I watched. I observed and counted. Numbers of bodies, the reach of their weapons, and the time it would take for them to run distances based on their stubby little legs. Everything was an estimation. Like the time it would take for the troll to return, should he ever. Or more likely, Callum Mctavish and his posse, should the plot still be on the rails.

"Mei."

I didn't look away from my guesswork even as Mei shifted uncomfortably beside me. I could tell she didn't like crawling.

"I assume you called me up here for a reason."

"What was your education, Mei?"

"I studied for my MD and completed my residency before I found psychology more fitting."

"Do you plan to heal people?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"I am trying to determine to make you the Party's healer or give the role to Alice."

There were a few seconds of blissful silence as I estimated how many cots the barracks could hold, came up with 15, and then readjusted my thinking for dwarven physiques, and then scrapped the idea entirely because there could be a fucking basement for all I knew.

"I don't have all day, Mei. What do you plan to do? You'd be a more effective healer than Alice, but you also fit the leader role, and I don't have any other suitable candidate."

"Are you not counting yourself among us?"

"I'm not."

"Then Asteria would be a better leader."

"Christ, answer the fucking question."

"If you want to get an answer out of me, then stop treating me like some NPC who'll do your bidding. I've gone to bat for you not because I'm scared of you, but because I believe you somehow have a plan to get out of this. That or your confidence derives from your incapability to feel fear."

Psychology, huh? She's more right than she knows, but I wasn't about to tell her that.

Dragging a hand down my face. I attempted to appear more sincere.

I handed her a carrot.

"Where did you..."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

I gave her a face that said in no uncertain terms not to ask where I got the carrot. She opened her mouth to ask where I pulled it out from, but my face told her that was an even worse question.

"Fine. Why are you giving me a carrot?"

"I need you to kill something with it."

As she fixated on me, clutching the carrot so hard I thought she'd snap it, I wondered if I should've held onto it until later. Her gaze dangerously moved towards my ass, and I thought it better to speak before Mei did something she'd regret.

"The others gawk at my methods, but I have a reason for killing things the way I do. We both believe this is a game, so believe me when I say using a vegetable to kill a dwarf will unlock your precious Potato spell."

I lied cleverly. She was still eyeing me like a donkey poster at a kid's birthday party.

"We need to have a sit-down when this is over."

"So will you do as I say and instruct the others?"

"Do you plan to kill us in a roundabout way that somehow benefits you?"

"I plan to change your thinking."

"You're redirecting."

"Yes."

"..."

"..."

Mei slowly lowered the carrot, showing me she still had the intention to use it.

Well... I wouldn't die from a carrot up the bum, and it would probably fulfill the right conditions for Mei too. Though, I'd rather avoid that line of thinking.

Now all I had to do was relay the plan. The [Compulsive Curser] trait was annoying. The longer I talked, the more pain I was in. Until some cosmic force kicked me in the balls.

"The composition of our party will be to our advantage. You'll direct everything as things are happening. If you need me to kill something specific, I'll listen like a-motherfucker."

In extraordinary, indescribable pain, I squeaked out my remaining words along with a string of curses.

"Goddamn alien jackasses..."

I meant to say that I'll listen like a good little boy scout, but my word count caught up to me.

Mei looked at me like I shit in her jello.

Taking deep breaths, I cleared my mind of indescribable agony.

"Nadim is sneaky. Have him escort Zoey to the generator. She'll cut the wires that'll knock out the camera feeds and shut off the lights."

"They have cameras?"

"Don't interrupt me. I'm in immense pain, and I don't appreciate you drawing this out. Just listen to the fucking end."

She held up her hands in a clear sign that she didn't want to touch my crazy.

"Tell Nadim to snap a neck or two. Specs can snipe any pricks who wander out too far from the watchtower. When the power is off, you, Aaron, and I will sneak into the barracks and take the dwarves by surprise. Little shits won't know what hit them. Meanwhile, Lucas and Alice will go free the prisoners."

"I don't like that idea."

"I do. They seem to like each other, and it keeps them away from me."

Mei eyed me suspiciously. I could tell she wanted me to say it out loud, but I wasn't going to offer anything unless she was the one to say it first.

"That's a stupid plan. They'll get killed."

"I'm sure Lucas will protect Alice."

"You see it too, don't you?"

"See what?"

"Buddha, give me strength."

I smiled at that. She wasn't a Buddhist. She just wanted me to believe that.

"You're eyes twinkle when you're exasperated."

She gave me the "ha-ha, very funny; dick" face. You know? The one women give to men instead of punching them in the throat.

"That's all. You can go now."

I made a shooing motion that would've earned me a slap if my reputation wasn't punctuated by the dried blood cracking off my fingers every time I moved them. I considered it magic pixie dust with the way it encouraged Mei to scoot away.

Turning around, I watched as the curtains to my grand design finally unfurled.

It's Game Face-Time.