It was massive, at least eight feet tall, and made of shiny chrome (or… titanium? silver? An unknown and eldritch metal? Andrew wasn’t very good with materials). It had the vague shape of a man, but more like something from the futuristic imagination of someone in Hollywood from the 1980s. On each of its shoulders were mounted two massive flamethrowers, and instead of eyes it just had glowing orbs, their red color giving the creature a feeling of intense rage.
Release my companion! I demand you let Candy Sparks go! Its voice was classically robotic and intense.
Margeaux snapped back, “Not a chance!”
Andrew eyed both of the new creatures. “Look, Mr… what’s your name?”
Terminator Williams.
“Really? That’s–”
I’m eloquent AND badass, it said defensively. Not that I’d expect YOU to get the reference. Either reference.
“Alright, Terminator Williams. Why are you trying to kill us?”
That is how I win.
“How you win?!” Candy Sparks said indignantly.
“Uh. Okay. Well, it seems we’re at an impasse. We can’t kill–” Andrew hesitated for a moment at the ridiculousness of the name– “Candy Sparks or it’ll–”
“SHE!” Candy Sparks snapped, and renewed her struggle. Zachary, however, hold her firm by her little antenna-like ears, keeping her well away from his body so her awkwardly bladed tail couldn’t quite reach him.
“She, okay. Sorry. Or she will respawn and we’ll be back where we started,” Andrew said, thinking as quickly as he could.
The thing seemed to consider this for a moment.
That is true. But perhaps no longer my concern.
“The fuck it isn’t!” Candy Spark’s wings fluttered angrily.
At some point, you will have to leave.
“Hey, we can stay here a long, long time now that we know you’re out there,” Andrew pointed out.
Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.
I can wait.
“Yeah, but do you really want to wait while we’re endlessly fucking?” Andrew asked triumphantly.
“The fuck?” Candy Sparks was so appalled she stopped struggling for a moment.
Fortunately, Margeaux caught on. “That’s right, you chrome-assed motherfucker! Andrew will fuck my brains out over and over until I level so high I’ll blast your pathetic chassis into the next respawn point!”
I– you’re joking. Terminator Williams said, but Andrew could hear the hesitation in his voice.
“I’m Margeaux Sinclair, motherfucker. Who else would have this?”And with that, she pulled up her red dress and flashed her bright red thong at Terminator Williams.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Terminator Williams recoiled.
¨But be my guest. Watch us– it’ll only make me stronger,” Margeaux said menacingly, a gleeful glint in her eye.
“Or don’t, and risk missing us as we sneak past,” Andrew added.
You drive a hard bargain.
“Look–” Andrew said, “honestly, it can’t be that fun to just keep consuming us in flames like shooting fish in a barrel.”
Honestly, it’s quite fun.
“Okay, but imagine how much more fun it’ll be to kill us when we’re at higher levels,” Andrew said, beginning to feel like they were going to be arguing about this forever.
“Aaaannndd lleev-eellssssssssss,” Zachary groaned urgently.
“And levels! Right! You’ll level up faster if we’re stronger when you kill us,” Andrew added.
Hmmmm. You’re not wrong. Alright. Release my companion, and we shall depart and you shall leave unharmed… for now. Terminator Williams’ red eyes glinted.
“That’s right, let go of me you decrepit fuck!” Candy Sparks spit at Zachary, who looked at Andrew.
Andrew shrugged and nodded his head. It’s not like they had much of a choice.
Candy Sparks shook out her antenna and flew around Zachary menacingly a few times before she blinked out of existence– invisible, Andrew realized when he could still feel the draft from her flapping fairy wings. She exited through the doorway. Apparently, anyone could leave at any time, but one could only enter the Spawn room if it was their own or they were brought by someone from the room.
Farewell, crispy humans. I look forward to murdering you again in the future. Thank you for the paltry XP I have so far gained by your expiration.
Terminator Williams’ upper half inclined towards them in what Andrew realized was a bow before he turned away and strode off down the hallway with booming, heavy steps. As he left, Candy’s voice faded away and they were left with only Terminator Williams’ loud voice, which took on a chastened and earnest tone.
Of course I wouldn’t have abandoned you, Candy Sparks. No, it was a simple strategy to get them to–
That was all Andrew could hear.