Aunt Abby let out an irked snort. “Of course,” her hands shot in the air in a gesture of helplessness. “Ah, what is done is done.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked with bewilderment.

“I am afraid I cannot sponsor your season anymore. At least not after such a... dishonourable misdeed. It’s ruining my reputation,” she pouted dramatically while inspecting her scarlet nails.

I could no longer maintain my composure. “What reputation? Of a drunk, bitter matron? Or mistress of a man who could easily be your son?” I yelled at her.

“Ashlyn! What came over you?” My father watched me with disbelief.

Aunt Abby winced at my sudden outburst, giving me her best venomous look. “You, ungrateful little child!” She sneered. “Good luck finding a proper husband, because now – without any funds - you are done for!”

“My Lady, there i-is no n-need for i-insulting L-Lady Ashlyn!” His Grace’s jaw was painfully clenched as he watched her retreating figure.

She pivoted on her heel and shot him an appraising glare. “You’d better fix this mess quickly, Your Grace. We don’t want it to become a public scandal... don’t we?” The corners of her mouth turned up into a sinister smile, before she – without another word - stormed out.

“Abigail!” My mother called after her, her face twisted with horror and disbelief.

I watched the scene unfold with numb dissociation. This was the outcome I feared the most and now my unspeakable nightmare seemed to be turning into reality.

There had to be another way for I was not marrying Baxter Read. Not even over my dead body.

“Your Grace, please step into my study. I believe we should talk about this… Situation,” father gestured between Baxter and me.

“Papa! No!” I rushed forward and grabbed his hand. “Please! Nothing she says is true!”

He pried my fingers off his wrist. “It’s not me you should be begging, daughter. If my sister should spread the rumors, your reputation will be in ruins.”

And without a doubt in my mind, I knew she would. She planned this right from the start. She wanted me to have a miserable, terrible marriage and who was a better candidate than Baxter Read?

“Come now, Your Grace,” said my father, indicating for the younger man to join him.

“Papa! Papa no! Don’t do this, Papa!” I yelled out desperately. “Don’t do this, please!”

I felt Mama’s hands around my waist, pulling me away from my father.

“You promised me I could chose the man I loved!”

“This was before you behaved this irresponsibly!” My father spat, glaring at me.

I felt tears running down my cheeks as he and Baxter disappeared out of my sight.

“Mama, you have to help me! I cannot marry His Grace!” I cried shamelessly. Like a little child I let myself be swept into her comforting embrace.

“Hush my dear. I am afraid I can’t do much to help. Why would you visit the gentleman if you don’t want to be involved with him?”

“I only wanted to be nice,” I whispered. “He saved me from Lord Tinley once and he also brought me home from Lady Wyatt’s ball. I would freeze to death if it weren’t for him.” I admitted.

Her forehead creased with confusion. “I thought Abigail and Lord Aidan brought you?”

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“Well, she claimed she had forgotten me. How convenient,” I snorted, studying the amazement reflecting in my mother’s eyes.

“I have to admit I was quite surprised when she offered you and Edith a sponsorship, but your father agreed so I didn’t question it. I wish there was another way...” I watched her rub her temples. “I am so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault Mama, neither is Papa’s. It’s solely aunt Abigail’s and mine. I should have stayed away from Baxter Read; to avoid all this mayhem,” I added, sniffling.

“I’ve heard of his reputation, but I believe he’s a kind and a generous man, Ashlyn. Didn’t you say you wanted that? Someone who would treat you right?” She reasoned with me while gently patting my hand.

“I did Mama, but Baxter Read -” My shoulders sagged as I exhaled loudly. “-He is too different.”

Mother sympathetically nodded at me. “I know that you wanted love, but love can come in many ways. It may not be a wild, passionate bond between you two, but respect and friendly affection can be just as good,” she took my hands in hers. “It’s not the end of the world.”

I gulped as I felt the tears streaming down my face. “Then why do I feel like it is? He is so hard to understand, Mama, so hard to like.”

She closed her eyes – to hide the traces of pity and sadness. “You have to be brave now, my daughter – no matter what shall befall you.”

**

I sat on my bed with knees pressed tight against my chest, rocking back and forth as I quietly hiccupped into the juice-stained material.

Jane sat beside me, gazing at me with pity in her eyes.

We waited in silence for His Grace and Papa to finish their discussion about my future, awaiting the dreadful verdict.

I felt like one of those colorful parrots auntie had in the parlor – once free to fly, however when captured - confined within the bars of their irony cages. The murky thought pushed my mind into the contest of swirling ideas, no matter how absurd or unattainable they were.

I suddenly stilled, widening my eyes. “I must run away!”

“How?” Jane scrunched up her nose. “You don’t know the first thing about surviving in the real world.”

She was right, as always, but I was stubbornly insistent. “I will marry a wealthy merchant or a captain of the vessel! After that I will sent for you or…. Or I’ll send you some money. I don’t know, but I will think of something!”

“Sister, that is insanity!”

“Jane, I am not marrying His Grace Baxter. There is no way,” I said with a low grain of confidence.

“Maybe you won’t have to! Just wait for Papa to tell you what they’d decided on a matter,” she reasoned with me, probably afraid my desperate state will maim me into committing something brash and foolish.

No matter how much I wanted to, I could not act so selfishly. My family needed the money and for them and only them I was prepared to girth my teeth and stand my ground.

I heard the inevitable knocking and the supposedly soft sound turned into a shuddersome thundering noise. Stubbornly wiping away my tears, I straightened the hopelessly wrinkled dress and opened the door.

“Papa,” my voice came out choked and raspy. I felt a horrible sense of dread filling my insides which transformed my body into an icy sculpture.

“So? What has been decided?” Jane hopped off the bed and joined my side.

Father appeared pained as he looked away from us. “Your betrothal will be announced in the newspaper first thing in the morning.”

My face paled at the horrifying news. I had to tightly clutch the bed frame to prevent myself from collapsing. I was never prone to fainting, but this situation was simply calling for it. “No,” I whispered. “Why, Papa?”

“Be grateful to him for wanting to do a respectable thing by you,” Papa said angrily.

“Can we just persuade aunt Abby to keep quiet?” I begged him, willing him to change his mind.

“It’s not just about Abby. What about the servants or the people who spotted you there? They talk, Ashlyn!” His face was now scarlet with bulging veins scattered on his forehead.

“I… I didn’t...” I sighed, looking toward the ceiling.

“Exactly, you didn’t think! Now stop weeping and face the reality. He’s a good and respectable gentleman. He may not be the handsomest or the most pleasant man to be around, but he will treat you right,” he repeated what mother said to me.

I knew my father was right, this wasn’t Baxter’s fault and I needed to accept that marriage will happen in the near future. But I couldn’t fight the sorrow that raged in my wounded heart. And what about Jared? What about all the happy hours we spent together while growing up? No matter his foolish behavior I still felt a pull toward him, I still missed the boy I used to know. The same boy that picked me flowers, held my hand when I was scared and carried me home when I got hurt. Because Jared was always just that - everything I ever knew.

But now I felt hurt and confused for the same man was now distancing himself from the kindhearted, happy boy I used to spend my days playing with.

I buried my face in my hands as I could no longer control my emotions. I felt like screaming. If only I could rewind the time and fix mistakes that led me to this unavoidable faith.

“His Grace Read will be here tomorrow first thing so we can discuss the details of your marriage. You’d better get some rest,” with that my father left the room.

I felt Jane’s slender arms slip onto my shoulders. “Everything will work out sister,” she caressed my head as though I was the little child. “Have faith.”