“B-But…” He proceeded to trail close behind me.
I tried to ignore his frantic glances and endeavours to prevent me from running off. “Thank you, Your Grace,” I curtsied, noticing Janine imitated my moves.
“Let m-me at l-least buy y-you a new g-gown, My Lady! He pointed at my ruined bodice. Thank God it was thick enough, otherwise I would be in trouble.
“It’s all right, Your Grace,” I smiled, while I tugged at the carriage’s door, swinging them open with more force than I intended to.
“Please w-wait. I w-will b-bring you a b-blanket so y-you won’t g-get cold. In t-this humid w-weather …”
“Your Grace!” I sternly cut him off. “Enough with the weather! I already assured you I am fine, now please-” I exhaled deeply, gathering all the patience I could muster. “-Please just allow me to return back home.”
He looked as if I’d splashed him with ice cold water. His face fell with disappointment and his eyes stayed fixated on the ground. “All right, My Lady. I a-am truly s-sorry,” Read whispered dejectedly.
I jumped onto the seat, shutting the door behind me.
“Have a good day, Your Grace,” I nodded through the open window.
I felt his eyes on me as the carriage began to rock, and I still felt him watching when we slowly distanced ourselves from his estate.
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“Miss, I am almost afraid to ask but, what was that? Is he... Well, how do I put it? Imbalanced?” Janine leaned forward.
“No Janine, he is not mad, just a little peculiar,” I smiled absentmindedly.
“Why did you even come here, if you don’t mind me asking?” Her forehead creased with confusion.
“I had promised him I would take a look at his rose garden. Janine?” I suddenly turned to her. “Was I too harsh on him?” The claws of guilt scraped at my heart every time I recalled my hasty retreat. “It was only an accident.”
“Oh, Ashlyn!” She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “Please! The way he wielded that glass it was bound to happen,” Janine glanced heavenward.
“I suppose,” I sighed before turning my gaze onto the busy street.
“Now Young Miss, I realize promises must be kept, however outing of this nature is extremely reckless. Promise me you’ll cease with this behavior! Someone is bound to find out about this endeavor of yours!”
“I will, Janine,” I cut off her scolding. I propped my chin on my hand, exhaling loudly. Melancholy wrecked my soul as I cursed myself for my foolishness. I was stupid enough to agree to visit him and in the end it managed to hurt us both.
Him, by giving him hope where there was none and myself … Why did it affect me? Truth to be told I saw something in Baxter Read, or perhaps it was solely an illusion. He was vulnerable and kind, so different from the rest of the London’s snobby noblemen. I thought I saw something deeper in him the night of his bout of panic. In that moment, I though Baxter Read didn’t have to be a stranger I must avoid, but an ally – a friend perhaps. However, in the depths of my naivety there lied a savior complex – an aggravating quirk that made me believe I could save him from his troubled mind. That I am able to pull him out of his bubble and show him what life could’ve been without the constant fear breathing down his neck. Only to realize I in fact cannot save Baxter Read, for his biggest enemy he has to battle is himself. Our worlds were stretched too far apart – in the eyes of the ton, under their waging tongues - we had to remain what we always were - strangers.