“There isn’t that much to tell really. Eva, James and I had been best friends since kindergarten. Like the three musketeers. I lived down the street from them, so we were always together. The only time we separated was their yearly family vacation trip or for my family vacations. My parents can’t take off that much time from work and we usually go visit my mom’s family in Florida for winter vacation.
Eva and James each have an older brother and an older sister. They’re both the youngest by at least four years, but they still had that family connection. I was an only child and to me, Eva and James were my family. Sometimes I’d spend entire weeks at one or the other of their houses. James’ father used to joke that he was filling out adoption papers for me. Eva’s mother knew my favorite meals and snacks and she usually served those when I was there. James, Eva and I would spend our summers riding our bikes and hiking and playing games and reading comic books. Eva was into Wonder Woman. James was all about Batman. I loved Superman. Even our favorite superheroes were a team.”
Bobby paused here and I waited for him to continue. I suspected where this was going, and I knew that it was a hard story for him to tell.
“Then, towards the end of elementary school things changed for me. I guess I hit puberty early, but one day I realized that Eva wasn’t my sister and that I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I agonized from months, trying to decide if I should say anything or even what I should say. I wasn’t being noble and wondering if saying anything would ruin our friendship, I just didn’t have the nerve. I was scared that she didn’t feel that way about me; that she would reject me and then I wouldn’t be able to hang out with her anymore. I kept quiet until the end of the school year and I decided that I’d tell her just as soon as she got back from her family trip. That year their families were doing a tour of the beaches along the east coast. I had it all planned out for when she got back. I was going to ask her to go biking with me and I’d tell her how I felt about her and ask her on a date. Just the two of us.”
“I’m guessing that you never took that bike ride.”, I prompted after he’s been silent for a little bit.
“Do you know how Eva and James got together? Did they ever tell you?”, he asked me. He wasn’t bitter, just resigned.
“Yes. They were on a beach somewhere on vacation and Eva had gone in the water to cool off and jump the waves. She strayed out too far and she was heading back when she got caught in an undercurrent. She panicked. She tried to call for help but went under the water and swallowed a lot of it. She was pulled under again and didn’t know which way was up, when James grabbed her arm and swam her towards shore. They were met shortly after by a lifeguard and Eva’s father. James had been watching her and when she went under the first time, he raced in after her, yelling that she was in trouble.
Eva describes it as the moment when she really saw James for the first time, and she liked what she saw. James says that he’d been having feeling for her since the start of that vacation and that’s why he was watching her. He was wondering if he’d have the courage to say anything to her about it when she went under and he just took off. He doesn’t remember yelling for help or much of anything until he grabbed her arm. It’s a very sweet story.”
“Yeah. It really is. But it sucked for me.”, continued Bobby. “They got back, and I could see right away that I’d missed my chance. They were holding hands and standing closer to each other all the time. They still do that now. There’s a bond between them. I couldn’t compete with that. I didn’t even want to really. He was my brother and he had saved her life. I had to be happy for them. It should have been easy too. They never shoved their relationship in my face. They always included me, and I’d even get together with only one of them regularly. In their eyes, I wasn’t treated like a third wheel, but sure I felt like one.
I tried to pretend that I didn’t have feelings for her, but it didn’t work. I couldn’t turn my feelings off. After a year, I gave up. Seeing her everyday hurt too much and not being able to be happy for James hurt too much. I resolved that once they came back from their next vacation trip, I wouldn’t be around anymore. This time I was able to follow through. I haven’t really spoken to either of them since.”
Bobby finished his story and just sat there, as if waiting in judgement. Maybe he was. I had told him that depending on his story, he might have to try to be friends with Eva again.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
“Well Bobby, you’re not a dick.”
That got a laugh out of him and broke his somber mood.
I continued, “Maybe a bit of a drama queen, but not a dick.” He chuckled this time and shook his head.
“Come on Abby. Don’t sugar coat it. Tell me how you really feel and don’t forget to laugh at my pain.”
“I’m just wondering something, Bobby. All this happened over three years ago, and I know that you’ve had at least one girlfriend since then. Yes, I know that you dated Cheryl Thompson last year. Your breakup was epic and the drama that ensued was mentioned in the school bulletin.” He had the decency to look chagrined at this. “You’ve obviously stopped pining away for Eva. You’ve moved on and I’m happy for you. Your heart was dashed upon the rocks, but you’ve survived and come through it. Why haven’t you tried to make up with Eva and James?”
“I blew them off. After being like family, I just cut them off without a reason. I knew that what I was doing could never be taken back. Why would they want to be friends with me now? In their shoes, I wouldn’t ever talk to me again.”
“So, you wanted to but chickened out?”
“Actually, yes. How’d you know?”
“Because I hear the regret in your voice and chickening out seems to be a pattern for you.”
“Fuck you too, Abby. Are you always this harsh with people or do you just dislike me that much?”
“I don’t know you well enough to dislike you. I’m just not sugar-coating the truth, because we’re not friends. I’ve always considered something to be a pattern when I see it three or more times. You didn’t take your chance to tell Eva how you felt about her before her vacation, you let your pain push you away from your friends after moping for a year, and you chickened out from trying to get James and Eva back as friends.”
“I agree with you for the first and the last, but what was I supposed to do after a year of trying?”, he was practically pleading with me. He thought he had done the right thing, the noble thing, in walking away from his friends. I had to let him know that he was wrong, and I wouldn’t pull any punches while doing it.
“Bobby, I lost my mother when I was four. We were kidnapped and I was left on the side of the road and I haven’t seen her for 12 years. My dad hasn’t seen her in 12 years. He spent years looking for her. We visited hospitals and shelters for years looking for her. He even went to the morgue a few times when they had a Jane Doe with similar physical characteristics. He's felt pain every day for years, but he never let me feel his pain. I had to figure it out, as I got older. He was always there for me. He didn’t shut me out or bury himself in his work and leave me alone. He could have and I wouldn’t have blamed him, because I look so much like her. Every day he has to see her face in me and be reminded that she’s gone. He hurts every time he looks at me, but it doesn’t phase him. He puts it aside because he loves me and wants the best for me.” I hoped he could make the connection without my spelling it out for him. He really did seem like a good guy, even if I was totally making him feel like shit.
“Do you think that his pain faded over time?”, Bobby asked in a quiet voice.
“Yes, I think it did. It took a long time, but it did. He’s even dated a few women over the years.”
“You’re saying I gave up too quickly on my friendship with Eva and James. I couldn’t take the pain, so I cut them out of my life. Your assessment of me before was wrong, I am a dick. I gave up on my family.” Now I really felt bad for being so blunt with Bobby. He looked so dejected. Time to turn it around.
“Bobby, you were 12 or 13 years old. You made the wrong choice, but you had no way of knowing that then. I’ll give you a pass on that one and you should too. You’re older now though and I can tell that you miss them. You have a chance to put things right. Why not take it? What’s your downside? If they reject you this time, then at least you tried and you’re no worse off than now. If they take you back, you have your family back. You literally have nothing to lose. You also need to break your habit of chickening out. You’ll be a better person for it.”
“I can see that you’re not wrong, but how do you just go up to two people that you’ve ignored for years and say that you’re sorry? And what do I tell them about why I ditched them? I can’t just say to James, “Sorry I ditched you, but I was totally into your girlfriend and couldn’t get over her but now I’m over her and I want to be friends again.””
“I suppose you could work on that to soften it up a bit. Maybe change “totally into your girlfriend” to “had feelings for Eva and I needed time alone to work them out and move on.” Something like that. James will understand and I think he’ll forgive you. I’ve never seen him hold a grudge against anyone.”
“What about Eva? You don’t think she’ll hate me?”
“Nope. I started off this conversation saying that she misses you. She might be pissed at you, but she won’t hate you.”
“Ok. How soon do I have to talk to them?”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll arrange the time and place. You just get your words ready and make sure that you don’t blow it. Also, if you start and don’t go through with it, I’ll be telling them the whole story. It’s better if it comes from you.” I smiled wickedly to make him think that I was kidding, but I wasn’t sure if I was. I’d have to see how things played out.