Beliefs and Questioning

Wanderer felt a little jealous of Emio.

While Wanderer was being swallowed by an all too familiar pit of turmoil regarding their actions and beliefs, Emio was happily hanging off their shoulders, letting their many tendrils sway in the light breeze.

Occasionally, their runic eye would be drawn to the grasses as a zebra walked by or to the great branches of a nearby baobab tree when their leaves rustled in a certain way.

The zebra herds had tried several times to interact with Wanderer, yet the Vessel's soul was too heavy for them to regain the previous joy they had at seeing the creatures, and so they passed them off.

A pitiful chuckle rang out through Wanderer's mind, far too often had they found themself in this same inner turmoil, whether it was guilt over killing an innocent man or shame over being unable to save another, their travels had been saturated with mental hardship of all kinds.

They didn't know what to think, ever since they had taken the magi's life, they had vowed to a pact of pacifism, preached that to Emio and were encouraged by their Spirit.

Yet while their mind was set, time and time again their actions had not followed.

They hadn't even attempted to stop Emio from killing the swarmlings, nor themself when they had attacked the one that grabbed onto their leg, the creature only living on merit of their own durability.

But the mountain peak of their failings was their rage-driven attack against the slaver.

There was no excuse for that one, no attack or frantic chase, just an idea, just another's actions, they didn't think or consult their Spirit, they just attacked.

How could they preach peace when they didn't even bother to mentally justify their own actions, let alone try to talk to the man, before rushing to end his life?

It sickened Wanderer, that they so easily abandoned their beliefs when faced with strife of any description.

“But what even are my beliefs?”, they thought.

How could they begin to restrict themself if they had only a vague direction?

“I believe that everyone should be free”, free to explore, free to think, free to live their life without others controlling them.

Their Spirit agreed with the sentiment, fitting well within what they themselves propagated.

“I believe that death is wrong”, after all, how could one be free if they are dead, nothing should ever have to die.

Their Spirit, however, did not sit idly on that assertation.

As Wanderer had observed before, death in nature was inevitable and for some creatures to live, others had to die.

Would Wanderer just prevent every animal from following what nature had told it to do, maybe killing the creature in the process?

The Golem struggled on this for a while, eventually succumbing when they could find no better compromise, they resolved to let nature run its course when it did not involve those they cared for or other people.

Again the Spirit approved, stating that not everyone can be saved, and it is not the Golem's responsibility to save everyone.

Wanderer wished they could come up with some method or idea that would allow everyone to be helped, but they couldn't, nobody could, their Spirit was right.

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Yet they were above the simple rules of nature, they had no need to eat and no reason to fight, meaning they didn't need to kill and destroy.

“But if I am given a reason, should I fight?” they questioned.

It was reasonable that if they were in danger of death themselves they should be able to defend themselves.

And perhaps someone greater than Wanderer could follow such rules, yet they had shown themself time and time again that they could not be trusted to judge when to fight and when to flee.

They could not risk it, they could not kill nor fight, even if they had never made their original oath.

“But what about Emio, should I prevent them from doing the same?”

While it was true that Emio was more bestial than the Golem, more beholden to their instincts, they were intelligent enough to at least realise what Wanderer wanted and didn’t want them to do and feel offended when the Vessel did those very things themself.

In the past, Wanderer prevented Emio from killing other organisms (with exception of the swarmlings) yet if the Golem was going to let other creatures follow their predatory nature, why not Emio as well?

Their Spirit cut in, saying that the Golem had decided not to intervene in the affairs of predators because of the necessity to death to their existence, Emio did not eat nor need to kill and as such, should be actively discouraged from killing, especially without reason.

The Golem felt a small amount of ease as one of their many problems was solved, yet there was one last issue Wanderer could not afford to lack a resolution to, what should they do if they encountered slavers again?

For a long moment, both Vessel and Spirit were stumped, imprisonment of others was simply unacceptable, neither of the two could wilfully let it continue, yet a slave owner was unlikely to just let their prisoners go, not without the use of force.

The Spirit suggested that they could repeat their previous successes and give the coins they carried in their satchel to the oppressors, yet for one of the first times in their life, Wanderer disagreed.

They didn’t know how many of these people they would meet, but their supply of the coins was limited, and they had no idea of how to get more.

And even if they had an unending store of money, it felt to them like they were rewarding people for doing something terrible.

And so they were back where they started, at a loss on how to solve their problem, but unable to escape the need to solve it.

“To help them escape, that is my only choice”, it was unimaginable that anyone would want to remain a slave, and so, if Wanderer helped them escape they could be free without any use of violence, a perfect plan.

For a hesitant moment, the Spirit seemed as if they were about to say something, whispers of the coming message lingering at the edge of the Vessel’s mind, yet at the final moment, they backed out and left a simple agreement with Wanderer’s statement.

But the hesitation made the Vessel curious, their Spirit had never simply backed out from telling them something like that before, except for back when they had just found the entrance to the abandoned mine, and the Spirit showed them how they viewed the world.

In a flash, the Golem's curiosity shifted direction to the perplexing vision they had been shown by their Spirit, having near completely forgotten about the event.

Wanderer almost began to interrogate their guide again before they caught themself, remembering the friction that was caused by their questioning last time.

They knew logically that their mind could not properly comprehend what their Spirit sees, yet there was something about discovering a whole new sense and unseen world that called to them, to their discoverative nature.

And so, with much difficulty, they decided they would leave the topic for now and come back to it when they had seen more of their own world and could get a better bearing on their Spirits.

With that thought forcibly set aside, they returned back to their original thought, what did their Spirit neglect to tell them?

Wanderer asked, careful not to seem demanding, and after a long moment of hesitation, the guide omitted their secret.

The Vessel could certainly help some people to escape their imprisonment, but there will still likely be some that would not want to leave.

Wanderer didn't know how to react to that, the very notion that someone would want to remain trapped and enslaved was unfathomable to them.

It confused them to such a point that when their Spirit simply insisted that they could not properly explain it, half due to not understanding it themself, the Golem didn't even try to question further, instead turning their sights back on the road ahead.

As soon as their mind returned to reality, they immediately felt that something was off, but they weren't sure what.

Looking around nothing seemed out of place, the trees were growing more common and the candles were still smouldering away at their scented wax, by all means, everything was much the same.

It took them a minute before they realised the source of the uncomfortable feeling and its simple cause.

For as the sun reached its apex and the trio trekked ever closer to the massive desert, the air had gotten increasingly hotter.