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I'm so sorry, Stevie! I bet you're shaking with disgust reading this, feeling betrayed by my lies. Please forgive me! Please don't hate me, please! I really tried to get it out of my system, I went out with as many gals as I could, always hoping to find the one that could cure me. I tried to suppress thinking of you, shamed myself, hurt myself for it. Whenever I woke up from a dream about you, I would slap myself until my cheeks burned. But I couldn't stop it.

And then I thought, maybe I just need to let it out once, to see how bad it is. Not with you! I swear, I never did anything inappropriate with you, ever! I would never do that, I could never hurt you, or do something with you that you wouldn't absolutely want. So please, please don't feel used, because I never did that! I swear on my mother's grave, whenever you were passed out from exhaustion or sick, I only ever got you home and tucked you in, I never touched you where I shouldn't! I never did anything I wouldn't have done in front of your Mom, I swear! So please, please don't feel dirty! If anyone should feel that way, it should be me.

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

And I do. Even though I should probably feel much worse. That one time, that really happened. I tried it. With a guy. Bet this sounds horrific to you. It should have been. Ya know that lane down by the docks, where all the 'pretty ladies' parade? I went there. There was that club, where a man performed in dresses, singing like a lady. I've heard rumors. So, I talked to him. Paid him. I had a lot to drink, just to brave through it. I was scared, but told him to go at it, just do what he'd do to a lady to me.

And, well... It wasn't ugly. It should have been. But he was... kind? It didn't even hurt. I don't remember all of it, I was very drunk. But I know I cried a lot. After it happened. Because it wasn't bad. It didn't cure me. In fact, that night, that just made it easier to dream about you. To think about being with you. I'm sorry, Steve. So sorry.

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