I wake up in a room that is not my own. Sunlight filters through sheer white curtains. I am on my stomach with a wall of pillows on either side to keep me from rolling over.

As I start to get my bearings my whole body beings to tremble, from exhaustion, fear, relief. It’s a mixed bag of emotions.

I manage to find enough strength in my arms to push myself up onto my elbows and look over my shoulder. I am wearing a long loose t-shirt way too big to be my own that comes up to the tops of my thighs. Just below it, I can see swaths of pristine white bandages down to my knees.

The numbness that comes with just waking up and not quite feeling all of yourself is ebbing away. The first thing I feel is the deep ache in my legs. It’s followed by a stabbing feeling in my chest, a gnawing feeling in my gut, and a splitting pain in my head. A stream of tears follows, dripping over my nose and onto the pillow. Even after I’ve formed a respectable wet spot in front of me, I can’t seem to stop the tears, now joined by snot.

I’m not sure how long I stay like that, propped up and staring down at a soaked pillow, but eventually, I run out of steam, exhaustion hitting me again. I wipe my face on the sleeve of the shift and take a few deep breathes to steady myself.

The pain in my legs is not as bad as I thought it would be considering what Anil did to me and I decide to roll over and see where I am. The idea of doing so and the execution are not at all alike. I end up having to roll over in increments, which is only made harder by the sea of pillows. The whole thing makes my skin stretch painfully and what should have taken seconds takes me long, agonizing minutes.

When I’m finally flipped, I’m grateful that the pain isn’t any worse than when I was on my stomach.

The walls are a soft grey accented by the curtains in a darker shade. All of the furniture is black-stained wood, including the headboard that I’m propped up against. The only color in the room is the cover I am laying on top of, which is a deep shade of green. It’s a room I have never been in before; it’s tasteful if not a bit depressing.

I grab a pillow and put it behind me, pulling myself up closer to a seated position. When I’m comfortably situated, I mull over whether I should take a look at what's under the bandages.

As if sensing my thoughts, the door opens and Kane walks in. He looks uncomfortable with his hands shoved into his pockets. He’s dressed more formally than I’ve seen him before in a pair of dark jeans and an umber collared button-down. The ruddy orange of the shirt offsets the caramel brown of his eyes.

He doesn't say anything and after a measurably long and awkward silence, I decide to put on my big girl pants and break the silence. "I was just wondering if I could maybe get out of here. This is your room, isn't it?" Compared to all the other shifters I know, I seriously hope it’s Kane, or even better, a guest room.

"It's mine," he confirms and then turns around woodenly to close the door behind him. He stays with his back to me, his hand on the doorknob and I get the distinct impression that he is debating whether or not to leave again.

I hear him sigh and he doesn't turn around as he speaks again, "It's difficult to look at you."

When I don’t reply, he spins around with his hands up in surrender. "I meant to say that you are injured. It shouldn't have happened." His words are kind but his expression is hard. It reminds me of when I saw him in Alphas office after Anil had bruised my face. He'd looked at me with the same cold, glare that he has fixed on me now.

"And I suppose I'm to blame?" I ask. "What? Was my shirt too tight? Was my short hair exposing too much of my neck? Were my ankles uncovered?"

How dare he look at me like that! I don't even want to be here and still, I have tried to follow their ridiculous rules. I’m keeping my head down. I’m doing everything I can to avoid trouble. How can he blame me?

“Just as your human society is governed by rules, so is ours. And just as your human society has those who break the rules, so does ours.”

“So that's what happened to me? A broken rule?” I am still angry but as soon as the words leave me I realize that human laws are no different. If a man assaulted a woman it would break a law and a law is just a rule.

“Humans are," he pauses and purses his lips, before starting again. "Humans are a complex issue. While there are protocols for dealing with humans, each Alpha decides on the punishments for breaking them."

"And I suppose this Alpha has a free-for-all policy on maiming, raping, and let's not forget murdering humans," I scoff.

Kane's eyes flash and his chest rumbles with a low growl. "Ama, do not disparage Alpha. Not to me. Not to anyone."

I want to tell him to shove his loyalty up his ass and maybe make a rude comment about what I saw the night before but really, it’s not crazy to want to defend your lover, even if they are a cold-hearted bastard.

Instead, I cross my arms and say, "I wouldn't speak ill of someone who didn't deserve it."

"You judge us from an outsider's perspective."

"What other way can I?" I ask, exasperated. "I don't know anything. Or at least no more than the drips and dribbles I've gotten from Cassidy and Myra. You act like I've kept myself in the dark."

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I slam my hands down on either side of me. They hit the soft bedding without the dramatic slap that I'd hoped for. "I didn't ask to be here,” I continue. “I didn't choose to be here. So don't you judge me for only seeing things from my perspective."

Done with this conversation and his apparent need to protect fucking rapists and murderers, I do the only thing I can to dismiss him, I flop over onto my side, my back to him. "Unfortunately for you, captors don't have the right to tell prisoners to broaden their horizons," I murmur.

"Perhaps you're right,” he concedes. “My experience with humans has been limited these past years to that of the Rhinebeck s."

"Who?" I ask, curiosity getting the better of me as I look at him over my shoulder. He says the name as if it means something to me

"Harry and his family, Ama. Did you not know their family name?"

"Well, no. It's not something you just bring up when making small talk over lunch." I rub the back of my neck. It aches to begin with and craning it back to look at him isn’t helping.

I don’t know if it’s because of my weird position or my expression but he moves around to the other side of the bed and crouches down, putting his head on level with mine. I think it’s meant to be a nice gesture but it is just another reminder of how insignificant, weak, and small I am compared to them, to him.

I feel like he is going to say something kind but ultimately bruising to my ego so I continue, "how did the whole family end up here anyway?"

"That's not my story to tell, Ama" he chides but there’s no heat behind it.

"Then what is yours to tell?" I counter. I must have hit my head too, considering how rash I am being after just getting the shit beat out of me.

"Shouldn’t you be resting?” he asks, changing the subject.

“Does a nap come with a story?”

He raises an eyebrow and leans back on his heels, “And what sort of story are you looking for?” His eyes dart around the room and I notice there’s nowhere else to sit except on the floor on the bed with me.

He doesn’t seem annoyed but I am in his room, his space. “Perhaps I should go to my room.” I hedge; he is avoiding his bed because I am in it.

“It’s already been three days, another few hours won’t make a difference.”

Three days? I have been sleeping for days? I feel my thoughts start to spiral and Kane must notice too because he changes the subject.

“So you don’t want to know more? After all that complaining?” His voice is neutral but I feel like I am being teased and I bristle.

“Fine. Why are Harry and his family the only other humans here?”

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair making a few long strands fall into his face. “Alpha prefers not to have humans on pack grounds. Females especially, since there is a greater chance of having half breeds.”

“Half what?

“Half-breeds. The offspring of a shifter and a human. They are usually born from human females but the opposite is not unheard of.”

“What’s wrong with them?”

“Nothing per se,” his jaw moves as if he’s chewing on his words. I wonder if he is going to tell me again that it’s not something he can talk about but then he explains, “They have all the strengths of shifters and none of their weaknesses. Unfortunately, they also tend to lack any control over their aggressive tendencies. They are loose cannons.”

“Okay,” I say slowly, wondering if I should be concerned. “So then what about Myra and Cassidy?”

“An exception to the rule for the sake of Harry.”

I want to ask more about Harry but I figure he will tell me again that it isn’t his place to say. Instead, I ask, “So then why am I here?”

“That is a source of much debate, Ama,” he replies with a sigh. Well, that doesn’t make me feel any better.

“Your presence has caused quite a stir this past month. The pack was used by Harry’s family but you are an unknown. Alpha did not fully foresee the consequences when he brought you back here.”

“So what? If I become too inconvenient you’ll kill me instead?” I almost wish I hadn’t asked because if the answer is yes there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

“No. You would go to a different pack. One that keeps humans.”

I look away and up at the ceiling. Part of me is relieved to know I wouldn’t have to die but I am also angered by the news that there will never be a chance of me getting to just go home.

“So this pack doesn’t have humans because of half-breeds?”

“In part. Humans, in general, can be difficult to resist and most would prefer not to lose control.”

His eyes travel down to my bandaged legs and he murmurs, “Some of us enjoy it, though.”

“So that’s why this happened to me?” My voice shakes and I ball my hands into fists, trying to get a hold of my emotions. I really don’t want to start crying again.

“I didn't mean to place any blame on you, Ama.” His voice is soft, but his words do nothing to soothe me.

“Will it happen again? With Anil or someone else? Will this keep happening to me?” I try to hold it back but I can feel the pressure in my eyes. A tear escapes and rolls down the side of my face and over my ear. It is quickly followed by more. I begin to sob, loud, hard, ugly sobs.

Every second of that night comes rushing back. All the fear, not just of Anil, but of Alpha, buries me like quicksand. I’m an idiot who has been walking on the edge of a knife this whole time and acting like it’s everyone else’s fault, like they haven’t all warned me.

I fist the blanket and pull myself into an upright position. “I can’t do this,” I say between sobs, my chest burning. “I can’t feel this way anymore.”

“Ama, have faith.”

“No,” I shout. Looking up at him through blurry vision. “Don’t do that again. Don’t say that again. It’s fucking meaningless.”

He looks sad, so sad that I wonder if it’s because of me or someone else.

“I can’t offer you more than that.”

“Why not?” I quip, feeling petulant, as I furiously wipe at my face with the backs of my hands.

“Because, Ama. Because of all the reasons I've already said. Because of what’s happened to you. I am not different from Anil, Ama.” He says my name like a plea.

“Ama,” he says again. “I am not different. Do not mistake momentary kindness for genuine concern.” His words are a blow, mostly because they are what I have been telling myself all along.

He stands again, towering over me as he rolls his shoulders. “Alpha has ordered you to be moved to a different location, a few miles or so from the packhouse. I’m supposed to take you there now. Will you go with me, Ama?”

“Do I have a choice?”

He holds my gaze with his own, still looking so sad. “No.”