“Did you find my thong?” Margeaux asked.

Andrew was leaning against the cave wall, breathless. In the end, he’d lost track of the whole weird scenario around him and, well– things had escalated. With a jolt, he looked around the cave, and was relieved to see that Zachary was nowhere to be found.

He supposed, even as interested in sex as seventeen-year-olds were, the natural repulsion of considering parental figures as sexual beings had won out in the end. And Margeaux certainly had taken that role with Zachary.

I don’t think many parents would claw out their child’s eyeballs, though, Andrew gulped at the memory.

“Hey, Sherlock!” Margeaux snapped, though her tone towards him had changed somewhat since he’d discovered the rather unorthodox use for his Investigation ability. “Put your skills to good use and find my thong.”

“I thought I did put my skills to good use,” Andrew said, disgruntled, but looked around anyway. His instinct drew him to his own pants pocket– there!

He pulled out what appeared to be a piece of red string and flung it at Margeaux.

“You certainly did,” she agreed with a broad grin. “I guess it will be useful having you around.”

“What did it do, by the way? If… if you don’t mind my asking.”

“So polite! I’m also a Level 3 now, and we’ve activated Assertiveness. All depends on how I behave before the interaction and during. Let me know when you’re ready to go again,” she added.

Andrew blinked. How often was she going to ask for this… service? As she slid the red thong on under her dress, another question occurred to him and he frowned. “We established why you look like yourself, but why don’t I look different?”

Margeaux shrugged. “I mean, you have the accent. Otherwise, are you a skinny white dude in real life?”

“Uhhh… yeah.”

“And wasn’t Sherlock a skinny white dude?”

“I guess so,” Andrew said. “I’m not addicted to opioids, though. I mean, I think I’m not,” he added in a panic.

“Mmmmm, if Sherlock Holmes is, then you probably are,” Margeaux said matter-of-factly. “We seem to have inherited the canon of our characters. Sherlock is such a beloved and famous character that you probably just got the stereotypical things common to him. I mean, for all we know you do look different. You can confirm when we find a mirror.”

She stood up and put her hands on her hips, then went to grab her oversized heart shaped purse. “Alright. Let’s find Zachary, and then figure out what the fuck is going on here.”

Andrew stood and put on his trousers and shirt. He looked at the deerstalker cap for a second and then tossed it back into the cave wall shelf with the trench coat. The wall shelf snapped shut almost reproachfully.

“ZACHARY!” Margeaux was calling out. She had left the cave through the small entrance at the front.

Andrew followed, and was immediately bounced back into the tiny room. A giant text message box popped up in front of him.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

Lone Ranger - Generally offputting, people just don’t like you, but you don’t care. You’ve got a mission, a calling, and by god, you’re going to get it done.

Insufferable Know It All - Annoying as hell, people keep you around because you know things and won’t shut the fuck up about it.

Andrew shook his head impatiently. This was stupid. He moved to leave the cave again, and was thrust back with even more ferocity. He landed ass-first, and yelped.

Lone Ranger - Generally offputting, people just don’t like you, but you don’t care. You’ve got a mission, a calling, and by god, you’re going to get it done.

Insufferable Know It All - Annoying as hell, people keep you around because you know things and won’t shut the fuck up about it.

Andrew’s eyes widened in surprise at the updated text box. He’d never written anything like ‘I’M SERIOUS’ into his game. He looked around in fear. Who was controlling this? “H-how serious?” he asked.

“Ack!” Andrew shouted, scooting away from– what? To where? He realized that whatever it was was omniscient.

“What are you yelling about?” Margeaux came striding back towards him, Zachary in tow.

“I, uh– I need to select a Game Play option,” Andrew managed. “Before I can leave this… spawning point, I guess we can call it?”

“Well, come on then,” Margeaux said impatiently. “Zachary wants to show us something.”

Andrew gaped at her. How could she just take everything in stride like this? And why was she being mean to him again?

What were his options again? Oh, yes–

Lone Ranger - Generally offputting, people just don’t like you, but you don’t care. You’ve got a mission, a calling, and by god, you’re going to get it done.

Insufferable Know It All - Annoying as hell, people keep you around because you know things and won’t shut the fuck up about it.

His intention in creating these had been, well, to ensure people chose Lone Ranger. After all, Sherlock Holmes worked alone, despite the constant presence of Watson. All Watson ever did was observe and report. Andrew wondered briefly if he would get a Watson eventually– in his game, that role was largely played by the–

Andrew blinked. The words flashed in the text box in front of him– just text, but he felt something behind them. A powerful personality, but unlike anything he’d ever experienced.

“Why would an omniscient– what? Being? God? Who are you, anyway?” Andrew asked incredulously.

“Uhhhh. What?!” Andrew shouted.

“Andrew,” Margeaux said with the exaggerated patience of an exhausted teacher, “We can’t all see what you see. Either explain or keep it to yourself.”

Uhhhh, what?!

Andrew sensed some impatience from the– whatever it was.

“I have to choose between a– like a single player or multiplayer approach,” he said to Margeaux.

Zachary gave a little moan, which apparently was easier than trying to form actual words, and Margeaux shrugged. “Well, decide how you want to play and then let’s go.”

That stung. As though this weren’t a critical decision point! Obviously, he should choose Lone Ranger. That’s what he’d designed the game with in mind, after all.

He hesitated, and looked at Margeaux’s intriguing face and Zachary’s shuffling nervousness.

Aw, shit.

He selected Insufferable Know It All, and stepped outside into the hallway with them.

BOOM. An explosion immediately set off, and Andrew barely had time for a single thought before everything went dark.

AHHHHH SHIT!