As my 18th birthday approached, my father got more and more agitated with me. I don’t know if someone finally caught him up on my kissing dates or my groin punching, but he seemed fit to burst. He never talked directly about anything which made it very hard to understand what he meant all the time. He spoke of being lady-like and being mindful of my family name. How could anyone forget their family name? If I forgot, there would be many in and around the manor who could remind me, anyway.
One day, he called me into his study and I came dressed in my riding pants, button-down shirt, and boots. He nearly had a heart attack right then and there!
“What are you wearing, daughter? What is this?” he spluttered.
“Father, I work in the stables and kennels and help Gavendor…”
“You WHAT?!” he yelled. I shrugged.
“I've been working in the stables since I was 6 and I’ve been going with hunting parties, too. Remember a few years ago that I went out and helped track the goblin band that attacked those…” I started, but he cut me off.
“Well, yes, but as my daughter you are expected to carry your weight and bring in a dowry for us to expand our family…” but it was my turn to cut him off.
“Carry my weight? I work daily on this manor. I hunt and gather and…”
“There are others who can do that,” he said raising his voice and standing, so he could look down on me. “You are the only one with the Wymer name that can marry and extend ties to other noble houses.”
“Are you serious, father? You have seven other children. Three other female children quite happy to do that for you, that have already done that. I am not exactly top bride material and we both know it,” my face had grown nearly as red as his and I threw my glare right back into his.
He slammed his hand down on his desk, making me jump.
“I AM your father and you WILL obey me, daughter. I have found a suitable husband for you apparently able to overlook your… uniqueness. You will meet him at your 18th birthday ball and the next morning you will be wed to him. You will leave Thornhill to be his wife and manage his estates and bear his children. Do you understand me?” he asked with finality.
“Father,” I started, my voice trembling, my shoulders slumping, shaking my head. “Please, you can’t…”
“Oh, I can and I will. Gavendor!” he yelled, making me jump again. A young page popped his head into the room. “Bring me Gavendor! I did not want to do this, daughter, but it seems I must. You will cease your ‘work' at the stables and give up your mare; riding is not good for bearing children. From now until your birthday ball you will keep company only with the lady’s circle. They shall instruct you on what will be your wifely duties,” he finished with a frown. He opened his desk and took out a key with a yellow tassel marking it. My mouth just hung open, thinking my life could not get worse that this.
When Gavendor came in, he looked downright uncomfortable. In my life, I’d never seen him like that even when we knew we’d be fighting goblins.
“Gavendor. You seem to have some weight with my daughter. You will lock her in her room and only allow the lady’s circle in to see her. Oh, I suppose there will have to be some dancing lessons. If they must, they can use the ballroom. No more stables, no more hunting. I will see her in gowns every day at the family table for meals from now on. You will see to it or you will find another post!”
I opened my mouth to protest this injustice, but simply watched as my father handed Gavendor the key to my room. My room which had never before been locked. Which I didn’t even know had a key to it. It would be my jail for the next four months until my marriage. I shut my mouth and turned my back on my father and walked to my room, my mouth pressed into a thin line of fury.
I stood at my door a moment before opening it, thinking hard. Gavendor patted my back much as he had that day on the road after the attack of the goblins. I sighed, opened the door and shut it behind me. I leaned on the door as I heard the key turn in the lock. I hate to admit it, but I cried hard that time, too. And for a long time. That was the third time.
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Gavendor did his duty as my father had asked. If I didn’t put on a gown, he would remind me and send me back in with a lady’s maid to help me dress. He did not always lock the door, particularly when the lady’s circle was with me, but if I tried to leave, he would stand in the way. I’m sure he hoped I’d never try to get past him. He wore his sword as he always did, but I don’t think he wanted to use it on me. And I didn’t want him to lose his post. I groaned and rolled my eyes at him, but never tried to force my way past or argue.
After the first month, Gavendor would bring a book into my room and chose a chair and sit and read while I tried my hand at knitting and stitching. He tried to talk to me about my future.
“It might not be so bad. I’ve heard who you are to marry. It’s Kaarlo Issakainen from Wellswood, first son of Baron Ilmari Issakainen. It’s a small town like Thornhill. They have a lot of livestock and fishing. It’s nice down there. Lots of new plant species to identify, I daresay,” he said one day, not looking up from his book. It was the most words he’d ever put together just to me that I could remember. He knew me well and knew what I liked.
“Kaarlo? Is he a good rider?” I asked.
“I hear so, yes. Not a good archer, but his sword work is good,” he said. Well, that was something. Gavendor did not praise just anyone’s skill with a sword being a master of the sword himself. I sighed and thought through what he’d said.
“You know I won’t be happy. You know he’s not going to like me. You said people have a choice whether they mate or not. But that’s not really true, is it?” I looked at him. I knew he wouldn’t lie to me. He didn’t look up. He sighed deeply.
“You are right. They don’t always have a choice. Perhaps I should say women don’t always have a choice. I’m sorry, Aebbe,” he shut his eyes. I nodded. It confirmed what I had heard. It wasn’t his fault, but the whole thing was so unfair.
“Women like me,” I said and blew out a long breath. “I promise I won’t try to run off, Gavendor. You don’t have to waste your time here. You can lock me in if you like. Do you think we can convince father to at least let me keep Lildy, my mare? It would be nice to have a familiar face with me when I go.” I looked out the window at the blue sky.
He seemed to think that over for a while before he answered.
“And you can take Aelfie, too. Remember the runt from Darlay’s last litter? She’s not suited to flush game with the hunting party. Your father wants to get rid of her anyway. She’s lively and can keep you company,” he said. “I'll bring her to you tomorrow and she can get used to manor life, eh? Train her up a bit so your new husband doesn’t turn her out of the house?” I smiled.
“He’ll have to get rid of me as well,” I said snickering. "But, it’s a good idea. Give me something to do besides this goddamn embroidery!” I said throwing the little wood ring, cloth, and needle across the room. I looked up at him and we both laughed. I laughed hard from my belly like it would all work out and my life wasn’t completely off track and all I might need is a dog in my room for company.
True to his word, he brought the pup along the next day. She was shorter than most our dogs, but colored as most of them are in white and dark brown patches of short curly hair, floppy ears and a short tail she could point to the sky. She was very smart if a bit feisty and although easily spooked by lots of horses and other dogs, alone she was calm and sweet. Manor life would suit her just fine. She went with me everywhere and became quite protective of me. I remember having to give her goat’s milk just after she was born because her mother had rejected her. I had kept her in my room then and she had slept in my bed, so maybe she remembered it. I wondered what they had given me when my mother died. I had never thought to ask.
It was a good thing my door wasn’t always locked now since I had to take her out to make water and dirt to keep my room clean. She was very good about it, scratching at the door when she needed to go out. My father allowed Gavendor to return to his normal duties and also accepted that I should take Lidly with me after my marriage, if my husband allowed it. He forbade me to ride her, though. It was something about keeping me pure, whatever that was about. I mean, I’d been riding since I was 6, so I didn’t see the difference now. But I followed his commands as best I could. He almost never scowled when he saw me these days.
If he caught me mucking out Lidly’s stall or letting the latest litter jump all over me ruining my gown, then he'd barked at me to go back to my room. But otherwise, he, perhaps, thought I was finally living up to his wishes for his youngest daughter. I still had two more months before my ball and wedding, so I tried to enjoy Thornhill and the manor as much as I could. That was hard to do when confined to a gown, not allowed to ride, or dig in the gardens. Some of the people around the manor took pity on me.
Reeves who was in charge of the animals let me take some chicken seed and I rigged a basket outside my window to attract birds with the feed. But many people, particularly boys I’d thumped and never had a kissing date with would see me and Aelfie and took to calling us the two runts of Thornhill. I didn’t let it get me down, though. I still had to meet with the Lady’s Circle for knitting and sewing, but I walked all around Thornhill and the surrounding marsh. I learned to fish and a few new bird species. I also ruined a number of ridiculous slippers and gowns. Not that I was overly upset by that. I hid them in the back of my closet so my father wouldn’t find out about them.