“Oh shit,” said Jake, opening his disappointed eyes at the distinct lack of explosion. “I missed.”

Jake's pathetically weak and shaking index finger had sidled off course and he had accidentally opened up his emails instead of ending his life. Jake hated checking his emails. Not only because real people that he'd actually met in real life used them, like his Mom, but because it took a really long time for the program to open. Cursing like a trooper whilst frantically pressing CTRL, ALT + DELETE on his keyboard, Jake tried to stop any new emails showing up.

Too late.

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There was just the one, sent four months earlier on the 23rd September entitled “Happy 30th Birthday Sweetie!!” It was from his Mom.

“Why won't she leave me alone!!” screamed Jake, pounding his fist against the desk in anger. Jake took his self-prescribed exclusion from society extremely seriously, and hated anyone who interfered with this. Two years ago, he'd given his Mom strict instructions that if she was ever to speak to him it must be under the user-name “Empress_Of_Dominion” in Lapine Death Corps. She just didn't respect him at all.

Anyway, today wasn't about her or any of the others.

Today was Jake's triumphant ending, and he wasn't going to let anybody spoil it for him.

Jake minimised his emails. With remarkable poise he collected himself and allowed his cursor to hover over Green_Turtle_Boy_369's program, Aliens.exe.

Taking deep breaths, Jake calmly double-clicked his destiny.

There was a puff of smoke, and the world went black.