"Oof."

"Ow."

My mind struggled to interpret what was happening without my vision. The dwarf had swung the door outward, blocking Mei and Aaron. I assume when the timer hit zero, one of them kicked the door because a stout body was launched into me with unnatural agility. I caught the dwarf bullet in my gut and felt the world tip over. The splash we made into the latrine, the pain in my gut, and the stench of piss that likely fostered its own alcohol content, all swirled into a throbbing cocktail as my stomach released its contents onto my unfortunate enemy.

With an added flavor to the mix, the dwarf was assailed by even more stimuli and had an even harder time keeping his lunch down. It splashed down my back as I tackled him. I tried to strangle the bastard, but we ended up rolling down the latrine and into the shit pit.

I was not a religious man. Though, in that moment, I prayed that I'd be able to wipe this memory clean one day.

I tried to stand and stomp on his head, but I kept slipping on puddles of piss like scooby doo. If this were DND, the terrain would be hazardous. I'm sure we'd both succumb to disease and/or depression eventually. I went ahead and hurried his walk of shame to the afterlife by drowning him in it.

He seemed eager to leave because he didn't struggle long.

[You've desecrated Jim the Dwarf. -10 points]

"Fair enough."

I tried to turn the lights back on but realized there were gooey-goggles blocking my sight. They slipped off like wet clay, the drier parts sticking to my cheeks. Blinking away tears, I settled for breathing through my mouth for the next few days and climbed up the water spout and out of the latrine.

Crawling to a standing position, I passed the threshold and into the barracks. The scene inside paused as all combatants turned to see my silhouette in the doorway; every time I involuntarily twitched, a globule of feces would be flung off. After the third tick, a stray glob landed in a gaping dwarf's bushy beard. He closed his mouth, aware of the extreme danger that came with leaving it open.

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[You've killed a dwarf. 8 points.]

One of my shanks went through his eye. He didn't bother resisting long enough to hear the notification that he'd been poisoned.

With his exit from this world, the battle resumed. Taking in my surroundings, I noticed the turned-over tables and chairs. A pair of dwarves were dead on the floor; five others were assaulting Aaron while he tried to shield Mei. Mei was similarly useless because she couldn't move around Aaron to strike. At some point, she replaced her reliable shortsword with a broken bottle, instead of the carrot I generously gifted her.

Two dwarves broke off from the pack in an attempt at rearing me like some wildebeest to coax out the doorway. Unfortunately, they didn't have any spears, and their swords might as well have been toothpicks.

I threw a chair into the first and kicked the second one. His sword misjudged the distance between us and missed cutting my skin. Taking up a tin mug, I smashed it into his crooked nose until he crumpled.

Retrieving his sword, I blocked the retaliation and cut my next opponent at the knees.

At this moment, I saw a familiar sword holding a cellar door in place. It banged violently as the forces inside fought to exit.

"Why aren't you using the carrot?"

"You don't get to lecture me!"

I pulled the shoulder of a third dwarf and put him in a headlock. Any struggle he made to breathe resulted in slurping the salacious sludge dripping off me. It undoubtedly adhered itself to the back of his throat with each cough.

[You humiliated a dwarf. -4 points.]

"Is this not entertainment?"

I thought about arguing for my points. The aliens were probably laughing their asses off, and I was still getting negative points. How bad did I look, really?

With two remaining dwarves constantly watching their backs for an attack from me that never came, Aaron and Mei were able to overpower them with size, dexterity, and wits. Aaron looked like he had more than a few scratches on him, but none of his wounds were immune to basic first aid.

Mei's black blouse had been torn in the fray. Not in the sexy kind of way, but in the "holy shit, you have a shank in your shoulder" kind of way.

"Are you-"

"Stay back!"

She retreated fast enough to hurt my feelings. When I took another moment to reconcile, I could only nod appropriately.

"Fair enough."

[You eliminated a dwarf. 12 points]

The one I cut off at the knees had been shouting, so I took away the pain.