icy. «We can’t be seen, I thought this was clear. The situation is already bad as it is, and compromising ourselves and our mission for some random civilians is an unacceptable risk. You already know all this!» he said, emphasising his words with pointed gestures.
«Yeah, but—»
«Didn’t you think for a second that it could be a trap? That there might be troops waiting for us? We’re not invincible. If we get pinned down there are no reinforcements, no evacs, no eyes in the sky to guide us to safety, no helo to come get our asses out of the fire», he said, staring at the two younger team members. Then, he took a heavy sigh and continued in a warmer tone, though far too condescending for Jaspinder’s taste: «We must use caution, now more than ever. We are SIGs, not some Rambo wannabes; we have our rules of engagement and we didn’t come here to play white knights. We’re not Galahad! Are we just going to decide who the bad and the good guys are? Are they all rapists or guilty by association? You want to play judge, jury, and executioner? You are professionals, act like it. We don’t even know why those people are captives».
«O-ok, chief, I get your point but we can’t just ignore it, come on!» Steve replied, a bit uncertain. «We can’t just sit still and do nothing», he concluded with more strength in his voice.
«Maybe that’s exactly what we should do, Steve. Even if we saved those so-called “prisoners”, what then? Will we send them on their way with no food or water? What guarantees do we have they won’t alert the first armed group they meet of our presence? Should we take them with us, and to hell with secrecy?» Rossi’s retort again froze Steve in his tracks, but it made Jaspinder’s anger flare up even more, her eyes were burning coals staring a hole in the Italian’s face.
«Master chief», Rossi continued, the formal addressing of their team leader a sign of his seriousness, «I think we should keep following this armed group, observe the situation, and gather more intel first. Any direct action right now would only add more danger to our operation. I don’t want to increase the risk to the lives of anyone here».
Chief Anderson had quietly listened to the discussion with nary a sign of emotion on his face, just a momentary furrow of his eyebrows that could be easily missed if one did not pay attention. He had always been a good poker player, after all, but it irked Jaspinder that she could not get a read on his intentions. Still, she was sure he would have dismissed Rossi’s point of view as the bullshit it was and agreed with her, quickly leading them into battle. That was why his next words felt so shocking, letting a sense of betrayal settle into her chest as rage began to cloud her mind.
«Fuck… I don’t like it but Al is right», Anderson said. «Listen, we don’t have enough intel and our situation is way too uncertain already. I don’t like letting this thing play out without intervening, but I won’t drag any of you into more danger unless strictly necessary. Plus, we are short on time; our priority is to reach the town, re-establish communications with command, and understand what happened to Edge. Right now, everything else... is just a distraction», he finished without much conviction.
Jaspinder, however, did not notice his dejected tone or his frustrated look, nor did she flinch at Rossi’s unusual coldness. Her jaw was locked shut, almost hurting, her field of vision had narrowed, her heartbeat loud into her ears, and she knew something was about to erupt from her, she could feel it. All it needed was a final, small, push.
They too are cowards and bigots, just like mom and dad. I should have known, she thought with disgust, wondering how she could have ever admired them. Then, for a fleeting moment a tiny, murderous thought crossed her mind: Maybe another hole to give oxygen to their brain will make them see reason! She tightened her grip on the weapon, unconsciously releasing the safety.
The moment passed, though, and as clarity started coming back to her, Jaspinder felt bloodlust and horror in equal measure at what her anger-laden brain had suggested. Then, she managed to regain focus, tunnel vision fading, the buzzing in her ears subsiding, and noticed Rossi staring at her with his index finger near the rifle’s trigger. He too, had turned the safety off.
«—inder! Jaspinder! Calm down. Lower your voice», she heard Elisa say. Jaspinder had not realized she had been speaking, but she could see the effects of her words in Rossi’s body language and in Elisa’s voice. Though her face was hidden behind the helmet, Elisa’s tone was clearly full of worry, but she could not understand why.
Not a second later came the senior chief’s dry order: «Special Warfare Operator Khalid, lay down your weapons. Now».
The tone was cold, devoid of emotion. He had not spoken loudly, yet he still managed to make Jaspinder freeze in her tracks, the flames of her righteous fury quenched the moment she met his glare, a shiver ran down her spine, instinct telling her to run away. Her scathing reply died in her throat as she realized that Rossi was deadly serious and would have shot her the moment she made a wrong movement.
Before things could degenerate, though, Master Chief Anderson intervened, breaking the tension and physically interposing between the two.
«Easy, Al. Jaspinder, put down your weapons and go take a walk», he said.
«But… we have to act! I have to go! Those bastards must die! And… and we can’t—»
«Khalid! Go. Take. A. Walk. Now!» Chief Anderson ordered again. His voice was firm and resolute, but no trace of anger could be found in it. His was the tone of a leader who expected his orders to be followed, and Jaspinder had self-control left to comply, though her body was still filled with nervous rage. She put the safety back on the M4 and removed the ammo from her weapons; with her hands trembling in anger, she then threw them to the ground. She was about to storm off, but an angry impulse changed her mind at the last second.
Twirling round to stare at them, «You know what? Fuck you! Fuck the both of you!» Jaspinder quietly shouted, face flushed and eyes bloodshot. «You can be all stars and spangles, talk about freedom, and duty, and shit. And you! You can be all logical and cold and whatever the fuck you want, but you both are callous bastards and y-».
«Hey, hey! Jas, chill. You’re exaggerating», Cooper intervened, trying to mediate.
«No, I’m not, Steve. Shut up!» Her livid retort caught him by surprise, and she took the change to carry on, her voice a mix of fury and desperation. «I trust you all with my life, but you know jack shit. None of you have any idea of the fear of walking alone in the streets, of not being able to come back home one day because a couple assholes might decide they are going to beat you up and rape you; pieces of shit who consider women inferior beings only good for one thing».
This time, it was Elisa’s turn to intervene, unable to keep silent anymore. «Jaspinder, what the hell are you talking about? Why are you so angry?» she asked, putting a hand on the other woman’s shoulder. «This is not like you. What happened?»
«What happened, you ask?» she growled, shrugging away the hand. «It happens that I don’t want to see another person destroyed in body and mind, to know she took her life because no one had bothered to be there when she needed help. Not if I can do something about it», she said, word almost overlapping each other in her improvised speech. «I don’t care who those people are, what they did, and what the consequences will be. No one deserves that! There’s a difference between doing what’s safe and doing what’s right!»
Then, without leaving them time for a comeback, Jaspinder stormed out towards the nearby stream, veins pulsing and eyes wet, the relaxing sound of running water guiding her steps.
When she arrived at the stream, she took off her helmet and threw it on the ground – the green hue of the NVS giving way to the actual darkness of the night, the light of the stars barely enough to see where she was – then, she kneeled down and splashed her face. Once, twice, thrice, and more, cooling down her burning anger and washing away her tears.
Face still dripping with water, she cupped her hands into the stream, brought them to her lips and slowly drank. The water was cold and refreshing, just like drinking from a mountain spring, and it surprised her to discover just how thirsty she was.
Standing up, she passed a wet hand on her hair, redid her ponytail and picked up her helmet. After confirming it was not damaged, she put it back on and her world was awash with green once again. Only then did she notice Kusanagi silently standing at a respectful but still close enough distance, and so surprised she was that she abruptly jerked back. After her initial reaction, she understood that Chief Anderson had sent him to keep an eye on her, most certainly to make sure she did not do anything stupid, like going on a solo attack. Given that Tetsuo was their close combat expert and physically much stronger than herself, he was the best choice in order to quickly grapple and incapacitate her, were she to try and act in a way that would endanger the team.
She was good friends with Tetsuo: he was a kind and polite man, an excellent operator, and a great comrade you could count on, but Jaspinder was dead certain that he would have knocked her out without a second thought if he decided she presented a risk to the team’s safety.
But I still have my knife, and he won’t expect me to use it. I have the element of surprise, she thought, as a smile appeared on her face, so different from her usual one it would have sickened anyone who knew her, had they seen it. A clean kill, then I will take his weapon and kill those rapist motherfuckers as well. And if the others try to stop me… well, they can try…
For the second time that evening, Jaspinder froze in disbelief at her train of thought, unable to understand how she could even consider killing a friend in cold blood, a person who had always had her back, and who literally saved her life more than once. A man who was more of a brother than her actual one.
Something was wrong with her and she did not know what, but she clearly understood that her anger and frustration only fueled such thoughts, so she sat down on a nearby rock – once again taking off her helmet – and wrapped her hands around her head, taking deep breaths to try and calm her nerves. She had never taken a liking to yoga, meditation, qi-gong or other mystical mumbo-jumbo, despite everyone – especially her mother – extolling their benefits.
“Breathe, Jaspinder, breathe. Balance your prana”. That’s what you’d say now, right, mom? Shitty advice, as always. Your only kind of advice… Still better than dad, though it doesn’t take much.
Right, what about you, dad? I guess you’d say something like “See? I told you it’s not for you. Women are too emotional to be good soldiers. When will you understand? You should have studied engineering like your sister and married a good Indian man with a good job”.
Well, fuck you too.
Still sitting on her impromptu chair, she stopped her train of thought from spiraling down into unwanted memories, and she started focusing on the sound of water instead. She had always found it comforting. Closing her eyes, she listened in silence to the rushing stream, relaxing her breathing, drowning out all other sounds as the evening breeze caressed her face. Even the screams now felt muffled and distant.
After a few minutes, she opened her eyes and felt as if a veil had lifted from her mind, willingly ignoring that what she had just done was, by all definitions, just another form of meditation.
«Sorry for making you worry, Tetsuo. Let’s go back».