I remember a world full of darkness. As if somebody just turned off all the lights, along with my senses. It reminded me of the time I... the time that I came to this world. It was just as dark back then. Only after a few minutes did reality welcome me back. I opened my eyes and immediately recognized the strange gray lighting of the Deaths' dimension. I was back and alive. I wasn't sure how any of that was possible, but that wasn't important. My ghost days were finally over. I wasn't even sure how long I'd been gone. Weeks? Months? To me, it felt like an eternity.
The first thought that came to my mind was to sit up and look for my glasses. Although I could clearly say where I was, I'd much prefer to see the details as well. Unfortunately, as soon as I moved, massive pain shot through my body. I let out a loud groan and immediately stopped all further attempts at getting up. Finally, the world made sense again. While I was a ghost, nothing hurt me. Now, everything did. Never did I think that I'd want to return to that corporeal state ever again, but I had to admit that a life without physical pain was kind of nice.
"Are you alright?" A friendly voice came from beside me. Without moving my head, I looked to the side. A white character was standing at the door, holding the frame as if she just wanted to peek inside.
"White? Is that you?" I asked and a few tears ran into my eyes. It was comforting to recognize a friendly face again. Especially someone who'd see me too.
"Yes, I'm here. Oh, I'm so glad you're finally awake. I got so worried." She ran up to me and sat down on a chair by my bed.
"Finally? Wait, how long was I gone?"
"This is the third day, so about two and a half. We all thought that the bastard from Sunwalley did something to you."
I looked back at the ceiling. A bastard. He didn't seem that way at all back in Everstar. He was just a man who lost everything dear to him.
"Don't call him that way."
"What? Are you trying to protect him?! He nearly killed you! He took the lives of Uni and Garry without hesitation!" White was still mourning her friends. I didn't blame her. What Jack did to them was not something I could ignore, no matter whether I saw his backstory or not.
"Ifrit tricked him. He was never a bad man, to begin with. His hate came from that other bastard."
White looked for something in her dress for a while.
"Don't worry, we'll get him! Cause thanks to you, we have this!" She tried showing me some glowing object. I squinted at it, trying to make out how exactly it looked.
"Oh, right, your glasses! Here, let me," she said, grabbed my specs from the nightstand next to me, and slipped them onto my face before I could even say something. Only now did my sight improve and I saw her holding a shining blue gem, sitting in a small glass box.
"You got the ice gem!"
"Yup. We picked it up afterward."
"So that means we can go and kill Ifrit?"
"Whoa, hold on there! You're in no shape to go anywhere. First, we need to prepare and you need to heal. You lost a lot of blood. Not to mention the bullet that pierced your shoulder. For now, you should save your strength. Ifrit's not running anywhere."
White was right, but I didn't want to accept it. Everything that happened to the Sunwalley was because of Ifrit. He influenced the people that worked for him. He manipulated them to do as they please. But no matter how much I just wanted to go and fight him, there was nothing I could do. In my current state, I'd barely be able to dodge anything he'd throw at me.
I spent most of the first day just sleeping. White strictly forbid me to leave the bed, and I didn't want to argue with her. Especially not now when she was still so emotional about the loss of her friends. In the afternoon, she brought me some food, as well as new clothes that Anci made for me. They were black and reinforced with metal around the joints. Apparently, he wanted to create something that would protect me from future injuries. The food White got me wasn't exactly the best. Since the Deaths didn't have to eat to survive, they only kept food for its taste. Unfortunately, that only included fruits and candy at the moment. However, Soul went out of his way and actually traveled to another world to fetch some potatoes and other vegetables, which they then cooked over Beast's fire magic. It wasn't the best meal I had, that's for sure. None of them really understood cooking that much, so my lunch was practically tasteless. Still, it was great to finally feel at least something. Being a ghost for so long definitely made me hungry.
The next day, I was already doing a little bit better. Walking was still a problem, so White forced me to stay inside yet again, but this time, she kept on visiting me much more often, so we had time to talk. I told her everything I learned about Jack and what I saw out there in Everstar.
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"You were a ghost? That's... well, surely odd. But we'd know if you died. That's kinda what Deaths do, you know? We have this way to see the souls leaving the bodies of mortals. It's like these little pretty sparks that…"
"White, please, focus. I wanted to talk about what I saw back then," I interrupted her rambling before it would start again.
"Oh, right. Well, what you saw was clearly Jack's past. He wanted to show it to you for some reason."
"To show me who Ifrit is, I guess. But how was he able to see me if it was a memory?"
"I don't know, Eddie. If he truly possesses a large part of your Divine Creativity, he can most likely do many crazy feats. After all, it's the power of God."
"Yeah... sure doesn't feel like it though."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, everyone I saw with the Creativity so far had no trouble using it. The Gunslinger was super accurate, Jack could stop time, and Ifrit can manipulate fire by the looks of it. But why do I have so many problems? It seems like the power never comes out when I want it to." White smiled and leaned closer to me as if she just wanted to bestow upon me the ultimate wisdom.
"You just need to look inside you a bit more." That surely wasn't as wise as I expected.
"What does that mean?"
"The powers those guys have - accuracy, time, and fire, are all nothing compared to yours. You have total control over what happens, but your brain needs to believe it while your heart needs to allow it," she said and gently poked me first on the forehead and then in the chest.
"You're not helping me, White. Can't you speak perhaps in a less cryptic way? This isn't Crypts & Wyverns."
"Crypts and... Well, this place certainly isn't any crypt. It's a nice and comfy house we found for you. Almost intact. And wyverns? Well, in this world they…"
"Ughhh! White! Focus!"
"Right. Umm... what were we talking about again?"
"My powers! Divine Creativity! How do I use it?"
"Oh! Got it! Well, the reality is what you imagine it to be. And if you imagine yourself not being able to use the power, it won't work. Or... it will but it will make itself not work? Is that a paradox?"
"White, that doesn't matter now. Even if I allow myself to use the power, nothing happens."
"It's not about allowing it. You need to believe that you can do it. The power listens to you. If you feel yourself undeserving of it, or incompetent to use it, your wish will become a reality and you'll be nothing but a normal man."
I turned my sight away from White. She knew about what was going on in my head. I never actually told anyone. This meant that she had to have her own ways of knowing. For some reason, it made me feel really uncomfortable. As if there was no place safe for my secrets anymore.
"It's not so easy with those thoughts in my head."
"Thoughts?" she asked and frowned at me, not really understanding what I'm talking about.
"Nevermind. Can I be alone for a while?"
"Umm... sure, no problem. I'll come back to check on you later. Oh! And here, take this!" She put a candy bar on the nightstand next to my bed and walked out of the room. I always wondered where she kept getting the snacks, but since the answer could've been literally anything, I didn't want to ask.
I've spent the rest of the day lying in the bed, thinking about what White told me. If the Divine Creativity truly listened only to confidence, then there was no way I'd ever learn to use it. The voice inside me has always been way too strong. Later in the evening, Anci stopped by my house to ask if the new clothes fit me. When I told him that I haven't tried them on yet, he seemed to suddenly get a bit sad. Although it was kind of hard to tell with a person who didn't have an expressive face and was always slouching.
"Hey, Anci?" I called out to him just as he was about to leave.
"Yes?" he replied and I could swear I saw the skull he wore for his head raise its unexistent eyebrows.
"Listen, I kinda wanted to... ask you something. I need advice."
"Advice? Well, I'm not sure if I'm the right one for that, but I will try my best." He sat down on the bed next to me.
"Great. So... I want to learn how to use my Divine Creativity, but White says that in order to do that, I need to build up more confidence. But…"
"You don't have much of it, do you?"
"No, not really. I see that she already told you about it. Great! Now my problems are just gossip for everyone to know."
"She didn't tell me anything. And it is definitely not gossip. It is kind of obvious. We know what made you come to this world, so it would make sense that you have some trouble in that skull of yours."
" But how do I get rid of Him? Rid of... them. You get what I mean, right?"
"I do. The nagging thoughts in your head. The other side of you. However, I am afraid that I have never seen anyone defeat their inner demons by just snapping their fingers. Something like this takes time and effort." This was exactly the answer I feared the most.
"Well, I don't have time! Don't you know some shortcuts? Like... you used to see the species of dragons, right? How did they solve this issue? Did they have like a magical potion perhaps, or…"
"They killed those who were mentally weak."
"Oh... Well, that is not exactly helpful."
"Maybe it is. I think your death suited you well."
"What the hell does that mean?!" I shouted. Something about him liking the fact that I died made me suddenly feel angry.
"Look at yourself. When you came to this world, you wanted nothing but death. And now you have that thirst for life once again. You even feel irritated about the fact that someone would like you dead. Those are signs that you wish to live."
I had to admit, he had a point. Something about this world made me want to stay. At least until I get a chance to fix everything.
"I cannot help you. But if I were you, I'd try talking with others. They helped me many times when I felt bad. Perhaps they can do something with your feelings too."
With that, he left me alone. I lay back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling for a while. When I thought about it, my life was so absurd. I was trying to solve my mental problems by asking a bunch of Grim Reapers for advice. How many people could say something like that?
Although the light here didn't exactly change, I could feel myself getting more and more tired. Calling it a night at that point was probably the best decision. I told myself that first thing tomorrow, I'd go to see the others. Perhaps they truly had some good advice to share.