I sulked over to my friend, Bea. She’d known about the videos for a while. She watched them religiously. I was always thankful for that. She was also a good person to turn to. I never thought I’d be friends with someone like her.

◄◄◄

Hey, can I ask you something?

Who’s Jasper?

U don’t have to respond if you don’t want to

  It was the first DM I ever got from her. It was maybe around the same week Madison showed what she showed me, maybe even before that. I was pretty taken aback by the sudden DM. By that time, I’d only mention Bea anonymously as one of my long-time fans in one of my videos. I never understood why she was so dedicated to watching them.

They’re just some chic i used to talk to

Why do you ask?

Just wondering

Thought she went to our school or something

Also, why are you using “they’re”

They’re nonbinary

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You know, the whole they/them pronoun thing

Ah

I get it now

Here’s a pic of her

[insert image file].png

Sooo what happened to her?

Disappeared.

She deactivated without warning

That sucks

How’d you feel

Alone. I ranted to her about Naomi and everything

*them

And then poof. She just… deactivated

*they

  It was true. Jasper was the only one that listened to me complain about Naomi. It was also true that I sometimes forgot to address them by their preferred pronouns. Regardless, I never told them about the videos. I bet they watched them but decided to keep their mouth shut.

  Bea and I continued to talk for a while. She was apparently a metalhead (I despised metal with the only exception being Get Scared, who was more borderline metal; something I could tolerate). She even taught me some German. It was just… really nice. I was finally starting to get something I wanted: someone to always talk to.

Look

If you ever feel lonely just know you could always talk to me

  Those words really stuck with me. I made it my job to try to not fuck up this friendship. If I ever did, I don’t know what I’d do. “But what about Amanda?” you may be asking.

  Well...

►►►

  I told Bea about everything that just happened between me and Madison. I started to tear up. Only a little… okay, maybe an average amount. Enough to require a hug. I don’t like admitting I’m a crier. I didn’t really know why I was crying. I thought it was, again, because Delilah knew. I convinced myself that was it.

  “I mean,” I sniffed, “I really do like them both, but it’s just… why does it feel so different?”

  “So, why don’t you just tell her that you care about her?” Bea asked.

  It was not the best time to suggest that, but it wasn’t the worst time, either. If anything, it eventually helped me realize I wasn’t crying or upset because Delilah knew. It was because I saw Madison like… that.

  It was weird, I know.