Novels2Search

Chapter 5

“Well…I have to get up early, so I should get going.”

I nod and see Kara to the door of my dorm room with a smile.

We were supposed to be working on our comp papers together, but it just turned into us watching Space Jam. It's a movie we liked as kids that is extra fun to watch now because of the basketball connection. She even used it to teach me a little about basketball - like pointing out the tall blue alien plays Center.

It was fun, but I think my slacker ways might be rubbing off on Kara. Woops.

As she leaves, she runs into my neighbor, a girl named Ella. We share an adjoined bathroom and we've chatted a few times. She seems alright, if a little stuck up.

She has the air of someone who is well aware that she is really attractive. And to be fair, she is. She has long lustrous blonde hair, pretty blue eyes, high cheekbones, and is somehow busty and small-waisted at the same time. She spends a lot of time on her appearance too, judging from her makeup and the volume she achieves with her hair.

Our conversations always devolve into talking about clothes and makeup which I like to talk about, but there are other subjects!

The two of them exchange an awkward acknowledgement, and then Ella comes over to me at my door as Kara continues down the hall.

She quietly says, “Emily…be careful.”

I am baffled by her warning, “Um…huh?”

She looks down each side of the hall and whispers, “I went to high school with her and she's…ya know.”

I raise an eyebrow at her, “I don't think I do know.”

She sighs and flips her hair, “She's an athlete. She has short hair. Dresses like a guy. Connect the dots, Emily.”

It takes me a moment, but then I realize what she's getting at.

“Ohhh. She's gay?”

My acquaintance nods, seemingly relieved that I figured it out without her having to say it.

As I start weighing this information in my head, I realize the way Ella brought it up is pretty fucked up. And I'm not the type to keep quiet about that.

“Wait. Why does that matter? Why do I need to be careful?”

She shakes her head, and looks at me like I'm the dumbest person in the world.

“Poor innocent lamb. Because she's trying to sleep with you.”

I feel my face flush at these words, at first out of embarrassment, but then I feel my face get hot with anger.

“I can tell you grew up in this shitty town with that kind of backwards thinking. Are you constantly trying to sleep with every guy you're friends with?”

I can tell she wasn't expecting me to respond this way. She's very flustered, but manages to say, “I…well…no.”

“Okay, then shut up. Besides, how do you know I'm not gay? How do you know she’s not my girlfriend? How do you know we're not already sleeping together?”

Her eyes get wide for a moment, but then she shakes her head, “I can just tell. You're too girly.”

God, I almost wish Kara and I WERE sleeping together just to prove this bitch wrong.

“Just…be on the lookout. That's all I'm saying.”

I roll my eyes, “For what exactly? Let's say she does like me that way. The worst that will happen is she'll ask me out and I'll say no. I know she's big and maybe that scares you, but she's sweet and gentle. She isn't going to pin me down and have her way with me if I reject her.”

She scoffs right back and crosses her arms, “Look. I'm just trying to do you a favor, as a friend. If you don't want to listen to me, that's fine, but don't come crying to me when-”

“She respectfully asks me out? She's my best friend. I don't care if she's gay or straight or anything else.”

She opens her mouth to say something in response, but I don't let her. I know she isn't going to say anything worth my time.

I put on a faux cheery voice, “Oh, and FYI, we’re not friends. So just keep your stupid fucking thoughts to yourself next time, kay?”

I give her an over the top smile and then slam the door in her face. I hear her door slam right after mine.

I sit down on my bed and try to quell my seething anger by closing my eyes and taking deep breaths.

Well, glad THAT conversation is over.

She's definitely not a reliable source on this. It sounds like she's basing it entirely on her appearance instead of…you know, her ACTUALLY dating girls in high school.

Plus, if she doesn't know Kara well enough to know she would never hurt someone, she doesn't know her well enough to know whether she's gay or not.

It's midnight. I'm lying in bed. I can't sleep.

I'd like to say that Ella's ignorant words didn't affect me. It makes me kind of sick to think that I let her do this to me.

But I can't stop rethinking everything between Kara and I.

Maybe she is gay. She did look at me funny when I brought up guys on our shopping trip. And she jokes about my boobs all the time.

And then there's how physical our friendship is. We hold hands and hug way more than most friends our age. And then there was the whole thing where she got in my bed when I was asleep.

I shake my head at myself.

I initiate that stuff just as often as she does. It was even my idea last time we took a nap together. It’s just because we were friends when we were little. It feels nice to hold her hand, or nap together, but it doesn't mean it's romantic.

I was telling Ella the truth. I don't care if Kara's gay. That's not something that would bother me in the least. I think gay people should be able to get married and have the same rights as everyone else. It pisses me off that they can't.

And I certainly don't think I'm in any sort of danger like Ella does.

But…she did plant this idea in my head. And just the possibility that Kara is gay worries me for one reason - I really don't want to hurt her again.

I know that even if she is gay, it doesn't automatically mean she likes me. But I still can't stop worrying.

Should I ask her if she's gay? Would that be okay?

I sigh.

Definitely not. If she isn't, she might be offended that I'm stereotyping her. And if she is, the ball's in her court. I shouldn’t be the one to make her tell me. She'll share it with me when she's ready.

Stolen novel; please report.

In this crappy state filled with crappy people like Ella, I imagine the number of openly gay people is pretty low. So it's probably a pretty important thing to keep secret.

But…what do I do if she actually does like me?

There's one thought that keeps rising to the top. And it's the one most keeping me awake.

If I hurt her again, I'll never forgive myself.

----------------------------------------

“I can't believe this place is still here. It even looks the same.”

Kay laughs, “Yep. This town hasn't changed a whole lot, to be honest.”

Kay and I are at a snow cone stand in a strip mall parking lot. Apparently, it's the last day of snow cone season. It's early September and there's already a bit of chill in the air. I can see why people wouldn't want a cold treat for much longer.

The stand is doing a student special, buy one get one free. I guess they need to get rid of their stock.

Unfortunately, that means there's a long line.

“It's cool you guys know the town so well.”

Oh yeah, her friend Jazmin is here too. They're on the basketball team together. This is my first time meeting her. She has caramel-colored eyes and long dark hair that she keeps in a ponytail. Like Kara, she's dressed in her extremely casual university athletic apparel. There's nothing wrong with that of course, but because I tend to wear dresses, I often feel overdressed around Kara. Now that Jazmin is here too, it feels even more pronounced.

As expected of a basketball player Jazmin's fit and tall, but not nearly as tall or muscular as Kara. She's probably only six inches taller than me. Which would normally be a lot, but not with Kara around.

She's also the only other Latina I've seen at this school so far, which is kind of refreshing.

I laugh, “Yeah, you jealous we grew up in this beautiful bustling metropolis?”

She shrugs, “Kind of. Being in a brand new place is a little scary.”

Shit. I didn't mean to make her feel bad. I'm having a hard time adjusting to life here. I should have known she is too.

Kara pats her on the back and smiles down at her, “Well, before long, it'll feel like home.”

Jazmin smiles back, “Yeah. I hope so.”

I find myself smiling at the exchange.

Well, it's no surprise someone as sweet as Kara is taking it upon herself to make her teammates more comfortable.

After their little moment has passed and we take another step forward in line, I look up at my extremely tall best friend and ask “Do you still get tiger blood?”

She laughs, “Yep. I've never tried anything else.”

“What even is tiger blood anyway? I mean, as a flavor. And why do they call it that?”

She shrugs, “I got it because it sounded cool when I was 4. It tastes…kind of fruity I guess?”

I laugh, “Wait, wait, wait. You've been getting it for like…14 years and you don't even know what it tastes like?”

Kara shrugs, “Guess not.”

To my surprise, Jazmin laughs, “You two are pretty cute.”

This causes me to panic.

I'm still worried Kara might like me. I haven't seen anything to prove or disprove it since I started worrying about it a week ago.

Does this mean Jazmin thinks she likes me? Or that she thinks we're a couple?

I defensively cross my arms and try to disguise my panic, “C-cute?”

She smiles, “Well, yeah. You just know each other so well. I'm enjoying the banter.”

I try to hide my sigh of relief.

We take a step forward in the line.

Kara asks, "Remember coming here like three times a week every summer?”

I smile, “Of course. We begged our parents all the time. It was fun.”

We take a step forward in the line.

Jazmin laughs, “Sounds like a lot of tiger's blood. What do you get, Emily?”

“I change it up. Early in the summer I get more summery flavors, like lemonade or lime. Now that it's feeling like Fall, I'll probably get something festive.”

Jazmin replies, “Ooo, that sounds pretty good. I might copy you.”

We take a step forward in line.

Kara asks, “What festive flavor are you thinking of getting?”

“I dunno. I can't see the sign.”

“I can see it.”

I laugh, “I guess you'd be able to, huh? You're the tallest person here. Umm…do they have candy apple? Or pumpkin?”

We take a step forward in line.

“Candy apple, yes. Pumpkin, no.”

I nod, “Candy apple it is.”

Jazmin nods, “Good call.”

Now we’re at the front of the line. We just put in our orders and the two high school students in the tiny stand are working frantically. I probably shouldn't bother them right now, but I have to know something.

I walk up to the window and ask, “Excuse me…what flavors make tiger blood?”

A baby-faced blonde boy who doesn't look like he’s shaved yet says “Um…strawberry, watermelon, and coconut,” just as he places our snow cones on the counter.

I give Kara a pointed look and she laughs, “Well…now I know.”

“Yep!”

“Um…that'll be $3.50.”

I reach Into my purse for my wallet, but before I can, Kay pulls hers out of her shorts and pays before handing me my snow cone with a big smile on her face. It's the smile she got when we got snow cones when we were little. It's pretty cute.

I smile back and say, “Thanks.”

We move out of the line and wait for Jazmin.

She laughs, “For what? Yours was free after all.”

“Well, yeah. But you could have been the free one. Also, we left her having to pay for hers.”

Kara laughs and looks back at the stand, where Jazmin is being handed her snow cone, “Woops.”

Once Jazmin joins us, we sit down at one of the cheap plastic tables set up next to the stand. We managed to find one that is only moderately sticky, which feels like quite the achievement.

I start to dig into my snow cone. I enjoy the feeling of the cold ice melting in my mouth, combined with the tanginess of the artificial apple and the smooth sweetness of the artificial caramel while my two companions chat about something basketball related. They keep saying ‘pick and roll,’ I try to figure out what that might be before giving up.

When their conversation is over, I realize I'm being rude by not participating at all. So I ask Jazmin, “So, I know you said it's a little scary…but are you enjoying it here overall?”

She doesn't respond immediately as she is now the one eating her snow cone with gusto. She does eventually respond after a bashful laugh, “Sorry. I was in the zone. It was just me and the snowball for a minute there.”

I laugh, “I was doing the same thing just a second ago.”

Kara looks at Jazmin in confusion, “Snow…ball?”

“Yeah. That's what we call them back home in Maryland. Sorry, I'll speak the local language from now on.”

Kara chuckles.

“We call it shaved ice in Massachusetts. But I think it's actually a little different.” I move my spoon around and scoop up some coarse looking ice and then drop it back into the cup. “The ice is finer with shaved ice.”

Jazmin nods and studies her snowcone, “Hmm…yeah, I think snowballs use finer ice too, now that you mention it. Back home you can get marshmallow cream with them too.” She laughs and smiles broadly, “Actually, my girlfriend and I-”

Her eyes get wide and she stops what she's saying. A look of panic starts to emerge on her features.

“I-I just meant my friend who is a girl.”

Kara immediately says, “There's nothing wrong with having a girlfriend. If that's what you meant.”

Kara looks at me, and I can't meet her gaze. But I nod in agreement with my friend.

Then Jazmin's eyes get wide and she looks from me to Kara and then makes a face like suddenly everything makes sense, “Ohhhhh. You two are-”

“O-of course not!”

I feel my cheeks flush from my outburst, while Jazmin blinks several times and Kara blushes and looks very uncomfortable herself.

I clear my throat, “S-sorry. I just mean we're really good friends, is all!”

After Kara nods in agreement, I watch her to see how she is responding to all of this. She looks relieved the conversation about us dating is over.

Is she relieved because the idea of us dating made her uncomfortable? Or because she likes me and doesn't want me to know?

Ugh, I really can't read her when it comes to this.

Jazmin laughs, “Oh. Okay.” She whispers, “I just thought maybe you were, because I don't think most people from here are okay with it.”

Well, if Ella is representative of people here, she might be right.

Kara nods, “I think…some people here are like that around here. But…this town is more liberal than most of the state because of the university.”

I nod with Kara and look at Jazmin, “So did you mean girlfriend?”

She looks around, almost like she's worried someone is listening, and gives a small nod, “I was gonna say…our first date was getting snowballs.”

I smile, “That's nice. She didn't come here with you, I take it?”

She frowns and shakes her head, “She's back home. That's…a big part of why I'm struggling here. I miss her. A lot.” She smiles at Kara, “Which is apparently so obvious that the team captain invited me to come out for a snow cone.”

I poke Kara in the arm, “You're the captain?! You didn't tell me that.”

Kara laughs, “I'm one of two, yeah.”

“Still, that's a big deal!”

Kara shrugs bashfully, which is really freaking cute.

Jazmin nods, “It really is. Especially for a freshman.” She looks at Kara, “And…thanks for inviting me out, really. I've just been moping in my room. Some socializing actually feels…really good.”

Kara smiles, “I’m glad. Em and I hang out all the time, you're welcome to join us when you want.”

I get a funny feeling in my stomach when I hear Kara's invitation. A negative feeling. Like I don't want Jazmin hanging out with us all the time.

Why do I feel this way?

I think it's…jealousy? I've been liking our alone time. But truth to be told, I've isolated myself here too. I only spend time with Kara. Adding someone else to the mix is probably a good idea for me too. And Jazmin seems nice enough.

Kay might be killing two birds with one stone.

Jazmin smiles, “Thanks I think I probably will join you guys sometimes. You're both really cool and…not weird about my um…” She trails off and then whispers, “...girlfriend. So I feel…like I can be myself. Which is great.”

I try my best to push aside the childish jealousy I'm feeling. I smile, “You’re cool too. It'd be great to see more of you, Jazmin.”

She smiles, “You can just call me J.J. My last name's Juarez, so that's what everyone on the team calls me.”

I look at Kara who gives me a wink.

Yeah, yeah. I get it, Kay. She has a letter name too. She can hang out with us, sure. But I'm not sure if I want there to be more than two Alphabet Girls…