I don't know at what point in my life did I learn this ability, but I've been able to tell when someone was looking at me with anger in their heart. It was always about the eyes. The person didn't have to say anything but the moment they looked at me, I could always tell. And right now, Flic had the exact same expression.
"What do you mean you haven't beaten anyone?! Then where did all the dark copies of yours go?"
"They are just gone. Subsided. For now at least."
"So you're telling me that I was fighting them for nothing?! Fuck!"
"No, not for nothing. But it's... hard to explain."
She came closer and sat down right beside me. For some reason, the fact that she was now in such close proximity to me seemed absolutely terrifying. "Then try!" she commanded. "What the fuck happened?"
"Well... I don't think that I can just forgive myself with a snap of my fingers. I can see a point in what you're saying. What everyone had been saying. The things that happened were not entirely my fault. Though I did cause them, I never knew what would happen. When I burned my books, I thought it was just symbolic. Then all the times when the Deaths died... I did my best. Even though my best was not even remotely enough, I didn't do anything that would cause their demise. Not intentionally at least. All that suffering... it was just a mistake that caused it."
"Great! That sounds like you've got the facts finally right. So what's the deal with not forgiving yourself?"
"The deal is that it still happened. People still suffered because of me. I am... sad. Angry. I feel like a disappointment."
"You're at the end of the fucking existence! Man up! What use are such feelings when you're literally just waiting for some near-immortal entity to gobble you up?"
"Flic?" I asked, avoiding eye contact. Not out of fear though. Mostly just because I was afraid I'd see a lie in them.
"Yeah?"
"How long have you been here?"
"How the fuck should I know? You see a clock anywhere here? Besides, time doesn't..."
"Just guess."
"Hmm...Too long. I think I've passed my life expectancy about seventeen or eighteen times already at the very least. But then again, it's hard to say."
"Right... And in all that time... Have you ever killed a Resident?"
"What?! Of course not! Do I look like someone..."
"Then how do you know how to kill them?" I looked her right in the eyes. There was fear. Somewhere inside her, something was afraid.
"You are walking on thin ice buddy," she muttered and anger returned the usual red into her face.
"Oh yeah? What will you do? Kill me? In a place without death? Or will you... eat me?"
"I beg your fucking pardon?!"
"Come on, it's not that hard to figure out. You know everything there is about Void and Residents, including how to kill them, yet you've never killed any? And being one of them... well, it sounds lonely. So lonely that you would, I don't know, assume the form of a person just to persuade an innocent survivor to trust you."
"What?!"
"You're a Resident, aren't y..." She slapped me so hard that I nearly lost consciousness.
"Is that what you think I am, you dick?!"
"God... you have hands the size of shovels. Well, yeah. It's the only explanation."
She didn't respond. Now it was her who didn't want to look at me.
"I'm sorry. You don't have shovel hands," I tried to improve her mood a little bit.
"Oh fuck that, I could scoop up gravel by heaps with them. You didn't insult me if that's what you're worried about."
"Ah, okay. Then..."
"You want to know where I got all that information about Void?"
"Yeah. Because it does sound extremely fishy."
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She took a deep breath. "It was... a prize. I won the knowledge from a Resident."
"Won it? You met one of them?"
"One? Heh, not just some 'one' Resident. I met the one they all fear. The oldest, biggest bastard you can imagine."
This got my attention. I turned my whole body towards her and crossed my legs, ready to listen to whatever she had to say.
"At some point when I'd been wandering through this place, I and two of my companions were ambushed by a wandering Resident. We fought, but naturally, without our magic, we stood no chance. It ate us one by one, and I thought that would be the end of me, until the darkness that used to surround me parted and... well, I stood before him. You can't imagine something so terrifying. He's so enormous you can literally feel the vibrations in the air as he moves, and the gravity pulling you towards him. The Resident that captured me was standing behind me, holding my hands tied behind my back while he was kneeling. They spoke for a moment about how much my comrades and I would cost. Apparently, we weren't worth much."
"Don't tell me... Were you enslaved?"
"No! What the fuck do you think a Resident would need slaves for?!"
"Oh... I... I don't know. It was just..."
"We were not enslaved. But I'd say our fate was worse." She turned her back towards me and lifted up a large portion of her shirt, or what was left of it. As she did, I froze up in place. Where I expected skin, I saw only machinery. As if something big was implanted into her back. A huge chunk of strangely shaped metal, which replaced most of her spine.
"What is that?" I asked, not even blinking.
"The Resident gave it to all of us who participated. It allows us to use magic to a certain extent. Everyone gets something different. In my case, it's speed. Not really the coolest of powers, but it has served me well. So this... thing is what I woke up with after meeting the guy. And to my surprise, I was lying on an altar in the middle of something that looked like the dirtiest chapel ever."
"A chapel? In the Void?"
"Yeah. But it didn't come from this place. You see, that Resident is old. Super old. He has seen millions of worlds fall already. At that age, you just get extremely bored by pretty much anything. And so he found a way to... entertain himself. He created an artificial world of his own. Like a little, personal, fucked-up sandbox. He calls it the Grand Game. In it, you have these areas with certain tasks you need to accomplish. Each area looks different and is inhabited by different kinds of nasties, all hand-made by the giant fucker himself. And that thing in my back? That's what he calls his 'boon'. Through that, he gives all the participants all sorts of supernatural powers to keep it interesting. It's also his invention that can simulate pain even in our current state. I guess the bastard had some sick tastes."
I caught myself subconsciously holding my breath. It was all so strange and a terrifying thing to imagine. "But... you escaped?"
"Escaped? HA! I won the fucking thing!" She smashed her fist into the palm of her other hand but quickly turned sombre once again. "It wasn't easy though. While we still were immortal, we had to kill the artificial creatures to survive. Each area of the place had a simulated sky. You had a whole day, however long that actually was, to eliminate a certain number of the local creatures. Fail to do so and the Resident would eat you. And as time progresses, you have to kill more and more of them to make it. Sometimes, I had it really close."
"I'm sorry. All this... you didn't deserve that. Nobody would. But how did you manage to win? How does anyone win in a place like that?"
"Simple. There is a limited number of areas. You clear the challenges in all of them and you've won. And as a prize, you can wish for anything you desire. As long as it's in the Resident's capabilities, he will give it to you, as his 'thanks' for the entertainment."
"I'd immediately wish for his demise," I said almost automatically.
"Yeah, I did the same. But he told me that he won't do anything that would severely harm him."
"So what did you wish for then?"
"Information. I asked to know everything about this place and his kind. Every weakness, every piece of history, every dark little secret. And he gave me just that. But I soon realized that information is nothing against these creatures. At least not anymore. I can't beat something like them. It's just impossible." She turned around and finally looked at me. "But it might not be impossible for a God."
I wasn't sure what to tell her. I had trouble even with Ifrit, so how could I defeat something that was just so much stronger? "I will try to do so."
"You'll try? Wait! Does that mean you're finally feeling up to it? No more doubts and shadowy figures?"
"No, I still feel the same. I am afraid like never before. Scared to lose even the little that I have. Worried that I'll fail again."
"Fuck me... You are seriously such a wimp! No offence. I understand that you have your issues, but none of that even matters. If you fail, you'll meet the end that awaits you here anyway."
"You can say a lot of things about me, Flic. I did a lot of bad things. But there are some words you should not throw around if you don't even know what they mean."
"Huh? Like what?"
"Wimp."
"A weak and cowardly person."
"Exactly."
"So?"
"Do you really think that's what I am?"
"Well, you're scared of something that makes no sense, so yes."
"Flic?"
"Yeah?"
"You're an idiot."
"I beg your fucking pardon?!" she drew her sword and wanted to either place it to my neck or slice my head clean off. Fortunately, neither of those things happened. Before the blade got too close, I stood up and stopped it with my hand. It dug deep into it, but there was no blood or pain.
"You ARE an idiot. If you think being afraid is what it means to be a coward, then you are the biggest idiot of them all!" She stood there, not reacting to me whatsoever, only staring at her weapon. "I am going to fight the Resident. I don't think I can win. I feel terrible about it, horrified, and scared beyond measure. But despite all that, I am still going to fight. That's what it means to have courage! I've lived with these thoughts and emotions for the majority of my life. I can live with them long enough to die by some world-eating asshole's hands. At least I won't give him my world for free and I'll go out in style." I let go of the sword. To my surprise, Flic was no longer trying to ram it through my throat. Even after giving such a speech, I felt no better. I wasn't confident at all. I was a trembling mess. But at the same time, I felt like this was exactly what I had to do. At least I'd know, in my last moments, that I truly did the best I could.
"So, Flic, are you ready?"
"For what?"
"For showing me how to travel around the Void? Because it's time I go back home."