The Kings first request after I had said the Oath of Fealty to him was for me to demonstrate my fighting style. My first willing Victim was the obvious one Stephen. He was thrilled at the chance to go 1 on 1 with me.
“If you would please not permanently hurt Stephen as bad as you did Sir Durant.” The king whispered with a grin. I got the feeling he didn’t have much faith in his nephew.
“I will try your majesty. But in return I ask that he fight without armor. As I will be unarmed and cannot cut his skin in any case.” He seemed genuinely surprised that I would be facing him unarmed but he agreed and Stephen went to change
“This is not a fight to the death gentlemen. That goes double for you Stephen you’re the one with the sword” The king said as Stephan returned.
“I will try my best, your majesty.” Stephan said. I didn’t believe him for a second.
“Begin!” The King shouted
As I was unarmed I could not attack him I would have to let him make the first move. He would have anyway as he rushed in like an angry bull. I sidestepped him and the massive sword and then swiped my leg out as he lumbered by causing him to trip.
When he hit the floor it caused the sword to come free and skid across. He rushed for it but I was on my feet and had started moving towards it earlier. He was on his hand and knees when he reached it.
Just as he grabbed the hilt I jumped onto it with my boots and smashed his hand against the floor. He let out a scream and then reached and grabbed for a dagger in his boot. I saw it just in time and kneed him in the nose aiming for about 6” inside his skull. He crumpled to the ground with a gratifying thump.
“Enough” The King shouted.
Of course it was he was out cold and wouldn’t be up for a while. And I sure wasn’t going to kill a man in cold blood even if he was an idiot and a prick. Among other things.
“Impressive.” The King said nodding his head. “Do you think you could teach my men that?”
“With years of training yes, but it would be useless for fighting men such as yours. It is how you say, Defensive. You’re not trying to kill your opponent, just make it where you don’t have to fight him any longer. An army fighting this way would be worse than useless. Your Majesty.” I had no intention of teaching my techniques to people who may ally themselves with Stepmat down there.
“Too bad but what of me would you be willing to teach me?” He asked.
“I don’t see how that could hurt as I doubt you’re going to be rushing headlong into battle and some self-defense could save your life if you’re unarmed. Assassins can strike while unprepared.” I said
“Don’t get carried away now. I still want to rush headlong into some battles now and then.” He said while slapping my back.
I might have made a very powerful friend. A powerful friend who has a very attractive daughter that is literally fanning herself because I got her so hot. Damn I might just like it here on the 12th.
After the demonstration Stephan was taken away. And the King invited me to a feast in my honor. You can’t very well turn down a king so I humbly accepted. I asked the King if I could borrow a trustworthy servant to retrieve my backpack as I thought I might need it and I was proven correct.
“Well of course my good man, Lawrence come here boy” and Lawrence appeared out of nowhere.
Where had that little bugger been hiding? He couldn’t have been even 5 foot tall and probably didn’t weigh 100 lbs sopping wet. He had fiery red hair with a shotgun blast in the face of freckles. Irish without a doubt. You could see a wiry kind of intelligence in him.
Better watch him I thought.
I doubt these “Nobles” even pay attention to him. I had met guys like him in the 21st and they are the ones that are best at stabbing you in the back figuratively there but could be literal in the 12th.
“Run to the… what was the name of the Inn you’re staying at?” the King asked.
“The Broken Dagger, your Majesty. It is only temporary as I hoped to build a place of my own someday.”
“That is a good dream son, to own one’s own land makes him a man instead of a peasant.” He said. Not for long if I have anything to do with it. Everyone should be able to buy a piece of land especially now with not even 10% of the world’s population of the 21st.
“Run to the Broken Dagger get this “Backpack” he speaks of and bring it to him here. As a matter of fact bring back all his other belongings he will stay with me until we find him more permanent lodgings. I want to know all about this place called America and its culture and here you can’t escape my questioning.” He said and mini-me disappeared again.
“I wouldn’t dream of it, your Majesty.” I just hope all my “belongings” still belong to me when they get here.
After he made the toast to me. The food was brought out and I thought I was going to gag. It’s not that the food looked bad but the plates (wooden planks really) had probably never been washed. There were pieces of food that probably was feasted on by William the Conqueror.
And the way they all eat. Disgusting and we in the Appalachian are not known for our table manners. They use their fingers for everything and then let the dogs lick them clean.
Needless to say I wasn’t very hungry.
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“You eat like my Daughter Sir Arthur” the King said causing her to blush.
“I keep telling her she needs to put some meat on her bones so she can sire me some Grandchildren” he said tapping her thighs.
“I think that she is perfectly fine the way she is.” I said regretting it almost immediately. You have to always remember your “station” in life here.
“Humph, she was married for over a decade before the Emperor passed and sired no heirs for him. I think it’s the hips.” He said acting as if he hadn’t noticed anything.
Man, and I thought 21st century parents were overbearing. She ended up having 3 with her 2nd husband so it’s probably that Henry V couldn’t get it up. I don’t know how any man could have that problem with the Empress.
Lawrence returned with my Backpack and said that all my belongings were in my new quarters. At least everything in the pack was still there including what I sent for it in the first place for. After I put everything up the final course was coming out. I didn’t even want to know what it was but it turned out to be a sweet bread dessert that wasn’t bad.
After dessert was finished and all food was removed, music started playing. When everyone stood up the tables and chairs were moved to the side of the room and people started dancing. I was afraid of this.
I can dance with the best of them out on the club floor but in the 21st there isn’t exactly a lot of ballroom dancing going around.
“Can you show us a dance from America?” It was the Empress. My god what a beautiful voice.
As much as I loved hearing her speak the words I wish were different. I only knew one kind of dancing and it was going to be different. Way different.
“I do my lady but I’m afraid it might be a little. What do I say? Different.”
“Oh I love different things. We have seen our dances plenty let us see yours. Does it require a partner?”
“Yes, milady, it does.”
“Well then I will volunteer” She said and my heart almost stopped. You do not Salsa with the King's Daughter.
My then girlfriend, future ex Mrs. Collins, had convinced me to take lessons with her. She ended up quitting and I ended up liking it. Uh hello grinding on hot women. I enjoyed it so much I continued to do it until she started getting jealous and I being the doting boyfriend stopped. At least she didn’t ever try to make me take up dancing again.
To anyone in the 12th century Salsa dancing might be like watching softcore porn. I think the King liked me but something told me that might be pushing my luck. I tried desperately to think of a way to let her down easily.
“That sounds like a great idea.” The king said as he slapped my back.
It probably wasn't any harder than he had the rest of the night but those slaps on the back felt like he had a sledgehammer for a hand. It felt like the life had drained from me. I could see this going bad very bad and I really didn't need any off the top.
I thought seriously about pretending to have pulled a muscle fighting with Stephen but the Empress would have none of it. She grabbed me by the hand and started taking me to the dance floor.
"Hold on just a second."
"Second? Do you mean Seconds? The meal has already been concluded." Matilda said.
No seconds here as nothing could measure time that accurately in the 12th.
"I meant I have to get something out of my pack."
I rushed to my pack and retrieved the smartphone. When I turned it on I was glad to see it still had a little over half a charge. I was afraid it would have weakened after being shut off for months.
"This is a device that plays the music of my country" I proclaimed to all in the room.
There was a murmur of excitement.
"I must have one." the King said surprised.
Dammit, they don't even have music players this early. Well I might be able to build something but I doubt that it would play sound quality nearly this good. Maybe eventually a record player or at least a phonograph.
"Sir it is beyond my ability here to make a machine exactly like this one. But in time I should be able to make one very similar for you. It could take many months but anything that you desire and is within my ability shall be yours, your majesty." I said
"Make it so then Sir Arthur" The King said.
Now that one problem was solved another appeared. I couldn't let anyone see what else it could do because there was no way in hell I could build a computer. I know a little about a lot but who the hell knows how to build a computer from scratch anyway even in the 21st. Computers take decades of infrastructure to build. 19th century tech is about the limit for at least a generation or two.
"The device can only work if no one but me uses it. If anyone else touches it could cause injury or death. I warn you all because I do not want to see any of you get hurt." That should keep the superstitious simpletons from messing with it.
They all kept their distance from my bag from then on. Lawrence looked as though he had just relieved himself of a bomb. His face was a mixture of awe and horror and what I presume to be worry about his demise for I'm sure he looked through the pack.
After I knew I had their attention I turned on the music and set it back in my pack. Don't ask me why I keep Salsa music in my playlist if you want to remain friends.
"This is very interesting music." Matilda said smiling.
“This is a pretty active dance with a lot of movement. Is that all right in your attire?”
“I think I might surprise you with how well I can move while wearing this dress” She said. Was that innuendo? Luckily the dress she was wearing wasn’t a Victorian era tent but it was still a bit much for Salsa.
"Shall we dance then milady?" I said with a bow.
She accepted of course I wouldn't be that lucky and we walked to the dance floor. As we approached the dance floor I decided I needed to give her a little pep talk and some pointers.
“Just remember step, step, step, and pause repeated over and over. Follow my rhythm and I’ll try to lead you as best I can. And when this is over I might need your protection from your father” I whispered the last sentence so only she would hear.
“Not if that fight was any indication”
Yea but I can’t fight every Knight in England unarmed.
When I started dancing the people on the dance floor parted like the Red Sea. I started towards Matilda. When I grabbed her hand and we started dancing together I could tell she loved it.
As the dance kept getting steamer she kept on better than some of my dance partners in the 21st and they had a couple of month’s experience. In fact after a while I forgot that the King and everyone else were even there.
I was having more fun at Salsa then I ever did back home. Matilda was the prettiest thing I do believe I ever set eyes on. At some point in that dance I begin to feel a very troubling feeling for a recently divorced man.
After it was over the next song on the playlist began and I realized I knew another dance. Soulja Boy. And I delighted the crowd with that one.
I do believe I started a Rap fad in medieval England. I also got a nickname. Although I would have picked a better one than that.
“Well Soldier Boy. I must admit you can dance with the best of them” the King said laughing. Laughing is good, harder to say “off with his head” that way.