The next morning Pierce called from the hospital. Evan had passed away in the night.

Yesterday, I’d left a note for Pierce asking for him to let me know of any changes in Evan’s condition. When I saw that it was him calling, I answered with excitement, expecting to hear about Evan’s almost miraculous recovery. I was prepared to pretend to be shocked and relieved and to exchange stories about how awful Evan had looked only hours before.

The news of Evan’s death shattered me. I knew he was very close to dying yesterday. I knew it from all the noise of his scan. He’d been in terrible shape and wasn’t even able to breath on his own anymore. His organs had been shutting down one by one. But I’d put that knowledge aside and allowed myself to have hope because I was the great freaking Abby and I could cure cancer. A flash of white hot anger went through me at my own stupidity. However, it dissipated before it could take hold and left me feeling empty of all emotions but a deep sadness.

I quietly thanked Pierce for letting me know, hung up the phone and started crying. Tears rolled down my face and soon I was sobbing out loud. I hated crying, but I couldn’t seem to stop. Evan was gone. More than that though, the feeling that I’d failed him wouldn’t leave my mind. I’d had the power to save him. If I’d have realized that I could remove cancer earlier, if I’d practiced less or just tried it on him right away, Evan would still be alive. I hadn’t killed him, but I hadn’t saved him either.

“Abby? Are you ok? Can I come in?” Dad called from my door. I’d been crying for a few minutes and I guess I’d been loud enough to hear in the quiet house. The worry in his tone calmed me enough that I was able to answer, “Yes.”, between sobs. Dad sat down next to me and held me as I cried. He reached over to my bedside table and passed over the Kleenex box to me. I took it gratefully and blew my nose and dabbed the tears from my eyes.

I can’t remember the last time that I’d cried in front of my dad. After mom was taken from us, I cried all the time, but not since we’d moved to this house. Having seen my dad bear the pain of losing mom without crying, I’d felt that crying was a weakness. It wasn’t. I knew that. It was a release of your emotions and it was healthy. But it still felt like weakness to me.

“Pierce called me after he got off the phone with you. He told me about Evan. I’m really sorry, Abby.”

“He was so young. Just a little guy with no hair and a huge smile. He was dying the whole time that I knew him, and he never complained about it. He’d be there smiling and playing or trying out a magic trick. I played all sorts of games with him and I showed him magic tricks, but in the end, I wasn’t able to help him.” I almost started crying again as I tried to explain to dad my failure.

“Abby, you did what you could for him. You paid attention to him and you added joy to his life. That’s what you were there for and you did it well. Sometimes that’s all you could do.”

Not looking him in the eyes, I asked “What if I could have done more?”

“In hindsight, we could always have done more or done things differently. What if I had taken a break from working and gone with you and your mother shopping that day? In hindsight, we are almost always to blame for something. You cannot live your life in hindsight and you cannot use it to take on blame for yourself. You must examine your actions from what you knew or thought you knew at the time. Given what you knew about Evan and his condition, did you do all that you could have for him? Did you make him happy when you saw him? Did you show him that you cared for him?”

I took a few moments to think about it. “Yes. I did.”

“Then everything else is unimportant. Do not second guess yourself in this. You did your best by that boy and you should be proud of that.”

That was hard advice to take. Evan was dead after all and all of my powers hadn’t been able to change that outcome. I felt like Superman arriving on the scene too late to save a drowning child. Dad was right though. I done what I thought I’d needed to do. I hadn’t realized that Evan had taken such a dramatic turn for the worse. If I’d have known, I’d have gone to him right away. I had done the best I could for him. I knew it was true. Only Evan was still dead and it felt like I hadn’t done enough.

“Thanks dad. For someone who’s naturally quiet, you give a pretty good pep talk.”

“I’ve had a lot of practice. I’ve been giving them for years.”

“Really? To whom?”

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

“To me. For years afterwards, I felt guilty for not being with you and your mother the day that you were taken. That wasn’t just a random example I gave you. I still get occasional bouts of the “I should haves”, where I blame myself for you having to grow up without your mother, but I’ve gotten better at talking myself out of them.”

“I’ve never blamed you one bit for that day. No even for a second. You were working. You couldn’t follow Mom and me around all the time just in case we might get kidnapped. What kind of life would that be? It’s also not like you weren’t there for me and for mom before she was taken. You always had time for us and since her kidnapping you’ve always been there for me. I couldn’t have asked for a better dad.” I hugged him fiercely after that and he hugged me right back.

Breaking away from the hug, I wiped at my eyes to clear away a few more tears that were trying to escape, and said, “I guess I’d better go get ready. Eva doesn’t know yet and she won’t take the news as well as I did.”

“That bad?” dad asked.

“Yup. I’m going to pick up James on the way to see her. He’s her boyfriend and holding your crying girlfriends while she’s upset is in the job description.”

“Good thinking, Abby. When faced with a task, it’s critical to figure out the best tool for the job.”

“Did you just call James a tool?”

“Oy! We are not going down that path. Please give my condolences to Eva on her loss.”

With those words, dad left me to get ready and shortly after I was knocking on James’ front door. He wasn’t up yet and his mother told me to “Go ahead and wake him up. He shouldn’t be sleeping away the day.” So I did.

James was normally a morning person, but not today. He did not appreciate my being there so early and he wasn’t shy about telling me so in terms that wouldn’t have made it past the tv censors. When I told him that Eva was going to need him today, he immediately stopped complaining and asked, “Is it Evan?” I told him and he kicked me out of his room so he could get ready.

James’ mom insisted that we have breakfast before going to see Eva and while we waited for her to make us some omelets, James told me about his late lunch with Eva yesterday and how broken up she was over him.

“Oh! I almost forgot. James, I’m going to need your help. The auction was last night.”

“Crap, Abby. I forgot. I wanted to stop by and watch it with you, but with Eva so sad, I couldn’t leave her. How did it go? Did you reach the reserve price?”

“Uhm…we did quite a bit better than that.”

“The reserve price was ten million dollars. How much better did you do?”, he asked with interest.

“The rubies sold for thirty-three and a half million dollars.”

“Oh my Lord!” That was from James’ mom. She was unloading an omelet from the skillet to the plate and she had a shocked expression on her face. James was no better. His jaw hadn’t dropped to the floor, but it did hang down a bit.

“Holy shit, Abby! That’s amazing.”

“Language James.”

“Sorry Ma”. This scolding and apology were a ritual with them and I loved seeing it in action. His mom didn’t really care about him swearing, but felt that she should, and James wasn’t sorry.

“Anyways James, I have a few things that I need to spend some of it on, but I’ll need you to invest the rest and make it grow. I’m officially hiring you to be the foundation’s investment manager. We are signing on to be your first multi-million-dollar client!”

James tried to object, but like dad did with me last year I overcame all of his objections. “James! Stop. It all boils down to trust and ability. I trust you and you’ve already proven that you can do the job. Only the numbers are bigger. The theory is the same. You’ve got this.”

“I’m not sure if I’m even allowed to do the job, Abby. I might need a license or have to be bonded or something.” James was nervous and was trying to stall for time. I wasn’t going to give him the chance to back out.

“Even if you’re not allowed to make the trades yourself, you’ll be in charge of directing the trades and making sure that they’re done to your instructions. James, this is what you planned on doing. You’re just doing it earlier than you expected. This is your shot to start funding your own foundation. Between the base salary that the Hannah Foundation will pay you and the performance bonuses, you’ll be able to save enough to start your justice foundation and you can get your uncle the legal help he needs to start going after what the government owes him.”

Reminding him about his own goal of helping out his uncle and others like him that were abused by the system sealed the deal. James straightened his back and shook my hand. “You’ve got yourself an investment manager, Abby. I’ll start looking into the details of what I’m allowed to do tonight. By Monday, we’ll hit the ground running.”

“Make it Monday afternoon at around five. I’m starting my teaching assistant job on Monday morning and I’d visiting a bunch of offices in the afternoon. I’ll also want you to speak with Grampa Jake. He’s on my board of directors and he’s worked with foundations before. If he can’t answer your questions, his lawyers and accountants can.” I pulled out my phone and sent James the contact info and I sent a quick email to Jake telling him to expect James’ call. A few minutes later, Jake’s secretary emailed back that Jake was expecting a call from James on Monday morning.

After breakfast, James and I made our way to Eva’s house and broke the news to her. Unlike me, she had correctly evaluated Evan’s chances of survival after seeing him and mostly cried herself out yesterday. She’d never had the hope that I did and so she wasn’t a complete wreck like I’d been on hearing the news. We shared our memories of Evan for awhile and then, in an effort to lighten the mood, James told Eva about the auction and of his new position as the Hannah Foundation’s investment manager. Eva’s mood shifted gears and we all able to put aside our grief for awhile. It would return soon, especially since we were scheduled to work in the hospital tomorrow and there was the eventual funeral to go to, but for now we tried to focus on the happy times ahead.