“Is it always this cold in September?” a shivering J.J. asks as she hugs herself in a short-sleeve shirt.
It's probably about 50 degrees, but the sun's down and it's windy so it feels much colder. And we've been outside for about 10 minutes. I guess she reached her limit.
I reply, “Not always…but it can be. You didn't bring anything warmer?”
She shakes her head grimly.
I take my beanie off and hand it to J.J., who eagerly puts it on with a thank you. Then she looks at me with some concern.
“You won't be cold?”
I pull the hood on my coat up, “Nope.”
As she looks relieved, Kay rubs her back in an attempt to warm her up, “Well…we won't have to be out here too much longer.”
Kay, J.J. and I are in a line outside the local movie theatre. Once a month there's a free movie for students. As long as you're in the first 150 in line, you get in free. The doors open in about 10 more minutes.
I sigh, “I still can't believe they check our bags. We're students! Let us sneak some candy in at least.”
Kay laughs, “If they didn't check at all people would sneak in alcohol.”
I grimace and then groan, “God, you're right. I forget most people our age just look for any excuse to drink.”
J.J. laughs, “I'd drink right now. It'd warm me up at least.” Kay and I don't respond and J.J. looks at each of us in turn, “Neither of you drink?”
Kay shakes her head, looking very much like a shy little girl who would never do something so naughty.
I start to feel awkward about the subject, because I really don't want to explain why I don't drink to J.J. SobI shake my head silently.
J.J. smiles, “Such good girls. I do it…more than I should. You'll be a good influence on me.”
Not long after that, Kay and J.J. slip into talking about basketball. This happens pretty often. And it makes me feel kind of jealous and left out, since I don't even understand the topic.
“Pretty soon you'll be better than Peyton at running the pick and roll with me, I'm telling you.”
J.J. sighs, “I'm not so sure. I feel like my reaction time is too slow. She's better at reading defenders too. I-”
The pick and roll thing again too!? I can’t take this anymore.
I interrupt, “What's ‘pick and roll?”
J.J. looks at me with her mouth hanging open and Kay laughs.
I feel my cheeks flush, “S-sorry. I interrupted. I just hear you two talk about it a lot so I want to know.”
J.J. looks at Kay, who laughs and replies, “Don't look at me. You're the Point Guard. You tell her.”
J.J. scratches her cheek and sighs, “Do you like…know anything about basketball?”
At first I feel offended by her assumption that I don't know anything. But then I realize her assumption is spot on.
I frown and look at my feet, “I know what a Center does. And…the most basic stuff.”
J.J. nods, “Okay…um…I can work with that. Well, I play Point Guard which means I have the ball the most, and pass it to the other girls when they have a good shot. If I have the best shot, I shoot it myself.”
I nod, “Okay. So if Kara is open, you give it to her?”
Kay smiles proudly and J.J. nods, “Exactly.” She thinks for a moment while fiddling with the beanie I lent her, “A pick and roll is a play where Kara sets a screen and-”
Kay interrupts, “That basically means, I get in the way of another player trying to guard J.J. Put this big body of mine to good use.”
J.J. nods, right, “Then after making the space, Kara moves or ‘rolls’ towards the basket. It makes the defender pick which of us to guard, and then I can make the choice to give it to Kara or keep it based on what they do.”
I nod slowly as I absorb this information and try to picture my two friends on the court, “So basically…it guarantees one of you isn't defended?”
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Kay claps her hands and giggles, making me feel good about myself.
J.J. chuckles at her reaction, “Yep, pretty much. It all happens really fast. Way faster than it takes to explain it. That's what makes it hard on the defender, but it makes it hard on me too.”
I nod, “Okay…I think I…kind of get it at least. I'll have to see it to really get it. But…thank you for explaining. I can at least…kind of understand when you talk about it now.”
We hear the front door open up, and the line starts to move, prompting a relieved sigh out of J.J.
Once we're inside the warm lobby, I make a bee-line for the concessions, but notice my friends aren't following me. I turn around and ask, “You don't want anything?”
They both look at me like I'm ridiculous, but I roll my eyes and head to the concessions.
When I return with a smile on my face, as well as a large Diet Coke, a large popcorn and a box of Hot Tamales, J.J. laughs, “Well, you might be a good influence when it comes to drinking. I'm not so sure about your eating or spending habits though.”
I scoff, “Whatever. It was 50% off for students!”
Of course, I still overpaid in a big way, but I'm not mentioning that.
I pout, “And…maybe it's not the healthiest, but I'm not an athlete, and I can't see a movie in a theater without these treats.” I look at Kay, “I seem to remember sharing lots of popcorn with you back in the day.”
She shrugs, “For me it has more to do with the prices.”
After the two finish teasing me for my movie eating habits, we head into our theatre. Almost immediately after I sit down between them, their much larger hands start digging into my popcorn. I should be mad, but mostly it just makes me smile.
…
“Was…that as awful as I thought it was? Or am I just really gay?”
I laugh as the three of us get into my dad's car, which he let us borrow for the night. Once I’m settled in the driver's seat and the other two girls are seated I ask, “What does being gay have to do with how bad that movie was?”
The movie we saw was called The Covenant and was about four guys who are witches or…warlocks or…something? And they had to fight each other. And as J.J. just noted, it was awful.
As I start the car she replies, “I dunno, I bet if I were attracted to dudes those guys might have done something for me. They didn't do anything for you two either, huh?”
I shrug, “They were cute, I guess. But everything about the movie was awful. Writing, acting, plot, special effects. Made it hard to care about any of the characters or how cute they are. That movie was free and I still feel like I overpaid.”
My two companions laugh and then J.J. says “What about you, Kara? Any of those guys do it for you?”
I find myself watching Kay, who is in the passenger seat, out of the corner of my eye.
Kay looks flustered and surprised to have this question thrust upon her, “U-um…it's like what Em said. They are cute, but the movie still sucked.”
J.J. nods, “Fair enough. Hopefully we don't get only the crappy movies on the rest of the free movie nights, huh?”
I laugh, “Hopefully. It was still pretty fun despite the bad movie, though. I know you both enjoyed your popcorn and Hot Tamales.”
As my two friends laugh and agree that it was a good time in spite of the bad movie, I spend the rest of the drive looking silently driving as I think about the conversation we just had about cute guys.
Kay was flustered by the basic question and copped out by using my answer. That might be the biggest sign so far that she IS gay.
But…why wouldn't she have told J.J.?
I'm so confused.
----------------------------------------
We're in the treehouse and Kay is sitting on the floor and crying. I'm sitting next to her ans doing my best to give her a nice warm snuggly hug, but no matter what I do, she won't stop.
I'm starting to cry too.
Third grade starts tomorrow and we found out we have different teachers. It's hard because we've always been together. We are neighbors who have been best friends for as long as I can remember. We were together for kindergarten, first grade, and second grade. Everyone knows we're always together.
But now we won't be.
So this is new. And scary. Especially for Kay. She's shy and has a hard time without me.
She needs me to protect her from bullies and meanies. I yell at any one who is mean to her and they leave her alone. What will happen if she's on her own?
So, I'm scared of things being different too.
Now we're hugging each other tight and crying.
Eventually, she stops sobbing and is only sniffling, so I calm down too.
“Wh-what if you make new friends in your new class that you like more?” she asks.
I'm surprised by my best friend's question.
“Is that what you're crying about?”
“S-some of it.”
I wipe my tears on my sleeve and put my hands on her shoulders, “That will never ever happen, Kay. We aren't just regular friends. You're special. You're my best friend forever!”
Kay smiles, “Y-you're special to me too.”
I hug her tight, “Good! We're bffs! Makes sense for the Alphabet Girls to use initials, after all!”
Kay giggles in my arms but then gets serious,“I-I'm gonna miss you, though.”
“I'll miss you too.” I get an idea that brings a smile to my face, “Let's always meet in the treehouse after school. That way, even when we don't see each other there, we can hang out here!”
Kay nods excitedly, her long blonde hair ruffling as she does.
I hug her again, “And…if you ever want to cry during the day, just hold it in, and when we come to the treehouse I'll snuggle you and you can cry til you feel better, okay? Just like today.”
She nods, “O-okay. I think I can do it. If we still meet every day.”
I hug her a little tighter, “We can do anything together. I'll always be here for you, Kay. Nothing will ever stop that.”
…
I open my eyes as my alarm goes off and I sigh. I have a horrible feeling of guilt in my stomach. For a moment, I don't know why. But then I remember.
I had that dream again .
I've been having it regularly ever since I started to wonder if Kay has feelings for me.
Well, ‘dream’ may not be exactly right. I'm 99% sure it's a memory. One I keep remembering because it reminds me of how horrible I was to her in the past.
8 weeks after we started second grade, I broke that promise. She probably cried and cried and cried, and I wasn't there to hold her like I said.
It's something I'm getting more and more afraid that I'm going to do again. I can't break her heart.
So I have to know whether or not Kay is gay. If I found out she isn't I would be so relieved since I would know she doesn't have feelings for me. And if I found out she is, at least then I'll know what I'm dealing with. I can't handle the uncertainty. It's even plaguing me in my sleep, after all.
But I'm still not sure how to find out.