“ZED, COME DOWNSTAIRS.” I am cooking up some Italian cuisine, very sophisticated stuff, spaghetti. The pasta is boiling and bubbling, its a nice soothing sound, I grind salt into the pot to give it some extra oomf.

“mooom, I was studyinggg.” Zed stomps down the stairs.

“Don't you want to help mama make some delicious pasta before daddy gets home? Come on.” He walks over, he has grown so tall, they never tell you that you wouldn't be able to recognise your son once they hit puberty, he isn't my little baby anymore.

“Ew, speak in first person, I'll help but I seriously do need to study for midterms.” He steps beside me, he is now taller than me, i notice him wearing some expensive cologne, i wonder...

“Zed... any girls at school you have a crush on?”

He shoves me playfully, “wouldn't you like to know? You the crush KGP?”

“In fact, I am, is your girlfriend expensive? Like that cologne?”

“If I DID have a girlfriend, which I don't, she would be very nice, but we wouldn't be at the stage where we tell our parents.”

I smile to myself, “right, well tell your imaginary girlfriend she can come by any time.” He cuts spring onion, dropping it into the pan with the sizzling mince, “hey uh... can you take care of this? My ankle is killing me again...” I walk over to the couch and sit.

Zed does so happily, “you ever get that figured out?”

“Doctors think it's like, chronic ghost pain.” I rub my ankle to soothe it, “like neurological.”

“Sucks...” he doesn't say anything else and just adds the correct spices and herbs to the sauce, he is such a good chef, he is good at everything.

“Hey, when's dad getting here?”

“Uh... let me call him.” I take out my phone and go to contacts, there's only 2, dad and zed. I press dad and it rings.

“Hey sorry, I can't pick up right now, leave a message.” A beep plays, “Hey uh, its Alice, when will you be back? I swear if you took another late shift, I'll kill you... love you...” I end the message.

Zed looks over, “you’re incredibly bipolar with your voice messages.”

I chuckle a bit, rubbing my ankle, the smell of spices fills my nostrils, I feel at peace.

“Mom dinner is ready.”

“That was quick.” I walk over and sit at the table, Zed places the spaghetti in front of me and pours a bit of wine.

“Can I have wine?”

“Yes, just for tonight, it's my wedding anniversary... so...” I drink my wine, savouring it on my tongue, it's hard to taste for some reason, I must really focus.

“Yeah... mom, do you think dad loves us?” He takes a sip, spitting it out into the cup, “is this poisoned?”

“Ah you figured out my master plan heheh...” my eyes meet his, “Dad is... well, busy a lot.”

“I'm old enough to know now.” he stabs at his food, he was never good with his fork, bad at holding things.

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“He... he loves us.”

“So, when will I get to meet him?”

What? “You’ve met him, what’re you talking about.”

“You’ve said I've met him, I don't... I don't know if I have.”

I close my eyes and squeeze them.

Then I open them.

He takes a sip, spitting it out into the cup, “is this poisoned?”

“Ah you figured out my master plan heheh...” my eyes meet his, “give it to me, mama needs her wine.”

He takes another sip and gulps, “no, I'm old enough to drink now... in Europe...”

“If we are taking rules from third world countries maybe I should put you to work in the mines.”

“Europe is... it's a continent for one, and there are no third world countries there... besides England.”

I smile, a small giggle comes from him as he takes another sip, the wine almost gone somehow. “You know... I'm glad it's just us...”

“Yeah, you’re the only person I need... mom...” we hold hands, the ring on my index finger causing it to be purple, its fine though.

“Now, let's clean up and let me help you study for midterms!”

“Hm? It's the holidays mom, I don't need to study.”

“Yeah, I know, by study I meant you study how to beat me in poker. Doofus.”

He takes out poker cards and tokens from his pocket, we play, my eyes are tired so I can't exactly read what's on the cards.

“All in.” he does on the first turn.

“tryna beat the master?” I go all in too, I lose, he had pocket aces. He celebrates by cooking the spaghetti, I'm on the couch rubbing my ankle.

“I'm going to call your father, okay?” I grab my phone and call him, it goes to voicemail.

“Heya, if you’re hearing this... I'm dead... just kidding! Leave a message.” I breathe in, “Hey its Alice, I'm worried you'll miss our anniversary... Zed misses you...”

Zed taps the end call button, “don't lie, I don't miss him, you’re all I need mom.”

“Thanks... that's nice of you to say Zed...”

“Is it? Because that is a horrible thing to say.” He sits beside me, “that ankle, its purple now... should we go to the hospital?”

I look over at it, it is purple, I look back and zed doesn’t have a face, “it's fine, happens sometimes.”

“Okay mom... just stay safe, I'll be home soon.” I end the call with Zed, he was at basketball practice.

“I'm hooome!” Zed walks in with a bag full of chocolates, “I got the final 3 pointer, my reward was some English chocolates, your mothers Favorites.”

He sits beside me.

“Where the FUCK were you?”

“Just... with some friends...” he shakes as he walks through the door and sits next to me. It’s way too late for him to be out.

“Without calling? I WAS WORRIED, I thought you were hurt.” I put my arms around him, “sorry... I'm a mess... after your dad died... sorry for yelling...”

“it's okay mom... I love you...”

“Prove it.”

He takes out a knife and slices his hand in front of me, “there.”

“You, okay? What happened?” I get up and go to the door where Zed walked in bleeding.

“I fell on my bike... is it bad?”

“It should be fine... here run it under water.” I take him to the sink and hold him under water, drowning him.

He struggles and grabs my wrists, “sorry...” is all I can say as the baby in the sink drowns, my own son, I'm sorry, I didn't want to... I didn't want to... it's to get rid of the demon.

“ALICE.” A man grabs my hand, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING... oh god... our son, OUR SON.” He pushes me onto the floor.

“It was... to get rid of... the demon... had to reset him... it kept showing up in his dreams...”

“Alice... what did you do...? Why? Why? Why?”

I close my eyes... back on the balcony... my neck hurts again so I shift positions for the tenth thousand time.

“Hey...”

A man in a suit stands in front of me, on the balcony, “thought I should dress up for our one-year anniversary... let's bring you back home.”

Lips on mine, then a pushing on my chest, I spit out what seems like way too much water for my mouth to hold, I gasp, I gasp again, I keep gasping for air, air finds its way into my lungs... all I can get out is a scream, the boy in front of me moves back.

My hand grasps at my neck, I push my back into the wall, I'm covered in water, dripping, my mouth opens again to another screech, tears bombard my face, dehydrating me instantly.

I breathe for another 2 seconds then return to screaming, I slam my ankle into the ground, my body shifts over and over again, I can't do this, I can't do this.

I close my eyes, they open again, I scream. I'm taken to the bed, I scream, I have my wet clothes removed, my eyes close, I breathe, I scream, I'm put onto a chair, I'm given a coffee, I sip, I throw, I scream, I'm given chips, I eat, I bite, I bite, bite, my tongue bleeds, I scream.

I slam my hand into my head, then again, then again, like a primate, I scream, I breathe, I scream, my body falls to the ground, I scream, I'm hugged, I scream, I fall onto a lap, I breathe, I sob, I scream.

One year of nothing ended in a second.