The day of my birthday ball arrived with much ado all about the manor. My father had purchased two special gowns. One for the evening ball and one for my wedding the next day, a blue and pink one. The blue one, I was told very clearly by my father was for the birthday ball. Like I cared which horrid gown and shoes I’d be made to wear which day.

The whole place was scrubbed and polished to a degree which I had not seen since one of my brother’s weddings nine years prior. I was taken down to my older sister’s room to be bathed, primped, and dressed. Two of my older sisters were there and, oddly, they were being somewhat nice to me. It was more than annoying.

One, Kittric, was pregnant and the other, Ymma, had two little children and a baby with her. Each of them had other children, but I didn’t know where they were. Three seemed bad enough to me. I abhorred the whole scene wishing they would leave me to my suffering, but no. I had to have the added suffering of whining, crying children and a baby. Perfect. Just the images I needed the day before my marriage.

To make things worse Aelfie bit one of the kids because he had her cornered and was pulling on her ears and poking at her eyes. When Ymma, the boy’s mother, raised a hand to hit the dog, I lost it.

“That's it! Everyone OUT! I only need Aelfie and Dorna to help me with my gown. Sisters, I hope Halea rips your wombs out and Ilvir’s monsters eat them!” I yelled.

I know. It was harsh. I learned a lot of choice swearing while out on hunting parties. The men seemed to forget I was there, which suited me fine, but you do learn a lot of new things. The men mostly swore on women’s anatomy and Halea often came up as mistress of love and carnal lust. That’s why I knew about her.

I shouldn’t have used such vivid language, they probably never gutted anything, but these women didn’t know me at all and they were not easing my nerves. I had resolved to remain calm and try to reason with my husband as we drove the long way back to his manor, but now all I had in mind was to run from the house screaming!

I knew I’d made a grave mistake when Gavendor showed up and asked if I was alright. I’m sure my father had wished I had never heard of Saint Halea, although being mistress of coin, she may have caught his own attention. I sighed and took a deep breath trying to tame my emotions.

“No, Gavendor. I am decidedly NOT alright,” I didn’t want to, but a couple tears slipped down my face. “I shouldn’t have yelled at those bitches, but by the Old Gods! The last thing I need is a screaming baby to remind me of…”

He actually grinned at me for a split second. He patted my back again. It seemed he didn’t know what to do for me. I didn’t know what he could do for me either.

“Are you ready to go in? I believe they are waiting for you,” he said, his grim demeanor back. I dried the tears on my face with a kerchief and took another deep breath.

I turned back to look at myself, now unrecognizable in the mirror. My long brown hair was done up in an intricate bun with locks curling down to my shoulders. There was a blue ribbon the same color of my gown woven through it as well giving the look of a queenly crown. My gown was tight fitting to my bosom and waist, then flaring in layers until the hem hit the floor. I thought I looked ridiculous, but my sisters had crowed over me like I was a rare flower they’d only just discovered. I looked at my maid Dorna, to whom I smiled.

“Thank you Dorna. I believe I am ready, Gavendor,” I said with much more confidence than I felt. I stood tall and took his arm and we marched with determination to my birthday ball.

A hush fell over the ballroom after the herald had announced me. Perhaps Gavendor was not supposed to come in with me, but I had a viselike grip on his arm, so he entered at my side. I plastered what I hoped was a convincing smile on my face and strode into my own party.

The hall erupted with clapping and cheers. A handsome young man with dark wavy hair and deep dark eyes wearing a very dashing dark blue coat suspiciously the exact color of my gown came forward to meet me. His coat was trimmed in gold tasseling and gold buttons. His pants were the same blue with a red stripe down each side of his legs and he wore shiny black shoes. His smile was warm and friendly and my heart swelled a little to see it.

Gavendor let go of me and the young man took his place holding my arm at my side.

“I am very pleased to meet you, Aebbe. I’m Kaarlo, your fiancé,” he said. I could tell he was a bit nervous himself since his hand shook a little as he took mine. I had not thought about his situation. He’s also being married off, sight unseen. But at least he didn’t have to leave his home and have babies.

“Hi,” I said stupidly like it was my first kissing date or something. I was terrified that I would do something horrible and shame my father or make Kaarlo run for his life. That would be embarrassing and stressful. Not that I would entirely blame him as that was precisely what I wanted to do in that moment.

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

I had no idea what my father would do with me then. Probably sentence me to five years with the lady’s circle knitting and embroidering for my keep. A completely inappropriate laugh jumped out of my lips. Luckily, he just grinned at me.

“Shall we dance?” he asked. I nodded, not trusting my voice. The tune of the latest dance started up. I had spent weeks practicing, so I relaxed and tried to go through the steps as calmly as possible.

Kaarlo was smiling at me and asked me a few questions from time to time. He was a good dancer, his strong, young body moving with grace and ease.

“I hear you ride,” he stated at one point.

“Oh, yes. I’d like to bring my mare along. If… it’s alright with you.” I stuttered.

“Of course,” he said. “I'm sure you’d like some friendly faces in a new place.”

“That's exactly what I thought,” I answered delighted that he seemed to understand that, at least.

“I also have my dog…” I started.

“Your manor is famous for your hunter dogs. Perhaps we can breed her with our stock,” he said. Ugh. This topic was threatening to make me sick. I told myself to keep it together. He wasn’t talking about us.

“Well, unfortunately, she’s just a runt and won’t be good for mating. She doesn’t have the right temperament for the hunt, I’m afraid,” I informed him when we next came together as part of the dance.

“Oh, that’s alright. We have plenty of room for your pet,” he said. His smile was kind and looked sincere. I sighed in relief. Maybe he’d have pity on me, too.

When the dance was done, he led me to meet his parents. He put his arm around my waist and kept a hand on my hip holding me to his side. I felt like moving away, but didn’t bother since I supposed we were going to go beyond a kissing date soon. After all, tomorrow we’d be married. The lady’s circle had explained all of my carnal duties to my husband. Thinking on that for too long made my stomach lurch a bit.

There was a whirlwind of introductions and compliments and well wishes from many people present. Kaarlo did find a moment to pull us into a dark, private corner and have a kissing date. I figured he might. I mean, things had already been decided for us and we may as well get a little more acquainted.

I didn’t mind so much. He was a good kisser. Really quite good. He was good looking, so I reckon he had plenty of practice. When he put his hands on my butt I nearly thumped him, but I stopped myself in time. Probably not a good way to begin a marriage thumping your husband in the head the day before. It actually felt pretty good, but I pushed him away gently and he pulled back and smiled. I really wanted to thump him for that smile more than anything, but I didn’t. I could have. You can kind of tell when a man has never been punched by a woman before. This guy would never have seen it coming.

I stayed at Kaarlo’s side the whole evening. My father seemed happy. Kaarlo and his family seemed happy. I hoped people thought I was happy as I kept that plastered smile on my face the whole time. If they noticed, they didn’t let on. I was grateful. We could all just live in the lie a little while until the ordeal was over. Or it started. It sort of depended on how you looked at it. I just wanted to get through one ordeal per day. My shoes were pinching and my cheeks hurt from smiling. But surely, I told myself, it had to be over soon and I could get on to the next ordeal.

Finally, my father came to my side and pulled me away from my fiancé. He made some apologies, took my arm and I thought he would take me to my room, maybe offer me some advice for my future. Instead, he handed me off to Gavendor, handing him the key with the yellow tassel. We said nothing to each other.

Gavendor and I climbed the stairs arm in arm. For some reason, my breathing became more difficult as we neared my room. When we got outside my door, he took my hands into his. I tried to keep my breathing steady. My world was threatening to fall apart and my emotions with it.

“Aebbe, I packed you some supplies and put them in Lidly’s saddlebags. I will come for you when the house is asleep and unlock your door. I’ll leave her at the front gate. You’ll get on her and ride out of here,” I looked into his face thinking I had not understood a word he’d said.

“But…” I started.

“Don't worry about me. I’ll be fine,” he assured me.

“What about Kaarlo? Won’t he be in trouble?” I asked. He seemed a good man after all. Gavendor sighed.

“Truth is, he has many options for suitors. He won’t be overly troubled. Honestly, I’m not sure why it was you, begging your pardon to say it,” he said.

“I wondered myself,” I answered back, shrugging. “Ok. Thank you, Gavendor. Thank you!” I said and threw my arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely. It was the first time I’d held a man that I wasn’t on a kissing date with or dancing with. It felt good and he hugged me back hard like I expected. I turned and went into my room.

I pulled the gown off, popping buttons and tearing seams. I didn’t care about it. I also undid my hair and braided it back simply, the way I liked it. I dug out some riding breeches, boots and a comfortable linen shirt along with some rags for my blood days; I wasn’t sure Gavendor would think of such things. I also pulled out the two best books on plants and animals in Ashlar we owned and put them into a small, waterproof leather bag I could put over my head and carry at my hip. We had many excellent volumes, but I couldn’t carry much more. Aelfie was happy to see me and a comfort to curl into the bed with while I waited for the manor to go quiet.

It didn’t take long, or maybe I slept a bit. The wedding was scheduled early, so maybe everyone thought to get plenty of sleep beforehand. When Gavendor opened my door, I hopped up and grabbed my bag with the few things I’d gathered. Aelfie came right along with me as usual. She seemed to know something was up because she didn’t bark once. Gavendor thumped me on the back again just before I got to the front door. I just nodded to him and went out to find Lidly. She was saddled and ready to go as he’d promised just outside the front gate. I picked up Aelfie and cradled her in my lap using my cloak to keep her next to me. She didn’t fuss and we were soon trotting down the road into a new adventure.