I'm leaving the Student Health Center with Kay, who asked if she could come to my appointment. I’m not sure if she wanted to protect me on the way there or just be there for emotional support, but I was happy to have her along, either way.
Luckily there is nothing seriously wrong with my wrist. I have mild wrist tendinitis. It's ugly, and it hurts, but it will get better on its own. I'm supposed to ice it, elevate it, and take over the counter pain medication to help speed it along.
As soon as we're outside Kay grits her teeth and says, “I'm gonna find him and ‘itis’ to all his tendons.”
I laugh wryly, “Okay, Xena.”
She sighs, “Sorry. I'm not normally so violent.”
“I know that. It means a lot that the situation upsets you so much. But please don't hurt anyone for my sake. Unless absolutely necessary.”
She takes a deep breath and exhales, “Yeah. You're right. By the way, does your dad know what happened?”
“No. I texted my mom about it, but I wasn't planning on telling him.”
Kay looks at me with sad little eyes.
“Ugh, you think he should know?”
She shrugs, “I-if you were my kid, I would want to know. I'd tell my parents.”
“ Yeah well…my relationship with my parents is quite a bit different.”
“I know that. I'll shut up.”
That's what she says, but she still has that sad look on her face. Like when I snapped at my dad when we had dinner with him a couple months ago, and she convinced me to talk to him. It was motivating then, and it’s motivating now.
I sigh dramatically, “ Fiiiine . I'll talk to him about it. You down for going over there for dinner again?” I chuckle, “I'll make sure he keeps the spice levels low this time.”
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Kay and I are at my dad's for dinner. He's in the kitchen, making spaghetti I think, based on the garlic, tomatoes, and ground beef I'm smelling. It's a good choice if we don't want Kay to catch on fire. His spaghetti is pretty good, even if I prefer his Mexican cooking.
We just let ourselves in, but I'm about to go let him know we're here.
Kay takes a seat in the living room, and I head to the kitchen. He's hard at work over the stove and humming to himself. I get the feeling that he really likes it when we come over for dinner. I guess he’s usually alone, so it makes sense. I feel my mouth start to water as I see my spaghetti theory was correct.
“Hey dad, we're here.”
He turns around with a smile and I give him a wave. His face immediately gets very concerned. At first I don't know why. But then I realize I waved with my right hand. He sees the very ugly bruise on my wrist.
Well, shit. I wanted to save this for later. I guess it is getting a little better since I waved without thinking about it.
My dad quickly comes over to me, “What happened?”
I find myself unable to tell him, “I-it um…I…” As I keep sputtering I raise my voice and say, “Kay, can you come in here?”
A few seconds later Kay is in the doorway to the kitchen. With her here, I feel far steadier.
I take a deep breath and look at the floor, “Th-this guy attacked me on campus a few nights ago. H-he's gone now. The campus police got him. This is the worst of it. Kay got there before…something worse.”
Suddenly, my father's face is red and he knits his brows. He looks angry. Beyond angry. He's probably mad at the asshole who-
“ Why are you only telling me about this now !?”
Oh. He's mad at…me. What a good dad I have.
I want to blow up at him, but a look at Kay calms me down a little, so I take a deep breath and try to explain myself.
I clench my fists to redirect my anger, ignoring the fact that it hurts my wrist to do so, “It's been…a busy few days and I wasn't sure how to tell you. Or if I should.”
He scoffs, “That's ridiculous . I'm your father , this is something you should tell me right away!”
I can't take this. I can't take his attitude, his tone, his stupid face. The actual words he's saying. Even with Kay here I’m not going to be able to control myself.
“So, do you have anything to say for yourself!?”
I cross my arms, “Yes, I sure do. I have two words to say, to be exact.” I pause and then I grit my teeth. I hold up one middle finger right in his face as I yell “ FUCK… ” Then I show him the other one, “YOU!”
I turn around, “Come on, Kay. We're leaving.”
My dad just shakes his head and sighs in response. So I stomp off into the living room, but Kay doesn't follow me. When I turn around, she's still standing at the entrance of the kitchen facing my dad.
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“Kay?”
She ignores me, and starts talking to my dad.
“I know what you're trying to say, Mr. Jimenez. That you wish she had told you sooner. That you care about her and want to know when she's hurt. That you would have helped.”
My dad nods and crosses his arms, “Exactly.”
“But that's not what you're saying. Instead, you're scolding her for being a victim.”
I DO feel that way. I'm just too angry to articulate it beyond ‘Fuck you’ right now.
“But, that's not-”
Kay puts up a hand, and my dad stops talking, looking dumbfounded, “You haven't tried to comfort her. You haven't expressed empathy for what happened to her. You haven't said you're here for her if she wants to talk about it. You've only told her what she did wrong. That was the first thing you did.” She crosses her arms and shakes her head, “I
encouraged her to talk to you about this. Because I thought it would help. And you're making me look like a bad friend.”
My dad stands there in silence. I can't really read his expression.
I guess even Kay's more level-headed approach didn't get through to him.
After waiting a few seconds, Kay sighs and then turns toward me and gives me a nod. I nod back, feeling very satisfied with what she said to him.
As we walk toward the door, I hear my dad say, “ Mija, wait.”
Ugh, he only breaks out the ‘ Mija’ when he really wants me to listen to him. He has since I was a kid. And it still works.
I stop without turning around, “And why should I, exactly?”
He sighs, clearly frustrated, “Kara's right. I-I'm sorry. But-”
I interrupt him, “Apologies followed by ‘but’ are meaningless.”
Kay elbows me lightly, and gives me a look that encourages me to listen.
I sigh, “Go on.”
“I shouldn’t have said those things. I shouldn’t have started there. But I said them because I love you and I'm so upset this happened. And…that I wasn't there for you. I want to be, you know? And…and I never am. And when I get the chance, I never handle it right. I’m…sorry.”
He sounds so down on himself that I turn around. He's frowning and looking at the floor.
I laugh wryly, “Well. You're not wrong. You didn’t handle this right. At all .”
He laughs bitterly and shakes his head.
“I never handle anything right with you either, though. I just blow up at you all the time.”
I take a deep breath and look at Kay's encouraging smile to find the courage for what I want to say next.
“We're…broken. Me and you. That's why this always happens. And…I think we both know why we're broken.”
My dad nods, without saying anything. For a brief moment, he looks like he might cry. Something I’ve never seen in my entire life. But then his stoic expression returns.
I add, “I…want to talk about it all, some day. But I'm not ready yet.”
“Okay. Let me know when you are. In the meantime, will you please stay for dinner?”
I'm going to say no, but Kay gives me another encouraging smile, making me realize I should give him a chance.
It's like she's my conscience sometimes, I swear.
I sigh, “Fine. But only because it's spaghetti night.”
After that, we sit down for a nice dinner. After we eat, my dad asks to know more about what happened the other night, and he is much more supportive, and I can feel that he really cares about me, even if he was terrible at showing it earlier.
Well, that's two Jimenez family dinners that have been salvaged by Kay. I've talked more to my dad at those two dinners than I probably have in the last 5 years.
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“You're planning on going to the game on Wednesday, right?”
Kay, J.J. and I are hanging out in Kay's room. I was pretty happy to get the spot on the bed with Kay this time, but J.J. squeezed herself onto the bed too. I was a little mad for a second, but the two of them started laughing and it was infectious. It is pretty funny for the three of us to be all scrunched together. And kind of cozy.
Ultimately we just decided to lay down, with me scrunched between the two much larger girls.
“Duh. I'm going to go to all of the games. The home ones, anyway. I'm the #1 Kay and J.J. fan”
J.J. laughs, “That's what I thought. Ashley is coming this weekend, would you mind sitting with her? And hanging out with her in general?” She laughs, “She wanted to come to the first game. But you'll probably see her more than I will because I'll be so busy.”
“Your girlfriend is coming!”
Kay laughs and hits me with a pillow, “Uh, yeah. That's what she just said.”
I scoff, “I know. That wasn't a question, it was an excited exclamation!” I look at J.J., “Anyway, yeah, I'd love to hang out with her and stuff.”
J.J. smiles, “Good. She's looking forward to meeting you too. Sorry for the late notice…she just decided to do it yesterday.”
“Aw, that's kind of sweet though. I bet you're desperate to see one another. It's been like 3 months, yeah?”
J.J. smiles, “Yeah. Even though we won't get to see each other a ton, the time we do have will be really nice. I'm excited to just…talk with her in person and stuff. Also…not having sex that whole time has been rough.” J.J sighs, “Please don’t tell her I said that. She already thinks I'm a horndog.”
I feel very embarrassed at the mention of sex. I'm sure my cheeks are bright red. I look over at Kay and see that her whole face is.
J.J. notices and rubs both of our heads, “Aw, you two are so cute. Virgins, huh?”
I nod and so does Kay. She looks even more uneasy than I feel.
“Man, you two are such good girls. Doesn't surprise me about Kara, but I'm a little surprised about you, Emily.”
“Wh-what does that mean?”
“Well, you had a boyfriend for a year. Most people our age have sex when they are together that long.”
“Ohhh. Yeah. He wanted to. I wasn't ready. I didn't love him. So we didn't.”
J.J. seems to think this over for a second before saying, “I see. Interesting.”
I look over at Kay, who looks like she's wishing she could disappear.
This topic really is uncomfortable for her. She really is a good girl. She doesn’t even like cursing, so I guess it makes sense she doesn't like talking about sex.
I change the subject for her sake, “A-anyway. I'll be a good ambassador for Ashley. She's an athlete too, right?”
“Yep. Soccer. Their season just ended, so she was excited that it meant she had the time to come here for a few days.”
A more comfortable-looking Kay asks, “She's at University of Maryland, right?”
J.J. nods proudly, “Yep, she got a full ride to play soccer. She's crazy good. Starting as a true freshman, kind of like you. Plays Center.”
“Center?” Kay asks with a confused face.
“Don't know anything about soccer, huh?”
Kay shakes her head, “The only sport I know is basketball. I kind of ignore the others.”
J.J. chuckles, “Figures. Well, Center is a position in soccer too. ‘Center Midfielder’ is the whole name. It just means she's in the middle of the formation. It's actually more like Point Guard. It's her job to pass the ball to the Forwards so they can shoot.”
I smile and poke J.J. in the arm playfully, “Aw, it's cute you two play a similar position. Is she super tall?”
“Not really. She's like 5 ft 5.”
“Well, it’ll be nice to be around someone closer to my size for once. I bet she's still super fit, though. I'm normally pretty confident about my body.” I poke myself in the tummy, “But I'm a lot softer than you guys.”
J.J. laughs, “Your body’s great too.” She pauses for a second, “In…the most Platonic way possible.”
I giggle, “Thanks.”
I look over at Kay, expecting her to say something about my boobs. But I'm surprised to see she’s blushing and looks stressed about the direction the conversation has taken.
You know, I guess she only talks about my boobs when it's just the two of us. She might also be feeling embarrassed about her own body. Woops.
Once more, I redirect the conversation for her sake, “Why don’t you give me Ashley’s number? That way it will be easy for us to coordinate.”